Do you object to this Time magazine cover?

[mrs taylor]

I don't object to the picture. Why? It's difficult to explain why something DOESN'T bother me, it just doesn't. Although I imagine that one day, this picture is going to come back to haunt the little boy. Imagine if his teenage friends get ahold of it?

The question "Are you mom enough?" bothers me because it implies a whole lot of things about what it means to be enough mom, or a mom at all, and that bothers me. I don't like the phrase "man up" either, because I think it makes unfair insinuations about what it means to be a man, and how men should behave.

exactly. that's what I was getting at earlier. So I should have asked in the beginning of this thread what the poll really meant. Because the photo doesn't bother me (other than the irritation that it's trying to be IN YOUR FACE) but the title does. A lot.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

I think it's pretty sensationalistic (is that a word?), and a step down from the Time I read as a kid.

I don't know about her, but I stopped breastfeeding when TEETH started to be an issue.

DITTO!!!!!

 

[Skippy123]

I don't object to the picture. Why? It's difficult to explain why something DOESN'T bother me, it just doesn't. Although I imagine that one day, this picture is going to come back to haunt the little boy. Imagine if his teenage friends get ahold of it?

The question "Are you mom enough?" bothers me because it implies a whole lot of things about what it means to be enough mom, or a mom at all, and that bothers me. I don't like the phrase "man up" either, because I think it makes unfair insinuations about what it means to be a man, and how men should behave.

EXACTLY, why don't we as human beings support each other in what ever we decide instead of questioning our roles as parents!

 

[kenny]

here is another article on this and says a lot about the cover imo. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/10/jamie-lynne-grumet-breastfeeding-time-magazine-cover_n_1506096.html

Here's a quote from that article: "Her point, in writing the in-depth profile of Sears, seems to be that there are many parents out there left wondering what's right, what's wrong -- and most important -- what makes sense for their families."


Once again . . . HELLO . . . PEOPLE VARY is not even an option.

Why is "people vary" so foreign to everyone?
Why is this "There must be only one RIGHT way!" so frigging pervasive. :handslapshead:

 

[baby monster]

I don't object to the cover. Nursing in public doesn't hurt anyone and it's not unsanitary as other bodily functions could be. I find the comment upthread "There are lots of natural things the body does, I don't particularly want to witness it" to be misdirected. Nursing does not equal picking your nose or defecating in public.

I do find the whole attachment parenting concept a bit unusual. Is it really necessary to go to such extremes to raise a happy, well-adjusted child? I'd probably get kicked in the head a few times each night if we ever tried to co-sleep (seriously, that kid is an active sleeper!)

 

[Imdanny]

I don't object because I don't really understand it. Are they tall king about when a child should stop breast feeding? I have no experience with that.

I just found (I haven't made myself watch it, I can't) out about the video of Fullerton police beating Thomas Kelly to death. That's what I've been thinking about for the past two days. There is so much violence. I don't think I have energy to be object to something like this magazine cover. It seems meant to shock. I don't want to be shocked by a magazine cover if that makes any sense?

 

[Laila619]

I'm not a mom, but shouldn't that kid be on solid food by now?

Yes. There are lots of toddlers who are on solids and still ask to nurse.

 

[ksinger]

Hate to break it to you Kenny, but while demonstrably good for a period of time, the benefits of breastfeeding appear to be overstated by the popular press and the La Leche League by quite a lot. And there seems to be a growing backlash against what women in certain circles (mainly affluent) are starting to see as a very oppressive environment created by "total motherhood". It has the same fervor as a religion in some respects, and as such, instantaneously sends up red flags with ME. This also ties in heavily with the current environment of attempts to slam women back into the 19th century, so there is a bunch more here than we can possibly address. But still... you have probably opened a serious can of worms by starting this thread.

