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Egg Donation

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sleeping beauty

Shiny_Rock
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Hi all,

Just wondering what were peoples general thoughts on egg donation to give other people a chance to have a baby. Would you feel that in some way shape or form you are bonded with that child if a pregnacy was to form out of your egg? would you feel that that is your child or not because you didnt phisically carry it.

Share your thoughts!!!
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I actually thought about doing it a year or so ago. I don''t think I would necessarily feel some sort of bond or emotional tie or like somehow a part of me was missing...after all I would not be the one carrying the fertilized egg and going through a pregnancy. OTOH, I have never understood how people can become surrogates and be able to give up something that has been in their body for 9/10 months! So I guess I have a harder time comprehending that side of it than donating eggs and being "done" with it.
 

Miranda

Ideal_Rock
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I feel like being a parent has very little to do with biology and more to do with love. I do not think that adoptive parents love their children any less than biological parents do. By the same token, I''ve heard of many biological parents that don''t seem to love or care about their children. I''ve thought about egg donation just because I''ve always had such a strong drive to have children and cannot imagine how I would feel if I could not due to age (or whatever egg related infertility problem was present). OTOH, I will contradict myself by saying that I cannot imagine my children having biological half-siblings running around and them not having a relationship with them. To answer your questions, yes, I would feel bonded to that child and no, I would not feel like it was mine...It would be a special donation given to an infertile couple that was desperate to have a child.
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
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The thought of egg donation really bothers me.... but so does sperm donation. I understand that people are sometimes desperate for children, but being adopted myself, I always think of all the children that need loving homes and are then forced to grow up in the "system." If I someday found out that DH and I couldn''t have children due to physical problems, I would be devastated, but would consider adoption first. I could also never give my eggs away. The only case would be if it was a very close friend or family member who seriously wanted/needed it. I would feel awkward knowing that there was a child out there who was biologically mine to some extent. I would feel bonded to that child, but in a distant way, if that makes any sense. Wanting a bond but needing distance because technically I wouldn''t be the mother. Not to mention egg donation is so physically grueling and dangerous I would rarely consider it.

*M*
 

sleeping beauty

Shiny_Rock
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Monarch why did you decide against doing it if you dont mind me asking? i also agrre with you on being a surrogate. i think that after you have carried a child for 9 months thats child is part of you your bonded to it.. i dont think i''d ever be able to be a surogate.



I will contradict myself by saying that I cannot imagine my children having biological half-siblings running around and them not having a relationship with them.

Miranda, so do you mean that you would consider the child being born from one of your egg donation your child??
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Well, I did a bit of research on the subject last fall...just kicking the idea around in my head. I found out that you''re given fertility drugs and there are a lot of doctor''s appointments involved, meaning a lot of time off work for me for something I was just thinking casually about in the first place. Also I am 29, about to turn 30 in May and 30 is the cut-off age for egg donors. But I will say this: if I had known about this when I was in college, maybe 21/22, I probably would have seriously considered doing it. Since I''ve gotten married 3.5 years ago and am looking forward to starting a family in the next few years, along with the fertility treatments, etc., it is just not an option for me at this point. $7k sure would''ve been a nice little nest egg when I was in college, though. Not to mention that I would have been assisting a couple who really wanted a child badly.

Oh, an interesting thing about being a donor is you have to fill out this questionnaire and one of the Q''s is would you mind if your eggs went to a same-sex couple, and I think maybe an interracial couple, things like that. So they want you to really put thought into why you are considering donating, it''s sort of a soul-searching, intensive process.
 

Miranda

Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/24/2007 4:56:44 PM
Author: sleeping beauty
Monarch why did you decide against doing it if you dont mind me asking? i also agrre with you on being a surrogate. i think that after you have carried a child for 9 months thats child is part of you your bonded to it.. i dont think i''d ever be able to be a surogate.



I will contradict myself by saying that I cannot imagine my children having biological half-siblings running around and them not having a relationship with them.

Miranda, so do you mean that you would consider the child being born from one of your egg donation your child??
Yes, it would be my biological child....But, I wouldn''t be it''s ''mommy''. I''m not sure if that makes sense... I guess I mean that if I didn''t have children I would be more likely to consider it, but, I already know what it feels like to be a mommy... I don''t feel like I''m making sense.......
 

poptart

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I understand what you are saying, although I couldn''t put it more clearly, lol.

*M*
 

Miranda

Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/24/2007 8:28:51 PM
Author: poptart
I understand what you are saying, although I couldn''t put it more clearly, lol.

