Does this happen to you to???

[butterfly 17]

I don't know why I am starting a new thread about this, but I just have to let it out.

My mom is having a party today for my SIL. She lives in Queens and I live in Staten Island. She lives with my sister and my Dad, who both drive. My brother lives in Long Island, about 15 minutes away. I live at least an hour away, if not more with traffic.

Of course, rather than having them go and pick up stuff she needs for this party, she calls me. She called me to ask me to stop by the store and pick up some sauces she needs and then stop by the dessert place to pick up the desserts ( in Queens), which are paid for already thank goodness.

It just drives me crazy that she always does this whenever we have a get together or party at her house. Why does she call me? There is no asian supermarket right by me, the only one I know of is about 4 exits away from me and yet she calls me to get those little odds and ends that she is missing.

Maybe it wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't have the girls, but I do and it is such a pain in the butt to have to drive out of my way to pick up two bottles of spring roll sauce

, take the girls out with me to run into the store, have to strap them back into their car seats, etc.

She does that all the time and there is one 5 minutes away from her house (close to where she orders the desserts), but she says she doesn't want to bother my dad or my sister.

Then on top of that, we become the go-for people in the house. Oh, we need ice, can you go for it, oh, we need foil and soda, can you go for that too.

It just drives me crazy that there are two people in the house that can go and do this and she won't ask them.

It's not like my sister is doing anything, she never helps with the cooking anyway and the house is always clean and my dad just hangs out in the bedroom until people arrive. I don't know what he does there, but the few times I have heard my mom ask him to do something for a party, he doesn't and asks me or my husband to do it instead.

My brother is the same way. One time my mother asked him to empty out the garbage and he turned around and said, ask Danny (my husband) to do it. WTF?

OH, and then of course, we are always the barbeque people and the ones that pick everyone up from their house, the train, etc.

It just bugs me. Anyway, I feel better now.

ETA: I just realized my title should be TOO, not TO.

 

[ang3199]

Aww butterfly. I feel your pain. Out of FI''s 4 siblings he''s always the sucker.

Maybe you''re just too nice and they know you won''t say no. Either that, or everyone else is just lazy as hell

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

My mom had that problem and so she stopped helping for awhile, here is what happened.
My mother has 2 siblings and her mother who is the definition of flaky. When my grandfather died (he was divorced from my mom''s mom) we had him cremated. My mother had made all of the funeral arriangements, she had been the one taking care of him in the hospital, taking care of the leagl stuff when the doctor''s screwed up, taking care of my granddad''s finacee (a REALLY long story), etc. The family wanted to bury the ashes in his hometown in anthoer state and my mom said she was not willing to do any of the arriangements. So his ashes sat in our basement for 5 years until my grandma happened to be going that way and dropped him off. Then, the family still complains about how long it took my mom to get granpa''s ashes in the ground!
My point is, you can refuse to help but it may not be worth the trouble. I am the only responsable one in my generation so I will inherit the same job as you in a few years and I feel your pain.

 

[Independent Gal]

Oh lordy. You could be ME talking. My mom makes me do her shopping and errands and look after various affairs for her from 1000's of miles away!!! And then she makes me carry tonnes of crap over with me when I go visit. None of my brothers ever get asked to do anything for her. Oh, and she pays for their tickets to come visit her (in BUSINESS CLASS!) but not for my tickets at all. Last time I went, she had asked me to bring, among other things, CONDITIONER FOR THE DOG.

Like, 6 bottles of it. And that meant I had to check my suitcase, which they promptly LOST (this airport is notorious... never ever check a bag if you're going there) meaning I had to wear my mom's clothes for half the holiday. Mind you, since she refused to come pick me up (meaning I had to take a 45 minute train ride and a taxi) I guess I'm glad they lost the bag I didn't end up having to lug all her stuff for her on the train. Hurray for door-to-door lost luggage delivery.

So, uh, yeah, I hear you. It is always me, her daughter that gets asked for help, and NEVER my spoiled brothers. In fact, she even gets me to do things for THEM. The hilarious thing is, I hinted at this once and she just seemed confused and said "But you're the responsible one, dear." Yeah, whatever.

But I'm not bitter or anything. I swear.

 

[sumbride]

I''m guessing you''re the oldest and your sister is younger?


Maybe you should "forget"? Not when it is dessert for 50, but spring roll sauce... "OOPS! It''s just that I''m so busy with the girls and I''m so tired right now, and.... can''t you send [sister]?" Do that a few (dozen) times and maybe it will help the situation? I would hate to be in your place! Fortunately I live too far away to bring home the milk, but my mom is still doing all those things for her mother.

 

[butterfly 17]

Thanks guys. I feel better now. I have always had a love/hate relationship with my mother and my brother and sister have always been very close to her. She even refers to me as the black sheep in the family.

So, I went and bought the stuff, picked up the dessert and guess what? When I got there she already had spring roll sauce!!!!

