Engagement Party Woes

[hawaiianorangetree]

Hi Everyone

I have been officially engaged for 2 weeks now and already the woes have started.

I wanted (and i thought FI did too) to have an engagement party where all our friends and family would come together and finally meet each other for a good night. We had planned to have it in our back yard and even though it is not completely finished and there is still a bit of work to be done it was possible to have it ready by the end of March for our party, before the weather got yukky.

Anyway we had planned as far as writing the guest list, figuring out what we needed to do before the party and telling a few friends when it was happening.
All was going fine till i mentioned to the mother in law yesterday that we were going to have a party and i asked her who she would like to invite. The answer was no one. (she invited absolutely everyone to her daughters engagement and wedding last year... including her hairdresser). I thought it was a little weird but put it out of my head. Then today she said that she would hold a dinner for her family and i could ask my mum, but no one else to come. To save having to have anyone from their side of the family at the engagement party.

I spoke to FI about it and i said it was a little silly since i would still have to invite my family to our party. We ended up coming to the conclusion that it was all too hard to have the back yard done in 5 weeks, and organise a party and have a seperate dinner inbetween.. He wants to put it off till later in the year when we we are heading to summer again and i just disagree because i don''t feel like i should be having an engagement party so long after we got engaged.

His mother suggested that she do something for their family and my mum could do something for ours but i just feel that there is no point as it defeats the whole purpose of having an engagement party (you know family meets family).

My FI was engaged once before and his sister threw them the party at her place and now his family doesn''t want anything to do with ours.

So now i feel like crap and that our engagement isn''t even important enough to celebrate.

 

[honey22]

How disappointing for you! An engagement party is a chance to celebrate with all your friends and family together in the one spot. I would nicely explain to FMIL that you will be having one she-bang so here is her chance, or else you will just invite the family from both sides that you wish to attend. Nip this in the bud before the whole wedding planning issues start

I can''t see why she would feel this way, but maybe she feels uncomfortable throwing a big lavish party after your FI has been engaged before? My sister broke off her engagement, and she felt uncomfortable seeing family again after she had celebrated with all them. Maybe your FMIL has issues about this? Not that she has any reason to, but she might see things differently.

Whatever happens, make sure you and your FI have a fabulous night. Congratulations on your engagement!!!!

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 2/21/2009 4:35:20 AM
Author: honey22
How disappointing for you! An engagement party is a chance to celebrate with all your friends and family together in the one spot. I would nicely explain to FMIL that you will be having one she-bang so here is her chance, or else you will just invite the family from both sides that you wish to attend. Nip this in the bud before the whole wedding planning issues start

I can''t see why she would feel this way, but maybe she feels uncomfortable throwing a big lavish party after your FI has been engaged before? My sister broke off her engagement, and she felt uncomfortable seeing family again after she had celebrated with all them. Maybe your FMIL has issues about this? Not that she has any reason to, but she might see things differently.


Whatever happens, make sure you and your FI have a fabulous night. Congratulations on your engagement!!!!

I agree with Honey. If you can stomach it, I would stand your ground with the situation and say that you''d prefer for everyone to be together at one party instead of having two separate parties and that this will make things easier come wedding time since everyone will have already met.

I''m sorry to hear that she is making it feel like your engagement isn''t something worth celebrating! Thats really tough. But please don''t let that stop you and your FI from celebrating in the way that you see fit. As Honey said, whatever happens make sure that you two have a wonderful night!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Personally, I believe you should do whatever will make you both happy. After all, it''s your engagement party...no one elses.

If you want to have one big celebration, then do it! There is absolutely no sense in going to all the work to host two parties that could easily be condensed into one. Prehaps you could "marry" the dinner party idea together with your casual event idea and host something that would be a happy medium? That way you could both have your party sooner rather than later without depending on your backyard, but also appease everyone?

I think the fact that your Fi was engaged before is playing a heavy part in your FMIL excitement/reaction. If she invited her friends to his first engagement party and they brought gifts, she may not wish to impose upon them again. Similar as to how many/most women only get one baby shower regardless of how many children they have, you know? If she''s very traditional that could be your answer.

Regardless, you should absolutely celebrate this happy time. Maybe host a small dinner party at a local pub...family and close friends of yours only. That way you get to merge the families, share your happiness...but your FMIL is also not made to feel uncomfortable when it comes to inviting her friends.

 

[Deelight]

I agree with the smart ladies that posted before me but it still sucks for you. I can relate I have had similar issues of non caring about wedding stuff from his and my family but you just have to try and ignore and go on getting excited for yourself and your FI.

 

[Kelli]

I also agree with the others. Sorry you''re having to deal with it. It sucks to be so excited about something and then feel like others think it''s no big deal. But you deserve to have a great engagement party, whether he''s been engaged before or not.