E-ring advice please!

[HopeDream]

Warning long post! [not a surprise right? all my posts are long ]

Hi Ladies (and Gents?)

I need your opinions about an engagement ring/financial question.

The Background:

BF and I are starving students and are about $30,000 in debt right now, and still have years of school ahead of us.
I want us to be in a good place financially as soon as possible, and I’m also going to pay for my own wedding (about $20,000 - money is poison in my family).

Currently (between school terms) BF is working so he can save-up and get me a ring (wanted to buy it last year but employment prospects were poor)

I’m a picky cat and the engagement ring I want will probably cost about $10,000 (1.5 August Vintage Cushion in a James Meyer setting).

A long time ago, I decided that I wanted a Chris Ploof meteorite ring as my wedding band ($1000 ish?), and BF thinks this is a cool idea, so we’ll probably get matching bands.

I want to get engaged fairly soon, and the money he’s making will buy a smallish diamond that I’ll upgrade later.

The Questions:

I’ve been thinking about shifting my request for an e-ring from a little diamond e-ring to the Chris Ploof band, and then getting a diamond e-ring in the size and specification I desire when we can afford it (as an anniversary present).

I love my BF very much, and feel bad that I have “Champaign tastes on a bottled water budget”.

What do you think? Anyone with non-traditional e-ring experiences to share?

I’m a little worried that my family will think he’s cheap because of no diamond.

Is meteorite sufficiently cool as an alternative? Should I stick with a little diamond - even though I''ll change it later?

