Does anyone feel a little uncomfortable when asked how he proposed?

[LilyKat]

Just wondering if this is just my reserved Britishness or if other people have felt this way...

I went to get my nails done yesterday (pre-ring

), and mentioned to the manicurist, who I'd never met before, that I'd got engaged when she asked how my new year had been. She immediately asked how he proposed, what he said, if he got down on one knee, etc. To be honest I felt uncomfortable. I feel a proposal is a really intimate and private thing, and while I have no problem telling people when and where it happened, and all about the ring and wedding plans, I don't really want to tell them the things he said to me when he asked me to marry him.

It's not just strangers. My father and work colleagues asked for the details of how he did it, and I felt uncomfortable there too. Kind of as if someone asked me how the wedding night was (not really, but you get my drift)...

Am I alone in this? If anyone else feels this way, what do you say when people are too probing without coming across as rude?

 

[KatyWI]

Not at all... I love to tell the story! (But my proposal was sort of tricky [We were getting ready to leave the house with a bunch of food and wine and stuff for Thanksgiving and he said "Oh my god I forgot something!" and I said "What?", all ready to run and grab it, and he pulled the ring out and said "Will you marry me?"] and perfectly us, and there was no romantic gushing. If my DH was the romantically gushy type I wouldn't have told anyone what he said in his "engagement speech" either.)

But I can see where you're coming from, and I'm sure that if you say (fogive me not remembering your exact proposal story so I just made something up) "Oh, it was so romantic, we had dinner and then went for a walk, and the next thing I knew, he was on one knee and I was saying 'Yes, of course!'" that no one is going to keep pushing and say "But what did he say EXACTLY?"

...of course, if they do, then it's perfectly within your right to brush it off with "Oh, I'd rather keep that between us."

I ask girls all the time, "How did he do it, how did he do it?!" but I never expect them to tell me all the sweet things he said while proposing, I just want to know a basic when and where sort of thing.

 

[idreamofcushions]

Nope, you''re definitely not alone. I feel the same way but for different reasons. I tend to shy away from the spotlight so every time someone asks me how my FI proposed, I feel completely awkward. I love how he did it but it was VERY involved and VERY sentimental, so I have a hard time retelling the whole story.

What I tend to do is hit the highlights -- where we went, what he did (not said)-- and skip over all the mushy stuff, unless I''m telling the story to a close friend or relative. I''ve found that the basic info will suffice and no one has asked me to go into further detail.

Of course, almost everyone knows all the gushy details since my FI sent the link to my PS proposal story. His whole family got front row tickets! Talk about embarrassing! Though I don''t know if it''s more embarrassing for me or them, if you know what I mean

 

[vc10um]

KatyWI, your story is so cute!

And I have to pretty much second everything Katy said. Although some people are willing to share every little detail about their lives, some people aren''t, and I think most people understand that. "Oh, I''d like to keep that between us" should be a more than sufficient reply when anyone wants more details than you''re willing to provide. Congrats again!

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 1/10/2010 8:23:19 AM
Author: KatyWI
Not at all... I love to tell the story! (But my proposal was sort of tricky [We were getting ready to leave the house with a bunch of food and wine and stuff for Thanksgiving and he said ''Oh my god I forgot something!'' and I said ''What?'', all ready to run and grab it, and he pulled the ring out and said ''Will you marry me?''] and perfectly us, and there was no romantic gushing. If my DH was the romantically gushy type I wouldn''t have told anyone what he said in his ''engagement speech'' either.)

But I can see where you''re coming from, and I''m sure that if you say (fogive me not remembering your exact proposal story so I just made something up) ''Oh, it was so romantic, we had dinner and then went for a walk, and the next thing I knew, he was on one knee and I was saying ''Yes, of course!'''' that no one is going to keep pushing and say ''But what did he say EXACTLY?''

...of course, if they do, then it''s perfectly within your right to brush it off with ''Oh, I''d rather keep that between us.''

I ask girls all the time, ''How did he do it, how did he do it?!'' but I never expect them to tell me all the sweet things he said while proposing, I just want to know a basic when and where sort of thing.

