Do you like your future in-laws?

[rosetta]

Well, do you?

If not, do you ever worry about what the hell you're getting yourself into?

If you're already married and thought you could avoid your in-laws altogether, did that actually happen?

Let's talk families.

 

[Future Mrs. Sterling]

I do like my FMIL, quite a bit. Her partner, not so much. She has lived an extremely interesting life, and it seems she passed down her best qualities to her son, so I am certainly thankful for that! I could do without the headaches and drama her partner brings into her life, and by extension, our lives.

Other than that, there are no in-laws to speak of. Other than a step-son who will be 18 before we're married, I'm not gaining much family in this wedding.

 

[that_someone_special]

Well, do you?
NO

If not, do you ever worry about what the hell you're getting yourself into?
YES. I thought that the very first time I met them and his dad started talking about all of his ex-girlfriends and how attractive all of them were... I was pretty much bawling on the way home.

If you're already married and thought you could avoid your in-laws altogether, did that actually happen? n/a

Let's talk families.

 

[turboflgrl]

We're not that close so it's probably a bit premature to make any judgment one way or the other. I do enjoy seeing them but they have been very controlling of FI throughout our relationship (much better as our relationship has progressed since we've been together 6 years in December). I do worry if the dynamic will change progressively for the worst once I officially become part of the family. We'll see once married life begins in February

 

[that_someone_special]

I forgot to say... I am completely jealous of people that have a good bond with their Family-in-laws.

 

[slg47]

ok well...I LOVE FI's parents. They are very supportive of FI and I and I feel really lucky-they have really made me feel welcomed into their family.

 

[rosetta]

i forgot to answer this myself!

I really like my in-laws so far, but i must admit i don't know them very well yet.

i've received some very nice jewellery from them (including some diamond bangles that must be over 10 ctw) when i got engaged but that's sort of expected from asian families (i love tradition some times )

i will be spending some time with future FIL this weekend, without FI for the first time

we'll see how it goes, i really hope it develops into a great relationship with time...

 

[yssie]

I love my in-laws


I'm lucky to be marrying into a wonderful family, DH has a very good relationship with my parents, and our families get along well together

 

[MagsyMay]

Oye, I'll try not to go on a tirade...

Some background, I have one MIL, that is it. Husband has no relationship with his father (although he does exist and lives not terribly far away from his mom, who is about 80 miles away from where we live). Husband is an only child, largely raised himself or was raised by his now-deceased grandma, and his mother has been a very minor part of his life for his entire adulthood (he is 34).

ENTER WEDDING. MIL has been "waiting for this day her entire life" and becomes absolutely the most selfish and immature person I could have ever imagined. The day was about her her her, that was all. She is very financially not well off (although you'd never know it when she dropped $200+ on makeup after getting her hair and makeup done on the wedding day...) and I think it was this huge pomp and circumstance to "show off" her son's wedding day, as that somehow proved "he" had done well and by extension "she" raised him well, or something? On that note, FI in the past had to help her out financially on quite a few occasions throughout his life, including while we've been together, and I do worry very much that into her later years we will have to financially support her (which I would never balk at if the person/family member wasn't so selfish and ungrateful...).

Other than when we're forced to go to visit her, or she forces herself upon us by planning daytrips/excursions/events she wants to go to in Chicago (that she expects husband and I to pay for, including all her meals at the restaraunts she picks...), she does not talk to me, call me, email me, nada. I email her the wedding pictures a few days ago, no "thanks for sending them, i'm so happy to see them, they are great, etc..." nothing. She cares about herself and nothing else, but somehow spins it all in this "woe is me, I could never do a thing wrong" type of manner. She's coming up tomorrow because Sunday is husband's bday and she's decided it would work out well for her to bring along a friend (who happens to also have a recent birthday) and that we should all go on a Frank Lloyd Wright house tour, etc. I'm going batty thinking about it and how it's now ruining the entire day of our first real "free" weekend...

So no, I don't like her. I don't hate her. But I am very bitter and resentful towards her and it causes much tension in our relationship so I try to do the best I can to suck it up. Husband feels sorry for her (but not really because he is extremely resentful towards her because of how her own selfish lifestyle choices ended up giving him a pretty shitty childhood...) and now feels like he should try to be the one source of happiness in her life and doesn't want to disappoint...

I do worry what I've gotten myself into, but never did until we got into the real nitty gritty of wedding planning. Prior to that she was pleasantly absent from our lives/relationship other than an obligatory Christmas Eve visit, maybe Thanksgiving or Easter, and an occasional other visit. Soooo I don't know what happened, but I sure wish it would go back to what it used to be. Here we are less than a month into marriage and she's already requiring a visit? UGH.

In the future, I am looking to minimize time spent with her, period. But I know I will not get to avoid her entirely unfortunately!!

