Do you regret going over budget on the wedding?

[megumic]

I''m a big believer that with experience comes wisdom...I''m hoping all of the newlyweds can pass along some insight!

I''m a Bride-to-be on 10.10.10 and planning away! We have set a rough budget, but in looking at the numbers, I''m just not certain it can be done the way I was hoping

I''m feeling pretty darn guilty about it too, as I''m a law student so I can''t even meaningfully contribute to the wedding budget - instead I''m putting us into debt. We''ve received a contribution from FI''s side of the family, which was so generous and kind. We''re waiting on a promised contribution from my side, but divorcing parents don''t really have extra cash laying around...

Did you go over-budget? Do you regret going over budget? What do you wish you had spent less on? What would you have spent more on? If you don''t mind sharing, since money-talk can be very personal, how much debt did you have post-wedding?

Any insight and wisdom is greatly appreciated. And if you''re so inclined, please send a budget reality check my way! I think I could use it. THANK YOU!!!

 

[mimzy]

I had a very close friend get married not that long ago that did go into debt over her wedding and she SERIOUSLY regretted it afterward. It was between 2-3k that she spent that she didn''t have, and even though her and her husband have good jobs, after the wedding was over it caused her very significant stress, to the point of her voicing numerous times that she wish that she didn''t have the wedding that she did, she wish she had done it differently and cheaper. It tainted the memory of her wedding day because all she could think about was the debt she incurred....not the best souvenir

. All the money that they received as gifts had to go right to the debt, and even then it didn''t cover half of it. She felt terrible about it, it was definitely not worth it for her.

i think it''s different if you do have the money and you just don''t want to spend it on the wedding vs. truly not having the money. If it''s an extra $20 here and there that you will truly never notice to make it extra special then it isn''t really a big deal, but if we''re talking actual debt that you''ll have to pay off over time then I would have to suggest reworking your wedding to make it something you can afford now. you can still have a beautiful and unforgettable wedding!

 

[Blair138]

I think most of the people on this board will agree that it''s smart to only spend as much as you can afford.

Personally, I had saved and saved for years so I had a decent chunk ready when we got engaged. I didn''t have a budget, but I didn''t go crazy wild with any spending, by any means. My parents threw a breakfast the day after and paid for my dress, DH''s parents paid for the rehearsal, everything else was paid for by us. We don''t have any debt from the wedding at all and I am very happy with the way everything worked out.

As for your budget, there are so many tricks and short cuts to making your day what you want. Try DIYing things, there are many ladies on here who can give you advice on that. Good luck!

 

[katamari]

I didn''t go over budget, but I did spend much more than we originally intended and I do feel bad about it. Not terrible or disgusted or anything, but maybe more disappointed with myself getting too involved in the consumer aspect of weddings.

For me, looking back on it all, I feel very silly over things I thought had to happen or that I had to have. We also ended up buying tons of stuff we never even used because I would buy two or three of something to put off having to decide or upgrade every little option. At the time, I would chalk it up to being $20 here and there--but that all adds up. I loved my wedding and reception, and I still do, but I do wish that married me could have had a talk with bridal me. I recommend reading One Perfect Day by Rebecca Mead if you haven''t. That book that really resonated with me re: this whole topic.

 

[Rhea]

We went over budget by about $1,000-$1,500. We married almost 4 years ago and I don''t regret going over budget.

We had two weddings (he''s English, I''m American and we had a wedding in both countries) with budgets of $5,000 for 50 guests in the US and $3,000 for 20 guests in England. We went over budget for the US wedding. I think the reason I don''t regret it is because there was so little else we could have cut back on. It is really hard to throw a wedding for $5,000! My dress was $150 off ebay. His suit was $300 from Overstock. Our food was around $30/head. The photographer was about $750. The DJ less than $400. Our cakes less than $100. We really couldn''t cut back anywhere but the rings (around $1,900 for both of us)! There were no decorations to speak of, it was very simple - paper lanterns, tealights, and gardenias floating in bowls (I refused to compromise on the type of flower and so spent about $50 more than I would have with any other type). We bought glasses from Ikea, our wine, beer, and soda in bulk, and a friend bartended for us. I sold back what I could on ebay or another site afterwards - the glass wear and the paper lanterns - and made a couple hundred back.

