Does anyone wish they had eloped? Or regret eloping? Torn between wedding and elopement...

[Gleam]

I, and especially my fiance, are extremely private people. Neither of us like being the center of attention. My original idea was to just run away to Africa on a safari and elope. When I told my mom I didn''t want a wedding, she was so aghast that I have reconsidered.

I know this would be hard for anyone to admit, but do any of you wish you had just eloped? Or if you could do it over again, you would just elope? On the other hand, does anyone regret eloping?

 

[Loves Vintage]

Hi Gleam,

My DH and I are also very private people and agreed that we wanted to elope. We considered getting married in several different countries and ultimately decided to elope in Croatia. No regrets. It was what we wanted.

As far as your Mom goes, you can always invite her to come along and be your only (or one of a few guests), or you could let some time pass and try to talk things through with her. Hopefully, she will be on board with the idea after some time, but if not, it is your decision, so do what you feel comfortable with, and I'm sure you'll have no regrets. Regrets more often result when you make a decision against yourself.

You could always have a reception later. That might appease your Mom, some. We did not have a celebration, and we don't regret that decision one bit either.

 

[neatfreak]

We didn''t elope but instead chose to have a small intimate wedding with only our closest friends and family. It was a blast and we don''t regret it for a second.

I think for us we would have regretted eloping (even though we were considering it) because it was nice to have our family there.

But it sure was nice NOT to have random people there too!

So I guess what I am saying is that if even a little part of you wants a wedding-have one! But just have a very small intimate one. More like a dinner party than a wedding, KWIM?

If no part of YOU wants one-then elope! I don''t think you''ll regret it if it is what you want.

 

[JSM]

I eloped and loved it - zero regrets. My parents were disappointed and ultimately threw us a reception for the family, so I had to go through the wedding thing anyway!

Do what you want to do, don''t try to appease anyone else. It''s your wedding! If we had caved to our family''s wishes and had a traditional wedding, we definitely would have regretted it because it wasn''t our vision. Either way, as long as you are happy, that''s what matters.

 

[tyty333]

Hubby and I are pretty private people so we eloped in Hawaii. No regrets! I think our parents were a
little dissapointed they werent invited but I didnt feel like having to plan anything and if they came I would
have had to organized the whole thing and taken into consideration entertaining my inlaws...my parents
are pretty good at taking care of themselves.

 

[NakedFinger]

Thank you for asking this question, I was just thinking about this too.

Every person I know that had a big wedding end up saying "it wasnt worth all that money" or "if I could do it again I would have just eloped". I hear more the regret for spending that much on "one day" or "having to deal with all the stress" rather than the regret for having people there and/or making it private.

I dont think I could elope and have no one there, but have been considering just a small destination wedding with just parents/siblings. I am just afraid I will regret not having a real wedding. Part of me really wants one, and part doesnt feel like dealing with planning/spending all that money.

 

[exoticisabella]

Hubby and I eloped. I was trying to plan the wedding and our budget only allowed us about 60 people - plus I didn''t want a big wedding. His mom and dad are both doctors who own their own practice and my mom has a HUGE extended family who would never even talk to me because they thought I was spoiled and snooty (thank''s mom

). His parents said that they wouldn''t come if so and so wasn''t invited because so and so have been good friends, great clients, etc and my mom said that she wouldn''t come if so and so wasn''t invited because it was wrong not to invite blood family (that I NEVER saw!). I called my dad so many times crying my eyes out because I coudn''t afford what I wanted and if I did what I wanted then people wouldn''t show up. My dad (who raised me as a single dad

) said that no matter what I did he would always be there for me. My hubby said all he wanted was to marry me, didn''t matter how, didn''t matter when. I wore my wedding dress that I had already bought and hubby dressed in a nice shirt and tie. For about a year afterwards I did have many regrets (and very angry inlaws), but after the dust settled I came to see that it was only one day of my life and I''m happy that I spent it with just the two of us (as hubby and I are both not fond of the spotlight).

