Do you think people can change?

[Erin]

Ultimately, NO.

 

[Sizzle]

As someone with a social service background, I not only think people can change, I have seen it. I think changing your inherent personality generally requires something significant to occur that makes you re evaluate your life or see the world in a different light. I feel for those who do not beleive in people''s ability to change. That''s like saying every bad thing you have ever done should be held against you because that''s who you are and you will do it again. I have done many things I am not proud of (when I was young), but that''s not who I am today. I would hate to be judged by my past mistakes.

 

[oddoneout]

I think people stay however they are inside but may change on the outside.

 

[jewelz617]

I think people can change all the time, but they need to be truly motivated to do so. Sometimes when we are confronted with people who have qualities we don''t like, or grow to resent it''s easy to say "They will never change."

But maybe they will, and they haven''t met the person they want to change for, or haven''t found the motivating factor that will facilitate that change.

I have changed my ways drastically since becoming a mother and am proud of that.

 

[tlh]

I don''t know. It is weird. I think people are true to themselves to the core... my gut says no. But there are always exceptions. Sometimes people will go through an event that will really change the way they see things. Alter their point of view... but they will still see the world through their eyes... so it is hard to say.

My grandfather was a very harsh military man. He was rough, and not MEAN, but just not "kid friendly". He was not helpful and often thought of things as "woman''s work." He didn''t like the things my grandma did - the theatre etc. He would not help out with the kids or babysit me or my brother... that was "woman''s work". Well, he and my grandmother divorced. It was bitter - and a decade+ later my cuz''s entered the world. My grandpa would have them over - over the weekend, and would help watch the kids - to a point. He was still a little rough - but he was more helpful than before. He dates women now, and likes to show them a good time. Takes these ladies to shows, museums, etc. He listens to them - and their interests- and makes it happen. Things that if he had done while married - they might have made it. Truth is... he is still the same man - but he is a lot more tolerable... and WILLING to do more. He was just TOO stubborn before.

It is hard to say, but usually change only happens when someone REALLY feels a loss... and when we''re talking people - it is usually only after the person is beyond the point where they are willing to (remain friends, stay in the relationship, etc.) Only after they have REALLY LOST the person, will they really begin to think about their undesirable behavior that may have made that happen...

OR... they blame the other person completely, and never learn the lesson - and the cycle continues with someone else willing to tolerate the undesirable behaviour.

 

[HVVS]

If the undesirable behavior stems from a personality disorder, say borderline disorder, then I think the chances of a "cure" or massive turnaround are slim to nonexistent. And those personality disorder people tend to get worse with age, not better, is my conclusion from experience. They are dysfunctional emotionally, intellectually, or socially (or all 3) from the start, they don''t interact normally with others, and they seem to drift farther off course and become even more toxic over time.

 

[Erin]

I have a friend who was in an accident and was in a coma for three months. While retraining his muscles and learning to do things he reflected on his life and called me to tell me what a life altering experience it has all been for him. Explained how his perspective had changed and how he wants to treat people better. Explained how he''s not self centered or egotistical anymore and how he has been humbled by near death.

Truth is, it took him an hour to tell me all this and the conversation proved he was/is still the same self-absorbed egotistical monopolizing person he had always been.

 

[gemgirl]

Date: 2/24/2010 10:14:32 AM
Author: Sizzle
As someone with a social service background, I not only think people can change, I have seen it. I think changing your inherent personality generally requires something significant to occur that makes you re evaluate your life or see the world in a different light. I feel for those who do not beleive in people''s ability to change. That''s like saying every bad thing you have ever done should be held against you because that''s who you are and you will do it again. I have done many things I am not proud of (when I was young), but that''s not who I am today. I would hate to be judged by my past mistakes.

I agree with Sizzle. People can change. It just takes an honest desire to want to change and a complete comittment to the process of changing and bettering oneself. It''s also my experience that people with really dysfunctional personalities have to "hit a brick wall" so to speak to prompt that desire to change. Something really bad or devastating has to happen to them for them to want to do something about it.

The really interesting thing is that the people who need to change the most, almost never do because that "brick wall" is something they''ve accustomed themselves to hitting and bouncing back from without conscience or remorse.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Date: 2/24/2010 12:31:24 AM
Author: Haven
I think people can change. It depends on how open they are to allowing life''s experience affect the way they think about and interact with the world, but I think people can change.


I firmly believe that education is change. As we are exposed to ideas, beliefs, experiences, and people who change the way we think or what we think, we change.


My favorite teacher used to say ''If you don''t look back at your old self every five years or so and think ''Man, I was such a dork!'' you''re no longer growing.'' I like that.


Concrete example: I know that I am much more compassionate now as a 29 year old than I was as a 25 year old. I''m also more kind.

Exactly what she said. Just couldn''t think of the words!