And afterward I moved away, to England. I had friends come from all over the country and family from all down the East Coast. I wanted to feed them dinner and have a proper sit down with them. It was worth it to me. It was nearly 3 years before I saw some of those friends and family again. And we had the money in savings. Going over by 20-30% is a lot, but our budget was unrealistic. We wanted a nice wedding. Not fancy, but a space to sit down with people and enjoy their company. We discussed having a early wedding with a lunch and no dancing (no DJ to pay for or dance floor to rent) but since people travelled for us we really wanted it to last for as long as possible and couldn''t think of another way. It was worth every last penny.

I had originally wanted to elope. I think I would have had my circumstances been different. The wedding started off only being important to my mother so she could see us off and somewhere along the planning it became important to me as well.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

We came in right under budget and paid for almost all of the wedding from our savings account. That was almost four months ago and we''ve already replenished about three quarters of the amount to our savings.

I don''t regret the splurges we made for our wedding and I love that we had total control over each one of the choices that involved our wedding.

I would definitely have a different view of this if we''d gone into debt. So many things come up in the everyday (kids get sick, ceiling fans break, cars have blowouts, etc.) that I can''t imagine having to deal with those expenses on top of wedding debt.

That said, I have a friend that had her own home prior to meeting her husband (who also had a home). They decided to hold on to her house and took a line of credit against the equity to pay for their wedding. I know that she had a wedding they wouldn''t have afforded otherwise and they still have her home six years later as a rental property. I honestly don''t believe that she has ever regretted her decision.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

We didn't go over our budget - we came under. We really didn't want to spend over a certain amount - even though we could afford to do so. We compromised by having a smaller wedding but having the best quality possible in terms of food, location, decor etc... That enabled us to have the wedding of our dreams without spending an absurd amount of money.

Going in to debt over a wedding is a very POOR financial decision. It's just not worth it. The only case I could justify spending more than you had was if you were CERTAIN you would make the money back in gifts. This is highly dependent on cultural backgrounds, and you can't always rely on guests giving cash.

 

[Elmorton]

We went way over budget, kinda. DH and I wanted to do a wedding for 10k. Our parents knew better, and saw that the average wedding is 25k, so that''s what they planned on spending. We didn''t do anything extravagant, but we also chose quality over quantity for every vendor (so I had beautiful flowers, but no more than necessary, or we had amazing food, but just one entree choice, hosted bar, but beer and wine only - etc). I don''t regret it, my parents don''t regret it, DH''s parents don''t regret it - it was a beautiful wedding and we had an amazing time.

That said, absolutely no one went into debt. If my wedding would have caused even an iota of debt, for anyone, I would hope that I would have had the good sense to say "Okay, backyard wedding for me! Family only! Off the rack dress!" Now granted, I don''t know that I would have realistically done that...I got pretty caught up in planning the wedding, but as a newlywed, I can say with absolute confidence that no one should purposely go into debt as they''re starting a marriage. Finances are hard enough as it is, and you certainly don''t need the added debt of an extravagant event added on to it.

 

[iheartscience]

I never really had a budget, but stuff did add up quickly, and when I figured out the total in my head I was like

! I wouldn''t say I really regret any of it, but when you think about how much one day costs it does kind of seem like a waste, you know? However, it was very important to me to have a wedding with all of my family and close friends there, so to me it was worth it even though I know it was a LOT of money. I know I''m sort of contradicting myself but that''s how I feel about it! We didn''t go into debt over it and we were able to spread out a lot of the costs throughout the year, which definitely helped. (Although that''s also why it hurt a little when I added everything up-when you spread it out you don''t notice how much you''re spending!) Plus my parents helped us out some and my husband''s parents helped a little bit, too.

I didn''t really splurge on anything but the photographer ($5k) and the pictures are fantastic (even though I STILL haven''t gotten my proofs and DVDs...grrr!) so I don''t really regret that. My dress was fairly expensive, but I love fashion so that was super important to me. Plus I bought the sample for 50% off the regular price so I felt like I got a good deal.

