Double standard paranoia

[Shay]

Ok before you say it, I know I''m being paranoid! I know that this whole issue stems entirely from my desire to be married and from the fact that people always ask me and not my BF when it''s gonna happen.

We signed for our new house yesterday, YAY

, all grown up and swimming in debt for the next 20 years but still YAY.

So anyway, there was this form to declare our marital status (something about having to get a spouses permission to buy property). And his form had been filled in by the lawyer as : unmarried.
My form was filled in as: UNMARRIED.

Caps and Bold.

Like a big black accusatory spider eyeing me from the page. I know this is all from me and my issues, but it just made me feel like I suck and am forced to move onto the next life stage without the traditional commitment.

That and the lawyer kept talking to my BF like he was the only one buying the house and kept saying "your girlfriend must sign here etc" even though I was right in the damn room!

On the way home R asked me why I was so quiet and why I wasn''t happy and I told him about the evil font spider. He then rolled his eyes and said "holy shit" and looked at me like I was utterly insane. I know HE thinks I''m nuts to see things this way... maybe I am.

 

[snow_happy]

Shay--

Have you talked to your BF about getting married? Is it in the works? As in... is that the future plan? One of my good friends just bought a house a few months ago with her fiancee and they got married about a month ago so everything is fine! I don't know how the paperwork went but I can understand how you feel. I don't think you are being stupid. I would be self-conscious about the "unmarried" thing as well...not to mention your boyfriend's reaction. I guess it depends on the circumstances and whether or not you are comfortable being a house with the "formal commitment." I think you should let your BF know seriously if you are uncomfortable with this.

And about the lawyer...some people are just crappy like that. I hate when people assume that the "man" is in charge. What a load of poop.

AND OF COURSE...Congrats on the new house!

 

[Shay]

Hey snow.

We have spoken about it and we are definatley getting married one day. I made it clear that if we bought the house together then we were on that path, and he was fine with that. He has said many times that he wants to marry me/ spend the rest of his life with me so that''s not the issue.
He says he does not feel ready yet as he''s too young (25 understandable). It''s just the wait that I don''t like.

Oh and thanks, the house is lovely... and I am proud that we have done this at such a young age. Makes me feel like we''ve achieved something.

 

[blue_chica]

Shay - First of all CONGRATULATIONS!!! We are working on buying a house right now and it feels like it can''t happen fast enough, so I''m very jealous.

Secondly, did you ever see that Sex in the City where Miranda bought her apt.? She was given the 3rd degree for buying a house by herself as a single woman - I think they wanted her dad to cosign or something. Anyway, that show is based on the actual fact that the real-estate industry has a long-standing bias against women buying houses on their own. It''s total BS and I''ve run into it myself now that we''re looking. GAH!

Try not to buy into what they are telling you...namely that you''re not good enough to buy a house on your own and that being married somehow validates you. You''re not insane to be upset by the way that went at ALL. Most guys just don''t understand because they don''t experience it themselves.

 

[NyssaLynne]

At least the form only said "unmarried" and is buried in another stack of multiple papers which probably will never be seen by anyone. When you get married in Jamaica they list your pre-marital "condition" and if you aren''t young (early 20s) they list your status as "spinster". This goes right on your official wedding certificate! Since both my husband and I were previously married, and then divorced, ours states "divorced" for both of us. I hate it because I don''t figure that is anyone''s business, but getting married in Jamaica was worth it.

 

[heart prongs]

"Spinster" -- now that''s funny...klr

 

[blue_chica]

NyssaLynne - Spinster?! That is too funny in a kitschy kind of way. Almost makes me want to get married there, I hear Sandals has great rates.

 

[ammayernyc]

When my bf and I moved in together, only he was allowed to sign the lease because we are not married! I had to sign a roommate form. My bf got a big kick out of that and started calling me his ''roomie'' for the first couple of months. I was not pleased

 

[blueroses]

SEXIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, that behavior from the lawyer is unacceptable. I''m sorry sweetie, you didn''t deserve that. Bleah! I hate stupid people and small minds.

 

[Shay]

The thing that really ticks me off is that the lawyer is a woman!

What happened to sisterhood?

 

[snow_happy]

Hi Shay!

I just read your other post and it sounds like you are getting engaged soon! I wouldn''t worry too much about small minded lawyers

. You are so lucky to have a house! I am *dying* to have an actual front door and a yard! Sounds like heaven to me!! I''m sure the proposal will come soon and all will be well.

 

[blue_chica]

What happened to sisterhood?

I wonder the same thing whenever I see women harrassing other women about not getting engaged, or not being stay at home moms, or being stay at home moms, or not breast feeding, or breast feeding in public, or not making homemade organic baby food, or making comments about another woman''s weight, clothing, hair etc...

We''re worse to ourselves than men are a lot of the time.