Home Do your parents remember your childhood accurately?

[Puppmom]

I find it really interesting sometimes that all four of us kids will remember something happening a specific way and my mom will outright deny it. This weekend we had a get together and my brother and I were joking because we''re only a year apart and up until our teen years I was bigger than him. Then he shot up. I used to pick on him and one day he couldn''t take it anymore (poor guy - us girls can be tough to deal with) and he punched me square in the stomach! It totally knocked the wind out of me and, needless to say, I never picked on him in that manner again. We all agree with the details up until this point. My brother and I both remember my mom telling me I deserved it (she was probably right

). When we recounted this in front of my mom she FLIPPED OUT and said that she never would have done that. It was a bit awkward because their were friends there and my mom literally shouted at us.

This happens all the time at family get togethers. If my mom is telling a story and we remember it differently, we usually leave well enough alone because it''s not worth arguing over. But, when we recall things, she''s constantly correcting us. Do you think she''s embarrassed? Do you think she really remember things happening differently than we do? If it were just one of us, I would say maybe we weren''t remember things correctly but it''s often all four of us that will remember something and my mom will deny it. My dad knows what''s good for him and never says anything.

Do any of you have the same experience? I guess I''ll have to see how I react in a few years when DD recounts her childhood.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

No, my mom says she slept through the 80s and I believe her...I think she had a raging case of mommy brain!

 

[Puppmom]

HH, you might be onto something. My mom had severe migraines in the 80s and slept till noon most days while we road our big wheels in the street. She would probably deny this too.

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 4/12/2010 11:31:23 AM
Author:puppmom
I find it really interesting sometimes that all four of us kids will remember something happening a specific way and my mom will outright deny it. This weekend we had a get together and my brother and I were joking because we're only a year apart and up until our teen years I was bigger than him. Then he shot up. I used to pick on him and one day he couldn't take it anymore (poor guy - us girls can be tough to deal with) and he punched me square in the stomach! It totally knocked the wind out of me and, needless to say, I never picked on him in that manner again. We all agree with the details up until this point. My brother and I both remember my mom telling me I deserved it (she was probably right

). When we recounted this in front of my mom she FLIPPED OUT and said that she never would have done that. It was a bit awkward because their were friends there and my mom literally shouted at us.

This happens all the time at family get togethers. If my mom is telling a story and we remember it differently, we usually leave well enough alone because it's not worth arguing over. But, when we recall things, she's constantly correcting us. Do you think she's embarrassed? Do you think she really remember things happening differently than we do? If it were just one of us, I would say maybe we weren't remember things correctly but it's often all four of us that will remember something and my mom will deny it. My dad knows what's good for him and never says anything.

Do any of you have the same experience? I guess I'll have to see how I react in a few years when DD recounts her childhood.

Well, wouldn't you be embarrassed if you were at a party and your children said to you "hey mom, remember when I got punched in the gut and you said I deserved it?" in front of everyone?

It could be mommy brain too. DD is only 9 months and I'm starting to forget how hard it was during her newborn days. It's only a matter of months before her newborn days go from hell to a perfect angel. I can already see myself being one of those moms whose baby STTN at 7 weeks not because it really happened that way but because I can't remember what really happened (or that's what I choose to remember

)

 

[jewelz617]

My mom usually remembers things as being better than they were. But it''s not like a denial thing, she''s just really proud of her kids. I think as time goes on she''s becoming more nostalgic.

 

[Puppmom]

Good point, Fiery! It didn''t start out like that but I could see how we could have just embarrassed her. Paybacks are a B though because the hollering embarrassed us.

PinkAsscher, DHs mom is like that. She remembers everything in a positive way. She NEVER says anything negative about the past. If it was unpleasant she just doesn''t talk about it. My mom has no problem talking about the negative unless it involved her.

 

[Haven]

My parents *definitely* don''t have accurate memories of my childhood.

For instance: I broke my arm rollerskating in the house when I was six. For THREE DAYS my parents said "You''re fine!" and "Don''t worry about it" when I told them it hurt. They finally took me to see the doctor on day four, and lo and behold, it was broken.

Several years ago I recounted the story one day and my mom said "NO! We took you in after two days." Then, just a year ago my sister and I were talking about it, and my mom said "NO! We took you in the day after you hurt yourself."

My dad remembers that it was three days, though.

BUT, my mom jokes around that they raised us with "benign neglect" and she thinks that''s hilarious.

So, you''d think she would love the true version of the story.

FWIW, when I broke that same arm (at the elbow) while *rollerskating* at age 27, my HUSBAND rushed me to the emergency room the *moment* I got home.

 

[Puppmom]

Date: 4/12/2010 12:52:32 PM
Author: Haven
My parents *definitely* don''t have accurate memories of my childhood.

For instance: I broke my arm rollerskating in the house when I was six. For THREE DAYS my parents said ''You''re fine!'' and ''Don''t worry about it'' when I told them it hurt. They finally took me to see the doctor on day four, and lo and behold, it was broken.

Several years ago I recounted the story one day and my mom said ''NO! We took you in after two days.'' Then, just a year ago my sister and I were talking about it, and my mom said ''NO! We took you in the day after you hurt yourself.''