Ditto all of this! I love telling my story, too, but it wasn''t gushy, either. I think if you just give the basics people will be satisfied.

 

[elrohwen]

It doesn''t make me uncomfortable. I just give a brief version - "He proposed on Marth''a Vineyard at the wharf." Very few people have asked probing questions after that.

Unless they want to know every word he said and get into personal details, I don''t have a problem saying where it happened, that he got down on one knee (don''t most guys?), etc.

 

[Haven]

I really don''t think people expect you to share what he said to you when they ask you how he proposed. If they do ask what he said, I''d just say "wonderful things."

I don''t feel uncomfortable when asked how he proposed, but that''s because I know I don''t have to share anything I don''t want to share.

 

[LilyKat]

Thanks everyone for putting it in perspective. I think I''ve just had the bad luck to run into a few very probing people, who weren''t satisfied with a basic outline but demanded to hear EXACTLY what he said

I''m glad that isn''t the norm.

Haven, I like your idea of using "wonderful things" if pushed! Thanks also to everyone else for the suggestions of having a brief non-gushy summary ready to give.

I should probably also learn to loosen up a bit

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/10/2010 1:50:16 PM
Author: LilyKat
Thanks everyone for putting it in perspective. I think I''ve just had the bad luck to run into a few very probing people, who weren''t satisfied with a basic outline but demanded to hear EXACTLY what he said

I''m glad that isn''t the norm.


Haven, I like your idea of using ''wonderful things'' if pushed! Thanks also to everyone else for the suggestions of having a brief non-gushy summary ready to give.


I should probably also learn to loosen up a bit

Jeez, they wouldn''t back off? "Wonderful things" works, but so does a firm, "Things that will stay just between us." If people are comfortable sharing, that''s wonderful, but pushing for details like that is just rude!

 

[monkeyprincess]

LilyKat, I understand where you are coming from. I wouldn't be comfortable sharing the personal details of my proposal with anyone other than family and good friends. Fortunately, everyone else I've talked to has been satisfied when I tell them he proposed on New Year's Eve. But I agree if someone pushed for more, I would say something like, "He said a lot of really sweet things, and it was just perfect." I think people just like to hear good news and romantic stories and probably don't realize they are prying.

 

[Gleam]

Yes. I feel uncomfortable. I am not a natural sharer by nature and we don''t have a super romantic engagement story or anything -- which is what people tend to expect. He is not a BIG GRAND GESTURES!!!! type of person and neither am I.

 

[BeachRunner]

Date: 1/10/2010 1:38:46 PM
Author: Haven
I really don''t think people expect you to share what he said to you when they ask you how he proposed. If they do ask what he said, I''d just say ''wonderful things.''

I don''t feel uncomfortable when asked how he proposed, but that''s because I know I don''t have to share anything I don''t want to share.

Agreed. When people ask me how my DH proposed, I tell them in Acadia National Park on the beach during the sunrise; I don''t go into detail about everything he said. And, no one has asked about those details.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Um, I don''t really get uncomfortable. I just say "He asked me on the sidewalk in front of the building where we met."

If anyone were to ask "what did he say?!?!" I would be completely honest with them and repeat it verbatim: "Will you marry me?"

There was no speech. He just pulled out the ring. I said "are you going to get down on your knee?!?!" He did. He asked. I said "yes." We hugged. Then we went out for pizza.

The end.

 

[decodelighted]

You could always do the Readers Digest condensed version ...

"I''ll tell you this much (waves ring finger) it worked."

 

[charbie]

Sorry you had to deal with probing people! I''m sure they are just excited for you, but I think it is perfectly understandable to just say that the things at were said are special to you guys and gushy...people should take the hint.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I feel you 100%, my now husband proposed to me in bed, he was up for two hours waiting for me to wake up so he could ask me, he had the ring on my pillow and everything.

It was just the two of us, nice and comfy and snuggled, very us, but kind of hard to explain to other people. Especially when so many people seem to go for the wow factor in proposals, one girl I know got proposed to in a private helicopter ride over Manhattan.

So, while my hubby''s proposal was perfect for us I hate the reaction I get from some people. I''m so grateful now that we''re married and people don''t ask anymore, lol. Now I get the new hated question, "How''s married life?" AGH!