I've just about finished "The Conflict - How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women." Not the best feminist work I've ever read - too short and too repetitive - but it makes some good points about the current societal model of the "good mother" and how the trope of total sacrifice for a helpless infant has actually done a better job of guilting women back into "their place" than anything men have attempted. It also punches back hard at the idea of "maternal instinct" and addresses that thing which must not be named - maternal ambivalence and downright regret at having had children.

I'm sure many of the attachment mothers in here might come frothing into this fray, but I see the whole thing as being not unlike the Komen situation - starting with the best intentions, the move to breastfeeding started as a backlash against the male-dominated medical profession treating women like children. However, also like Komen becoming something quite other than it started, the "breast is best" mantra has itself morphed into an oppressive guilt-inducing force in the other direction. Big lack of balance.

In any case, Time Magazine is NOT my trusted source for "public service announcements".

This is an opinion piece by Hannah Roisin, mother of three, and Slate blogger (or that's where I read her most). Take only this link! The Atlantic Online is being particularly wonky today and locking ME up at least. This link is a "print" option, without all the ad tracking crap...

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/print/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/

Ksinger, thank you for 'breaking it to me', though I'm not sure why you would "hate" doing so.

I welcome everyone's perspective, not just those from people similar to me.
After all, people vary and a variety of perspetives makes for a more educational thread.

Get over it Kenny, it's a turn of phrase, nothing more. Chill out.

 

[monarch64]

No, I do not object. You know what I DO object to? Children going hungry. It is still happening in the U.S. and obviously many other countries, but that's not a sexy, sensational, controversial subject that sells magazines since we're all so used to seeing poor little starving children covered with flies on t.v. and being begged by Sally Struthers for money to feed them. But let's get all irate over a mother who has a healthy looking 3 year old at her breast.

ETA: Oh, and as far as societal acceptance of breast feeding and to what age, etc. how about this: how about if we all do what is best for our families as we see fit without infringing on the rights of others and just go about our business without getting into others'? Is that so hard? I think there's a saying..."live and let live."

Editedx2 for clarity

 

[Haven]

No, I do not object. You know what I DO object to? Children going hungry. It is still happening in the U.S. and obviously many other countries, but that's not a sexy, sensational, controversial subject that sells magazine covers since we're all so used to seeing poor little starving children covered with flies on t.v. and being begged by Sally Struthers for money to feed them. But let's get all irate over a mother who has a healthy looking 3 year old at her breast.

AMEN.

 

[mrs jam]

I'm not a mom, but shouldn't that kid be on solid food by now?

Yes. There are lots of toddlers who are on solids and still ask to nurse.

I'm really not trying to offend, but I am curious. Do older kids (old enough to speak) actually ask their mothers to breastfeed them? I'm pretty squeamish, I must admit, and the thought of a kid asking me to hand over my breast or try to lift my shirt really disturbs me. It just seems kind of cave-womanish.

 

[mrs taylor]

they generally use different words, but yup. mine asked to nurse.

 

[decodelighted]

I'm generally pretty liberal ... but I was shocked by the cover. Maybe because I originally saw a cropped close up version of just the mom/boob/kid's face. Maybe because the kid looks more like five or six? Maybe because I'm not a mom & my fun bags are just for fun!

I also think I was responding to what I sensed was a sexualized, sensationalized depiction of a natural, nurturing act. Would probably be nearly as disturbed if I saw that scene going on in public in person. SHUDDER.

What's wrong w/my liberal mojo. Kids, get off my lawn.

 

[Laila619]

I'm not a mom, but shouldn't that kid be on solid food by now?

Yes. There are lots of toddlers who are on solids and still ask to nurse.

I'm really not trying to offend, but I am curious. Do older kids (old enough to speak) actually ask their mothers to breastfeed them? I'm pretty squeamish, I must admit, and the thought of a kid asking me to hand over my breast or try to lift my shirt really disturbs me. It just seems kind of cave-womanish.

Well, I only have experience with a young toddler, so he doesn't talk much yet. He comes over to me and very politely signs 'milk' or 'more.' I find it kinda cute.