 

[mayachel]

I come from a large family, and am having a fairly large wedding. I can''t tell you how many people told us "just elope..really, you''ll be so much happier". We are lucky that drama within the family is low, considering the number of people but I can''t help but notice the one''s saying "just elope" all had their own big fancy wedding. The few relatives we have that did elope, are happy with their choice, but have not said a peep to us in the form of suggesting we follow in their footsteps.


Overall, even being in the midst of it, personally I wouldn''t elope BUT because having a lot of people attend can get expensive very quickly, I would have pushed harder to make the whole thing more simple.

 

[sctsbride09]

My Dh and I eloped. Neither of us regret it because we are able to look back on our day and know that it was filled love and about US. And I know this sounds totally selfish, but we didnt want to have to share each other or focus on anyone else on our wedding day. Like you and your FI, we are deeply private, so it worked out beautifully.

 

[sonnyjane]

I did elope, and have NO regrets. We eloped to Maui for a week, just the two of us, and got married on the beach with a photographer and officiant present, but that was it. His parents were a little upset, but got over it. My parents were all for it, because they eloped themselves. I think the people that were most upset were those that would have been my bridesmaids, but they got over it pretty quickly. We saved a lot of money, but more than that, I can''t even quantify how much stress we avoided by doing this. The day of our wedding, while most people spend hours freaking out and making sure everything is going smoothly, my husband-to-be and I spent the day swimming in the resort''s pool, taking a nap, and eating pizza and cupcakes prior to our sunset ceremony. It was amazing and I literally couldn''t even begin to visualize myself planning a traditional wedding.

 

[dsgirl81]

i eloped over 9 years ago. i was 18 and in college. just being kinda spontaneous, we decided to elope. only my best friend witnessed it. there are no pics of that day at all. (wish i had at least one pic, but it''s not a big deal). i dont regret doing it at all. however, now we are planning a 10 year vow renewal and I am happy to have my family be there this time, even though I almost eloped our renewal, lol. anyway, I''m all for eloping, i think it''s beautiful!

 

[cindygenit]

I do.

Anyway, i think no matter what the ceremony is like, you still get married at the end so what''s the difference? FI''s dream is to elope in Vegas.

I would have preferred to spend the money on our first home together.

 

[joelly]

I do too. I want to elope but FI prefer a traditional wedding. Lately I''ve been kind of warming up to the wedding idea. I am pretty happy that I chose to support FI''s idea.

 

[redfaerythinker]

I have social anxiety disorder, and my FI is also very shy. So we''re having a wedding with a guest count of 30. I don''t think I could elope because it would just crush my mother, and I really want her there. But I agree with others. If you have even a small part of you that wants a wedding with your family, it can be done. It takes drastic cuts, but it can be done. But if you don''t think you''ll regret it... you probably won''t. And you''ll save a whole lot of money!

 

[MishB]

We intended to elope, but we ended up with immediate family there with us. It was still no big dress, no attendants, no dancing, no speeches, very relaxed and informal. I don't regret it for a moment.

The only thing I was a little sorry about was more the casual attitude of my friends and family - no one did anything to make me feel 'special' like a bride, taking me out to lunch, for a spa day, manicure etc. Even the people who knew it was happening beforehand just pretended it wasn't happening. Just because we wanted a low-key occasion didn't mean I wanted people not to acknowledge it. If you do like being the centre of attention and made a fuss of, this sort of wedding probably isn't for you.

 

[Octavia]

My wedding was wonderful and I don't regret it...but if we could do it over, I think I'd go for a very small wedding. As nice as it was to have our families and friends with us, I just don't think the wedding itself was worth what we paid for it, and it was kind of stressful to have a ton of people there, to try to talk to them all, and to feel like I failed at that. I still feel guilty that some people came hundreds of miles and I got to spend about three minutes with them. If I could go back in time, I think I'd do what NEL and someone else on here (or maybe a couple people?) did -- rent out a big house for the weekend, have everyone stay there, and do the wedding and reception right at the house.

