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Eating Disorder Help Please

Hugs for you and your family @yennyfire. I unfortunately have experience here as well. My 14 yo daughter has body dismorphia as well as numerous other diagnoses (anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trich, etc.) Body dismorphia is classified as an OCD disorder so although there is ED associated with it, it is treated as OCD. A mental health professional can determine if there is a body dismorphia component to her ED and that will help guide her recovery. My heart goes out to yall. Mental illness is a terrifying beast.
 
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Gussie said:
Hugs for you and your family @yennyfire. I unfortunately have experience here as well. My 14 yo daughter has body dismorphia as well as numerous other diagnoses (anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trich, etc.) Body dismorphia is classified as an OCD disorder so although there is ED associated with it, it is treated as OCD. A mental health professional can determine if there is a body dismorphia component to her ED and that will help guide her recovery. My heart goes out to yall. Mental illness is a terrifying beast.
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Thanks @Gussie. Sending hugs to your family as well.
 
There is a book called “eating by the light of the moon” that honestly helped me so much.

Not sure she wants a book.


Also, “intuitive eating workbook” but she might resent getting handed this.

Eating by the light of the moon is beautiful.
 
River Oaks hospital In the greater New Orleans area is where everyone goes in that area. Not sure if they want to go out of state.
 
TooPatient said:
I wonder if meal prepping would help her? There are all sorts of groups out there for people who want to prep meals in advance to be healthier. Most people are there to lose weight, but the idea is that you plan each meal of each day, shop for everything you need, and spend a day (depending on what you are doing, a couple of hours to much of the day but most seem to be 3-4 hours) making and portioning all meals and snacks for the next week. Some do it twice a week if they don't have a freezer available. The idea is that you know what is healthy and make it ahead of time so you don't have to take time during the week when you are busy and have go to meals and snacks that are nutritious and planned in the day.

Not suggesting as the permanent solution, but maybe as a way to help her while a good treatment place is found.

Sending her and your entire family hugs and dust that the right option for her is found soon and she can begin her time in college with a healthy mind and body.
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It’s not about the food. it’s about what happened to her that she needs to process, so meal prep and plan will come at some point, but not now.
 
whitewave said:
River Oaks hospital In the greater New Orleans area is where everyone goes in that area. Not sure if they want to go out of state.
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They are open to anyplace in the US. Thanks for the book suggestions, I appreciate it!
 
whitewave said:
It’s not about the food. it’s about what happened to her that she needs to process, so meal prep and plan will come at some point, but not now.
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Definitely! Just an idea to (hopefully) keep her out of the hospital until they find the right care for her. I don't want to minimize the disease in any way so hope I didn't come across that way.
 
TooPatient said:
Definitely! Just an idea to (hopefully) keep her out of the hospital until they find the right care for her. I don't want to minimize the disease in any way so hope I didn't come across that way.
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I’m rushing and have been crazy busy so I probably missed your intent. So sorry.
 
yennyfire said:
They are open to anyplace in the US. Thanks for the book suggestions, I appreciate it!
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Eating Disorders Treatment Center | RiverOaksHospital.com

Our treatment team has developed an eating disorder program based on years of experience in the field of eating disorders and compulsive behaviors. We help clients learn tools to curb behaviors and return to a healthy life. Learn more at RiverOaksHospital.com.
riveroakshospital.com riveroakshospital.com
 
I was thisclose to being admitted, but I don't remember why I wasn't, as it was 30 years ago.

Look at the modalities the facilities use, too. Some might be a good fit for her personality or could even make things worse, as can finding the right therapist. A bad therapist can ruin everything, but unfortunately you won't know until you've met them. It took three tries with my daughter to find the right one and the experiences were horrible!!!! Just because they have a nice photo and a license doesn't mean they're aren't sh*tty.

There's a lot of denial and avoidance of discussing certain topics when therapy begins. it's uncomfortable, but necessary. In my case, I knew exactly what I was doing to my body and I knew it was wrong. I knew what I should or shouldn't eat, so all the education and nutritional planning in the world wouldn't have made a difference.

I looked at some of the "top" facilities. Some only offer one or two hours of individual therapy a week, with a lot of group activities and various therapies, such as art. Make sure you look at the calendar/daily schedule to see what she'll be doing. Another thing to check is if it's coed or not, because depending on her issues that environment might not work.
 
PinkAndBlueBling said:
I was thisclose to being admitted, but I don't remember why I wasn't, as it was 30 years ago.

Look at the modalities the facilities use, too. Some might be a good fit for her personality or could even make things worse, as can finding the right therapist. A bad therapist can ruin everything, but unfortunately you won't know until you've met them. It took three tries with my daughter to find the right one and the experiences were horrible!!!! Just because they have a nice photo and a license doesn't mean they're aren't sh*tty.

