Donations instead of favors?

[Treasure43]

FI and I were talking about favors and thought about doing a donation. My father died of a brain tumor when I was 13 and I thought making a donation in his honor might be a nice gesture instead of favors. Do you guys think that''s ok? (As in not tacky)

 

[megumic]

I asked this a while back. Personally, I love the idea and we are still considering doing so. However, the responses I got on here were of about 50% distaste and 50% approval. Many felt it was no favor at all for us to make a donation on a guests behalf that they didn''t intend to make. Others thought it was perfectly heartfelt and acceptable. If I were the guest, I''d prefer it. Who ever uses or appreciates favors anyway? They''re usually garbage.

I don''t think it''s tacky at all and I think it''s a lovely way to commemorate your father. I''d suggest having a photo of him and a little paragraph about his life and the donation you''ll be making.

And really, who cares? Do what you want. Do what will make you look back in 10, 20, 50 years and smile. Nobody remembers wine, photo frames, golf tees, matches, etc. But you''ll remember honoring your father at the occasion of your wedding.

 

[nkarma]

I would LOVE that as a favor!!!!


What a perfect favor.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I was considering it as a way to remember my mother who died of breast cancer. But I am thinking she would rather have me celebrate her life rather than remember what she died of. So I am going to do chocolate chip cookies as favors because she loved them, and she made really good ones.

However, I as a guest, I never really understood favors, and unless it was a small food item, I usually ended up throwing it away. I never thought I would do favors, but now I am more as a fun way to remember my mother than anything else. If I went to someone else''s wedding I would be fine knowing that money that would have been spent on something I would have thrown out went to a good cause.

Sorry if I am rambling, I have been thinking about this a lot.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 4/4/2010 8:58:53 PM
Author: megumic

And really, who cares? Do what you want. Do what will make you look back in 10, 20, 50 years and smile. Nobody remembers wine, photo frames, golf tees, matches, etc. But you''ll remember honoring your father at the occasion of your wedding.

i agree completely with this!

 

[UnderBlue]

It''s your wedding and you should do things how you choose and that you are comfortable with. I''d say just skip the favors all together (some of the crap people give away as favors, it''s like they''re giving trash) and maybe mention on your programs (if you have them) or a framed thing at the guest sign in that in memory of your father, you have made a donation to X charity and put the logo of the charity. Maybe include a little more info, like, "When I was 13, my father was taken from us by a brain tumor. I wish he could be here today to share in our joy and to celebrate with all of you. To honor his memory and so no parent is taken too soon, we have given a donation to X charity. We invite you to find out more at www.xcharitywebsite.com"

I don''t think that would be inappropriate or tacky.

 

[JulieN]

I don't expect favors in the first place, as a wedding isn't a child's birthday party.

It's not totally tacky... just kind of weird and inappropriate IMO, as it operates off of the assumption that favors are expected, which is of course, counter to the meaning of the word "favor."

As well, donations are a symbol of one's charity and generosity. Acts of charity and generosity are best when done in private, as otherwise it could be seen as tooting one's own horn. I think there are better ways of honoring one's deceased father at a wedding, such as perhaps your parents' wedding picture on display or something like that.

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 4/5/2010 1:36:16 AM
Author: JulieN
I don''t expect favors in the first place, as a wedding isn''t a child''s birthday party.

It''s not totally tacky... just kind of weird and inappropriate IMO, as it operates off of the assumption that favors are expected, which is of course, counter to the meaning of the word ''favor.''

As well, donations are a symbol of one''s charity and generosity. Acts of charity and generosity are best when done in private, as otherwise it could be seen as tooting one''s own horn. I think there are better ways of honoring one''s deceased father at a wedding, such as perhaps your parents'' wedding picture on display or something like that.

i agree with this part, and also about firecrackers''s comment of celebrating life vs what took it away. When my grandfather passed my work made a donation to the cancer society rather than send me flowers, which i appreciated more then.