 

[ksinger]

I'm generally pretty liberal ... but I was shocked by the cover. Maybe because I originally saw a cropped close up version of just the mom/boob/kid's face. Maybe because the kid looks more like five or six? Maybe because I'm not a mom & my fun bags are just for fun!

I also think I was responding to what I sensed was a sexualized, sensationalized depiction of a natural, nurturing act. Would probably be nearly as disturbed if I saw that scene going on in public in person. SHUDDER.

What's wrong w/my liberal mojo. Kids, get off my lawn.

Nothing wrong with your liberal mojo. Liberal doesn't mean you have to uncritically accept everything without any judgement whatsoever, and tolerance sometimes means just that - that you "tolerate" without agreement or approval.

 

[mrs jam]

Thank you, Laila and Mrs. Taylor. My girlfriends who are now mothers keep telling me that when they became moms, their whole outlook on their bodies changed. I guess it's hard for me imagine since I don't have any little "bosom buddies" of my own!

 

[Kaleigh]

I am all for breast feeding. I wished I could have done so for my kids, but had a virus and had to do formula..

This cover is disturbing to me because the kid looks like he could spell the word MILK.. If you can spell it you can't be on the boob....

Same thing for diapers.. Like how long would you want a kid in diapers??

There is a healthy balance. I remember hearing no one goes to kindergarten in diapers, and ....

So no kid should be breastfeeding at this time..

I think it's not healthy because the kid has no coping skills...

 

[armywife13]

There is a healthy balance. I remember hearing no one goes to kindergarten in diapers, and ....

So no kid should be breastfeeding at this time..

I think it's not healthy because the kid has no coping skills...

+1

 

[GlamMosher]

Am i the only one who thinks "bitty" when i read this thread?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuPBbFOiygo

(skip to around 1.05 to get the bitty bit)

 

[mayerling]

Am i the only one who thinks "bitty" when i read this thread?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuPBbFOiygo

(skip to around 1.05 to get the bitty bit)

Disturbing...

 

[GlamMosher]

Am i the only one who thinks "bitty" when i read this thread?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuPBbFOiygo

(skip to around 1.05 to get the bitty bit)

Disturbing...

Is Little Britain not known is the US?

 

[Mayk]

I don't know that I object to it.. I just don't find it compelling.. it doesn't make me want to pick it up and read it.. I would probably pick up a magazine with a different cover...

 

[Maisie]

I've been holding off from commenting because I couldn't work out why the picture bothers me. I think it could be the way the child is nursing. If he had been on her knee in the traditional feeding pose I might not have such a reaction to it. For me, it doesn't look right and it kind of disturbs me. Again, i'm not entirely sure why.

 

[Polished]

I don't know about her, but I stopped breastfeeding when TEETH started to be an issue.

Careful,Time might tell you to "Mom Up".

I'd need to know more about the article to know if I'd be offended by the picture. It looks the antithesis of the stereotype Mum and child bonding together through breast feeding. Is this deliberate for some effect? I don't think it hurts to have our comfortable stereotypes graphically challenged. Just depends, if it was done for sensation, in which case I would find it be offensive because it would be gratuitous. However, if the picture illustrated a point central to the argument the author of the article intended it could be seen as a powerful tool to convey a message.

 

[swimmer]

I found the screw you look on both their faces to be the disturbing bit. I have bf'd in public and will do so again, and have no issues with anyone doing the same, but it is a nurturing thing, giving food to your child. This photo is not nurturing, it looks awk and surely they don't normally bf like that, it looks uncomfy for both. Then again, a pic of them sitting down for a sip and a snuggle is a photo that would not get everyone talking so here we are.