Our food was about $55/person and it was seriously delicious, and from what I''ve heard from my friend who''s currently planning her wedding, that''s not too high at all. I only talked to the caterer I went with (actually an awesome local restaurant) so I wasn''t sure if I paid too much, but I think I actually got a good deal for the type of food we had. Plus our caterer allowed us to buy our own beer, wine and liquor, which was very inexpensive compared to having a caterer supply it. We did different flavors of margaritas for our "signature cocktail" instead of doing a full bar, which also helped save money. I think the alcohol was about $7-800 total and we had a lot left, which we could have returned if we weren''t so busy after the wedding. We closed on our house 3 weeks after the honeymoon so we were super busy packing and dealing with that. Oh well-we''ll use it all for our housewarming party!

My cousin is a landscape designer and she did all the flowers for the wedding for free for my wedding gift, so I lucked out there. I didn''t have any decorations other than the flowers so I definitely saved a lot of $ in that category! My older sister baked her amazing chocolate chip cookies for favors and she also bought the little bags they came in, so again, I lucked out there! I made the place cards myself using these cute Martha Stewart place cards from Michael''s, so those were cheap, too.

The venue we had the wedding and reception in was very inexpensive compared to the other places I looked at- only $1500. Plus my twin sister''s best friend is the events planner there and she hooked us up as much as she could. (Let us have an extra hour free, didn''t make us get a security guard, etc.) And tables and chairs were included, although the chairs were ugly and I hate chair covers so I ended up renting different chairs.

So over all I don''t think we could have gone much cheaper without compromising on the two things that were really important to me-my dress and the photographer! (The photographer was also very important to my husband-my dress, probably not! He couldn''t believe how much it cost when I finally told him!

)

I''m totally rambling but I guess what I''m trying to say is that you should pick what''s most important to you and go with exactly what you want there, and then don''t spend much money on what''s not so important to you. Obviously for me, favors and decorations (even the flowers) really weren''t important, and neither was a $1000 wedding album! I wasn''t even going to have favors but my mom asked my sister to make the cookies, which was a great idea. As far as the photo album goes, I just paid for the discs with the images on them so I can print the ones I want instead.

As far as the debt goes, if you won''t be able to pay it back very quickly (either with wedding gifts or your own $) I''d think long and hard about spending too much money. It''s just one day!

 

[Lilac]

My parents split the cost of the wedding, so DH and I didn''t go over budget (or under budget) because it wasn''t our money to spend. The benefit of this was that DH and I didn''t have to spend any of our money. The disadvantage was that neither of us had much say in anything for our wedding. My mom and stepmom made most of the decisions and also wrote the checks (along with my father and stepfather).

As frustrating as the wedding process was for DH and I because we didn''t get much say in things for our own wedding, we are VERY grateful my parents took care of the cost and not making the decisions was absolutely worth it. Some things weren''t as we would have wanted them at the wedding, but it was a beautiful wedding - the best day of our lives - and we''re so happy we decided to take them up on their offer to pay for it even if we didn''t get to choose everything. It wasn''t worth going into debt over. There were even times during the planning that I was telling my parents to go for cheaper things because I didn''t see the reason to spend more - I didn''t want them going into debt either! Some of the things that I had wanted that were more money ended up being so insignificant and I really didn''t even notice not having them at the wedding and I was happy nobody wasted their money on it.

I think sometimes it''s worth spending a little more money to get something you REALLY want, but I really think you would regret going into debt for a wedding. It''s one day - and it will be beautiful no matter what. So many times we think we want something and we *need* something to make the wedding perfect, but really in the end the only thing you need on the day to make it perfect is to marry the man you love and start the rest of your lives together.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Meg-

I''m not married yet (Dec 19th) but I do regret going over budget on some things because I, too, was a law student and FI was paying for the whole wedding. My student loan refunds paid for about $300 worth of wedding goods

but that hardly counts.

FI says all the time that in the end it will be worth it.

There''s a difference between going into debt for a wedding and spending far more than you think is "okay." I wouldn''t ever, ever, ever recommend going into DEBT for the big day, but if your FI is willing/able to save & spend $30k (or 10k or 20k or 100k), there''s no need to feel guilty about it. He understands that you are a full time graduate student and not currently a bread winner. He wouldn''t have agreed to get married while you''re still in school if he had problems with footing the bill.