Do you remember a favorite treat that your father loved to have/eat and maybe you can make them in his honor?

 

[missy]

We didn't do this for our wedding but when we threw a big and fancy birthday party a few years ago we asked the guests not to bring gifts but instead make a donation to one of two charities that we provided info on in the invitation. I know it is not the same thing at all but just saying that I think anything that helps out worthwhile charities is a great idea!!


We did not do favors at our wedding (the thought never even occured to me as I don't think that is custom in our circles) however,
it is your wedding and it is your choice and you should do whatever your heart is telling you to do. I definitely do not think this is tacky.

 

[Blackpaw]

I think its a great idea

i was in a wedding last month, and the grooms mother had passed away not long before from cancer. They had pink ribbons and wrist bands as favors. It was nice i thought, and a lot of people there would have known exactly who they symbolized.

I agree with Meg, i think favors are a waste of time - but this at least wouldnt be a waste of money. i say go for it

 

[lilyfoot]

I think it''s a great idea!

Not tacky at all, IMO

 

[Nov2109]

I don''t think its tacky at all...probably because I am doing this.

A friend of mine actually gave me the idea. When she got married a few years back her grandfather had just passed away from heart disease. They made a donation to the American Heart Association in his memory in lieu of favors.

My father has been very ill for the past 5 years with an illness there is no cure for...just medication to try and prevent "flare ups"...so we are making a donation to the foundation that supports research of the illness and has support groups for those affected..offers antibiotic assistance as the medicine is very expensive. My father is on the board of this foundation. It nearly killed him and we are huge advocates for it!

We are doing a message in a bottle, guests will have a little keepsake for our wedding and the insert will give them the info of the donation.

I hate normal favors, I actually prefer this...especially when its a donation to something that has affected the couple/family directly.

I dont need anymore heart bottle openers, coasters, or drink mix!

 

[Haven]

Date: 4/5/2010 9:00:47 AM
Author: jcarlylew

Date: 4/5/2010 1:36:16 AM
Author: JulieN
I don''t expect favors in the first place, as a wedding isn''t a child''s birthday party.

It''s not totally tacky... just kind of weird and inappropriate IMO, as it operates off of the assumption that favors are expected, which is of course, counter to the meaning of the word ''favor.''

As well, donations are a symbol of one''s charity and generosity. Acts of charity and generosity are best when done in private, as otherwise it could be seen as tooting one''s own horn. I think there are better ways of honoring one''s deceased father at a wedding, such as perhaps your parents'' wedding picture on display or something like that.

i agree with this part, and also about firecrackers''s comment of celebrating life vs what took it away. When my grandfather passed my work made a donation to the cancer society rather than send me flowers, which i appreciated more then.

Do you remember a favorite treat that your father loved to have/eat and maybe you can make them in his honor?

I completely agree with this. I find it strange when people make a public declaration about a donation they made. It''s much more gracious to just make the donation you feel appropriate, skip the favors at your wedding, but don''t tell everyone that you made the donation as there is just not a nice way to do it. You don''t have to justify your choice to not provide favors, anyway.

The only wedding favor I''ve ever actually used was a bottle of wine called "Mari Me" from a friend''s wedding. He owned a wine store at the time, so it was not only an appropriate choice, but the name made it super cute. Otherwise, I never take favors home when they''re little tchotchkes that I will just recycle anyway. (DH LOVES chocolate favors, though. He always eats them before we leave the reception.)

I''m so sorry for your loss.

 

[caribqueen]

The definition of a party favor: souvenir consisting of a small gift given to a guest at a party.

I wouldn''t exactly put a donation in the category of a gift. They''re not required.

If it were me, I would find another way to remember my father at the reception like with photos.

One might ask, why not request a donation made in your father''s honor instead of taking gifts from guests?

 

[Ninna]

Not tacky, just something I wouldn''t do. I also tend to leave favors behind.
Where we live is quite common to accept donations in liew of gifts, labeled envelopes included in the invites get deposited quietly at the assigned table.