There's a lot of denial and avoidance of discussing certain topics when therapy begins. it's uncomfortable, but necessary. In my case, I knew exactly what I was doing to my body and I knew it was wrong. I knew what I should or shouldn't eat, so all the education and nutritional planning in the world wouldn't have made a difference.

I looked at some of the "top" facilities. Some only offer one or two hours of individual therapy a week, with a lot of group activities and various therapies, such as art. Make sure you look at the calendar/daily schedule to see what she'll be doing. Another thing to check is if it's coed or not, because depending on her issues that environment might not work.
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Yes, we are finding exactly what you outlined. Looking for female only, simulating real life eating rather than the facility putting a plate in front of her, some kind of therapy daily, whether it be physical, spiritual or emotional. Peeking “behind the curtain” at some of these places is terrifying. And, beyond Covid seeming to be the trigger, we don’t know what “caused” this type of behavior...what it’s in response to. That makes it hard to find the right place and we learned the hard way that the facility she was in after being discharged was the absolute worst place for her....
 
Sorry to hear about your niece's struggles, @yennyfire ! It's very difficult for the family and close friends to deal with. I was dx bulimic with anorexic tendencies at 17, shortly before my 18th birthday and the summer between my senior year of high school and freshman year of college. Prime age for an ED to become full-blown. I started purging at 14, but rapidly just stopped eating unless I absolutely had to to keep from passing out. My trigger was mostly related to my mother being a completely overbearing, overprotective, nonstop critical presence in my life, and having absolutely zero control over my own life, and having a ton of expectations placed on me that I seemingly could never live up to. I'm not trying to insinuate that your sister is like my mother was, but I can tell you that family life plays a huge part in EDs. Feeling like food intake is the only thing you have control over in your life means there is a problem at home in my experience as well as anyone I've ever talked to who has had, or has an ED. @whitewave is right, it has nothing at all to do with food itself.

@TooPatient as far as meal planning, most people who suffer from ana (again, in my experience) have absolutely every single calorie and macro planned out for days at a time. One of my 4 days in therapy every week was meeting with a dietician and keeping food logs. She created a plan for me, I logged what I ate from it. The goal was for me to understand basic nutrition and see on paper how I was progressing. It was helpful. It also taught me more about how to restrict better. You see, I was always upset with myself because I wasn't a "perfect" anorexic, that I "cheated" by purging sometimes. That I couldn't just NOT EAT like a good anorexic, even though I had a mother who watched my every move and made me clean my plate, or else she'd scream her head off at me. So meal planning is a double-edged sword; it does offer some sense of safety, but it also can easily veer off into restriction.

Regarding getting healthy before going off to Tulane: a gap year would've been terrible for me. I needed to get out and live a normal life like other kids. And lo and behold, I did the outpatient therapy all summer and went off to college and ate normally again. I had friends to eat with, to study with, to party with, walk to class with, all kinds of new freedoms. I no longer needed to control every single thing I ate because I finally had control over my life and body. Have I never struggled again with my ED? No. I definitely have, at times in my life that have been extremely stressful. But I have coping techniques now, and life experience, and the ability to seek help when I need to. Yes, it is a lifelong battle, but it CAN get better and people CAN move on in healthy ways with healthy coping mechanisms learned in therapy.

Just thought I'd share my story to offer a little insight. My treatment was 20+ years ago, so I don't have any recommendations as far as programs go. Unless she needs to be admitted to a hospital, I don't know that an inpatient program is the best option. For me that would've just been another level of control and even less autonomy and I don't think it would've been helpful.
 
monarch64 said:
Sorry to hear about your niece's struggles, @yennyfire ! It's very difficult for the family and close friends to deal with. I was dx bulimic with anorexic tendencies at 17, shortly before my 18th birthday and the summer between my senior year of high school and freshman year of college. Prime age for an ED to become full-blown. I started purging at 14, but rapidly just stopped eating unless I absolutely had to to keep from passing out. My trigger was mostly related to my mother being a completely overbearing, overprotective, nonstop critical presence in my life, and having absolutely zero control over my own life, and having a ton of expectations placed on me that I seemingly could never live up to. I'm not trying to insinuate that your sister is like my mother was, but I can tell you that family life plays a huge part in EDs. Feeling like food intake is the only thing you have control over in your life means there is a problem at home in my experience as well as anyone I've ever talked to who has had, or has an ED. @whitewave is right, it has nothing at all to do with food itself.