My dad remembers that it was three days, though.

BUT, my mom jokes around that they raised us with ''benign neglect'' and she thinks that''s hilarious.

So, you''d think she would love the true version of the story.

FWIW, when I broke that same arm (at the elbow) while *rollerskating* at age 27, my HUSBAND rushed me to the emergency room the *moment* I got home.

The same thing happened to me! I broke my arm at the playground. My mom wasn''t there - my sister who is 8 years older than me took me. I came home and said it hurt to move my arm and my mom said "Then don''t move it." A few days later she took me to the ER and it was broken. I think a lot of us probably have stories like this. I don''t know about you but I was ALWAYS complaining so I guess my mom just became numb to it. I would bring this up to see if she recalls it the same but she would probably holler at me.

 

[packrat]

I don''t think mine do. Sometimes they do, but..sometimes it''s like the things they remember, they don''t see them as big a deal as my brother and I did/do. He and I even talked for a few hours about it when he was back last Fall.

 

[somethingshiny]

Sometimes.

Sometimes my parents will outright deny something happening although all 4 children recall it. I think these are the things that our parents probably have regrets over and have chosen not to remember. Sometimes we have the exact same memories though, one told from a child''s viewpoint and one from an adult''s.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I''m usually the one who can''t remember, so who knows?

 

[Kaleigh]

Nope none of it. Kills me.

On the other hand since my kids are older, I remember every thing. More than they remember.

 

[laine]

Another broken arm here! My mom sent me to school the next day (though she didn''t let me drive--I was 16), said if it still hurt when I got home she''d call the doctor and take me in. She now claims she called the doctor right away, but they couldn''t fit me in till the afternoon, so she figured I should go to school. (In her defense, it was a fairly minor fracture and she''d wrapped it with an Ace bandage).

 

[Kaleigh]

I came home with a broken thumb and wrist. It was killing me. I asked Mom to take me to the Er. I needed it fixed as I played Tennis and was a gymnast. She looked at it, said nope it''s fine. It started turning all shades of purple and blue. I wacked it hard at school. I was 15 and my Bff was 16, so called her and asked if she could take me. She did, and had a partial cast, it was a bad break.

My father got home, and said why didn''t Mom take you??? I just laughed.

I looked at him like seriously?? You know how she is...

I said I guess she was more into reading her Town and Country magazine....

Passive agressive response on my part, but like hello??? I needed help.

It''s a memory I can''t let go. I just think as a Mom you want to be there for your kids, come heck or high water....

I guess I learned early not to count on other''s.

And am super independent.

I don''t walk down memory lane with them .

Instead I think of all that we do for our kids, and making memories with them....

 

[IloveAsschers13]

No. I don''t remember being with my mom a lot of my younger childhood and my dad was never home. I do remember this AWFUL fight my dad and I had when I was sixteen where he told me maybe how I was acting was the reason I didn''t have any friends and I called him a few choice words (first and only time EVER) and when I brought it up this past summer, he didn''t remember anything about it.

His family tends to pretend like bad things didn''t happen when they were little and I think my dad''s brain is trained like that now. He forgets or pushes aside a ton of memories. Not sure about my mom though.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

My mom selectively remembers things that happened when my sister and I were growing up. Some of it isn''t worth discussing because it only brings up hurt feelings. Other stuff though is a hoot to talk about now. Like the time she way overcooked a roast and then tried to serve it to everyone or the crazy "Greek" motel room we stayed in when we visited Niagra Falls one year.

It will be interesting to see what my son says about his childhood when he is grown up.

 

[vespergirl]

Not at all. My mom pretends not to remember when she physically and emotionally abused us when we were kids, and my dad pretends that he didn''t know it was going on.

This is especially hurtful to me, because if she would just admit it and give me a real apology, I would be able to move on with our relationship more effectively. As it is, I still feel like I don''t trust her, and don''t have that mother-daughter bond that almost everyone else enjoys.

 

[Puppmom]

You''re so right Vesper. It''s terribly annoying (to say the least) when your parents won''t even validate your feelings. My earliest memory is that of my dad leaving for good. I was sitting on the radiator cover watching out the front window as they packed up the station wagon with my dad''s stuff. I certainly wasn''t upset about it at the time. I was just shy of 4 and had no idea what was going on. My brother remembers this in detail too. My mother, however, says she would have never exposed us to that. I''m sure she WISHES she hadn''t but she did. It''s hurtful when they do everything short of accuse you of lying (which my mom has been known to do too).

I feel like I had a decent childhood - lots of laughs and fun times and great memories of my siblings. I think my mom thinks that we''re insinuating that we didn''t if we talk about anything negative.

 

[cnspotts]

Similarly hubbs & I were talking about eye witness accounts recently and that they are so unreliable because everyone has a different perspective of situations. Same with families and events, or situations as it turns out. Hubbs and I both have had many laughs about the way everyone remembers things so differently. It seems to depend on when your attention is brought into the matter and what your brain decides is important to you. Moms definitely remember the "growing years" very differently than the children do! I''ve played dumb a few times too when my brothers gang up on me (I was the oldest) and remind me of something I may or may not have done to them...

DH says he didn''t have the childhood that his mom remembers and that everything his mom says is totally made up.