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LiW Does anyone else feel guilty looking at engagement rings now, with the financial world kinda falling

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gwendolyn

gwendolyn

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I know this is no fun of me to bring this up, but I''ve found myself feeling guilty (more so than usual) just *thinking* about putting money towards a diamond ring, let alone how I feel when looking around on PS and idly window-shopping at GOG for fun. I have always imagined having a lovely proposal with a forever-ring, paid for by both my man and myself, but this financial climate makes me think it''d be smarter to come up with a new imagined sort of proposal that utilizes a ring already owned or something.

Has anyone else been thinking they may have to do something similar? If so, how can we cheer each other up?
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So I was told this by someone I work with...I''m not sure the accuracy of it so go ahead and take it with a grain of salt but...
I was told that since the price of gold, silver, and precious gems have not fallen (gold and silver are actually up)...that it''s pretty safe it invest in jewery right now...grain of salt people!!

I have also heard people trading cash in for actual blocks of gold because it''s holding it''s value better than paper...


So I guess in theory you could say that an engagement ring is kinda like putting money in a savings account with interest

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ANYWAY....on a serious note: I do find myself feeling guilty, especially when I know the ring that would make my heart skip a beat is enough for a small deposit on a house (10k - 15k)...What I''ve found that is comforting is re-focusing on the meaning behind the ring. If SO is feeling the economic crisis in his wallet and has to re-evaluate his budget...I understand that. I just want to marry him...I think I would wear a twisty-tie if I had to. I''m ready to be his wife and in the larger scale of things that''s really all that matters

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Maybe I'm too self-involved but no, not really.

That's not to say that this situation doesn't concern me or that I'm not paying attention - I definitely am. Being in Canada, our economy is very much linked to the US. But... we personally won't be that affected by this crisis (for a # of reasons) and we already have done everything we can with regards to saving, cutting costs, planning for the future. Obviously we don't live in a bubble, but we're not as vulnerable to the current situation as many other people.

Plus, I will wear it every day for the rest of my life. So as long as we don't overspend on that, I think it's reasonable to get something nice. You're not buying the ring to re-sell or for its investment value, KWIM?
 
Yeah, sorta guilty... But, erm, someone has gotta keep those poor folks from WF, GOG etc from going hungry!
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So I hope that cheers everyone up! What we're doing is sorta charitable...
 
"You cannot get sick enough to heal one person on this planet. And you cannot get poor enough to make one person wealthy. And you cannot get confused enough to un-confuse one person."

Sorry, that quote just comes to mind when when I read your post, specifically the money part of it (It''s from Wayne Dyer)

I''d say if you''re doing alright right now, then why not keep saving. If you''re only feeling guilty because there''s people out there who are losing a lot, then there''s no reason to go down with them if you don''t have to. Hey, if you think about it, the economy can even benefit from your engagement ring purchase!

On the other hand, if you''re seriously concerned with your own finances/job security the maybe you do have a good point to be a bit more smart about purchasing a ring right now.

Maybe it''s just me, but I don''t really look at jewelry as an investment. It''s an investment in a sense, but in reality it''s not going to give you near as much as you paid for it if you decide to resell it. And of course when most people are buying an engagement ring, they''re not thinking about re-sale value cause they''re most likely hoping to wear it forever! (excluding up-grades of course --but hopefully the diamond comes with an upgrade policy
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I dunno, i realize this whole economic crisis is so much more complicated than i can even begin to grasp, but that''s just my opinion...
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Jokes aside, I think an engagement is more about the commitment and much less about the ring. The ring can always come later, when the financial situation is better. Haven''t pple been saying that they''ll say yes even to an aluminium foil ring? I know I will (altho he already has the ring). I hope it doesn''t have to happen that way for any of us though!
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Date: 10/1/2008 10:30:02 AM
Author:gwendolyn
I know this is no fun of me to bring this up, but I''ve found myself feeling guilty (more so than usual) just *thinking* about putting money towards a diamond ring, let alone how I feel when looking around on PS and idly window-shopping at GOG for fun. I have always imagined having a lovely proposal with a forever-ring, paid for by both my man and myself, but this financial climate makes me think it''d be smarter to come up with a new imagined sort of proposal that utilizes a ring already owned or something.

Has anyone else been thinking they may have to do something similar? If so, how can we cheer each other up?
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We feel this way looking for wedding stuff.

