Don''t want a ring?

[UnderBlue]

Do any of y''all not want an engagement ring?

Maybe you''ll just get a wedding band or maybe you don''t like the ideas represented with an engagement ring?

I guess I''m still on the fence. Why do I get a ring and he doesn''t? How is that fair or equal? Does it make a difference if my ring is inexpensive?

 

[4ever]

I think most people here have an interest in jewlery so would want a ring.

What ideas are represented in the egnagment ring that you do not like?

There''s not rules about these things, if you just want a wedding band that''s fine, if you want a plastic e-ring from a gumball machine that''s fine, if you want to get your man a ring too there''s nothing wrong with that.

 

[luckynumber]

yeah, you''re not gonna find many people who don''t want one on this forum.

i want one because i like jewellery. that''s it. the symbolism is iffy to me and yes, it''s not entirely fair if he doesn''t also get one or something of equal value.

but then again, how many of us really conduct our relationships on a completely level financial ground? that sounds more like a business relationship to me.

i''lll be getting him an engagement present (whatever he wants), but it will probably be a fraction of the cost of my ring.

 

[lilyfoot]

I could''ve gone without one, but FI would''ve never gone for that

. I tried to convince him to get me a plain band, and that didn''t work either .. I love my ring, but I was way more concerned about becoming engaged to the man of my dreams as opposed to focusing on the ring ..

 

[vc10um]

Date: 1/8/2010 3:34:05 AM
Author:UnderBlue
Do any of y''all not want an engagement ring?

Maybe you''ll just get a wedding band or maybe you don''t like the ideas represented with an engagement ring?

I guess I''m still on the fence. Why do I get a ring and he doesn''t? How is that fair or equal? Does it make a difference if my ring is inexpensive?

By engagement ring, do you mean "traditional" engagement ring, basically a stone, most often a diamond, possibly highlighted by other stones? Or do you mean a ring, any ring, presented at the time of engagement?

I want *an* engagement ring because I like the commitment it represents, and the tradition behind it, as does my FF. What it looks like, what it costs, etc, are immaterial to me, provided it was a thoughtfully made purchase.

I''d love to buy my mangagement ring, but he''s not a fan of jewelry (he doesn''t even wear a watch!) and has said he won''t wear anything but his wedding band. I''m contemplating some sort of e-gift for him, but haven''t decided on that yet.

Plus he gets me for the rest of his life...I think that''s gift enough.

And my mother and I will be the ones footing the bill for the wedding, which will indeed cost more than my e-ring, so I think that levels the playing field.

 

[LilyKat]

To answer your questions:

- yes, I want an engagement ring, and with this being a diamond/jewellery forum, I''m guessing 99% of people here are SUPER KEEN on getting one

. However, if you were to poll random women in the real world, a fair proportion would not be bothered either way. I know many women who only have/wear a wedding band and are perfectly happy (usually women who aren''t interested in jewellery).

- yes, it''s not fair as such that only women get an engagement ring. However, most men I know don''t actually want one. If he did, there''s nothing to stop you buying each other engagement rings!

- It doesn''t matter one bit how expensive the ring is. Choose what you like that''s within budget - if you want an inexpensive silver ring because you like the way it looks and feels, go for it!

Basically, there are no rules. It is a popular social symbol but you can assign whatever meaning (or not) that you want to it. Do what feels right.

Just be aware that if you have no ring at all, you might have to keep explaining why to curious people.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

My mother never liked engagement rings. She didn''t wear one and than her and my stepdad had matching wedding bands made. There were no diamonds or gemstones, she was not really into them.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/8/2010 5:44:05 AM
Author: luckynumber
i''lll be getting him an engagement present (whatever he wants), but it will probably be a fraction of the cost of my ring.

that ain''t fair.

 

[Clio]

I wouldn''t say that I didn''t want a ring, but I certainly didn''t think it was necessary. We got engaged without one.

Steve, though, really wanted to get me an engagement ring, so he gave me one about 6 months after we got engaged. I love it, but it wouldn''t have bothered me at all if he''d never given it to me.

 

[crossmyfingers]

Like some others said, this is a jewelry forum, so most of us here want an engagement ring. I know some people don''t want one, but this board isn''t very representative of that.

