Dress detail slipped to FI - How would you feel?

[Jen_91909]

Just curious how you all would feel in this situation:
Saturday evening I was driving home from a wedding with my fiance and a good friend (one of my bridesmaids). She mentioned that the bride kept having to yank her dress up and asked me if it was normal with strapless dresses. I don''t know if there is a right answer to that but said that it''s not the ideal situation and hopefully could be avoided with a proper fit. She replied "Lucky for you that you don''t have to worry about that with your dress."

Obviously this was an unintentional slip and I was not angry with her by any means... but I was really, really sad! I guess I am one of those people who wanted my dress to be a complete surprise and had not divulged any info to my fiance. That my dress was not strapless was one thing I especially wanted to surprise him with b/c I typically wear strapless dresses and thought that he''d probably assume my wedding dress would be as well. When we got home I actually started crying because I was picturing him seeing me for the first time and how it wouldn''t be as surprising anymore.

Two days later, I can be much more rational about that last part- he''s a guy for cryin out loud and knowing my dress has straps means next to nothing in man-speak. And even if he saw a whole picture of my dress I doubt anything can make the moment we see each other less special.

But I was extremely disappointed in the moment. So I''m curious- how do you ladies think you would feel? Would this roll off your back instantly or would you be upset for a while?

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

I always thought my FI would see my dress anyway - he''s such a laid back person when it comes to what I wear. But he''s surprised me with his response - he actually doesn''t want to know what dress I have. He''s seen what I picked from, but he actually is being Mr. Smarty Pants and thinks he knows which one I picked (he showed me, and he''s wrong

).

So knowing that he doesn''t want to know, I think I''d be bummed if the info was leaked to him. But in your situation, it sounds like you were the one more wanting the surprise, so I think I might be a little bummed if that was me.

But it wouldn''t last. At least you''ve got the right attitude - he has no idea about anything else about the dress, and will probably forget it''s not strapless by the time you walk down the aisle anyway!

And, most importantly, it wasn''t intentional, and you''ll still be beautiful to him no matter what.

 

[merrymunky]

I can imagine how you would feel. I want my dress to be a surprise too.

All he knows is that it is ivory. We had talked of me having one in red, or red and black, but once I found THE dress, I had to tell him that it was ivory. I didn''t want him to feel disappointed on the day because I know he was really up for the coloured dress idea. I would hate to be walking down the aisle thinking about the fact that he may be SO disappointed. He knows we will be adding our red/black colours in elsewhere now so he is more open to the ivory.

Hopefully just the fact that I will be wearing a dress will be a huge surprise to him on the day. I hope he thinks I look beautiful. It''s not something he ever really tells me and if there is any time i really crave to hear it from him, at the end of the aisle when I join him to do our vows is the moment for me.

I have almost let slip a small detail before now..about the fact it will be halter neck. I think I was talking about jewellery for the day and mentioned wanting a necklace that wouldn''t catch on the straps. I had to shut myself up and stop talking about the dress immediately. I am such a bad secret keeper. I want to blurt it all out.

So youe FI knows your dress has straps? He will have a million images flashing through his mind as to how the dress might look, but nothing will compare to the ACTUAL image of you walking down the aisle to join with him in marriage. He will be totally surprised at that moment. You enjoy that feeling when you realise that his eyes are for you only.

 

[brooklyngirl]

As someone who showed DH pictures of my dress on the model, and the first fitting, it wouldn''t bother me.

My dress ended up looking considerably different on me than the model, and the first fitting pics.

 

[neatfreak]

It would roll off my back completely. As you said in "guy speak" that means nothing. Honestly-he probably didn''t even HEAR the comment much less connect the dots that your dress isn''t strapless.

Men can''t visualize anyway-I think you could show him your dress on a model and on your wedding day he''d probably not even realize it was the same dress because this time it was on you ya know?

 

[Jen_91909]

Date: 5/18/2009 12:42:46 PM
Author: neatfreak
It would roll off my back completely. As you said in ''guy speak'' that means nothing. Honestly-he probably didn''t even HEAR the comment much less connect the dots that your dress isn''t strapless.


Men can''t visualize anyway-I think you could show him your dress on a model and on your wedding day he''d probably not even realize it was the same dress because this time it was on you ya know?

Yes, true.
He did hear the comment, but in his words "All I know is that it has straps. I have no idea what kind of straps they are!" haha

 

[Clairitek]

I really wouldn''t worry. I''ve full out described my dress in front of FI and I know that since he doesn''t understand these words:

sweetheart neckline
scoop neckline
fit n flare
alencon lace
organza

he won''t have a clue what the dress really looks like.

 

[Lilac]

I would have been very upset if DH had seen my dress before the wedding (and he also really wanted to be surprised), but him hearing about it didn''t bother me. I even described parts of it to him as I was going to fittings because I knew he was hearing "blah blah lace blah blah neckline blah blah ivory, etc."