I think that if you are wise with the way you spend your money (as I know you are) then you should spend it as you see fit. I wouldn''t go into a ring knowing that the minute its purchased, the next few months will be nothing but mac-n-cheese and barely being able to pay the bills. But if its money you saved up for the ring then you deserve it! You''ve waited this long to be with your sweetie and the both of you deserve a magical/beautiful proposal with the ring that you feel is perfect!
 
Good question! I really don''t feel guilty at all. I mean, my SO and I have been planning this for such a long time, I certainly don''t think I should have to put my plans on hold bc of the economy. Of course, if you are directly affected by the market (like if you were invested in the NYSE) then yes, it might be better to wait.

I''m just thankful me and my SO are invested in the Chinese stock market! They''re booming! lol
 
I can see spending several thousand on a ring a lot easier than I can on a wedding event.

Ring = tangible and forever.

Wedding = a few hours and some photos.

Assuming that it''s not a budget breaker I would spend on the tangible and cut back on the consumable.
 
My answer is Yes... I do feel a little guilty knowing that my FF is on the brink of purchasing something that costs the same as several months of mortgage payments.

I''ve been in full out panic mode about money right now. Since I don''t have a whole lot to lose I''m not really worried about the retirement fund I don''t have (graduate student still) or FF''s (he just started working, its very small at the moment). I''ve been worrying more about letting go of large chunks of cash on luxury items- a big vacation at the culmination of my PhD program to the Cook Islands (will be around $4500 for everything) and my engagement ring. My inclination right now is to hoard everything and not let go of any money unless its to buy us food, gas, or pay bills. Thing is, we HAVE the money, but then it would leave us pretty cash poor. My job certainly isn''t in jeopardy and FF''s job is also very secure. Until recently I''ve felt foolish looking at wedding venues and dresses but now I realize that we sorta need to decide what kind of wedding we want before we can decide how much to spend on aforementioned items.

In regards to my e-ring- FF has previously told me his budget (which was astounding, I never imagined hed want to spend so much) but since then I''ve let him know that I''m really OK with spending a few thousand less. He keeps coming back with "But you''ll wear this forever, I don''t want to skimp." As of now we don''t plan on upgrading the center stone- maybe just the setting at some point. So now after our talk we''ve even put the idea of spending a little bit on a really nice eternity band and then saving up for the big ring to purchase in 6-8 months. This way we''de probably still spend the same amount total but it wouldn''t leave our savings account balance as low right now.

We''re going to talk to our parents this weekend and find out what their visions for our wedding are so we can make sure we''re all in agreement about what will happen on the big day- even though its probably over 2 years away. I''d hate to plan on having a smaller wedding and then find out that FF''s mother really wanted to invite the entire fam.
 
Thanks for the responses, ladies! Wasn''t sure anyone would respond since it''s a topic that seems to be absolutely everywhere at the moment; I''m rather tired of it myself, honestly, but it does plague me a bit.

It''s not an issue of the ring vs. wedding--even before any of this, I didn''t want to do a big bash for a million reasons. The difference now is that I am worried about what will happen with my finances as the student loan I took out to go to grad school last year was an expensive private loan because it was last-minute and I had exhausted all other options, so it was going with that loan or not going to Cambridge. Any extra money James and I can save I feel needs to just stay in the bank (assuming it doesn''t collapse) in case the interest rate of my loans shoots up. That loan doesn''t start until December (meaning that''s when I start paying it back).

At the moment, since I am making money in pounds and paying most of my bills (student loans) in US dollars, it''s not too huge of a deal because of the current exchange rate, but since things seem so volatile, I suppose I feel like I need to do as much as possible to account for any more strange financial occurrences. James and I had originally talked about maybe getting engaged by February or March of ''09, but that feels awfully soon now. Maybe once we''re into it and things end up ok, I will stop freaking out so much and feel fine putting some money towards a forever-ring. I would much rather do that because the sentimentality of the ring of the actual proposal is quite important to me.
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Anyway, thanks for letting me voice some of my worries to y''all. I know James appreciates it too, since he feels bummed out when he can''t alleviate my stress right away all the time.
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I definatly felt worried about this what my FI was in the process of purchasing my ring. I wanted to come in $2,000.00 under budget, but ended up only coming in $1,000.00 under the ring budget.

