Engagement/Solitaire Upgrade Options: Help!

[mattdadee]

I posted earlier about my decision to "upgrade" my wife''s engagement/solitaire ring for our 5th anniversary. My first thought was to use the original stone as a side stone in a new three stone setting. Unfortunately, I have not seen much discussion of this "creative" option on PS, but I''m sure it happens often for those not wanting to part with the original stone (that''s me, and I''m pretty sure my wife shares the same sentiment). While I love the idea in theory, there are a couple of major problems.

First: it''s going to be tough to surprise her because I''ll need to send the original away. Following suggestions on PS, I spoke with Bill Pearlman (and a few other PS vendors), and he convinced me that it would be best for him (or his employees) to match the new stones in person. To do this, I can say the ring needs cleaned or that I need it for a month or so, but my wife''s a smart woman and will figure it out either way. She won''t know exactly what I''m doing, but it''s obvious that some type of upgrade is taking place. I could pull off a less suspicious surprise with a local B&M vendor, but PS has convinced me that it''s crazy to pay B&M prices. The diamonds might be nice, but the price paid would not pass my mind clean test! Also, the e-friendly businesses that are around me do not offer the quality that most PS vendors do, so either way, I''m left paying a premium at the local level.

Second: Upgrade cost. Making her original stone a side stone is going to be a massive purchase for me because I''ll need a new platinum setting, a 1.25ish center stone to match (G, VS1 or 2, GIA/AGS Excellent), and a .65ish side stone to match (similar specs). For B&M, I''m looking at a minimum $15,000+, and for PS vendors, I''m looking at $10,000 to $12,000. I don''t want to be cheap, but cost is becoming a factor because I think $10,000 is a "smart" purchase for my budget.

Do I have any other options on the surprise end or the upgrade end? I''ll take advice on either.

 

[stone-cold11]

Do you have the original grading report of the stone?

When was the report dated if you have it? That might be enough for the jeweler?

 

[geckodani]

What about surprising her with an entirely new ring, and then having her original stone set into a pendant? This is my plan if we ever decide to upgrade. That way, I get a new ring, but my original diamond will literally always be close to my heart.

 

[mattdadee]

I do have the original report, but it''s from 2003, and it''s IGI (I honestly cannot tell if it''s Antwerp, NYC, or other). It says F and the cut is supposedly excellent, but it comes out as about a 4 on HCA. I think this is, in part, why Bill Pearlman wanted to see the diamonds side-by-side. I may have to talk to him and others more about my options. I love his designer settings though, so there are just too many variables to weed through on my end.

 

[mattdadee]

I''ve thought of that idea geckodani, and I haven''t ruled it out. Would I then just get another solitaire? She already has a diamond pendant, but two wouldn''t hurt, eh?

 

[Mystra]

I think geckodani''s idea has a LOT of merit.
That way your wife get her upgrade without the suspicious disappearance of her original e-ring, and then later on can still wear the diamond you first gifted her with. Its a win win.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 10/9/2009 3:17:33 PM
Author: mattdadee
I've thought of that idea geckodani, and I haven't ruled it out. Would I then just get another solitaire? She already has a diamond pendant, but two wouldn't hurt, eh?

One can never have too many.

Different styles are also an option.

Are you committed to it being a surprise? Would the possibility of picking it out together exist?

edit: to add the smiley

 

[mattdadee]

My only real issue with turning the e-ring into a pendant is that she won''t wear it all of the time. She''ll wear a ring almost all of the time, meaning that the original stone will always be there.

The non-surprise option has been my going thought today, so again, you all are helping me move along with this. We''re celebrating mutual birthdays with a nice dinner tomorrow night, so I thought about dropping this fun "decision" on her there. It might be an easier and more exciting discussion after a couple of glasses of wine!

 

[LGK]

I think making the original a pendant would be a good plan. If you were to match it, you'd have to either get a similarly cut sidestone to match, and thus have a fireball center stone and two kinda meh side stones (I actually have this arrangement in my e-ring- great center stone and two blah sidestones, and the sidestones are kind of a waste of space). Or two mismatched side stones, one super sparkly and one meh.

