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Do You Really Want a "Surprise" Proposal?

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TCBug

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
58
Do you really want a "surprise" proposal. . .and what does that mean to you?

These days (I mean for the last couple of decades or so), women have dated their SO''s for a long period of time and have taken the same "measure" of the guy that men do with women. Are we good friends? Lovers? Same life goals? Want kids or not?

Like many of you, I would have married my guy with a bread twistie if that''s what the budget allowed. (But I would have wanted to pick the color. . .lol.)

My engagement (20+ years ago) was no surprise. And I didn''t want it to be. I didn''t want to be "shocked" that I "earned" FI status.

But -- I DID want him to say something from his heart when he asked me to marry him.

What are your thoughts?
 

broadway

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 6, 2007
Messages
92
Funny you should bring that up! Not 30 minutes ago, my guy got home from work and after thinking I was in a sad mood said, "Cheer up, you have a big, shiny new ring this weekend!"

First, I wasn''t sad (just hungry,
). It wasn''t going to be that much of a suprise anyway, we went to buy the ring together yesterday and I knew it would be ready tomorrow, but I figured he was going to keep me waiting! I''d been getting antsy wondering about it and thought I wanted to know some details, but now I feel like I jinxed myself and took all the suprise out of it!

So I don''t know if I really want a suprise proposal or not. I guess part of it will always be a suprise, the details. But I think I''m glad I know it''s coming.

....... that was rambling.
 

TCBug

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
58
Hi broadway and welcome!

I''m not on here much and am usually a lurker, but you will find the regulars to be stellar!

IMO, the facts that you picked out the ring together and know it''s "in the house" are great!
I mean really. . .you chose each other, you chose the ring. What else is there?

I hope he comes up with somethintg sweet and heartfelt, but even if he doesn''t, who cares? You have your guy, your love, your ring, and your future. HAPPY, HAPPY! Congratulations! -- And enjoy!
 

broadway

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 6, 2007
Messages
92
Thanks, TCBug! That''s what I figure, too, I think! It is pretty cool to know it''s coming home in 24 hours! I''m so excited!!!
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
I was very happy that we went through this period of our relationship together. It was stressful/frustrating once or twice, but it was very exciting and happy!
 

DMBsGirl

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 29, 2006
Messages
1,589
I dunno, sometimes I wish I knew more and it weren''t a surprise, but other times I imagine that not knowing any details will make it more special. At this point I''ll take what I can get! Surprise or no surprise I just want it to happen!
 

Liquiddazi

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 25, 2006
Messages
159
Mine will not be completely off the rocker, surprise; however, I have no clue when it will happen. He keeps talking about an August wedding and I know from a fight we had earlier this week (I keep getting the "when you are getting engageed question" and it was beginning to really get to me...
) that he has made an appointment at the jeweler.

However, it could be this weekend or one in March. We will just see.

BUT, if mine was a complete off the rocker surprise and we hadn''t talked about it, I don''t think I would have dealt with it very well. I like the fact that I could go looking with him, even though, he will pick out the final product. It made me feel more as ease with the whole purchase.
 

Beth07

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 16, 2007
Messages
53
See I''m not sure how I feel on this. Personally, knowing that a ring has been purchased and he has it in his possession is killing me. Sometimes I wish I didn''t know anything, an ignorance is bliss kind of thing. But then other times I get this HUGE grin on my face knowing that it must be coming soon.

Basically I feel that I will slowly drive myself insane by debating this very issue until he proposes.
 

Mandarine

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 20, 2006
Messages
3,786
To me is kind of three folded.

1. The actual proposal (what he does, what he says, how he does it and when he does it) I want all that to be a complete surprise.

2. The fact that he is going to ask me...that''s not a surprise. Obviosuly we have discussed this plenty of times and I wouldn''t have it any other way!!!. That part is a mutual decision, IMO.

3. The ring. For me it will be a surprise....I don''t think ti will be a huge surprise though...I have hinted what I would like....but that''s it. I do understand why some girls want to be involved though, but is just not me. For me it truly is a symbol and I want HIM to pick it for me.

I would marry him with whatever he gave me!...and I know we''re so close!!!!!! I''m just so excited and happy!!!!!!


M~
 

MustangFan

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2006
Messages
935
I would have loved to have surprise proposal and he wanted in to be this way, but I didn''t think that he could have made the dream ring I always wanted. Actually I didn''t know what my dream ring was until we shopped unlessly for a ring. I''m getting a three stone pear ering. just luv those pears!!
 

devotion

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 31, 2007
Messages
12
I have always wanted and pictured a suprise. I think I felt if it wasn''t then I would just be calm, say yes and that would be the end of it. Well as it turns out my guy THINKS he is going to surpise me. I am so upset because last weekend I accidently found out when he is going to ask. I feel like I totally ruined it! I was suprised that he is going to ask me so soon, I thought it wouldn''t be for another 8 to 10 months.
Do I still pretend to be totally surprised?? Just because I ruined it for me I don''t want to ruin it for him too!
 

bronniejade

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 31, 2007
Messages
123
I would love for the proposal to be a surprise.
I was involved in the ring picking process.. It actually happened by accident...we were at a local independent jeweller...and we both fell in love with the ring. We upgraded the diamond, so we picked that together.
It was so much fun picking it together - but I wish I didn't know the proposal was coming.

I take comfort in the fact that the way in which he proposes will be a complete surprise. I don't know where, when or what he will say when he proposes.