*M*
Glad to hear it, lol! I guess something like this is so hard to describe with words since it''s soooo very emotional.
 

upgrading mama

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I don''t think that I personally could do an egg donation since biologically that would be my child. But I would carry a baby for someone, if it was their egg and sperm.
I have thought of this for a family member of mine who is having a difficult time getting pregnant due to some health issues and out of the love I have for them, and what a wonderful loving couple they are, I would carry a child for them...that to me would be a big act of love and I would have a special tie to my cousin''s child. :)
 

ephemery1

Brilliant_Rock
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Mar 20, 2006
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I have often wondered about egg donation (mostly because our college newspaper always has classified ads for couples looking for egg donors)... and I think I''m still undecided on whether it would be something I could do. My initial reaction is similar to Poptart''s... personally it would be hard for me to put that much time and money and heartache into struggling to conceive on my own, when I know there are countries full of kids that want parents just as much as I want a baby! At a certain point, I think I would take it as a sign that it was time to adopt.

But I totally understand that desire to want to create a child with my husband and carry it inside me for nine months... so I would NEVER presume somebody was being selfish for wanting to do that. I just don''t know that I''d necessarily want to donate my egg to that process until I''d thought through it some more.

FYI -- The ads in the Penn newspaper are INSANE... the most recent one was requesting a donor with an Ashkenazi Jewish background, Eastern European parents, blonde hair and green eyes, and an IQ tested to be above 130... amongst other personal characteristics. I mean c''mon... would introducing a little diversity into the family REALLY be such a bad thing??
 

upgrading mama

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Date: 2/25/2007 3:55:46 AM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 2/23/2007 2:21:34 PM
Author:sleeping beauty
Hi all,

Just wondering what were peoples general thoughts on egg donation to give other people a chance to have a baby. Would you feel that in some way shape or form you are bonded with that child if a pregnacy was to form out of your egg? would you feel that that is your child or not because you didnt phisically carry it.

Share your thoughts!!!
I have to share mine. A girlfriend of mine has tried for years now to get pregnant with no avail. Just a few weeks ago, she used a donor egg program and after her fourth invitro is very happily pregnant.

Egg donation and surrogate mothering are two completely separate medical procedures (Both of which rank high in the unselfish department as far as I''m concerned). Egg donation and invitro are one procedure, surrogate mothering is Mom & Dad and a separate person carries because the bio Mom cannot.

I think the egg donor program is wonderful and unselfish. It allows women who''s eggs are poor quality (this is the case most often times) to be pregnant and have a beautiful child of their own. I think donors allow a magical gift.. a miracle.

My friend''s egg''s at her young late 20''s age were those of someone 50, and even with the few eggs she did in fact make, they were very poor quality. Imagine for a moment being that woman, desperately wanting to have a child, you are financially able, and in a place in your marriage and life where you are prepared for it- and then can''t get pregnant. Almost 80k and four invitros later with the thanks to an unselfish woman, you are pregnant for the first - and perhaps the only - time. My friend has certainly been on an emotional rollercoaster and it has been so hard to watch. Weeks of painful progesterone shots, tests galore. Don''t think for one second she will ever take for granted this very special gift.

Before you go through the process, you do meet with a therapist that asks these very questions you''ve posted. The child, while the egg is not ''hers'' is very much her child, mixed with the father.. a special gift. That baby grows inside his or her Mother, who gives it the literally everything required to grow inside her.. that egg may not be the birth Mom''s, but that child is every bit that Mommy''s.. the bond is there.

I love the program, without it my girlfriend wouldn''t be having her baby this October.. Its a blessing and a miracle.
Michelle,
thank you for posting this story. It definately gives me a real perspective for someone who truly has gone through so much to have a baby. I wish your friend all the best in her pregnancy and I do agree with you, it is an incredibly, unselfish and wonderful gift.
 

Beacon

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 14, 2006
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2,037
I have also seen those mega picky egg donation ads. OMG! Too neurotic. Can you imagine?

I would be concerned about egg donation as the donor. I would be worried about the long run medical possibilities from jarring your body with egg stimulating hormones. There is not much long term research about the effects of such a thing on a young person.

If I were absolutely desparate for money I guess I would consider it, but really, it''s not enuf money to justify a potential threat to your health that may not show up for many years.

Guys are much luckier - can easily donate sperm for good pay and no risks.