I do think that if you really feel like a three stone is a good way to go, that surprises are a bit overrated (IMHO) and to just go for a flimsy excuse- she'll still be bursting with anticipation and won't be sure of what's happening either, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. Anticipation is a lot of fun, and personally I like anticipating something cool rather than having it sprung on me. But, of course, that's just me!

I think it's really fabulous that you're doing this for your wife, surprise or no. What a cool anniversary present! Lucky lady

 

[geckodani]

Date: 10/9/2009 3:32:45 PM
Author: mattdadee
My only real issue with turning the e-ring into a pendant is that she won''t wear it all of the time. She''ll wear a ring almost all of the time, meaning that the original stone will always be there.

The non-surprise option has been my going thought today, so again, you all are helping me move along with this. We''re celebrating mutual birthdays with a nice dinner tomorrow night, so I thought about dropping this fun ''decision'' on her there. It might be an easier and more exciting discussion after a couple of glasses of wine!

Honestly... I would NOT want to be surprised with something like this. My husband proposed with a simple setting, with the instructions that I was to pick my own setting (took me 3 years, but I finally picked one). If he surprised me with a new ring that I had no input in... I would be less than thrilled. Now granted, that''s just me, but it seems to me that your wife could have a blast designing her own new three stone ring. Or, she might surprise you and want to keep her current diamond, but in a new setting - you never know.

I''m also in the "surprises are overrated" camp.

 

[upgrade]

I have a 3 stone upgrade with my original stone as a side stone. For me, having a say was very important so my husband surprised me with the centre stone and the other side stone on our anniversary and I got to choose the setting myself. If you cannot get the sidestone until you send off her diamond, can you get the centre stone sent to you and surprise her with that, with a picture of a 3 stone ring and a note explaining that the other side stone would be matched when you send her original off?

Also, if budget is an issue (and really0 when isn't it??) would you consider going to an SI? An eyeclean SI won't be distinguishable from a VS without a loupe so it may allow you to get more bang for your buck?

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[mattdadee]

I think your "surprises are overrated" comments might be right. She generally hates surprises, but after five years of marriage to me, she''s growing more accustomed to them

My prevailing thought now, after reading your comments, is to tell her that I''m planning to do something with her ring. If she wants more info., I''ll spill the beans and we can choose wisely together thanks to PS (I can''t wait to post photos of potential rocks, etc.!). If she wants me to proceed on my own with her "blessing," I''ll do that.

There are only a couple of valid "surprise" options: (1) the original B&M, which is way expensive or (2) buying a setting with the two new diamonds and sending the original back after the surprise to be set with the two (this presents a matching problem). I honestly don''t like either. Plus, she may not even want a three stone setting, like you''re suggesting.

Does this sound reasonable, or am I losing my mind? Perhaps I should consult the dreaded wonderful mother-in-law (she''s actually quite kind) for some advice.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 10/9/2009 3:53:07 PM
Author: mattdadee
I think your 'surprises are overrated' comments might be right. She generally hates surprises, but after five years of marriage to me, she's growing more accustomed to them

My prevailing thought now, after reading your comments, is to tell her that I'm planning to do something with her ring. If she wants more info., I'll spill the beans and we can choose wisely together thanks to PS (I can't wait to post photos of potential rocks, etc.!). If she wants me to proceed on my own with her 'blessing,' I'll do that.

There are only a couple of valid 'surprise' options: (1) the original B&M, which is way expensive or (2) buying a setting with the two new diamonds and sending the original back after the surprise to be set with the two (this presents a matching problem). I honestly don't like either. Plus, she may not even want a three stone setting, like you're suggesting.

Does this sound reasonable, or am I losing my mind? Perhaps I should consult the dreaded wonderful mother-in-law (she's actually quite kind) for some advice.

Um. I love my Mom. I don't want her picking out my jewelry, LOL! Then again, I only want my husband picking from a preselected list.

I like your idea of including her in the process, even if it's just to explain why her ring is on an extended vacation. You could also do some sort of a funny hah hah huge ring paperweight, with a "coupon" good for a ring upgrade. Cheesy, but that way she's surprised by the thought process, but still gets to help pick.

