Dress issue

[EyeElle]

Hi ladies,
I would love your opinion on the situation.



A friend of mine had sent me am e-mail previously stating the 3 dresses to avoid because she was considering them and she wanted me to know which dresses were off limits because neither she nor me wanted the same dress.

This friend's wedding is 1 month after mine.

To be honest I was taken back abit by that e-mail, I felt it was rude of her to tell me what dresses I can and cannot look at, before I even set foot into any bridal store.
So I did not look up the dress at all.

But I just came back from shopping and I am in a better mood and decided to look up the dresses she told me were off limits and its turns out that we both like the same dress.

I now feel kind of bad and am not sure what to do.
Any opinions? suggestions?

Do I not consider the dress at all even though I really really like it because she "called dibs" on it??
Or do I still keep it in the running despite her liking it as well??

(She sent me a choice of 3 dresses ... she hasn't exaclty picked one out yet though so I still don't know if the dress we both like will get picked by her or not)

 

[yssie]

Your friend sounds like quite the little bridezilla.


If you find another model that you love equally of course choose the one that's not on her "list", but it's certainly not her place to be dictating what you may and must not wear.


Edited wording*

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Eh, I could go both ways on this.

With all of the dresses out there, I'm sure you could find something else that you love, that's not one of her top 3. She probably could have worded things better, but honestly, I think she was trying to "save" you from falling in love with the dress she orders.

If she doesn't order the dress and you want to, then go for it! If she does, keep shopping.

 

[Tuckins1]

Am I the only one who thinks this is ridiculous? Who is she to "call" dresses, like you can't like the same one? Unbelievable that people would even entertain the thought of going along with something so juvenile. I understand that she wants her day to be special and unique... blah blah blah. I say if you like the damn dress then buy it! If any of my friends had done this, I would have laughed and told them where to shove it. (Of course, that's the kind of friendships we have. We voice ourselves freely.)

 

[Clairitek]

I too shopped for a wedding gown at the same time as one of my really close friends. She and I have very similar taste too. In fact, she found her gown first and offered to let me wear it for my wedding as well if I got married after her. I ended up getting married first with a fairly different gown so it worked out just fine. Honestly, if she had emailed me and told me that there were a few she had as favorites and requested that I lay off of those ones until she made a choice I wouldn't mind. I tried on 100 bridal gowns and LOVED my dress but really strongly liked and could have lived with several others. Lord knows there were 1000s more I could have tried on if I wanted to spend the time on it.

So I guess I would just keep looking for yourself until she makes a choice. Its not worth hurting the friendship to tell her that you think she was being selfish and weird with the email (which, she was, for the most part).

 

[violet3]

i also think this might be one of the most ridiculous things i've ever heard. I guess i was older than the average bride when i got married (33), but i would have been completely baffled if one of my friends said something this childish. In fact, i wouldn't have given a hoot if one of my friends wore the same dress as me! It would never look the same on two different people anyway -- your hair will be different, your acessories will be different, and so on.

I wouldn't in any way rule that dress out, but if you can hold off, maybe ditto on the keeping it to yourself -- if it's one of 3, maybe she'll pick something else

 

[lucyandroger]

To me, the answer really depends on your feelings about the dress. Do you really love it - as in it is the "ONE" and you were ready to order it? If so, then I would buy it anyway and give her a call to say that you chose that dress and that you hope she can get one of the other two she had her eye on.

If it is just one you are considering, then I would keep looking and try to find a different dress that you love. Or you could let her know that you also like the dress and see if her feelings have changed about it since she sent the email.

I just try to be open about it. Email is so hard - maybe she thought she was being helpful by letting you know the dresses she is considering since it seems you two already discussed not buying the same dress.

 

[Pushin40]

UHG!

Serioulsy?

Just do what you want. In all probablility, chances are you will both find different gowns with the bazillion choices out there.
I don't think this will even end up being an issue.
When you are gown shopping you change your mind a hundred times, anyways. I had some dresses I saw pictures of, LOVED, then by the time I tried them on I had it on my body for about 5 seconds and was like NO WAY!

How close are you to purchasing a gown?

BTW I think she is ridiculous and out of line. She can't call DIBS on any dresses.....

 

[hoofbeats95]

I would buy the dress and send her an email telling her to choose from her remaining two picks.