 

[purselover]

I could go on and on for pages about this but I won''t torture anyone

Long story short I wanted to elope or have small destination wedding, FI and his family wanted a big local wedding, (my family was fine with anything, although they did love the idea of a destination wedding) now 2 1/2 months out we both wish we eloped, I feel so disappointed I''m not having my dream wedding and FI realizes he really wishes we had something more intimate as well. Please don''t make my mistake, don''t budge on what you want!

 

[cammy85]

Honestly, I wouldn''t have eloped if I could do it over again. We had a moderately sized wedding (~120) at a decent budget for us. Don''t get me wrong, there were moments that I joked about "seriously, we should just elope, save the money and save the drama" but in the end, I wouldn''t change it for the world. I cherish all those memories, and that will most likely be by far the biggest and best party I get to throw for my friends and family, and was definitely worth the money (though there is no debt from the wedding, we paid what we had, and DIYed a lot).

However, I understand that my personal experiences are true for me and only me, and only you and your groom will be able to decide if eloping is right for you. I find the idea very romantic - get whisked away to some special, private (and possibly tropical!) location to have an intimiate ceremoney with your fiance. I would love to do a vow renewal like that. i know for me, however, I would not be able to have such an imporant life event without including both of our families and friends. It''s something we wanted everyone to share in. While I think taking your mom''s ideas into consideration is important, what you and your fiance want is paramount. Don''t let your wedding run away from you and regret getting bullied into the wedding you and your fiance don''t want only because it''s what other people want.

Good luck with your decision, and best wishes on a long and happy marriage!

 

[trillionaire]

I''ve been watching bridal tv shows a lot lately (

), and they make me question my decision to elope a little bit... everyone talks about how much it means for them to have their family there, and I think I SHOULD feel that way, but I really don''t think I do. I LOVE my family, but I crave intimacy for that moment. I had a very public proposal, and I remember feeling in that moment that I was 100% right about my private wedding plans. I wouldn''t change my proposal for ANYTHING, and I loved that it was a big to-do and that all my family was there, but on my wedding day, I want to only be thinking about us, and not details and logistics. I''m not really torn about it, but I do question my decision more often these days. I just don''t want it to feel anti-climatic if we are by ourselves, ya know??? I did suggest a very small (10-12 people) DW to FI, but he vetoed that, he''d rather have a party

, and thankfully, I''d prefer a party too, if we get to elope!

 

[anchor31]

DH and I had a lovely smaller wedding, but we had so much family drama while planning it that I do wish we''d eloped. It''s what I wanted to start with, but I let myself get talked out of it (by the family who later did the drama!!)... Hopefully one day we''ll get to do a renewal the way I wanted - a dress and two plane tickets!

If that''s what you want, I say do it.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 10/17/2009 10:23:49 PM
Author: neatfreak
We didn''t elope but instead chose to have a small intimate wedding with only our closest friends and family. It was a blast and we don''t regret it for a second.

I think for us we would have regretted eloping (even though we were considering it) because it was nice to have our family there.

But it sure was nice NOT to have random people there too!

So I guess what I am saying is that if even a little part of you wants a wedding-have one! But just have a very small intimate one. More like a dinner party than a wedding, KWIM?

If no part of YOU wants one-then elope! I don''t think you''ll regret it if it is what you want.

From what I can gather, Neatfreak and I had VERY similar weddings (ceremony, 30ish person guest list, restaurant dinner reception) and I felt like it was the happy medium between being intimate and letting our closest loved ones celebrate with us. I have no regrets about the choice we made but I knew I would have regretted having a huge, debt-inducing wedding (which is where we were headed) or eloping.