 

[LGK]

If she isn''t fond of surprises, I''d definitely just spill the beans and let her decide what she wants to do. I think there''s a lot of us chicks who prefer that, I know I do.

I know it''s less romantic, but I''d much prefer to have input on a piece of jewelry and sacrifice the surprise. Especially something like an e-ring that you wear every day. Frankly when my husband suggested upgrading my e-ring for a b-day a few years ago (him suggesting it but me doing the shopping for it), I cried I was so surprised and happy and couldn''t have been more thrilled with a surprise ring.

 

[MustangGal]

What about resetting the original stone into a right-hand-ring? Something like a halo or a ring with colored sides stones or a wide band type wouldn''t look off if her original diamond was .65ct I think you said. Then she could still wear it every day.

I do like your idea of brining up the subject and see how interested she seems. While I do like surprises, this is one thing I would want input in.

 

[AprilBaby]

I had my original set into a pendant I wear every day. Why not start with a new 3 stone with the 1.25 and get two smaller (than the .65) side stones. Might be a bit less money and still get a pendant.

 

[ms.halo]

I say surprise her with a beautiful new center stone. That way she can help design/pick the new setting, have a voice in how the original stone is reused AND still be really surprised.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Would an option be either:

1) Get her a new ring, and then use the original stone as one half of a pair of diamond studs (a project you can work on after you present her with the new ring, so no need to worry about the surprise, etc.); or 2)

2) Get her a new ring, and then reset the original stone to make a right hand ring for her (maybe a halo, or colored stone halo, or bezel it, or something else).

 

[Allison D.]

Speaking as a wife myself, I know my husband would want to be absolutely sure I''d LOVE the piece if we were committing that kind of budget to it. In your wife''s shoes, I''d rather have a bit of input.

However, I''m not her, so I don''t know how she''d react. Maybe you could tell her you''re planning to build a special piece of jewelry for her and ask if she''s comfortable letting you choose the style or if she''d be more comfortable having input. If she tells you to go for it, great. Then I''d work up the 3-stone without sending her original e-ring in. Since she''s not a daily pendant wearer, I''d plan to have her current e-ring morphed into a right-hand ring she could wear daily.

If she says she''d like to have some input into the project, then I''d certainly go that route.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 10/10/2009 12:40:02 AM
Author: Allison D.
Speaking as a wife myself, I know my husband would want to be absolutely sure I''d LOVE the piece if we were committing that kind of budget to it. In your wife''s shoes, I''d rather have a bit of input.

However, I''m not her, so I don''t know how she''d react. Maybe you could tell her you''re planning to build a special piece of jewelry for her and ask if she''s comfortable letting you choose the style or if she''d be more comfortable having input. If she tells you to go for it, great. Then I''d work up the 3-stone without sending her original e-ring in. Since she''s not a daily pendant wearer, I''d plan to have her current e-ring morphed into a right-hand ring she could wear daily.

If she says she''d like to have some input into the project, then I''d certainly go that route.

I would like to ditto this.

 

[mattdadee]

All of this great advice is being well received. I like the pendant option, the other-hand option (halo or otherwise), the SI1 option, and others. Whatever the choice, we''re keeping the original because it has seen us through a lot!

She has been supporting me as I have gone through school the last few years, but in just a couple of weeks, I''m going to be making much bigger bucks, and I kind of want this to be a "thank you" plus "I''ll help to take care of you now" memento. She deserves the upgrade, as I could "only" afford the .64 when we were starting out (which isn''t much by PS standards but isn''t bad for starving graduate students).

I think the really good point was made that this is a big financial decision for us too, and I should include her--in whatever way she chooses--in the process. If we/I am going to spend this much money, she had better LOVE it, so I don''t want to make this decision without her input. She''ll realize that I''ve already spent much time and thought on this, so it will be special regardless of the surprise level. I think I''m going to lay out the options for her, with her go ahead, based on the many great suggestions already posted.

You all rock! (no pun intended

) I''m jazzed about posting stones, settings, and more later to learn from your already evident expertise.

 

[HVVS]

a 1.25ish center stone to match (G, VS1 or 2, GIA/AGS Excellent)

There's a killer G SI2 eyeclean real close up 6.86+ mm returning to Good Old Gold this upcoming week. Three very highs on the scope, and falls smack in the middle of the AGS ideal. I think it has a 1.3 or 1.4 HCA. Should be a budget friendly stone. No drama or bad karma, either.