I talked to my SO beforhand and expalined how I was worried and how we cld just use a previous ring he bought me as the e-ring, but he said that he saved the money up esp. for the e-ring, and it wasn''t going to hurt him to spend it, he said he had money saved up sepearte for the other things in life.

So then I felt a tad better.

But I do understand. I do feel guilty now that I''m looking into planning a wedding. I do worry about where the economy will be in a year.
 
Gwen, I think J should be happy that he is marrying a practical woman!
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short answer: no
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medium answer: I feel a little passing swish of sympathy for my guy since I know that he hates how the market is doing right now... but the money he's spending on the ring isn't in his stocks or money market accounts, it's in his checking account, so it's not like the ring is affecting his "don't sell low" mentality. He's not going to have to take a loss on an investment in order to get the cash for the ring.

long answer: The economic downturn has made me consider the type of wedding we have. I always figured that whatever amount of money our parents give, that's what I'll spend. Now, even if our parents are willing to contribute a lot of money to cover a huge upscale wedding (which mine probably wouldn't), I would rather put that money away for our future or use it for furniture than spend it on the wedding. I think I prefer a smaller less expensive wedding. I hope my bf agrees with me because I'm going to need a sensible person to keep me grounded when it comes time to actually put my money where my mouth is... in the bank and not on a lavish reception and wedding dress!

ETA: I'm a teacher, and my boyfriend is in the navy, so I'm not worried about us losing our jobs and needing the money for something else. I would be a LOT more concerned if our careers were volatile.
 
I''m going to be the different one and say yes, this has put things in perspective for me. I would rather have that money in our savings than on my finger in the form of a sparkly rock. Yes, it''s a "symbol" but isn''t a cheaper ring also a symbol? Of the same exact thing??
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Not really. But then again FF has the stone and now he's just got to put it into a ring. And the total cost for the whole package will be under $2k (probably way under). Plus with the price of metals rising constantly, I'm not too worried about it. Besides, we can't really get any poorer, both being students and all.

Now the wedding on the other hand, up for debate. My parents would be paying for it, and most of their money is in the stock market. So.... But I wasn't wanting a huge shin-dig anyway.

Something to think about.

ETA: BTW, my stone isn't a diamond! So it's oodles cheaper anyway!!! (Seriously. Like highway robbery cheap compared to the price of a diamond of the same size!)
 
Date: 10/1/2008 4:12:45 PM
Author: fuzzers
I''m going to be the different one and say yes, this has put things in perspective for me. I would rather have that money in our savings than on my finger in the form of a sparkly rock. Yes, it''s a ''symbol'' but isn''t a cheaper ring also a symbol? Of the same exact thing??
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I just have to say that I thought this was a great response.
 
Date: 10/1/2008 4:27:10 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
Date: 10/1/2008 4:12:45 PM

Author: fuzzers

I''m going to be the different one and say yes, this has put things in perspective for me. I would rather have that money in our savings than on my finger in the form of a sparkly rock. Yes, it''s a ''symbol'' but isn''t a cheaper ring also a symbol? Of the same exact thing??
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I just have to say that I thought this was a great response.
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me too. I already have the ring on my finger but in terms of anything else that I''m spending on, I''m really trying not to push the boat out. Unless it''s necessary I''m not buying it at the moment. I think that you''re being very smart thinking of it Gwendolyn.
 
No. But that''s mainly because we have an heirloom stone, and the setting will be relatively inexpensive.

Besides, I''m the best investment he''ll ever make. Even if the market is unstable.
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For me, yes, because I'm not sure what will happen in the future and my BF has a good amount of investments for his age (27). Also, I don't really want to buy a ring when precious metal is so expensive. Like another person said it really isn't a good investment (money wise).

I find that people buy a ring and have a wedding regardless of their financial situation. I have a friend that just got engaged and is planning her wedding, yet she is losing her house. Personally, I would rather have money saved away and be able to keep my house. I also know a lot of people that got married young when they had no real savings or investments. They just had some money in the bank and lived paycheck to paycheck. Personally, I'm a very practical person so this isn't a situation I would put myself in. Americans have a tendency to live beyond their means and it is going to take sometime to change that.
 
DEFINITELY! I am wondering if I should be spending all this $$$ on my wedding!

Sometimes I look at my "precious" and wonder if I am going to have to sell it in the upcoming years to keep a roof over our heads.
 
I do.