As far as any kids produced from the biological material, I would not worry about it. For all you know, the material was never used or was not successful. No need to dwell on that IMO.

I guess there is always the small risk of some crazy thing happening, like a person ending up marrying their half brother and never even knowing it! That would be bad, so if had my own kids, maybe I would think that over.
 

Fancy605

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 3, 2006
Messages
1,446
Your welcome and thank you as well. My girlfriend has had two ultrasounds these past few weeks.. and shared her ultrasound pictures. Her little baby bean is growing beautifully and is loving every second of it. Truly this was the right decision for them. If she is never able to get pregnant again, she will have been able to do it now.


Super hugs.

Michelle
Oh, I think it is great that she can have the experience of being pregnant if she wants it. And, you know, people say a lot about adoption being great, but it can have it''s dark sides. I have always considered adoption myself because I have absolutely no desire to ever be pregnant. I believe it can be a great thing, but sometimes it can just as easily be a long, difficult path. Often it is a long, drawn out process. Even though the kids desprately need homes, with the way the system works, it can be super stressful and even expensive actually making everything work out. And often times, unless the child is asopted VERY young, you risk adopting a child who has suffered emotional damage that can follow him/her for life and make the parent/child relationship very stressful. The child might even have problems resultion from insuffcient prenatal care. I currently teach several 14 year olds who are NOT taking care of their pregnant bodies, and I am afraid for the babies they are carrying. I can see where people would want to forgo those risks by just carrying the baby themselves and raising the baby from the get go. I think that I would definately be willing to be an egg doner. I would never feel as if the resulting child were "My" baby because after having spoken with my kids who live happily with not-their-biological parents, I have truely come to believe that family is more about love than biology. One of my kids lives with her grandmother, and when she explained this to me, I asked, "Do you call her ''Mom''?" she replied, "Well, she is my mom! Well, I mean, she isn''t really, but to me, she is. I love her and would never pick anyone else." So, if I could help someone who had that kind of love to give, who wanted to be that baby''s mom from the get go, with no risk of poor pre-adoption care, no messy "my real mommy didn''t want me" stories, etc.... well, I''d def. consider it.
 

jasper

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2001
Messages
90
I think egg donation should be similar to open adoption,
so that the child gets to know who all their parents are.

I also think people underestimate the risks:
* Does taking the eggs from the donor tend to cause earlier menopause?
* Is the donor likely to have trouble conceiving (at an earlier point than she otherwise would)?
* What are the risks from the surgery itself?
* Does the procedure take more eggs than necessary?
* Does the fertility clinic fertilize eggs, only to deliberately kill them? This problem can be eliminated; both the donor and the recipient deserve to know.

-- Jasper
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
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1,899
Date: 3/5/2007 1:21:46 AM
Author: jasper
I think egg donation should be similar to open adoption,

so that the child gets to know who all their parents are.



I also think people underestimate the risks:

* Does taking the eggs from the donor tend to cause earlier menopause?

* Is the donor likely to have trouble conceiving (at an earlier point than she otherwise would)?

* What are the risks from the surgery itself?

* Does the procedure take more eggs than necessary?

* Does the fertility clinic fertilize eggs, only to deliberately kill them? This problem can be eliminated; both the donor and the recipient deserve to know.



-- Jasper
I agree because it is annoying enough to grow up knowing that there is another half of your life that you don''t see, and even worse being told that you aren''t ALLOWED to know about your biological family. Donors don''t usually work like this though, do they?

*M*
 

jasper

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2001
Messages
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Date: 3/5/2007 1:21:46 AM
Author: jasper
I also think people underestimate the risks:

* Does taking the eggs from the donor tend to cause earlier menopause?
* Is the donor likely to have trouble conceiving (at an earlier point than she otherwise would)?

-- Jasper
San Diego Lady,

I believe that there are circumstances where egg donation is appropriate. The one you describe is a miracle. My questions about risks were meant to ask some important questions that often get overlooked, not to judge.

In particular, my question about earlier menopause was about the donor. Some fertility clinics take 10-20 eggs from the donor. I am not a doctor (nor do I play one on TV), but at first glance this suggests that the donor might run out of eggs a year or two earlier than she otherwise would. Other fertility clinics take fewer eggs, which might be better for the donor.

I hope the donor will be able to have as large a family of her own as she wants, and that her donation brings additional joy. I also hope that everyone involved understands the tradeoffs, before making any irreversible decisions.

With best wishes,

Jasper
 
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