 

[luv2sparkle]

How about if you order a three stone from Costco and give that to her and see if she likes the idea. You can always return to Costco and get a better stone,
but she would get to try it on and see if she likes the looks. I have several friends who have got the three stone ring from Costco and they are beautiful.
Just a thought.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I definitely agree with using the original diamond in another ring or pendant. If she wants a 3-stone, I think you should go with 3 ideal cut stones. However, I think a 1.25 solitaire would be very nice! She really needs to decide if she wants a solitaire or 3-stone, though. No one else can decide that but her. (PS...I kept my original e-ring. I don''t wear it but plan to give it to one of my daughters eventually.)

Actually, I just had another thought. A .65 stone is a wonderful size for an earring if you buy a match for it. I think that would be a great size to go with a 1.25 engagement ring!

 

[geckodani]

Date: 10/10/2009 10:46:14 AM
Author: mattdadee
All of this great advice is being well received. I like the pendant option, the other-hand option (halo or otherwise), the SI1 option, and others. Whatever the choice, we''re keeping the original because it has seen us through a lot!

She has been supporting me as I have gone through school the last few years, but in just a couple of weeks, I''m going to be making much bigger bucks, and I kind of want this to be a ''thank you'' plus ''I''ll help to take care of you now'' memento. She deserves the upgrade, as I could ''only'' afford the .64 when we were starting out (which isn''t much by PS standards but isn''t bad for starving graduate students).

I think the really good point was made that this is a big financial decision for us too, and I should include her--in whatever way she chooses--in the process. If we/I am going to spend this much money, she had better LOVE it, so I don''t want to make this decision without her input. She''ll realize that I''ve already spent much time and thought on this, so it will be special regardless of the surprise level. I think I''m going to lay out the options for her, with her go ahead, based on the many great suggestions already posted.

You all rock! (no pun intended

) I''m jazzed about posting stones, settings, and more later to learn from your already evident expertise.

Awesome!

 

[mattdadee]

Thank you again for all of the advice. As an update, I surprised her last night at our dinner (Smith and Wollensky, so yum) with a wrapped box. On top of the opened box was a note asking her to have the handsome guy across from her sing his best Beyonce. She asked, and I proceeded to sing "time to give [my wife] an upgrade, upgrade..." The signing was awful, but fortunately we were in a private room She didn''t quite get it, but opened further and found a candy ring inside (my picture left) . . . then she got it. I proceeded to tell her how much she means to me, and exactly why I wanted her to have a beautiful new ring without forsaking the old. She cried several times, so I guess I got the surprise effect I was looking for even without a new ring!

After explaining some of our/your suggested options, she went for the three stone idea. She was amazed at all of the research I had done (talking to jewelers, you all, general reading, estimating, etc.). Also, she asked about price (I''m glad because it''s OUR decision), and I was honest. She said she didn''t deserve that, but I responded that we could afford it and her statement of "deserving" it couldn''t be further from the truth. She caved quickly, so it''s on to picking out the setting (probably together), the company (probably together), and the stones (probably me and you experts on PS).

Thank you again. As a preview, here are a couple of the simple settings under consideration. Any other ideas are welcome.
http://www.pearlmansjewelers.com/jewelry-designers/pearlmans-collection/rings/85EE1/
http://www.jamesallen.com/engagement-rings/three-stone-settings/ring/item_60-471.asp

 

[stone-cold11]

Congrats.

So what, if any, did you decide to do with the original stone? Get it matched, or get a better performing stone?

 

[mattdadee]

The original stone will be a side stone in the new three stone setting. We''ll do our best to match the new stones, and she always wants a way to know which side stone is the original. I was thinking a small mark on the setting would do. Or, we can use the mild flourescence of the original to be the main difference from the new stones.

 

[geckodani]

Aw! What a sweet story - I''m glad you got the surprise you were hoping for!

 

[luv2sparkle]

Wow, you did great! I am so glad you were able to suprise her in such a sweet way! Cant wait to see the final product!