E-RING: Take myself out of the picture?

[maccers]

Hi Ladies,

I hope what I'm about to write makes sense, it could end up being an incoherent stream of consciousness type posting...

For the past month and a bit, I've been shopping for my e-ring with my SO. He's leaving most of it up to me because it turns out I'm surprisingly particular about what I'm looking for and, for the most part, I've been happily obsessing-learning about diamonds, settings and everything in-between. I am having doubts about if whatever setting I pick if I'll still like it in X years (e.g. Am I just hopping aboard the vintage/antique trend train?). However, more and more often, I'm of two minds...ie: Daydreaming about a huge, glorious OEC e-ring and then later telling myself that I'm becoming too focussed on this, I'm missing the point of this whole exercise which is, I've found a wonderful man to spend my life with and that's the important part...Right now, I'm seriously considering putting this task into my SO's hands and then when I get my ring I will happily accept what HE picked out with ME in mind.

Thoughts? I'm really feeling off-track here.

 

[antiquesparkler]

Hi Maccers!
I had a little of this going on a couple months ago while choosing a setting for my grandmother's diamond. I am a believer in the ladies having a say in the ring because SHE will be the one wearing it. For some couples that works and for some it doesn't...

If you are particular (and I am too... SO refers to this lovingly as 'pickyness' ) then I think it doesn't hurt that you have a say. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the process, take a step back for a week and then come back to it. Once you've picked out the ring, then it will be his turn to be in control and plan an amazing proposal.

I just think this is a big purchase and you should be involved if you want to be.

Okay. Now I am rambling.

 

[madelise]

To the average person, my opinion is controversial, because like you say, it "should be about the engagement and the love" not about the material.


However, I'm no millionaire socialite. I don't have hundred dollar Benjamin's in between my couch cushions. I don't care if SO is buying me a $3, $300 ring, or a $300k ring. I did not want him buying me something I wasn't going to want for the rest of my life because it would be a waste of that $300 or $300k.. or even $3! And I don't like wasting money.


To me, it's illogical to follow social convention.



If you're afraid you're only hopping onto the bandwagon for a temporary trend, then stick with an ideal MRB. Don't spend too much $ on the setting, because you can always change that later on. Buy from a vendor that has trade-in, upgrade, buyback policies that has both old cuts and modern cuts to offer.. so you can always change it later.




I'm not that romantic as most of my posts seem to prove. Haha.

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Hey Maccers, I know exactly how you feel. It's HARD ring shopping, even if you know what you want, so I can only imagine how much harder it would be if you're not quite sure what you want. I think that if you're considering leaving it up to your SO because you're burned out, then definitely take a break. There's no rush in picking your ring unless you're on a strict timeline for a wedding, and since you are pickier, I would not leave everything in the hands of your SO. I think for guys, they're either into doing the research and getting something good, or they aren't. I'm so glad you feel like you've found a wonderful man, but this is something you're going to be wearing for the rest of your life. And I think it's wonderful that your SO is letting you decide what you want, and it's a wonderful testament to how much he wants you to be happy. If you're planning on upgrading or changing styles, then I wouldn't put a ton of pressure on yourself for finding THE ring, just something that speaks to you now that you would be happy wearing until you are ready to upgrade or change.

Have you tried on many styles yet? You might fall in love with something more unique like an emerald, or asscher. If you're still debating an antique cut, see if you try on some antique cushions, they are beautiful. If you're in no rush, try to have fun with seeing what speaks to you most.

 

[Gemmy123]

Hey Maccers,

I felt exactly the same way with my e-ring research and purchase (which took over a year) and at some points I would get so frustrated and confused with the whole thing that I wished SO had just surprised me with a ring so I wouldn't have to think about it and I could just be engaged already. BUT NOW that I am impatiently waiting for my ring to arrive and I know that I made sure that it was something that I would love for years to come and also made sure that SO didn't end up spending way too much money on a box store ring (which is exactly what would have happened). I am happy that I went through the process. Also, I know that SO wouldn't have picked out an eternity band as an engagement ring which is what I ended up getting because I knew that style would have the most longevity for me. You see many instances where women end up going through the engagement ring shopping process because they were surprised with a ring that doesn't work for them for all kinds of reasons (oftentimes costing much more money) so while it may be confusing and frustrating it may be well worth it in the end. It may not have been the most romantic way to go but it was certainly the most practical for us. But that was just my experience and every one is different. Good luck with whatever you choose and I can't wait to see what you end up with.

 

[boysenberry]

When you say you have been shopping, does that include physically going to stores and trying on settings, seeing different diamonds? Because I think that makes a huge difference - what looks good in real life, and what looks good on your hand.

I agree with what has been said here already, and I don't think you should leave it completely up to him. If anything, even if you like it upfront, you might want to upgrade in the future and it might be harder to do so when you think you are going to hurt your SO's feelings (since HE picked it out).