 

[AdiS]

Date: 1/10/2010 7:41:21 AM
Author:LilyKat
Just wondering if this is just my reserved Britishness or if other people have felt this way...

I went to get my nails done yesterday (pre-ring

), and mentioned to the manicurist, who I''d never met before, that I''d got engaged when she asked how my new year had been. She immediately asked how he proposed, what he said, if he got down on one knee, etc. To be honest I felt uncomfortable. I feel a proposal is a really intimate and private thing, and while I have no problem telling people when and where it happened, and all about the ring and wedding plans, I don''t really want to tell them the things he said to me when he asked me to marry him.

It''s not just strangers. My father and work colleagues asked for the details of how he did it, and I felt uncomfortable there too. Kind of as if someone asked me how the wedding night was (not really, but you get my drift)...

Am I alone in this? If anyone else feels this way, what do you say when people are too probing without coming across as rude?

No, right there with you. I refuse to discuss this, simple as that. When I got engaged and people were asking too many questions, the conversation was usually something like this:

Nosy people: "So tell me everything about the proposal!"
Me: "It was wonderful."
Nosy people (irritably now): "So how did he do it?"
Me (smiling): "The best way possible."
Nosy people:

That''s the most intimate moment of my life. It''s nobody''s business. I guess it''s reserved Europeanness, not just Britishness, eh?

 

[honey22]

Sometimes I do. I feel like it was such a private moment between the two of us, I don''t want to share everything about it with others. It was perfect for us and that''s that.

If you don''t want to share details, then don''t feel pressured. Some people are just too nosey for their own good.

 

[bee*]

Date: 1/10/2010 1:38:46 PM
Author: Haven
I really don''t think people expect you to share what he said to you when they ask you how he proposed. If they do ask what he said, I''d just say ''wonderful things.''


I don''t feel uncomfortable when asked how he proposed, but that''s because I know I don''t have to share anything I don''t want to share.

I agree. When I get asked I just say where DH did it and that it was amazing. He was so thrilled himself with how his plan came off that he loved telling everyone how he did it.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Date: 1/11/2010 7:51:51 AM
Author: bee*

Date: 1/10/2010 1:38:46 PM
Author: Haven
I really don''t think people expect you to share what he said to you when they ask you how he proposed. If they do ask what he said, I''d just say ''wonderful things.''


I don''t feel uncomfortable when asked how he proposed, but that''s because I know I don''t have to share anything I don''t want to share.

I agree. When I get asked I just say where DH did it and that it was amazing. He was so thrilled himself with how his plan came off that he loved telling everyone how he did it.

Thritto. I always say, "He said the sweetest things," but I''ve never had anyone push for more than that.

Once, DH asked me if I remembered what he said becuase he thought I didn''t remember since I just glossed over it. I told him I will never forget, and repeated back to him and he just gave me his lopsided grin and said, "Good! Because I worked really hard on that speech!" hahahahaha!

It''s private and only between me and him....

 

[charbie]

Date: 1/11/2010 8:18:41 AM
Author: wannaBMrsH

Date: 1/11/2010 7:51:51 AM
Author: bee*

Date: 1/10/2010 1:38:46 PM
Author: Haven
I really don''t think people expect you to share what he said to you when they ask you how he proposed. If they do ask what he said, I''d just say ''wonderful things.''


I don''t feel uncomfortable when asked how he proposed, but that''s because I know I don''t have to share anything I don''t want to share.

I agree. When I get asked I just say where DH did it and that it was amazing. He was so thrilled himself with how his plan came off that he loved telling everyone how he did it.

Thritto. I always say, ''He said the sweetest things,'' but I''ve never had anyone push for more than that.

Once, DH asked me if I remembered what he said becuase he thought I didn''t remember since I just glossed over it. I told him I will never forget, and repeated back to him and he just gave me his lopsided grin and said, ''Good! Because I worked really hard on that speech!'' hahahahaha!

It''s private and only between me and him....

That is tooo cute, WBMH. How sweet that he thought long and hard about what he was going to say!! Even more amazing that you remember it line by line!