On the other hand, can I add, my parents are AMAZING and my husband is so lucky to have inherited them as ILs. He says so himself, that he wishes they were his parents (aside from the part that would made us siblings ha) and that I am getting totally screwed in this deal!!

 

[calibali]

Well, do you?
Hell. No.

If not, do you ever worry about what the hell you're getting yourself into?
Not really, FI likes me more than them. And with good reason.

 

[mrscushion]

I love my in-laws. They're a little quirky, but who isn't? They've always treated me extremely nicely and are very kind people. I am very lucky in that way. In terms of family relationships, wedding planning was a breeze.

 

[trillionaire]

I couldn't have gotten better in-laws, and our families are so excited about us and each other. They do four way phone calls and talk for hours which is adorable... and they are already planning holidays/vacations together. I feel very, very fortunate.

 

[Autumnovember]

Nope, hate them. I don't mind fiances dad and some of his brothers but his mom is absolutely AWFUL.

I avoid them altogether and it is very peaceful that way.

 

[Trekkie]

Well, do you?
Yes. Very much. They're funny and quirky and his mom is very energetic (way too energetic for someone approaching 60!) and they're really nice.

If not, do you ever worry about what the hell you're getting yourself into? Nope.

If you're already married and thought you could avoid your in-laws altogether, did that actually happen?
I was married before, hated my MIL. She hated me too. Despite living on the other side of the country it was very stressful. The best thing about the divorce was that I could avoid her with a clean conscience.

Let's talk families.
My SO has met my dad and stepmom. It wasn't particularly eventful. When I introduced him to my maternal grandmother they immediately bonded over a shared language and him allowing her to feed him. I don't think I'll ever introduce him to my biological mother. Too distressing.

So... About these diamond bangles... Do they have their own thread...?

 

[Trekkie]

Nope, hate them. I don't mind fiances dad and some of his brothers but his mom is absolutely AWFUL.

I avoid them altogether and it is very peaceful that way.

Some of his brothers?! Good heavens! How many brothers does he have?

 

[elrohwen]

I really like my in-laws. DH isn't close to his extended family, so we rarely see his aunt, uncle, cousins, and grandpa (though they're perfectly fine people). The only in-laws I really deal with are MIL and SIL (and SIL's boyfriend). They're really great and I don't think I could've asked for a better family. MIL can get on my nerves at times - she has a lot of anxiety and can be a little annoying after spending a lot of time with her (but then, so can anybody's mom ) but she's a really nice lady and she loves me a lot. SIL is close in age to us and lives far away, but I love hanging out with her when we get the chance.

 

[stepcutgirl]

ok well...I LOVE FI's parents. They are very supportive of FI and I and I feel really lucky-they have really made me feel welcomed into their family.

Exact same for me.

 

[MissMina]

I was divorced many years ago but no I didn't like my in-laws
much and the feeling was mutual.
They were old hippie types.
Lived in the mountains in an odd house they built.
Make flour from acorns.
FIL had only a nodding acquaintance with soap and water
Calls himself a teacher and a preacher but has never held
a job in the 35 years I have known him.
Constantly made snide remarks about my height, fashion
sense, religion etc.

"You aren't a practicing Catholic are you?"
"No I've got it down by now".

I was married 17 years. I avoided them as much as
possible ie spending most holidays with my family.
My MIL and I found we had a common interest in gardening
that enabled us to bond but my ex FIL to this day thinks
of me as a bubble headed blond.

My MIL passed away suddenly and my ex FIL remarried
several months later.

 

[Steel]

No, I can't stand his parents and siblings. They are very selfish people.

Yes, I really wish my DH had a lovely family that we could all get along. But C'est la vie.

 

[Autumnovember]

Nope, hate them. I don't mind fiances dad and some of his brothers but his mom is absolutely AWFUL.

I avoid them altogether and it is very peaceful that way.

Some of his brothers?! Good heavens! How many brothers does he have?

He has 6 brothers and 1 sister

 

[Mannequin]

I like my future in laws, with a few reservations.

FMIL is a crunchy granola/hippie throwback. She used to take the kids to peace rallies back in the day. She doesn't share many of the same interests as me. She's nice and likes me a lot, but is way more into politics, environmental issues, and government conspiracies than I want to be. I never feel like I have anything to contribute to those conversations. She booked herself to play in a concert on our bridal shower day, so she did not attend last weekend. Quite a bummer. If it was up to her, we would have gotten married in a small backyard ceremony and already spawned her a grandchild or two.

FFIL and FMIL are not married. I can see why! FFIL is hard for me to get along with. He is very self-absorbed, and really only contacts FI if he wants something done. FI and I have had to bust him on inappropriate comments and touching. We've had a few huge fights this year when I called him out on his bullshizz. Not pleasant. I spend as little time interacting with him as I can.