Ditto what Neatfreak said about doing what YOU want and that if any little piece of you thinks you will regret eloping, then opt for a small wedding.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I had a small/moderate sized wedding. I personally favored eloping just because it was less hassle, but my fiance is very traditional and so is his family, so we went the wedding route. It was tiring but also a lot of fun. We got to see people and friends we hadn't seen in a long time. So I don't regret the wedding (it was fun, and not too stressful) but I think I would have been just as happy to elope. If I had to do it over, I would elope, but that's just because I'd want to see what the other option is like. I'm sure if I had eloped, I'd want to see what wedding planning was like, haha.

And I know a lot of people stress that a wedding should be based on your priorities, and for the most part I agree, but I do think there are some extenuating circumstances in which the feelings of the parents should be factored in. For example: I would have preferred eloping, but I'm an only child and my parents would've been pretty bummed if I didn't have a wedding since they never got to. And I think his parents would have been hurt too since he's the baby of the family. And while the parents would have still have loved us and been happy for us if we eloped, I know how much it a wedding means to them, and to me it just meant a little more work and stress (and I knew I could still be happy with it), so I figured I was willing to handle it.

 

[katamari]

I think it is best to try to find the common ground that you are most comfortable with. There are a million shades of gray between privately eloping and a large, lavish wedding. Instead of thinking about either/or, find what makes you most excited. The PSers I see on here that were most happy with their weddings are the ones who found what they wanted and made it happen, regardless of the size, scope, or cost.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 10/19/2009 2:01:00 PM
Author: katamari
I think it is best to try to find the common ground that you are most comfortable with. There are a million shades of gray between privately eloping and a large, lavish wedding. Instead of thinking about either/or, find what makes you most excited. The PSers I see on here that were most happy with their weddings are the ones who found what they wanted and made it happen, regardless of the size, scope, or cost.

This is perfect advice!

 

[cakegirl]

My bf and I are eloping next summer- most likely on a safari in Africa ( I am still working out the details, our 2nd choice is Thailand.) We are telling no one before but my parents. They want have a party when we get back, which I can tell is evolving into an enormous reception. Because the party will be more for them, it really isn''t very stressful. I will mostly go along with my mother''s suggestions. We get our wedding, they get theirs.

I was engaged once before, to someone who insisted on a big wedding. For me it was awful- I swore then that when I did find the right guy I would definitely elope.

 

[Gleam]

Date: 10/21/2009 8:10:11 AM
Author: cakegirl
My bf and I are eloping next summer- most likely on a safari in Africa ( I am still working out the details, our 2nd choice is Thailand.) We are telling no one before but my parents. They want have a party when we get back, which I can tell is evolving into an enormous reception. Because the party will be more for them, it really isn''t very stressful. I will mostly go along with my mother''s suggestions. We get our wedding, they get theirs.


I was engaged once before, to someone who insisted on a big wedding. For me it was awful- I swore then that when I did find the right guy I would definitely elope.

We were also thinking a safari in Africa! My favorite place so far is Rattray''s Camp in Mala Mala.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 10/21/2009 3:26:46 PM
Author: Gleam

Date: 10/21/2009 8:10:11 AM
Author: cakegirl
My bf and I are eloping next summer- most likely on a safari in Africa ( I am still working out the details, our 2nd choice is Thailand.) We are telling no one before but my parents. They want have a party when we get back, which I can tell is evolving into an enormous reception. Because the party will be more for them, it really isn''t very stressful. I will mostly go along with my mother''s suggestions. We get our wedding, they get theirs.


I was engaged once before, to someone who insisted on a big wedding. For me it was awful- I swore then that when I did find the right guy I would definitely elope.

We were also thinking a safari in Africa! My favorite place so far is Rattray''s Camp in Mala Mala.

How exciting! We are thinking about the Costa Rican Rainforest! Maybe an Eco-lodge or rainforest excursion!