My husband didn''t say anything mushy at all. I''m pretty sure it just isn''t in his DNA. He is so open with saying, "I love you," to me all the time, but getting anything much past that can be pretty tough, and usually just comes if we are snuggling in bed, which isn''t really something I want/need to share. When he proposed, he had the ring on a puppy''s collar (he was giving me the puppy too...) and sort of waited for me to figure it out. No speech or anything like that, besides, "Well, will you marry me?" when I asked him what in the world was going on.

 

[Prana]

I feel uncomfortable with this as well. My proposal was very simple and intimate, and I don''t feel like people need to know details about it. I also feel that so many people expect big shebang types of proposals, and sometimes I feel like people are judging my proposal based off where it was, how many helicopters were involved, how many horse drawn carriages were waiting for us after our helicopter proposal, where we went to dinner, how long he was down on one knee, how much I cried and every little detail.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 1/10/2010 5:46:43 PM
Author: decodelighted
You could always do the Readers Digest condensed version ...

''I''ll tell you this much (waves ring finger) it worked.''

ROFL. That is perfect.

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 1/10/2010 5:46:43 PM
Author: decodelighted
You could always do the Readers Digest condensed version ...


''I''ll tell you this much (waves ring finger) it worked.''

I love it. I''m totally going to use it once the ring arrives (doesn''t have quite the same effect when done with an empty hand

)

AdiS and Honey22, that''s exactly what I meant about the intimacy and privacy. Perhaps it''s a non-American thing?

Girlface - I think the judgement aspect is definitely part of what makes me uncomfortable. When people ask, I just say he proposed on New Years'' Day in Snowdonia, thinking that''s plenty. Then when they say "yes, but HOW did he ask", I think there''s an element of wondering where all the helicopters and horse-drawn carriages were (as well as being dang nosey).

Thanks for all your comments everyone!

 

[ElizabethRose]

LilyKat,

Thanks for this thread, I don''t feel like such an uptight prude now! I actually felt uncomfortable when I shared the details with even my closest friends, a few days after it happened. He''s my best friend, and it was such a special, private moment when he proposed

I''ve learned to over-share about the fun/harmless details of the day, and the people who care about us are satisfied with that. He made us get up early to beat the rain, and I wondered why he cared about the botanical gardens so much; I wore tennis shoes and a t-shirt and now I wish I hadn''t; etc. I don''t share the words he used or that he got on one knee, and if they ask I gush about how I was so surprised its hard to remember

 

[missbennet]

I love to tell my proposal story, but i do understand how you can feel uncomfortable.Strangers don''t need to know the exact words or exactly what may have happened after that.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Date: 1/11/2010 10:13:32 AM
Author: charbie

Date: 1/11/2010 8:18:41 AM
Author: wannaBMrsH


Thritto. I always say, ''He said the sweetest things,'' but I''ve never had anyone push for more than that.

Once, DH asked me if I remembered what he said becuase he thought I didn''t remember since I just glossed over it. I told him I will never forget, and repeated back to him and he just gave me his lopsided grin and said, ''Good! Because I worked really hard on that speech!'' hahahahaha!

It''s private and only between me and him....

That is tooo cute, WBMH. How sweet that he thought long and hard about what he was going to say!! Even more amazing that you remember it line by line!

My husband didn''t say anything mushy at all. I''m pretty sure it just isn''t in his DNA. He is so open with saying, ''I love you,'' to me all the time, but getting anything much past that can be pretty tough, and usually just comes if we are snuggling in bed, which isn''t really something I want/need to share. When he proposed, he had the ring on a puppy''s collar (he was giving me the puppy too...) and sort of waited for me to figure it out. No speech or anything like that, besides, ''Well, will you marry me?'' when I asked him what in the world was going on.

Charbie - I nearly choked on my coffee! I am so sorry if I misled you. I don''t remember it line by line, but I remember the gist and he actually referenced a running joke between us, which is why it''s hard to forget. He actually said many things that all blur together...I remember the highlights! hee-hee!

But he really thought I didn''t remember because I never tell others anything other than "the sweetest/most wonderful/most amazing" things! hahaha!