@TooPatient as far as meal planning, most people who suffer from ana (again, in my experience) have absolutely every single calorie and macro planned out for days at a time. One of my 4 days in therapy every week was meeting with a dietician and keeping food logs. She created a plan for me, I logged what I ate from it. The goal was for me to understand basic nutrition and see on paper how I was progressing. It was helpful. It also taught me more about how to restrict better. You see, I was always upset with myself because I wasn't a "perfect" anorexic, that I "cheated" by purging sometimes. That I couldn't just NOT EAT like a good anorexic, even though I had a mother who watched my every move and made me clean my plate, or else she'd scream her head off at me. So meal planning is a double-edged sword; it does offer some sense of safety, but it also can easily veer off into restriction.

Regarding getting healthy before going off to Tulane: a gap year would've been terrible for me. I needed to get out and live a normal life like other kids. And lo and behold, I did the outpatient therapy all summer and went off to college and ate normally again. I had friends to eat with, to study with, to party with, walk to class with, all kinds of new freedoms. I no longer needed to control every single thing I ate because I finally had control over my life and body. Have I never struggled again with my ED? No. I definitely have, at times in my life that have been extremely stressful. But I have coping techniques now, and life experience, and the ability to seek help when I need to. Yes, it is a lifelong battle, but it CAN get better and people CAN move on in healthy ways with healthy coping mechanisms learned in therapy.

Just thought I'd share my story to offer a little insight. My treatment was 20+ years ago, so I don't have any recommendations as far as programs go. Unless she needs to be admitted to a hospital, I don't know that an inpatient program is the best option. For me that would've just been another level of control and even less autonomy and I don't think it would've been helpful.
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@monarch64 thank you so much for sharing your story. There are definitely issues at home, feelings of abandonment, etc. I don’t even know how my sister and her husband are supposed to make “the right” decision for my niece. Part of me thinks they should set her up at Tulane with a support team of therapists, etc and see how she does. If she drops below “x” weight, they will have to intervene...but at least give her the chance to thrive. KWIM?
I’m so glad to hear that you’ve learned coping mechanisms. I’m hopeful that my niece will reach that place in the near future.
 
ED is typically about being able to feel like you have control over something. I would definitely not suggest she go off to school where everything is new. My guess is even if she does have some success with treatment over the summer sending her into a brand new situation could send her spiraling back into ED behaviors. It’s a life long illness that requires constant work. Often people don’t get better until they decide to really work at it. An ED patient usually doesn’t realize there is something wrong no matter how much evidence is produced to prove how ill they are. Something has to finally “click” for them to want to work at changing the behaviors that their brain constantly tells them they need to do. It’s more than just restricting calories and trying to lose weight, there are often all kinds of rules like needing to only eat out of this bowl, or only combining these foods, it’s exhausting and overwhelming for the person to just get through a day and throwing them into school at the beginning stages of recovery would be extremely hard on them. I know the natural inclination would be that school and “normalcy” would be good for her but I really think it would be too much to expect a person to handle that while also trying to overcome something as consuming as an ED. I wish her all the best and I hope you find a program that can help her soon.
 
Is she outgoing or an introvert? Insecure? Enjoy school? Like change or not? Love an adventure or is it stressful? Does the idea of a roommate stress her out or is it exciting? These will impact her freshman year especially. I'm guessing she probably needs structure.

Is there someone who can talk with her and see what she wants to do? A non-judgmental confidante, just to get an idea of what she's looking forward to or dreading? Does she even want to go to Tulane?

I remember a bad binge week in college. I couldn't even function, and I don't know how I got through it and picked myself up. I do remember speaking with my instructors and telling them why I was absent. Two of them looked at me like I was nuts, :roll2: but EDs were not acknowledged or understood then. It was such a silent, shameful, and lonely disorder. Things should be much better for her, with available support services and more mental health awareness. However, she will need to meet with someone in student health or student affairs to make them aware that her mental health/ED could impact her grades. If she qualifies via test results or a physician's letter, they will monitor her academics and may be able to make some accommodations.

Home - Goldman Center for Student Accessibility | Goldman Center for Student Accessibility

accessibility.tulane.edu accessibility.tulane.edu

There's a lot to think about, but remember: baby steps.
 

Eating Disorders Program | Boston Children's Hospital

The Boston Children’s Eating Disorders Program unites clinicians in multiple specialties to care for your child. Learn more.
www.childrenshospital.org www.childrenshospital.org

Boston Children's is a top tier children's/young adult hospital that comes highly recommended.
 
Thanks @Jax172. Good insights and thoughts. I’m sharing all of this with my sister and BIL to try to help them find a path for my niece.

@whitewave you are right, Tulane does have good resources and they are definitely exploring those options.