 

[Ms.Goggles]

We are eloping! Really, it''s for a lot of reasons: we don''t want to be the center of attention, we want to save (a little bit of) money, we want the actual day to be more intimate, we want to take a better honeymoon , and I need to avoid some potential family drama. We just booked our Fiji weddingmoon last week! There''s no way we would have had the Chicago wedding I would have envisioned, period. I don''t have the type of relationship with my mom that I would like to have (her doing, not mine.) I just thought that day would ultimately be sad, potentially painful or awkward, and definitely expensive. I also *LOVE* to travel. Instead of spending $30k plus just for the one day, we are going to spend about half that for 12 nights at two different 5 star resorts in Fiji to spend together, just the two of us. We''re currently deciding on the plans for the post-elopement dinner- it will probably be around 40 people, at a restaurant downtown; dinner, drinks, wedding picture presentation and wedding cake. No dj- we''re going to plan on going out afterwards with our friends. I feel like it''s a good compromise for us and still less than we would have spent overall. Our day will be about US; I feel like so many people say they can''t even remember their weddings, that they flew by in a blink of an eye. Somehow, I don''t think I''ll forget waking up next to FI in Fiji the morning of our wedding, getting married on the beach and having a romantic, intimate champagne dinner. I can''t say whether or not I''ll regret it but I highly doubt I will. I used to think I wanted a fully planned, put together wedding. Once we were engaged, I realized I couldn''t care less about bridesmaid dresses, favors, chair covers or entrance songs. I am way more excited about our plans as-is.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Date: 10/19/2009 2:01:00 PM
Author: katamari
There are a million shades of gray between privately eloping and a large, lavish wedding. Instead of thinking about either/or, find what makes you most excited. The PSers I see on here that were most happy with their weddings are the ones who found what they wanted and made it happen, regardless of the size, scope, or cost.

Ditto! We didn''t want a big wedding either and we really wanted to elope. But I am the oldest daughter in my family and DH wanted his children to be present at our wedding and to feel like they were a part of the celebration.

We picked a shade of gray between a private elopment and a large, lavish wedding and went with a destination wedding. We had 42 guests (our parents, each of our siblings, except one of his brothers, and several of our friends) and we LOVED having a whole weekend to spend with them.

Many things went wrong on the day of, but I think it would have been the same if we had been alone or with 200 people (maybe not the exact same things, but you get the idea)

I wish I had enjoyed myself more that day, but I don''t regret it. Our few guests are still talking about our wedding and they didn''t realize how many things went wrong...

Do what feels good to you. I am so glad that we did and even more so that when things went wrong, I couldn''t lash out at anyone by saying, "Well I didn''t even want this!"

Good or bad, it was the wedding I planned and I married the most amazing man that day.

You will, too if you choose what feels good to the two of you.

 

[katamari]

Date: 10/21/2009 6:26:15 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 10/21/2009 3:26:46 PM

Author: Gleam

Date: 10/21/2009 8:10:11 AM

Author: cakegirl

My bf and I are eloping next summer- most likely on a safari in Africa ( I am still working out the details, our 2nd choice is Thailand.) We are telling no one before but my parents. They want have a party when we get back, which I can tell is evolving into an enormous reception. Because the party will be more for them, it really isn''t very stressful. I will mostly go along with my mother''s suggestions. We get our wedding, they get theirs.



I was engaged once before, to someone who insisted on a big wedding. For me it was awful- I swore then that when I did find the right guy I would definitely elope.

We were also thinking a safari in Africa! My favorite place so far is Rattray''s Camp in Mala Mala.

How exciting! We are thinking about the Costa Rican Rainforest! Maybe an Eco-lodge or rainforest excursion!

I just saw this. Trill, if you are really thinking about an ecolodge or rainforest, how about an ecolodge in the rainforest? DH and I went to Yachana as part of our wedding trip and it really was one of the most amazing things I have ever done in our lives. I have a ton of pics and info if you decide that is the route you want to go!

Sorry for the mini threadjack, Gleam.