To the above poster or anyone who feels bfing makes them squeamish...Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much, he puts his genitalia within hers for a bit. Then if all goes well, a baby is growing. After dozens of medical professionals prod, measure, weigh, and otherwise examine you over 9ish months, you then squeeze a child out of your genitalia. There might be blood, there will be poop, you will wet yourself at some point if all is going as it is supposed to. If you choose to deliver in a hospital this process is done with perhaps 5 or 6 strangers participating. With their hands on you. Gentle souls like yourself out there, you should know to ask to not have the mirror brought in so you don't see this miracle transpire. If it takes a while, dozens of strangers will be involved. IF there are complications, well, the sky is the limit on the levels of intimacy you will have with medical professionals, orderlies, even the janitor. Over the course of the next days and weeks you will be again palpated, squeezed, weighed, etc. Plus your boobies will be ****-star size. (It isn't the bfing that makes them less perky, it is the pregnancy alone.) People will want to hear every detail about the delivery, your FIL will want to watch, possibly take video! Oh, and while pregnant, perfect strangers will feel comfortable rubbing your belly, asking you about when you had sex, your bowel movements, diet, and they will give you all kinds of "advice" mostly based on anecdotes from the 60s and 70s.

Good luck to all.

 

[swimmer]

I found the screw you look on both their faces to be the disturbing bit. I have bf'd in public and will do so again, and have no issues with anyone doing the same, but it is a nurturing thing, giving food to your child. This photo is not nurturing, it looks awk and surely they don't normally bf like that, it looks uncomfy for both. Then again, a pic of them sitting down for a sip and a snuggle is a photo that would not get everyone talking so here we are.

To the above poster or anyone who feels bfing makes them squeamish...Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much, he puts his genitalia within hers for a bit. Then if all goes well, a baby is growing. After dozens of medical professionals prod, measure, weigh, and otherwise examine you over 9ish months, you then squeeze a child out of your genitalia. There might be blood, there will be poop, you will wet yourself at some point if all is going as it is supposed to. If you choose to deliver in a hospital this process is done with perhaps 5 or 6 strangers participating. With their hands on you. Gentle souls like yourself out there, you should know to ask to not have the mirror brought in so you don't see this miracle transpire. If it takes a while, dozens of strangers will be involved. IF there are complications, well, the sky is the limit on the levels of intimacy you will have with medical professionals, orderlies, even the janitor. Over the course of the next days and weeks you will be again palpated, squeezed, weighed, etc. Plus your boobies will be ****-star size. (It isn't the bfing that makes them less perky, it is the pregnancy alone.) People will want to hear every detail about the delivery, your FIL will want to watch, possibly take video! Oh, and while pregnant, perfect strangers will feel comfortable rubbing your belly, asking you about when you had sex, your bowel movements, diet, and they will give you all kinds of "advice" mostly based on anecdotes from the 60s and 70s.

Good luck to all.

 

[mayachel]

I do not object to the image, but like others I do not care for the title. BUT I don't think it is any more or less provocative than most cover stories these days. I prefer the publishing industry didn't do so much goading, but whatever...It likely will have a stronger reaction because motherhood is a wide spread experience, and in turn so is the choice to breastfeed, not to breastfeed, and all the usual conversations and conflicts.

FWIW I have a 5m old nursling, and in my (urban,brownstone/rowhouse) neighborhood, nobody blinked twice that we sat down on someone's front steps with another mom and baby this afternoon to breastfeed while out for a walk. Babies were hungry, and there wasn't a better option of a place to sit.

 

[Pandora II]

I never intended to do attachment parenting - I fell into it.

My DD wouldn't sleep in a cot at all and 3 weeks in I was so exhausted I fell asleep feeding her in bed one night - I got the first 5 hour stretch of sleep I had had in a month and so she moved in with us - she hasn't quite got round to moving herself out. She doesn't move at all at night (neither do my husband nor I) so I've never been kicked.

It's also awfully nice in the winter to get into a warm bed with a snuggly baby to cuddle up to.

I think the position the mother and child are in on the cover is not a good one for representing extended breast-feeding - a child snuggled on his mother's lap is far less in your face.