My similar situation caused me much stress and tears and I still occasionally feel lousy about it, but my fiance is very reassuring and comforting. He just reminds me that some day I''ll be paying off all of his student loans

and that our wedding will be a wonderful, memorable day. Sure, we could have budgeted better, but it''s still within our (his) means despite being a bit more costly than we originally hoped.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I agree with the general sentiment that more debt isn't really the best wedding gift to give yourself to start a new marriage.

I had a small budget and relatively small wedding. We had a very simple ceremony, no flowers or decor at all except the 3 bouquets for me and my girls (and even these were simple). And we had so many guests tell us how much they loved how honest and heartfelt the ceremony was since there really wasn't anything to distract from the two people in the front getting married. No trumpet or fanfare, just a girl and her guy being bonded for life with the blessings of their friends and families.

Weddings can be gorgeously decorated and lavish celebrations, or they can be simple and sweet ones. And no matter what the budget, your wedding will be most remembered for the good company, happy memories, and the love that is being celebrated. And in my personal opinion, isn't that what you want people to remember when they think of your wedding? To think "aw, such a happy and loved couple!", rather than "oh my god, that decor was amazing!" Maybe I just have a big ego and like to be the focus

But I honestly think when the first anniversary comes along, most of us newly weds will celebrate with our husbands and remember the friends, the toasts, the hysterical stories from our wedding, and not the chair covers, the centerpieces, or the letter press invitations. I personally will be amazed if my dear hubby even remembers any detail from the wedding aside from who was there.

 

[megumic]

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful responses - I appreciate it!

The more I read everyone''s responses, it seems unanimously that everyone was within budget or only went a tad over, and nobody regretted it horribly. It helps me feel reassured that we too came come through and survive and not be guilty about a little wedding debt if it happens.

But I must say, not one bride on here has mentioned deep debt or entirely regretting over-spending and having significant debt (say, more than $5k.) Are you out there???

Mimzy I''m so sorry to hear that about your friend. I can only imagine how difficult it is to look back on your wedding day with a sense of guilt and resentment. Hopefully we can make it work to prevent that...sometimes I feel a tad of guilt about the e-ring

Pils made a great point - despite my own guilt of not being able to contribute, you''re right, FI knows what he is getting into and he is prepared to foot a large portion of the bill for our wedding. He''s a gem

MakingtheGrade, thanks for the advice. Your point about what people will remember really resonates with me. My mother keeps stressing the decorating, and you''re right, who cares about chair covers and centerpieces??? As long as we like them and they get the job done, the focus should be on us and our union.

 

[anchor31]

We were very budget conscious when we planned our wedding. I wanted to elope, but we let our families talk us into having the party thing so there was no way I was going into debt for it. We kept everything small (had 50 guests despite large families) and paid everything cash. We had to wait an extra year to save up for it, which sucked, but at least we didn't go into debt. We just couldn't justify going into debt for one day, even if it's a very important one.

 

[meresal]

I think that there is a major difference between "Going over budget" and "Going into debt".

We went "over budget" by about 5k, but that didn''t mean my parents ended up 5k in debt.

Personally I would NEVER go into debt over the wedding, or anything that only lasts a short period of time (for example: vacations). From experience, the worst feeling in the world, is knowing that you are making payments on something that you can no longer enjoy the benefits of.

Luckily my parents afforded us the wedding of our dreams, and we are forever grateful, but if that had no been the case, and we had to pay for it ourselves, there is no way we would have spent even a tenth of what my parents paid.

 

[elrohwen]

Our initial budget was more of a "let's hope we can do it for this much!" kind of thing. My parents gave us some money, and we thought it would be great to be able to do it for that amount. After we looked at places, we realized there was zero chance of having a wedding for that price unless we had 20 people go to a restaurant. So, we doubled our budget to get the wedding we wanted. Our wedding was still quite small and we were very conservative with spending, so, no, I don't regret going over budget. I don't feel there's a single thing we overspent on. I do regret that our area is so expensive, as it would've been nice to hold the same wedding for half the price somewhere else, but that wasn't really under my control!