Even with all the details I gave him, he still said on the wedding day it was nothing like he expected because he didn''t understand anything I had been saying about it anyway. Most men can''t picture it and don''t really understand the terminology, and if your FI only knows it had straps, I wouldn''t worry about it because there are SO MANY different styles of dresses you could still have with straps

 

[meresal]

You know... this could go so many ways... it''s jsut that since you already know what the dress looks like, it was "obvious" to you that it meant no straps.

It could mean:
You have lots of boning, and it will have the "perfect fit" that you mentioned
It could mean your friend was making joke about the "size of your chest" (not saying anything, just another way it could be interpreted)
etc...

Don''t sweat it hun... I''m sure it went over his head, until he noticed that you were upset by it. I would be upset at first, but then will have remembered that he''s a guy. He hasn''t seen the dress and it will all be an overwhelming surprise when he sees you!! Chin up!!

 

[Bia]

I''m sorry this is bothering you so much, BUT, if your FI is anything like mine, he didn''t even compute the statement. I could tell my guy that my dress was non-strapless/strapless/side-strapped/spaghetti strapped, AND give every last detail, and I can still bet he wouldn''t even understand what I was talking about. He''d just nod and smile.

If he does now know that your dress isn''t strapless, believe me, he''s going to be so in awe by your beauty, and giddy with happiness and love.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

omg that totally has happened to me many times - my friend let it slip that my dress had lace on the top and the other day I let it slip that is was strapless!!! dope!! i was angry for a second then i realized he probably still has NO idea what it will look like - and honestly - there are a billion strapless dresses... your FI will totally be surprised and blown away regardless!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I know you''re annoyed but you asked what I''d do in this situation....I wouldn''t let it get to me. Your FI and my FI are different guys, but my FI has a horrible memory and could really care less about what the dress looks like. So I''m not telling you to not be annoyed, but don''t beat yourself up about it. In fact, the more you make a big deal about it, the more likely he is to remember it. So just let it go.

 

[rhbgirl24]

My fiance knows which dress I picked and even went to pick it out with me! So, no this wouldn''t bother me. He isn''t seeing me in it until the day, thats whats important.

 

[Jen_91909]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone! Seems the bottom line is - no big deal.

 

[bee*]

Date: 5/18/2009 1:21:21 PM
Author: Bia
I''m sorry this is bothering you so much, BUT, if your FI is anything like mine, he didn''t even compute the statement. I could tell my guy that my dress was non-strapless/strapless/side-strapped/spaghetti strapped, AND give every last detail, and I can still bet he wouldn''t even understand what I was talking about. He''d just nod and smile.


If he does now know that your dress isn''t strapless, believe me, he''s going to be so in awe by your beauty, and giddy with happiness and love.

D would be the same. In fact he probably wouldn''t even have heard the comment! Sorry to hear that you''re upset about it. I really doubt that he''ll give it a seconds thought.

 

[honey22]

I would be disappointed to, but the girls are right - you could show him two thousand dresses with straps and he still wouldn''t be able to pick your one.

I wasn''t fussed about my dress, I showed DF heaps of pics etc, until I went shopping, changed my mind totally and found THE DRESS. Now I am paranoid about him finding out, so I am deliberately leaving misleading details into conversations etc. He has no idea, but then again, maybe he does. None of that matters though, as he is going to be suprised when I see him, and he will love it. I am sure your FI will feel the same way. Don''t let it upset you too much. Weddings are so stressful, it''s easy to let little details upset you!

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 5/18/2009 12:12:57 PM
Author:Jen_91909

But I was extremely disappointed in the moment. So I''m curious- how do you ladies think you would feel? Would this roll off your back instantly or would you be upset for a while?

Since you asked...it would probably roll off my back instantly. I showed FI a bunch of dresses I was looking into. He''s sort of my confidant so it was a natural reaction to ask him how he thought the dresses would look on me...sort of like sending a collage of dresses to your best friend and asking for opinions.

I''m really sorry you felt sad though. I''m sure she didn''t do it on purpose and I bet your FI will not remember at all.

 

[tlh]

sweetie, huge hugs.. and you know, he might have thought that you might not have the problem, because you know better to have it altered correctly since you wear strapless dresses so often! nevermind, I saw your later comment....

Try not to let it bother you... though I can see how it would.

Some hugs!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Try not to think too much about it. I was trying hard to keep my FI out of the dress loop until the day I wore a red dress and he said, "you should wear red more often, you look good in it" to which I responded, "Good thing my wedding gown had more red in it than white!" D''oh!

Then I realized there''s no way he would be able to figure out what dress I did buy. Even if he did sit on the site of the store where I got the dress from (something I am certain he does not do).

Even if he saw a photo of the dress - it''s not me in the dress.

Even if he saw me in the dress - it''s not me in the dress with it fitted properly.

Even if he saw me in the dress completely fitted - it''s not me in full hair and make up on the day we are getting married!

So try not to worry - I am sure that no matter what he envisions (or doesn''t envision) between now and your big day - it won''t even touch just how beautiful you will look in your gown with that beautiful "I''m getting married" glow!!

