Engagement ring etiquette

[dnilson]

I hear a lot of people asking about how much should be spent on a ring. Maybe I'm old fashioned or this particular aspect of engagement ring etiquette is no longer in vogue, but I was always taught that the prospective groom (or SO) should spend the equivalent of 3 months salary on an engagement ring. Is that no longer the case?

 

[Snowdrop13]

I think that was just an invention by De Beers for their adverts! You should spend what you can afford without going into debt, IMO.

 

[dnilson]

It's not about spending what you can't afford...just the opposite! One should save until they can afford to spend that much! I believe it was originally meant to show commitment. Not just committment to the relationship but to the bride...a type of modern day dowery in the event that something should happen to the groom.

 

[Niel]

It's not about spending what you can't afford...just the opposite! One should save until they can afford to spend that much! I believe it was originally meant to show commitment. Not just committment to the relationship but to the bride...a type of modern day dowery in the event that something should happen to the groom.

Or it was a way for the diamond industry to set your budget.

Also, is that something you hear a lot of? People asking what their budget should be? I feel like most people come in already with a budget in mind.

I agree with the pp that one should spend what they are comfortable spending as well as what the bride 2 be is comfortable wearing. If she does want to wear 3 mo salary on her finger, dont spend it. If you saved up 5 mo salary for the big day, why not. If you both have bills, spend one. Nobody's business but the individual

 

[dk168]

Concur with the others that it is down to individuals how much they are prepared or able to spend on a ring. At the end of the day, it is really the thought that counts.

And if the recipient does not appreciate the gesture, or moan about the ring being too small and insignificant, then I would doubt if the relationship is going to last, as there is really more to life and relationship than just a ring!

All IMHO, of course.

DK

 

[arkieb1]

I think it depends on the lady in question these days some women would be horrified if a guy spent 3 months salary on a ring as they see it as a waste others covert rings that cost way more than this - so really I think as the others have suggested it depends upon the lady involved and your own personal circumstances....

 

[Missy]

That is a made up rule to the benefit of the diamond industry and the jewelers. It's not a rule people should follow. The best guide for how much you should spend is how much you can easily afford and what your gf's aesthetic is.

When you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them what does the ring matter when it comes right down to it? My mom and dad married without a diamond ring because they could not afford one at that time. My dad got her a beautiful ring after they had been married for a year when they were able to afford one however getting one was not a prerequisite for a happy marriage and they are still happily married 51 plus years later.

 

[mrs-b]

I've been around a few years (more than I care to mention) and I remember when the rule of thumb (ie the diamond industry's rule of thumb!) was one months salary. I chuckled to myself some years ago when I started seeing two months salary. And recently, three months salary!

An engagement ring is a piece of jewelry - a dot on your finger - a non essential with as much sentimental value as the couple attaches to it, no more and no less. So I think the amount spent depends on how much emphasis the couple places on the ring. Couples attach importance to all different sorts of things, and one woman's ring is another woman's honeymoon is another woman's new kitchen is another woman's large wedding! There's no rules with this sort of thing - especially given the number of cultures who don't do engagement rings at all. And the more money I sink into rings, the more sensible the non-ring option is starting to look!! (Especially to my husband!)

 

[Rhea]

You're not old-fashioned! Just the opposite. The three months salary "rule" that the diamond industry invented is only a few years old. It was 2 months salary when I got engaged a bit over a decade ago. And lower when my parents got engaged in the 1970s.

It's all fine and dandy if you want to spend 3 months salary. And great if you or your intended wants to wait to save that money to show commitment. Personally I'd rather get on with the actual commitment myself. Wedding are expensive. Houses are pricey. Raising kids is exorbitant. There are plenty of high cost things to spend money on in a committed life together and these days you can't assume that a job is for life or even next year.

If something happens to the groom, the bride, if not yet married, is often legally obligated to return the ring. If they're married and something happens, sure, the bride gets to keep the ring, but second-hand jewellery isn't worth nearly what people think it is. Suddenly that 3 months turns into 1 to maybe 2 months if you're very lucky, can wait to get the price you want, and don't need to sell quickly.

 

[momhappy]

I agree with many of the others here - there really is no rule when it comes to this sort of thing.
The amount an individual spends on an E-ring can depend on any number of factors (how much they make, how much they want to spend, how much GF wants to spend, etc.). This is why I am not a fan of the surprise E-ring (the man picking it out & buying it completely on his own). When couples shop together (or at least communicate beforehand), they find an engagement process (and ring) that's just right for them.

 

[dnilson]

Sorry, I didn't mean to cause a heated conversation. When I was married we bought bands! It's just something I'd heard and wondered if it was true.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

So much depends on the total financial picture. If he has an emergency savings account, retirement account being funded, relatively debt free, extra income above what he needs to live off of, then sure, not one thing wrong with spending the equivalent of 3 months salary on a ring. But, if he has $100k in debt from college loans, car, etc. and little savings, then he should be much more conservative in spending on the ring. There are interest-free payment plans for up to a year at some vendors, so I have no problem with paying part cash and the rest paid off within 6 months to a year with no interest, if that works in his budget. That's why there really can't be a one-size-fits-all kind of rule. A guy making $200k will likely be able to do 3 months salary easily while the guy working his way through college making $20k certainly cannot.