 

[EyeElle]

Thanks guys for all your input on this situation.

I got another e-mail from her the next day. She sent me pictures of all the dresses saying these are her choices!
I just said she looks nice and that was it.

The dress is one I am really considering because I really like it. I do and I can't help but like it even knowing she is thinking of buying it as well.
But having said that I am not done shopping. I do want to see what else is out there for me.

But my view is the same as some of you, I don't want to rule it out because I don't want to settle on another dress just to please someone else on their day and ignore my own.

So I think I will keep it on my list but keep looking as well.

Wedding planning - always something that comes up!

 

[lulu66]

To me, the answer really depends on your feelings about the dress. Do you really love it - as in it is the "ONE" and you were ready to order it? If so, then I would buy it anyway and give her a call to say that you chose that dress and that you hope she can get one of the other two she had her eye on.

If it is just one you are considering, then I would keep looking and try to find a different dress that you love. Or you could let her know that you also like the dress and see if her feelings have changed about it since she sent the email.

I just try to be open about it. Email is so hard - maybe she thought she was being helpful by letting you know the dresses she is considering since it seems you two already discussed not buying the same dress.

ditto 100%

on a personal note, i'm planning my wedding within 6mos of 3 of my bestest friends (mine's first) but honestly most of us have different styles/price ranges, so we didn't run into this problem really. although, one purchased her dress; then another one purchased hers (w/o seeing the first one's dress). when she described we all thought for a minute they might be the same dress. they are very similar in style (v neck, a-line, beaded waist) but they both love their dresses & don't care that the other one is a bit similar.

 

[charbie]

I can't say I remember all the details about all my friends dresses.

Honestly, id be flattered if a friend picked the same dress. The only people who will notice will be you, and her.

 

[Amzizzle]

It sounds like a kind of childish situation,but honestly like others have said,there are so so many dresses out there,neither one of you have any reason to really even pick the same dress.I barely saw the same two dresses twice,and I must have been to at least 6 bridal shops.

 

[AWicker]

Agreed - this is very childish. I'm pretty shocked the she had the audacity to send you that email in the first place. I, personally, would probably tell her that I was going to shop for dresses, and when I find the ONE, I will let her know if it happens to be one of the dresses she has picked. I wouldn't let her childish behavior keep me from buying the dress I really wanted. However, there's no reason to worry about what might happen until you have actually decided that you are going to buy that particular dress. You may fall in love with a different dress next week, and all of this worrying will have been for nothing.

If you absolutely don't want to step on her toes, you could approach it this way. Once you've finished looking around, narrow it down to 2-3 selections. If one of your picks happens to also be one of hers, let her know. (I wouldn't tell her which one it is, though. She sounds pretty immature and might choose that dress just to spite you.) I would let her know that you're considering one of her dress, but that you also have other options, and since she found the dress first, you would like to give her the opportunity to make her decision first. She eventually has to pick one dress; she can't hold on to all three forever. Maybe give her a time line, say that you want to make your decision by X date, so you will need to know what she decides by then. Once she has picked her dress, then you would be free to make yours without any guilt.

Option 3, of course, is that if this dress is THE dress for you, order it quickly and tell her to shove it.

 

[CharmyPoo]

With hundreds and hundreds of dress choices, I am so surprised by this. None of my friends have ever called dibs on a dress and no one has ever worn the same dress. If you love the dress, get it but don't let the .. you want it so I may want it ... influence how much you actually like the dress.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

Erm ok.

Maybe you should also go out and buy a lotto ticket? Because unless you both are shopping at the only bridal store in town and they only have 3 dresses, this is a very odd coincidence - after going dress shopping with my bestie and hitting about 10 stores I can confidently say we never saw the same dress twice.

Also did actually she say "these dresses are off limits" or was she just sending you an email to show you the dresses she liked and giving you a heads up that she had narrowed her search. I get the feeling she was just trying to show you.

I think since she actually told you she was strongly considering the dress she should get first choice of whether she goes for it. Suck it up. There are huge selection of other stunning dresses out there, and you will look beautiful in any one of them.

 

[MissMina]

Get the dress YOU want
Even if you were to wear the same dress the bouquet, veil, hairstyle, shoes and accessories would make it look less than identical.

Next thing you know she will be calling DIBS on baby names.