I gave it to her and she says, oh, we have it already, I wasn''t sure what time you would get here, so someone else went out to get it.

And as it turns out, my sister wasn''t home either, she''s away on a mini vacation trip.


Oh well, that''s what family is for.

 

[lumpkin]

Next time she asks I think you should have an appointment to keep or somehow be unavailable. Or you could pull one of your brother''s tricks and see if she can''t ask your sister.

I love my mom and sister, but they drive me completely nuts. I used to give them pedicures and do their acrylics for them, and honestly, they were wonderful when I was in school -- they were my models all the time and never complained about how their nails looked, and they always insisted on paying me, even when I was a student. Well, fast forward a couple of years and they would have me do their nails at my house, and pedicures, too. I''d get it all set up and ready and I''d get a phone call, "You know, we are in the middle of cleaning the garage and just can''t get away...." or something else. I don''t think they ever kept an original date/time and finally I told them I didn''t want to do it anymore. I think they were a little put out with me, but it just completely messed up my day. I''d arrange my whole schedule around them only to have them cancel or reschedule all the time, and I don''t think they still understand why I asked them to find a salon to go to (after I''d gotten them hooked on acrylics and pedicures, LOL). I feel kind of bad about it because my mom says no one is nearly as thorough with her feet (she has typical older woman feet with lots of callouses and yucky skin on her toes) and has at times almost begged me to do her feet, but again she rescheduled! So I''m free and guilty at the same time, LOL! That''s family. Gotta love ''em.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 1/19/2008 9:30:59 PM
Author: sumbride
I''m guessing you''re the oldest and your sister is younger?


Maybe you should ''forget''? Not when it is dessert for 50, but spring roll sauce... ''OOPS! It''s just that I''m so busy with the girls and I''m so tired right now, and.... can''t you send [sister]?'' Do that a few (dozen) times and maybe it will help the situation? I would hate to be in your place! Fortunately I live too far away to bring home the milk, but my mom is still doing all those things for her mother.

Hey, I''m the youngest in my family and I REPRESENT that comment, thank you very much!

I get called on to do weird stuff all the time, though. "We''re on our way to the dog groomer and we forgot to turn off the coffee pot, can you go by and turn it off?" Stuff like that! Or because I still have my license I go to the professional beauty supply and they ask me to get polish in colors they already have but have misplaced. Even us young ''uns have to step and fetch.

Also, I can''t tell you how many times they''ve complained about this or that, I''ve given them a solution, which they go out of their way to avoid until they''ve tried every thinkable alternative (and which are all ineffective), only to go back to my original solution and act like THEY thought of it! Oh, the indignity!

I''m 45 and they still act like I''m 10 without a brain in my head, LOL.

 

[sumbride]

Date: 1/21/2008 9:17:22 AM
Author: lumpkin

Date: 1/19/2008 9:30:59 PM

Author: sumbride

I''m guessing you''re the oldest and your sister is younger?



Maybe you should ''forget''? Not when it is dessert for 50, but spring roll sauce... ''OOPS! It''s just that I''m so busy with the girls and I''m so tired right now, and.... can''t you send [sister]?'' Do that a few (dozen) times and maybe it will help the situation? I would hate to be in your place! Fortunately I live too far away to bring home the milk, but my mom is still doing all those things for her mother.

Hey, I''m the youngest in my family and I REPRESENT that comment, thank you very much!

I get called on to do weird stuff all the time, though. ''We''re on our way to the dog groomer and we forgot to turn off the coffee pot, can you go by and turn it off?'' Stuff like that! Or because I still have my license I go to the professional beauty supply and they ask me to get polish in colors they already have but have misplaced. Even us young ''uns have to step and fetch.


Also, I can''t tell you how many times they''ve complained about this or that, I''ve given them a solution, which they go out of their way to avoid until they''ve tried every thinkable alternative (and which are all ineffective), only to go back to my original solution and act like THEY thought of it! Oh, the indignity!

I''m 45 and they still act like I''m 10 without a brain in my head, LOL.

I''m the youngest too, and if I didn''t live 1000 miles away, I''d probably have to do that stuff too, but I know not everyone sees the youngest as being the most responsible! My mom tells me way more than she tells my siblings because I live so far away, I''m like her "ear that doesn''t speak" because she knows I won''t tell everyone.

 

[Jas12]

Oh butterfly--i feel your pain as well. I don''t have this particular problem but i do have ''mom issues'' --PS has been great for letting me know i am not an evil person for having mixed feelings about my mom. It seems to be a very very common thing amongst women!
I like the suggestion about ''accidently'' forgetting some of the many items she demands--that might solve it

 

[firebirdgold]

Mom duties come before Daughter duties. Next time she tries this just say "I''m sorry but (opt: I can''t do that today) I have to xxxxx with/for my girls. Why don''t you ask sis to pick it up?"

Good luck!