What would you do in my shoes?

~~~*******DUST!*******~~~ for everyone who responds

Thank You!!!!

(here’s my inspiration board)

 

[vc10um]

I''ve seen plenty of non-traditional e-rings on this site, just over the last few months. From gemstones to channel set bands to plain bands, it''s important to get something you know you''ll love, and it makes sense to get something affordable! I LOVE the meteorite band! That''s the first time I''ve seen it and I think it''s FABULOUS. And I wouldn''t worry about what your family thinks...in fact, on the opposite side of the "cheap" issue, they may actually be impressed with how you''re not blowing money!

In short...do what makes you happy!

 

[Sunshinegirl77]

i have decided to go with a gemstone ring myself, as money is tight around here. My BF pays for just about everything and allows me to be a stay at home mom. I know he would rather see me work, but he knows how important it is to me to be home with my daughter (age 13). My plan is to swap out the 2 gem stones with trillion cut diamonds for the wedding as use the setting as "all in one ring".

 

[AustenNut]

Do what you want and what makes the two of you happy, without regard to others'' opinions as to whether or not it''s cheap, cool, or whatever else.

Are you (or your fiance) the type of person who would be sentimental about the stone with which your FF proposes? If so, then I would go the meteorite band route. Or, have you given any thought to using a different type of gemstone? You could probably do a white sapphire and that would be significantly less expensive. It doesn''t have the exact same appearance as a diamond (less fire) but if one of you is sentimental about the stone and you want that amount of finger coverage, then that would be something to consider. (Or you could go for a colored gemstone

; I''ve asked my bf for one of those...)

Another possibility is to go go lower in the quality of diamond in terms of color and clarity, but staying with a high quality cut. SMTR and Rocky Talky are full of rings with color & clarity7 that I had read were quite poor (like K/SI2, for instance) and that turn out absolutely stunning. If you go with one of the recommended PS vendors you may be able to find a similar ring that looks gorgeous but has a lower price because of lower color/clarity but still appears eye clean.

My $0.02.

 

[HopeDream]

Hi Vc10um, Sunshinegirl77, and AustenNut,

Thanks for your well-consiered replies!

I''ve definately thought about gemstones, and seem many very beautiful gemstone e-rings on PS But gemstones just aren''t my style.

I like diamonds due to their durability, fire (sorry white sapphire) and the fact that they match everything.

I''m not that sentimental of a person, but I try to limit over-consumption so getting a small temporary (ish) e-ring seems like a bit of a waste to me.

I have also thought about lower colors/cut qualities, but I am quite keen of vision and color sensative.
I also think anything SI and below would be a mind-clean issue.

I think I''m leaning toward the band, but when everyone wants to see the ring... it''s neat but not sparkly.

 

[violet3]

I vote for the band - i have an eternity band for an ering. I love it, and i am also a pretty practical person by nature. I knew i wouldn''t be getting a diamond engagement ring (didn''t really want one though) plus a diamond band, so I just went for the band up front. I have never regretted the choice, and I love my ring. Sometimes people look at it strangely, when they ask to see it but i don''t care at all!

 

[Stone Hunter]

I really like the bands you''ve picked out and I understand your desire not to "waste" a small diamond.

IF you really must go with the diamond ering then get the nicest one you can and then in the future keep it for an earring!

HTH

 

[oddoneout]

I vote for getting the band you love since you''ll always have it and love it and then get the diamond ring of your dreams later. That way you''re not wasting money either (since you''ll have a band you''ll wear forever).

 

[HopeDream]

Hi again

Violet3 - I think your e-ring is very lovely (I originaly wanted an eternity band myself, but was terribly impatient for bling and bought one myself

). Thanks for your experiences with an non-traditional e-ring.

Stone hunter - Your earring idea is great! Depending on what happens I may do just that.

Oddoneout - Yeah I''m thinking more and more that the band is the way to go.

So....

I tried to bring up the subject with BF and halfway throught explaining about finances, diamonds etc. he (usually a very polite and attentive fellow) interrupts me with something completely off topic about a videogame for his friend and then says "I''m sorry, I got bored". I find that highly suspicious and am inclined to think he already has something planned.

hmmmmm!

 

[Luckyeshe]

Hmmmm....Maybe he does have something up his sleeve already! If he doesn''t, then do what you think is best for you and that band is awesome! There''s nothing wrong to wait for that perfect diamond when you know you''re going to be picky about it. That just gives you more time to find the absolute best one!

 

[GurlWithADream]

Have you talked to your BF about this? Does he have any input? I think I, personally, would want an e-ring of some sort that can be within the budget if I already know that eventually I will upgrade later. The reason being that with life''s unpredictabilities, I would not want to not have an e-ring for an unknown period of years.

I think that there are lots of alternatives from getting a gemstone, to a secondhand ring or stone. But, if you will be happy with just the band then that might be another option.

I wonder though, from a guy''s perspective, how he would feel knowing that he cannot afford your dream ring now so you would be willing to forgo it. In my case, we are also on a budget because of having kids, him being laid-off, etc., and I have just suggested that I will be happy with whatever he can do within our means. OF course, eventually I want to upgrade to my dream ring, but I know my SO would feel badly if I wanted only dream ring or else no e-ring.