 

[VRBeauty]

Sorry, I didn't mean to cause a heated conversation. When I was married we bought bands! It's just something I'd heard and wondered if it was true.

Trust me, this is far from a heated conversation! But I agree with the others - the "three month rule" is an advertising gimmick, and a fairly recent one at that. I also can remember when the "rule" was one month's salary.

I also agree that the "best" budget for an engagement ring is the one that takes the couples' circumstances, tastes, and preferences into account, not one that's derived by some formula.

I look at it this way... the engagement ring is a symbol of love and the commitment to marry, and all that that entails. Does that mean it should cost a fortune? Not at all - if anything, it means that you couldn't possibly put a price on it. The true value is in the love and commitments the ring symbolizes, not in the ring itself. For most couples, hopefully, those things will exist and continue irrespective of the ring, and even if there's no ring at all.

(My mother was married with a plain gold band. Although she often wore some of the semi-precious colored stone rings that had been passed down through my fathers family, she didn't get a diamond "engagement" ring until she had been married for almost 20 years.)

 

[eirwen]

I agreed with what everyone else has said..it's not set in stone how much one should spend on an engagement ring. I think irrespective of the size of the diamond or the cost of the ring, it's the gesture and sentimental value that comes with it that is priceless.

 

[doberman]

I've been around as long as mrs blop apparently since I remember one month's salary. I see three now and I have to laugh.
When it comes to expenditures on diamonds (or anything else) the only rule is spend what you can comfortably afford.

 

[Travelgal]

I had no idea it was 3 months! I was still operating on 2 months! But I did start thinking about it... 3 months is an awful lot of money. My brother is an engineer and I know relatively how much he makes. I couldn't imagine him spending 3 months salary. Sure, maybe he could "afford it," but they will still need to buy a house, pay for any renovations, then kids, etc. Thanks for bringing me up to date with the topic!

 

[KobiD]

Expectations..

Her expectations, social expectations, your own expectations.. Ultimately, I would be looking to meet hers (if they are what you deem realistic/achievable), or meet in the middle of yours and hers if not. I personally don't rate the social expectation at all, but thats not to say its not important to some people, it just isn't with me.

What I did, was went shopping at a local maul store and she expressed interest in what she found attractive and suited her hand. I then went shopping online with her taste and size, and found value in terms of a higher quality, stronger performing stone, for a more competitive price. It meant that I felt comfortable spending less for better quality, and she receieved a beautiful ring that blew away what she was originally looking at.

 

[momhappy]

Sorry, I didn't mean to cause a heated conversation. When I was married we bought bands! It's just something I'd heard and wondered if it was true.

Not a heated discussion at all - it's actually pretty interesting and I've enjoyed reading the responses.

 

[heididdl]

I hear a lot of people asking about how much should be spent on a ring. Maybe I'm old fashioned or this particular aspect of engagement ring etiquette is no longer in vogue, but I was always taught that the prospective groom (or SO) should spend the equivalent of 3 months salary on an engagement ring. Is that no longer the case?

That was a great print advertisement campaigne you buy what you can afford.

 

[2jzzzz]

I spent less than a months. If I had bought it from a store in Aus, I would have spent 3 months worth.

I'm actually glad that Aus stores conditioned my now fiance to see their prices and for her to think I spent that much

 

[Niel]

I spent less than a months. If I had bought it from a store in Aus, I would have spent 3 months worth.

I'm actually glad that Aus stores conditioned my now fiance to see their prices and for her to think I spent that much

Ha!

 

[MixedPeel]

Just to add something a little different.

I'm my culture/ethnic background, the actual engagement happens when your standing in front of the priest. Giving out 'the word' or 'λόγο , then wedding rings are exchanged and placed on the left hand.
That's it. No diamonds, no blue boxes, no rose petals, no hoo ha. Families do have parties and the groom does give flowers to his bride. It's also here that each member of the immediate family dress both the bride and groom in jewels. A gold chain each from the father in law, bracelets, earrings, bangles etc. Usually the bride has chosen her pieces herself.

It's only been in the recent years that the culture of diamond solitaires has infiltrated. Out of all my 10000000 first cousins back in the home land , only one had a diamond engagement ring. The three female cousins and I in Australia have diamond engagement rings. We all wear our wedding band and engagement rings in our right hands.

 

[Polished]

For most people a diamond ring isn't an everyday purchase, so they often come into it with no knowledge at all. I've just realised through reading this thread just how clever the 1,2,3 month rule is. It's playing on people's need to have an expert advising them on the purchase. Along with advice that might actually be useful - carat, cut, colour, clarity etc, styles of rings, metal types. Sneakily getting added in there, just to gain the maximum out of everyone, is advice on how much to pay. The one piece of advice that is completely superfluous. It might play into people's desire to have a structure around things, particularly something you're on unsure ground with. I'm glad people have Pricescope to turn to.