@PinkAndBlueBling she’s a hard kid to figure out. She wants to be social but she rarely initiates it, rather waits to be invited. She is active on a regional youth group board, which is good, though Covid really impacted what they were able to do. She has a roommate she knows so that’s a good thing. Letting her professors know her situation may be a good idea, though I fear that she won’t be willing to share that info. Baby steps are right, for sure!!

@Resonance.Of.Life thank you for the suggestion. We will check it out, though they may not take her because she’s an “adult” at 18.
 
I toured Tulane a few times with my children and my daughter really wanted to go there. On each tour, we stopped in front of the counseling center and they talked a lot about it and how they added more therapists to meet the growing need.


(my daughter changed her mind because there acutalliy aren’t many people from Louisiana who go there. She went to a Louisiana university instead).
 
@yennyfire Even in our pediatric hospital we take patients up to 26- I'm sure it is the same at Boston's. They even mention "young adults" for that program instead of just pediatric patients.
 
@yennyfire I asked my friend in the Atlanta area about her suggestions. She has personal experience with her daughters. She’s also an allied health professional and has some insights from that perspective. I’m including her direct message here—
69C3B0A3-ACA6-4083-BAE8-086F7DA8A57F.jpeg
 
KristinTech said:
@yennyfire I asked my friend in the Atlanta area about her suggestions. She has personal experience with her daughters. She’s also an allied health professional and has some insights from that perspective. I’m including her direct message here—
69C3B0A3-ACA6-4083-BAE8-086F7DA8A57F.jpeg
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Thank you so much Kristen! My niece was at Veritas and it was a disaster. My sister has heard not so great things about the Clementine facility here in Atlanta, unfortunately. She would really like to connect with your friend for some support though. I’m wondering how to best exchange info? I think my sister would prefer to call your friend if possible (my niece is typically glued to her hip, so she’s not free to talk unless she leaves the house). If I post on Loupetroop, do you think your friend would be ok with you giving me her contact info to share with my sister? From the bottom of my heart, thank you for taking the time to reach out to your friend on my niece’s behalf!
 
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@yennyfire, navigating mental health care is so hard. Reviews on residential treatment centers are most often 1 star or 5 star. So many of the reviews can't be trusted. We recently put my daughter into a residential program (not strictly ED but does address it) and I searched hours and hours and hours to find a place. I have to admit the online reviews for the place were the same as every other residential facility (great or terrible). I looked into actual complaints to the state as a reference as well as contacting other parents whose children had gone there. The facility was recommended by the hospital where she did a 5 week inpatient last fall and a more recent admission in late April. The waitlists for facilities are very long and the best ones are usually out of network and very expensive. Getting help is imperative though and every thing else can wait. According to NIMH, anorexia is one of the hardest mental illnesses to treat. It also almost always has other mental disorders along with the anorexia. I am so sorry she is going through this. Prayers and hugs for all of you.
 
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yennyfire said:
Thank you so much Kristen! My niece was at Veritas and it was a disaster. My sister has heard not so great things about the Clementine facility here in Atlanta, unfortunately. She would really like to connect with your friend for some support though. I’m wondering how to best exchange info? I think my sister would prefer to call your friend if possible (my niece is typically glued to her hip, so she’s not free to talk unless she leaves the house). If I post on Loupetroop, do you think your friend would be ok with you giving me her contact info to share with my sister? From the bottom of my heart, thank you for taking the time to reach out to your friend on my niece’s behalf!
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Yes, of course, @yennyfire ! Tag me with the link and we will go from there!
 
Gussie said:
@yennyfire, navigating mental health care is so hard. Reviews on residential treatment centers are most often 1 star or 5 star. So many of the reviews can't be trusted. We recently put my daughter into a residential program (not strictly ED but does address it) and I searched hours and hours and hours to find a place. I have to admit the online reviews for the place were the same as every other residential facility (great or terrible). I looked into actual complaints to the state as a reference as well as contacting other parents whose children had gone there. The facility was recommended by the hospital where she did a 5 week inpatient last fall and a more recent admission in late April. The waitlists for facilities are very long and the best ones are usually out of network and very expensive. Getting help is imperative though and every thing else can wait. According to NIMH, anorexia is one of the hardest mental illnesses to treat. It also almost always has other mental disorders along with the anorexia. I am so sorry she is going through this. Prayers and hugs for all of you.
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Thanks @Gussie. I’m so sorry you and your family have experience with this. It’s horrible and navigating the system is terrifying! Yes, they’ve spent tens of thousands out of pocket for therapy, nutritionists, etc. and they know firsthand that if you check out of a facility before released, insurance expects to be reimbursed. So, if you find out a place isn’t what it’s supposed to be, they have you trapped, since you can’t be released without their consent unless you have money to burn. It’s infuriating!
 
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