Between 3 and 4 years is the 'normal' age for weaning from the breast, not the incredibly short time most Western women breast-feed for. Yes my daughter can ask for milk in a full sentence (has done since she was 18 months) and she could probably spell it too and she's not yet 3 - does that mean that she should give up nursing earlier than a child like my brother who didn't speak in sentences till he was 4?

Extended breast-fed children all eat solids as well - although it's quite usual for breastmilk to make up the major part of the calories in the first 2 years of life. It has numerous benefits - above all for the immune system. My daughter is pretty much never ill. In 2010 we all contracted H1N1 - I had it 3 days before DD and she threw it off in 36 hours (confirmed H1N1) almost certainly because of the antibodies she was receiving form me through the milk.

Interesting article here: http://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/

DD is extremely confident, independent and not clingy - so she has great coping skills... she's one of the few children at her nursery who are never in tears in the morning when I drop her off.


One thing I have never understood is how many people really want a baby and even go through years of difficulty to have one - and as soon as it arrives they want it to sleep in a separate bed/room, want it to sleep as much as possible (hence CIO etc) and to be off the breast as soon as possible. IMO we start pressuring our children to behave like adults almost as soon as they are born.

 

[ksinger]

I never intended to do attachment parenting - I fell into it.

My DD wouldn't sleep in a cot at all and 3 weeks in I was so exhausted I fell asleep feeding her in bed one night - I got the first 5 hour stretch of sleep I had had in a month and so she moved in with us - she hasn't quite got round to moving herself out. She doesn't move at all at night (neither do my husband nor I) so I've never been kicked.

It's also awfully nice in the winter to get into a warm bed with a snuggly baby to cuddle up to.

I think the position the mother and child are in on the cover is not a good one for representing extended breast-feeding - a child snuggled on his mother's lap is far less in your face.

Between 3 and 4 years is the 'normal' age for weaning from the breast, not the incredibly short time most Western women breast-feed for. Yes my daughter can ask for milk in a full sentence (has done since she was 18 months) and she could probably spell it too and she's not yet 3 - does that mean that she should give up nursing earlier than a child like my brother who didn't speak in sentences till he was 4?

Extended breast-fed children all eat solids as well - although it's quite usual for breastmilk to make up the major part of the calories in the first 2 years of life. It has numerous benefits - above all for the immune system. My daughter is pretty much never ill. In 2010 we all contracted H1N1 - I had it 3 days before DD and she threw it off in 36 hours (confirmed H1N1) almost certainly because of the antibodies she was receiving form me through the milk.Interesting article here: http://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/

DD is extremely confident, independent and not clingy - so she has great coping skills... she's one of the few children at her nursery who are never in tears in the morning when I drop her off.


One thing I have never understood is how many people really want a baby and even go through years of difficulty to have one - and as soon as it arrives they want it to sleep in a separate bed/room, want it to sleep as much as possible (hence CIO etc) and to be off the breast as soon as possible. IMO we start pressuring our children to behave like adults almost as soon as they are born.

Pandora, you may want to read this. You may do with it what you will, but I see it as evidence that the claims for breastfeeding are overstated. I'm not saying it's not good, not advocating not doing it if that's a mother's choice, but I think it is being snake-oiled...

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2006/03/tales_from_the_nursery.html

by Sydney Spiesel
Sydney Spiesel is a pediatrician in Woodbridge, Conn., and clinical professor of pediatrics at Yale University's School of Medicine.

 

[justginger]

I had to think about this for a while. As a non-mother, this image does disturb me, but not TOO much, IYKWIM. I've seen other images more disturbing, and I don't actually feel offended by it.

Like others have mentioned, I am disturbed by the choice of words, and by the image itself. I am terrible with estimating the ages of children, and I honestly thought that boy was about 7 when I first looked at it. There is no intimacy or warmth in the image, just a stark, "Are you offended yet?" vibe. THAT'S what I find offensive - the fact that they were seemingly TRYING to offend. I find it very immature and counterproductive to the discussion of public/extended breastfeeding.