ETA: We had zero debt. We were actually able to save the entire cost ourselves, and put the money my parents gave us into savings. I would not have gone into debt under any circumstances for a wedding. If we couldn't have afforded the wedding we wanted, we would've done something different or put it off until we could save up.

ETA2: The wedding was a bit over $20k. We initially hoped to do it for $10k, but where we live that wasn't possible. $20k got us a nice venue for 75 people (which was the minimum allowed anyway) and it was perfect! Though like I said, I wish it had been possible to do something similar for $10k, but you just can't feed people here for under $80 a head. We definitely cut corners whenever possible though!

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 11/28/2009 10:28:03 AM
Author: mimzy
I had a very close friend get married not that long ago that did go into debt over her wedding and she SERIOUSLY regretted it afterward. It was between 2-3k that she spent that she didn''t have, and even though her and her husband have good jobs, after the wedding was over it caused her very significant stress, to the point of her voicing numerous times that she wish that she didn''t have the wedding that she did, she wish she had done it differently and cheaper. It tainted the memory of her wedding day because all she could think about was the debt she incurred....not the best souvenir

. All the money that they received as gifts had to go right to the debt, and even then it didn''t cover half of it. She felt terrible about it, it was definitely not worth it for her.

i think it''s different if you do have the money and you just don''t want to spend it on the wedding vs. truly not having the money. If it''s an extra $20 here and there that you will truly never notice to make it extra special then it isn''t really a big deal, but if we''re talking actual debt that you''ll have to pay off over time then I would have to suggest reworking your wedding to make it something you can afford now. you can still have a beautiful and unforgettable wedding!

Ditto everything Mimzy said!

 

[luvbug]

Huge ditto to meresal!

Like elrohwen, we doubled our budget after scouting out locations. My parents gave us a number right after we got engaged, we ended up about doubling it from our savings and put it right back from wedding gifts. Afterwards we are even which is more than we could have asked for.
But to answer your question...No I don''t regret going over budget for a second but I might feel differently if I was still paying it. For us it was go all out or go to Vegas.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

We didn''t because my parents mostly paid for everything (and by that I mean, I paid for some framed photos to be displayed, my shoes, my locket, jars for the candy buffet, and the stds) Not really much at all

But my parents knew how badly we wanted to get married and offered us either 5,000 straight up and an elopement or a wedding. I know for a while we wish we would have eloped but we picked the wedding because we knew how much it would mean to all our relatives and in the end were glad that we did

But like Lilac, there were some times when I was just like "Do we really need to do that? We could save the money (ie parents suggested hiring tango dancers to perform for an hour

) So yeah... I''m glad we spent what we spent

 

[kama_s]

Hmm, this is a difficult question to answer! When we started planning a wedding, we wanted it to be under 25K. But soon we realized that the wedding we want is going to be more expensive that that. So we upped our budget and set it to 30-35K (for a 70 person wedding, not including rings and hmoon). For a while it seemed we might go over that too, but I ended up overestimating on several things and we came much under. So I suppose if you look at our initial budget, we probably went over by 7-8K.

The way I look at it, if you're not going into debt, then why not?! You have your entire life to save money for others things, such as a house etc. At least that's how we looked at it. That said, we didn't dip into our savings, just ate up a chunk of what would have gone into savings this year. And think of all the beautiful lasting memories you will be creating and cherishing for decades to come

 

[Patchee]

We had no help from parents for our wedding so we went in to it with the knowledge of we cannot go over budget - regarless! We paid everything in cash so after the wedding it was nice not to have a chunky credit card bill come in after the fact.

When there was no money for stuff that week we waiting until the next week to get it. Once we were engaged I started buying little things here and there so when the months/weeks before the big day came it was like I was spending nothing! Good feeling for sure!

 

[musey]

We went over budget (which I don''t regret), but would never have gone into debt. Going over budget was due to last-minute incidentals, not stuff we could have planned for from the beginning budget discussion.

I had a few different scenarios in mind, all with different price points. Once we figured out our budget, we just picked a scenario. I think that''s a great way to go about planning a wedding. There are a million and one different ways to throw a wedding, whether your budget is $100 or $100,000+. It''s just a matter of finding a way to fit your priorities in whatever scenario your budget allows.