Anyway, I''m sure you will figure out something that you will be happy with.

 

[HopeDream]

Hi Luckyeshe and GurlWithADream,

Luckyeshe - I hope he has something planned, and you''re right about buying time. I''m in a funny place timewise - I''d like to get engaged sooner than later. However (money aside), I''d like a GOG cushion with a perfect ASET and I haven''t seen any to my liking in the September batch...(though maybe BF found a nice one from the August batch? I have shown him what I like, and how to read an ASET)

GurlWithADream - I have spoken with BF a number of times about a ring, finances etc., I offered to pay half, but we compromised with him buying the stone and me paying for the setting.
I''ve also made it very clear that I don''t want him to pay more than he can afford, and I''d be happy with a small diamond now that I would upgrade later (I asked if he minded, but he said he''s fine with upgrades).
I consider having a larger diamond to be more of a hobby/luxury, than a necessity, and it doesn''t seem fair for him to have to pay for my hobby - you know?

Thanks for your perspectives.

 

[AustenNut]

Since your bf had a very uncharacteristic bout of changing the topic when you brought the subject up, I wouldn''t bring it up again, at least for a good while. I think that one of two situations occurred:

1) He has something planned. And you don''t want to rain on his parade in case what he has planned within his budget isn''t as spectacular as you had hoped.

2) He''s feeling hurt and inadequate that he can''t provide you with a stone that you want, even with the fact that you''re going to pay for the setting, and so he doesn''t even want to hear about the subject.


I just went to GOG''s website and searched for cushions (& H&A square cushions) that were VS2 or better, H or better between 1.4-1.6ct to do the mind-clean and color-sensitive search. One was $9255, another $13k, and the other 3 said call for price (i.e., even more expensive).

You''re both "starving students." You both have years more schooling to do. You have $30k in debt. You want to save up $20k for your wedding. And you want, "to be in a good place financially as soon as possible." Unless one of you has a nice trust fund, something''s got to give here.

There are very few between-term jobs that will even provide $5k (not considering the taxes to be taken out). Assuming he gets such a job, he''ll need at least 2 summers to earn enough to afford your stone, assuming that none of that money needs to go toward the rent, food, loans, etc. And do you want the two of you to have to sacrifice so much so that you can have a champagne e-ring? Or do you want to use that money to try and put yourselves in a better position financially?

Most of the women on PS who have these big honking diamond rings didn''t start off with them (though many of the LIW women getting engaged are). Most of them started off with small diamonds and over the years worked up into a larger size. If you know you want to do the upgrade route then I would just make sure to pick a jeweler who gives 100% credit for rings returned to get an upgrade.

But I think Gurlwithadream might be on to something with the idea that your guy might be feeling very inadequate right now about not even being able to provide you with something that you''re willing to wear. A lot of guys turn out to be very traditional with e-rings and he may not like to answer people about why you don''t have a traditional e-ring.

 

[HopeDream]

Hi AustenNut,

I think you''ve summed up our financial situation accurately, as well as the cost of my hypothetical dream ring.

Given the way my boyfriend grinned a little, and the way his eyes twinkled when he merrily changed the subject - I think he has something planned. His dismissal of the subject seemed to be more along the lines of "there, there dear" ~reassuring pats on the head~
He said not to worry about it.

I don''t think his feelings were hurt, because when that happens he goes all quiet and withdrawn. We have a good level of communication in our relationship, so if I had hurt his feelings, I''m sure he would have spoken to me about it (he has in the past).

I understand that my dream ring is currently out of our finacial ballpark without going into additional debt, and I certainly doin''t expect him to get me something that huge - maybe 0.5-0.75ct? - I''ve told him a couple of times to only get me what he can afford.

[1.5ct is more of my "ten year plan" size - certainly not realistic now.]

I am worried BF may dip into his student line of credit to get me something fancier than he can afford.
He''s the kind of guy that tends to spare no expense on gifts for friends and loved ones.

I think you''re right that the thing to do now is say nothing and just wait it out....

I just wish I knew more about his budget, or what he''s planning.
I''d like to know what I should expect so I can be completely thrilled about it.
I''m one of those people who likes to know about things in advance - I''m not a huge fan of surprises, they realy throw me off.

I think I''ll just expect something simple like the band, and anything diamond wil be a bonus.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Money is tight here too. I have four children, limited income, and we want to purchase a home instead of throwing money away on rent. With children, there will always be something more important to spend money on than jewelry, and since I want every available dime to go towards a home, we decided to use a stone that he already has rather than purchase a new diamond.

 

[HopeDream]

Hi Wink''s elf,

It''s lucky that your FFI already has a stone!

I hope the savings for your new home accumulate quickly and effortlessly!
(your new avatar pic is realy pretty BTW).


I''m adding "save for home" to my financial to do list.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Thank you.

Those wedding bands on your board are very cool. I''m not usually into yellow metals, but that one is gorgeous!