I have some pretty strong allergies to metals, and if it turns out that I''m allergic to platinum (or, more likely, whatever the alloy is), I will return that ring and either not wear a ring or I''ll get a simple band made of something nontraditional with no gems. I love the idea of an engagement ring, but I''ll be okay without one, as long as I can still be married. My BF doesn''t wear jewelry, and only wants a simple wedding band, so I wouldn''t get him any sort of jewelry to make it ''fair'' that he buys me a ring - although I think the idea of an engagement gift of some sort is pretty nice.

Oh, and my parents were poor when they got married, and my dad bought my mom an engagement ring after they had been married for a while and it made better financial sense.

 

[UnderBlue]

I found this site when I was Googling to figure out what the hell was wrong with me (before I knew it was LIWitis) and I know lots of other women have found their way here for that support as well, so not everyone is here only for jewelry. While I don''t know much or do much research into jewelry, I still like it, but that doesn''t mean I have to have an engagement ring.

My mom never had an engagement ring. I think they got matching watches or something. She didn''t even wear her wedding ring until a couple years ago.

It seems like engagement rings are often a pissing contest where the worth of the man or the relationship is based on how big the ring is. There seems to be too much focus on the ring and the wedding instead of the marriage and the relationship. Those things are all very unappealing to me.

 

[rierie26]

Yeah...I''m going to guess you''re not going to get a lot of "no" answers for your first question on this forum. I''d like a ring just because I love jewelry. I read somewhere that in some European countries, both parties wear a band on their left hand to signify they''re engaged and then switch it to the right when they get married. If you feel bad about getting something and your fiance not getting something, you could do something like that or you could get him an engagement present of some sort.

I don''t think it makes a difference how much an engagement ring costs. If it was given to you as a symbol of his commitment, then that''s all that matters.

 

[turboflgrl]

Date: 1/12/2010 12:55:35 AM
Author: UnderBlue
I found this site when I was Googling to figure out what the hell was wrong with me (before I knew it was LIWitis) and I know lots of other women have found their way here for that support as well, so not everyone is here only for jewelry. While I don't know much or do much research into jewelry, I still like it, but that doesn't mean I have to have an engagement ring.

My mom never had an engagement ring. I think they got matching watches or something. She didn't even wear her wedding ring until a couple years ago.

It seems like engagement rings are often a pissing contest where the worth of the man or the relationship is based on how big the ring is. There seems to be too much focus on the ring and the wedding instead of the marriage and the relationship. Those things are all very unappealing to me.

It's only a "pissing match" if you hang out with superficial snots who think that way

I want an engagement ring because it screams that I'm engaged and I also love the meaning behind it. Although his engagement gift is a VERY expensive clutch for his sports car that retails at the same price as the total of my future ring...lol He has no clue about this plan of mine but I can't wait to see his face when he gets it!!

 

[chiquitapet]

We got married without an engagement ring. My mother and grandmother never had an engagement ring and it never occurred to me that I would be getting one. When DH asked me what kind of ring I`d like, I told him I didn''t want one. I only wanted a nice diamond wedding ring. However, several years into our marriage, after seeing diamond e-rings all around me here in Australia, it slowly grew on me, and that`s when I asked for one. So, technically it''s not an engagement ring, but I like to call it that, as I wear it next to my wedding ring.

 

[luckynumber]

DF,

he can have a damn expensive toy if he wants to, but i doubt he will.

naughty boy DF

 

[beltane]

Date: 1/12/2010 2:11:03 AM
Author: Kitcha
Yeah...I''m going to guess you''re not going to get a lot of ''no'' answers for your first question on this forum. I''d like a ring just because I love jewelry. I read somewhere that in some European countries, both parties wear a band on their left hand to signify they''re engaged and then switch it to the right when they get married. If you feel bad about getting something and your fiance not getting something, you could do something like that or you could get him an engagement present of some sort.

I don''t think it makes a difference how much an engagement ring costs. If it was given to you as a symbol of his commitment, then that''s all that matters.

I would have trouble with that... my left ring finger is 2 sizes smaller than my right ring finger!

 

[Circe]

Date: 1/12/2010 12:55:35 AM
Author: UnderBlue
I found this site when I was Googling to figure out what the hell was wrong with me (before I knew it was LIWitis) and I know lots of other women have found their way here for that support as well, so not everyone is here only for jewelry. While I don''t know much or do much research into jewelry, I still like it, but that doesn''t mean I have to have an engagement ring.