I LOVE my FBIL and FSIL. They are both in our wedding party and we all get along famously.

 

[bee*]

I like my in-laws. They have accepted us as a couple since day 1 and although sometimes we don't see eye to eye we always resolve everything straight away. We've gone on holidays with them and DH and I have also gone on holidays with his parents and my parents altogether. My SIL is also great and we get along really well.

 

[Trekkie]

Nope, hate them. I don't mind fiances dad and some of his brothers but his mom is absolutely AWFUL.

I avoid them altogether and it is very peaceful that way.

Some of his brothers?! Good heavens! How many brothers does he have?

He has 6 brothers and 1 sister

 

[Miss Sparkly]

I forgot to say... I am completely jealous of people that have a good bond with their Family-in-laws.

So agree! I thought that we would start to get along, but no. I'm too outspoken, too liberal and too confident for their "sweet" son I stay away from them whenever possible and it's not difficult to do. It's to the point that DH won't answer his phone anymore because all they'll do is harass him about not coming to see them when they go to Costco all the time and we live a couple streets away from there. Their excuse, "you're just so far away" Control freaks!

Luckly DH, myself and my parents (who are divorced) are a very tight group and I think that makes up for the crap we have to put with from his family.

ega: married just over 5 years. The age factor really pissed them off too. I had just turned 19 and DH was 23. We also eloped because they wanted to take our guest list up to over 100 (from a close group of about 25) and was only offering to give us an extra $2,000 to feed them all a full dinner with wine. They told us that no matter what, this wasn't our wedding and it wasn't truly about us so we needed to get over ourselves

 

[CurlySue]

I love my future in-laws - his parents, his sisters, his sisters' husbands, his aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews. I love the whole lot of them (okay... there are a few I can only take in small doses!), and I consider myself extremely lucky. And believe it or not, my fiance tells me he loves my family, too. Yep - it's a big love fest.

Beyond the fact that our family members are pretty cool people, I think there are a few other factors that help us maintain strong positive relationships...

1. We are both in our mid- to late-30s, so we've both been independent from our families for quite some time. They are used to us living our lives on our own, and that didn't change when we became a couple. They offer input when we ask for it but otherwise are very hands off. They just want to see us happy.

2. We don't live close to our families. We're in Chicago. His parents are in Indiana. Mine are in the southeast. Our siblings are all over the country. So we don't have people "around" on a regular basis. I think that helps with #1, too.

But even when we DO get together, we have a great time. Like I said, I consider myself very lucky!

 

[Autumnovember]

Nope, hate them. I don't mind fiances dad and some of his brothers but his mom is absolutely AWFUL.

I avoid them altogether and it is very peaceful that way.

Some of his brothers?! Good heavens! How many brothers does he have?

He has 6 brothers and 1 sister

....thats exactly how I feel.

 

[Anonymous]

The short answer is yes.

The long answer...

I was pretty skeptical of my FMIL in the beginning. FI had relied on her far too long, so it's not all her fault. Once he started taking care of things for himself, she was a little obsessive/nutty until she realized that she needed to back off. Once I met her, and we started developing a family relationship, she totally relaxed about everything. I think she had a little bit of a struggle with the fact that he had a "new woman" in his life that was his #1 priority. Over the course of about a year she went from making up things that she absolutely NEEDED his help on, and being "lost without him" (her words exactly), to gushing about how happy she is to have me for a daughter in law and how lucky her son is to have found me.

For me, it was also a challenge in the beginning. My family has a pretty strict "abandon your children once they're old enough to take care of themselves, unless you need money" policy. So I was not at all used to their close-knit family style. Now that I'm actually a part of the family, I couldn't be happier. It's filled a very sad void in my life, and I feel so fortunate to have them in my life. To be fair, as a PP said, she does get a little annoying after a few days, but that's what moms do.

 

[TooPatient]

NO!!!

Luckily FI can't stand them either. They hardly ever see each other (never in the case of other family members) and it has now been over a year since they even spoke (no big fight, just don't bother to talk).

Actually.... they don't even know we're engaged and won't be getting invited to the wedding (FI won't budge on this one).

 

[amc80]

I like them, in the way you like a neighbor or great aunt or something. When the four of us go to dinner we have a fun time. But I would never think of calling his mom to hang out or anything. We are just very different people. I think we will always be friendly but I can't see ever being close (same way BF is with them).

 

[zoebartlett]

I like my in-laws. My husband's parents and mine couldn't be more different, and I'll admit that I don't always agree with how his parents handle things. They're very hands-off, if that makes sense. Sometimes I wish they'd have more opinions or be more hands-on. It's hard to explain. I woudn't say I'm super close to them but I do like them. They've always treated me well.

My husband and I have to be careful of talking in-depth at times about what our childhoods were like (through high school, anyway) because his parents and mine had very different expectations for their children. It can be a touchy subject.