I was the girl who when BF and I started talking about marriage, told him that I didn''t need another ring and that my promise ring would do just fine serving as an engagement ring. (I LOVE my promise ring and I am positive I will still wear it as a RHR when I do get engaged.)

Back then and even now after our talk earlier today, BF maintains that I WILL be getting a diamond regardless of the state of the economy b/c I "deserve it."

I still feel bad that he''ll be spending all that money on a ring that I really don''t need when it could really go towards more important/necessary things. BUT, I told him of my feelings and he still says that I''ll be getting one. So, what can a girl do?! :::shrugs shoulders::: If he says I''m getting one no matter what well then, I''m getting one. I''m certainly not going to say no!
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Date: 10/1/2008 6:59:00 PM
Author: Izzy03
DEFINITELY! I am wondering if I should be spending all this $$$ on my wedding!


Sometimes I look at my 'precious' and wonder if I am going to have to sell it in the upcoming years to keep a roof over our heads.
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"My precious"...too funny! My friend told me she was losing her house as we were shopping for her bridesmaid dresses!!! Then she casually said something about her wedding being in another state!!! I bit my lip, but I was thinking, how do you expect me to spend this much during this financial crisis?!!!
 
Here is how I see it. If your future is in trouble because your job is not secure, you need a loan for something important in the near future, you have a house and your payments will go up....and I am sure there are more. I would be in saving mode.

However, if your job is a bit more secure (i.e. military, government worker, teacher), you are renting or have a mortage that will not go up, holding your money because of what is happening around you can actually make things worse. A recession is 2 or more quarters of negative growth, and the root cause of that is people not spending money. If people don''t spend money, earnings go down, stocks go down. To make a company more appealing to the market, the company will do things to make their profit margins look better. This includes laying off people. You get more unemployment, and a cycle starts.....

My job is pretty secure. I am trying to live my life as I would normally live it. I am not spending more or less, I am not saving more or less. However, I am not running out to try and take on any more debt (i.e. no new car right now), because that part of the market scares me. My BF is in marketing, and he is a little worried, so he is saving. I can understand that. I think that your individual situation should determine how you save or spend in this situation.
 
You may just get a great deal now that might have been out of budget before.
 
gwendolyn --

i feel the same way!! my SO and i have been talking about pushing back engagement if things don''t take a miraculous upswing! we''re just trying to save every penny and hope for the best!!

i try to cheer myself up by remembering that i still have a wonderful man in my life!!
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We can''t let the jewelry stores go under!

I don''t feel guilty because I know my SO has been saving for a long time so that it WOULDN''T be a financial burden. However, you have to take the economy with a grain of salt. Your financial situation may not be as bad as it is for others. Even if things might be financially tight, you can''t let it depress you. You still have to have hopes and dreams for when hard times do get better.

History repeats itself... in the 20''s things were good- thus named "the roaring 20''s", in the 30''s, the US suffered the Great Depression... in the 40''s, the economy bounced back again and resulted in the baby boomer generation...

Things will ALWAYS get better. If you really can''t afford THE ring you want right now... just wait. Or, get something small and upgrade when you can afford it, and SAVE, SAVE, SAVE!
 
I think what is important for those who are looking to buy an engagement ring is to make sure not to buy something you can''t afford. That means no store credit or credit cards (unless you''re paying it right back). If you CAN afford it, then go for it. While I don''t view an engagement ring as a symbol, I think you should buy what you like. It may be a little frivolous, but it may be one of your last frivolous purchases as you move towards mortgages and children.
 
Date: 10/2/2008 8:33:54 AM
Author: HollyS
You may just get a great deal now that might have been out of budget before.
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*crosses fingers, toes and eyes*
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Date: 10/1/2008 12:14:55 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I can see spending several thousand on a ring a lot easier than I can on a wedding event.

Ring = tangible and forever.

Wedding = a few hours and some photos.

Assuming that it''s not a budget breaker I would spend on the tangible and cut back on the consumable.
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I''m with Purrfectpear on this one. I am having a more difficult time trying to justify spending $40k on a wedding that will only last one day (hours really), than on a ring that can be worn forever and ever (and can be passed on to my children)--and Im not even engaged yet...HA!

I get what you''re saying though. It seems sort of trivial, since jewelry is not a necessity. However, I feel that if you can put a bit of money aside, AND it won''t put you in the red, then why not treat yourself to something beautiful! You definitely deserve it Gwennie...
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