My mom never had an engagement ring. I think they got matching watches or something. She didn''t even wear her wedding ring until a couple years ago.


It seems like engagement rings are often a pissing contest where the worth of the man or the relationship is based on how big the ring is. There seems to be too much focus on the ring and the wedding instead of the marriage and the relationship. Those things are all very unappealing to me.

Hey, UnderBlue, welcome! The politics of engagement rings can be sort of creepy, I think: I''m a big jewelry person, so I didn''t have too many qualms initially (my thought process was more like: shiny! pretty! shiny!), but I did get a bit weirded out by the reactions that I got. *Because* I am a jewelry person, my pleasure in the ring outweighed that ... but I did a lot of reading up on people''s responses and positions to figure our where people''s reactions were coming from. There''s a book called _I Do But I Don''t_ that has an interesting chapter on how rings (and the women wearing them, and the men buying them) are perceived.

At the end of the day, though, do what makes you happiest. I got my engagement ring, which I love, but I made up matching bands for myself and my then-fiance to wear throughout our engagement, too (there''s no reason for the woman to be the only one marked as "taken"). Just like with your mom''s choice, the process should be individualized!

 

[blingbunny10]

Date: 1/8/2010 3:34:05 AM
Author:UnderBlue
Do any of y'all not want an engagement ring?


Maybe you'll just get a wedding band or maybe you don't like the ideas represented with an engagement ring?


I guess I'm still on the fence. Why do I get a ring and he doesn't? How is that fair or equal? Does it make a difference if my ring is inexpensive?

Are you asking if we actively do NOT want one, or if we just don't really care? I didn't really care much about the ring/wedding day, but as our relationship has progressed, I've gotten really excited about it. The bf also turned me onto jewelry, so I'm actually looking forward to getting that ring now!

Re: your comment about equality, I'm planning to buy my bf a nice watch when we get married. There's definitely nothing preventing you from getting him an engagement ring or gift or a wedding gift. It doesn't matter how much the ring costs.

 

[OcMrsB]

i had dreamed of my engagement ring since i was a little girl i''ve always loved jewelry. one of my first memories as a child was praying to God to put a big diamond ring under my pillow for me to find when i woke up... that must have been an interesting situation for my mother, who had to explain to me that prayer didnt exactly work that way, lol.

so needless to say when i got engaged, the ring was a source of great excitement for me

as for if its "fair"? i dont think its unfair, its just tradition. and if you go into marriage expecting everything to be 50/50 100% of the time, dissapointment may await you

and the dollar value of the ring need not affect the value of its meaning, not at all. a million dollar ring means the same thing a hundred dollar ring does, yes?

although if you have something specific in mind, it might be helpful to have a discussion with your fh, or drop hints. some girls luck out, but for me i know i had to be involved- i dont even want to imagine what my dh would have picked left to his own devices, lol.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 1/8/2010 3:34:05 AM
Author:UnderBlue
Do any of y''all not want an engagement ring?

Maybe you''ll just get a wedding band or maybe you don''t like the ideas represented with an engagement ring?

I guess I''m still on the fence. Why do I get a ring and he doesn''t? How is that fair or equal? Does it make a difference if my ring is inexpensive?

I didn''t really care. I LOVE jewelry, but I just wanted a ring! I didn''t care about the cost of it.

As it turns out, the stone cost about $180, the original setting cost $250 and the current setting was $500ish.

I told him once that he should give me a Tiffany Elsa Peretti Stacking band with a tsavorite. I got that as a birthday present instead. WAY before I got my ering.

He didn''t want a ring either. He said the first ring he''d wear was his wedding band. Which he now plays with all of the freaking time.

 

[tannet]

I, personally, would like an e-ring, but don''t have to have one. It wouldn''t bother me one bit if my bf didn''t give me an e-ring. In fact, I told him that I didn''t care about the diamond ring and that I thought it was just a status symbol for most people. What mattered more to me was the wedding band. He, however, said he wanted to do things "right" and go ring shopping and get engaged. Since then, I''ve sort of delved into the whole diamond ring world...especially after finding PS! Despite all that...if my bf changed his mind and decided not to get me an e-ring, I would not complain. I would just continue to come to PS to admire other peoples'' beautiful jewelry

.