So...I guess my answer is Yes...I do want a surprise proposal, even though I know we have already picked out the ring. (Which I kinda wish I hadn't help do, even though it was so much fun and such a lovely experience for me to be sitting next to him...all excited, picking out a ring)

hahah
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
I''ll be picking out the ring with him and I wouldnt mind if I knew when he was going to do it-I''d be the same in that the really important thing for me would be what he says if he does it. I''d like him to say something really nice and heartfelt
 

JenStone

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 13, 2006
Messages
490
I''ve had many conversations with my boyfriend and friends about this.

Most of my girlfriends want it to be a surprise, like a fairytale proposal. However, if they were with the guy for a long time (more than 5 years), then they wouldn''t mind if it wasn''t a surprise, because they''d be so happy with anything by that point!

According to all the men I''ve talked to, they want it to be a surprise because they''ll only have the chance to do it once (knock on wood) and because of that, they want to make it PERFECT and amazing. They think that it''ll be much more romantic if it''s a surprise.

One of my guy friends told me his friend''s proposal story:

His friend planned a surprise proposal on top of the Empire State Building. However, when the day came, it was a dreary, drizzling day. Nonetheless, he dragged his girlfriend up there (despite her protests) and proposed. As soon as she said "yes," it stopped raining and the sun came out.

And according to my friend, THAT''s how a proposal should be!


...I made the unfortunate mistake of telling my boyfriend this story as well and now HE says that''s how a proposal should be.
 

BlackDiamond21

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 12, 2006
Messages
62
Hiya! I just wanted to drop my two cents in...

Personally, I want to be suprised! Even though we have ringdow (ring + window :) shoped and talked about a timeline, I still want it to be a suprise. I just love surpises! Espically giving them... Recieving them... aint so bad either. :)

Good luck to all those still waiting!

 

repartee

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 18, 2006
Messages
33
I have to agree with Mandarine on her first one. I did want the actual proposal to be a surprise - where, how, when...though he did give me LOTS of hints. For example, he wrote an "R" in front of October on our wall calendar (what can I say - he''s a funny guy...).

As for the ring, I know myself well enough that I needed to be a, umm, big part of the decision so we picked it out together. I''m really glad we did, because I went with something v. different than what I thought I wanted and his advice really helped (he hated my first choice!).

Grace
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,450
Date: 2/8/2007 2:18:52 PM
Author: repartee
I have to agree with Mandarine on her first one. I did want the actual proposal to be a surprise - where, how, when...though he did give me LOTS of hints. For example, he wrote an 'R' in front of October on our wall calendar (what can I say - he's a funny guy...).

As for the ring, I know myself well enough that I needed to be a, umm, big part of the decision so we picked it out together. I'm really glad we did, because I went with something v. different than what I thought I wanted and his advice really helped (he hated my first choice!).

Grace
I agree with repartee and Mandarine. As much as I joke around and try to get info. from my boyfriend as to when we'll get engaged, I do want to be surprised. We've been planning what style of ring we want too. I like doing that part together, but I want the rest of it to be done by him without me knowing.
 

psaddict

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 9, 2006
Messages
105
I could be wrong, but I don''t think the question she''s asking is "Do you want to know every detail of the upcoming proposal, down to the day, time, and manner of his proposal?" I''m assuming that by "do you want it to be a surprise?" the question is, do you want to already know an engagement is coming up sometime not too far off, or would you rather have no idea at all that he''s going to propose? So for anyone who''s discussed a timeline for engagement, or gone ring shopping together, or knows their boyfriend has selected the ring, the engagement is not a surprise. Sure, the manner in which he proposes and the day he proposes could be a total surprise... but you already knew that something was coming, and know what your answer will be!

Anyway, in answer to this question, I would want to have at least a vague idea that something was coming. That way you could make sure that all the important discussions about your future (kids? where to live? etc) were out of the way, so you could say "yes" without any reservations! So no, no surprises, no thanks!
 

bronniejade

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 31, 2007
Messages
123
Hmmmm...
So, to go along with what Psaddict said - I do know that the engagement is coming.

But, I definately do not want to know any details regarding the proposal.
 

sap483

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 14, 2007
Messages
988
I have to second Bronniejade- I helped pick out the setting of my ring, and I''m very glad I did because like others on here what I ended up loving is not at all what I had thought I wanted. In fact what I thought I wanted looked horrible on my hand. I do not want to know any other details though...
 

Hudson_Hawk

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
10,541
I do want a surprise proposal. I'm really bad at surprises though (I'm always hunting for Christmas presents etc) so it's been hard. I did pick out my own ring. It was an interesting experience. I started out not wanting the following, RB, Marquis, or heart. I frist wanted an emerald cut and then went to wanting a sapphire. Then I wanted an oval 3 stone with melee on the sides. Finally I found a ring that is similar to the Barbara K bands (the ones that have the little pointers set into oval shapes with milligrain on the borders). The center stone on that is a .75 RB. So my journey was pretty extensive. Neither my bf or I liked the final ring when we saw it in the case but when I tried it on it took on a new life almost and looked like it was made specifically for me. I can't wait to get it so I can post pictures. Tony says I can start getting manicures in about a month



I guess that didn't answer the question though. In terms of whether I'd want a complete surprise or not, I wouldn't want to be blind-sided. I think open communication is essential in a healthy relationship and I think out of the blue proposals can be big trouble when it's not there. Besides, Tony has admitted that each ring I've liked wouldn't have been the ring he THOUGHT I'd like. In fact, most of the rings he pointed out to me which he thought I'd like I really didn't. I like that the ring journey was one we could take together.
 
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