 

[musey]

There are much bigger things to worry about

But to be fair, I showed him pictures from the beginning. He''d even seen pictures of me IN it. He just hadn''t seen it on me in person.

You''re right - he''s just a guy, and it''s just a dress

how "surprised" do you want your husband to be by you on your wedding day, after all?

 

[allycat0303]

I don''t think he caught it. My fiance was told 600 times it was strapless, shown pictures and when I ask him, he STILL doesn''t remember. Guys speak a different langage then us. I call it *oblivious*

 

[beach]

My fiance now husband saw my dress too. With the divorce rate so high, I think it is good to be nontraditional

So many other things to worry about and a dress is not one of them IMO...

 

[lucyandroger]

I wouldn''t even think twice about it.

Like everyone else has already said - guys don''t know what we''re talking about when we describe dresses and even if they know the terms, they can''t visualize what it would look like. And even so there are a MILLION dresses with straps!!!

Seriously, if this is the most you have to cry about - count your blessings because you are lucky!

 

[marchswallowbird]

I''m with Musey, there are MUCH bigger things to worry about than this.

 

[Mediterranean]

Awww, man!

Well, here''s my story, maybe it will make you feel a little better. It''s amusing, at any rate...


So, wedding dresses and the groom getting wind of what his bride''s gown is like. Here''s a whopping one for ya:

Eva Longoria wore a brown-and-black version of my dress to a Montblanc event some months ago. The TV was on in the living room (the great, big, huge 47 FU&*ing inch HDTV, D**nit!! UGH!) and it was tuned to one of those "ET" or "Access Hollywood" type shows to entertain me while i was fixing dinner. So, I happen to glance over and see my FI sitting on the sofa, looking for the remote control when EVa Longoria wearing MY FREEEEEKIN'' dress (!!!!) is onscreen, in all her 47" HDTV glory!!

OK, I tell myself that guys don''t watch red carpet Hollywood gossip TV, and sure enough, he was looking for the remote still..

Crisis averted, right?

WRONG!

A month or two later, we''re flipping thru magazines waiting at the dentist''s office when he flips RIGHT ONTO THE PAGE of a Korean star named Shin Min-Ah wearing MY WEDDING DRESS to the Pusan International Film Festival.....(yeah, same color and everything this time....crrrrrap!).

I know he MUST have seen THAT one, in the magazine, but I cn''t really SAY anything. I hoping he''s a guy, and it didn''t even register.

But, yeah, dude...my FI has seen it...twice.

 

[diamondgirl4382]

This has happened to me too, and it was totally my own fault! One evening my FI went to get on the computer. I hear "oh, what''s this?" and walk in there to realize I had somehow left a picture file up that was a PICTURE OF MY WEDDING DRESS! (On the model, not on me.) I was so surprised that I gasped really loudly--which I''m sure gave it away. Then I said something like "oh, that must be from that wedding message board that I get on sometimes." But he must have realized something was different about THAT picture of a dress, than all of the other millions of pictures of dresses I have shown him, just because of my reaction.

I was a little upset at first, but then I quit letting it bother me. He''s a guy, and he saw the picture like 3 months before the wedding. He''ll probably forget what it looked like by then. Plus, no wedding dress looks the same on the model as it does on a real bride. So don''t worry--I''m sure you could describe your dress in detail to your fiancee and he would still never really know what it looked like until that day.

 

[iheartscience]

I know it''s not a huge deal in the scheme of things but I would be upset, too. And something similar actually happened to me!

I was trying to be nice to my brother''s wife, who I don''t particularly like, so I showed her a picture of my dress and I guess she told my brother about it. So we''re at my parents'' house on Mother''s Day and he was like "Oh I heard you dress is really pretty...what is it, purple? No, pink?" It is pink and I want that to be a surprise! I played it off and was like, "Yeah, actually it''s green" but I was VERY irritated for a day or two.

 

[Haven]

I would have totally missed that this was an opportunity to *feel* anything, to be honest.

Seriously--your FI knows you are going to wear a white dress to the wedding. Straps, no straps, tulle, satin, bows, beading--these things mean nothing without a visual. He could hear every last detail about your dress and STILL have no idea what it will actually look like on you.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Haha, I had been looking at a picture of me in my dress and forgot to close it, when I opened the laptop again to show fi something, theres me in my dress!!! He giggled (yes he giggled) and said ooooh is that your dress! I screamed NO! lol and shut it
Crisis averted (I hope haha

 

[doodle]

I sent my DH to get a copy of our contract with our florist, totally having forgotten that I had a printout of my dress from the manufacturer''s catalogue that the bridal salon had given me stuck in the same folder as the floral contract. He saw it, freaked, and I hid the printout in my night stand. A week later, DH goes looking for neosporin and stumbles upon the picture AGAIN. My cousin also accidentally showed it to him when I was showing the picture to her. DH got a long hard look at the picture on THREE SEPARATE OCCASIONS, and on our wedding day, he asked me when I had decided to trade dresses. Even after all that, he didn''t even recognize it. Men are idiots.