Do you invite your boss to your wedding?

[verticalhorizon]

Is it expected that you invite your boss to your wedding? We''re trying to keep things small, but if I invite my supervisor, will the president be offended?

It''s a small place. Will my supervisor be offended if I invite some close work friends and not not the supervisor?

I didn''t realize how quick the guest list would add up.

 

[Peter]

The hell with all of them...the wedding is about YOU not them. 85% of people who come to big weddings don't want to come. I get invited to tons of weddings, have to buy a gift and in the end I would have rather been left alone!!!

However, every relationship with ones boss is different and you have to balance everything...but remember it is about you not them!!!

 

[hoorray]

I think you have a few choices: invite the "chain of command and/or surrounding associates" keeping everything politically correct and not singling out someone who is not invited, or, invite the people you are close with and don't worry about the rest. (People you work with know who you are close with.) Or, I guess the 3rd option, is invite whomever you want -- people will live with it. Also, I think you are better off inviting your supervisor and not the president then the other way around, it you go are complying with the forst option. You don't have to go all the way up the chain. President's get that.

I would probably go with the third option, with a little thought put into people's feelings. But then....maybe you should ask GroomZilla! He should know!

 

[Jennifer5973]

This situation must be evaluated according to several factors and ultimately, is about what YOU want and are comfortable with. How long have you worked there? Is is a small company where evereyone is close kit? How long do you foreseeably plan to stay there assuming things go well?

make a list of the work people you genuinely want there. Then see who is left. i think lop is right about the President. Unless everyone else who got married there invited him/her, just stick to the supervisor if in the end that's what you feel is best.

I got married almost 8 years ago and looking back, I invited too many work people at a job that I knew I would be out of sooner than later. My wedding pictures are full of people I haven't see in 7 years and will never see again, including my idiot boss!

 

[verticalhorizon]

(HEY LOP, I AM THE GROOMZILLA!)

Anyway, those are all good replies thanks. It is a very small office ~25 people. I would probably only invite 2 staff people and their spouses, even still, I think I might feel guilty if I didn't invite my supervisor.

Here's another crinkle. Supervisor isn't attached or dating (I don't think) and I'm trying to keep wedding small (we're paying)... do I invite supervisor AND guest? We will be inviting the other two staff persons and THEIR spouses (of whom I also enjoy their company). I'm thinking no and just say, "I'd love to have you there, but we're really tight on money."

 

[Mari]

I think that with our without guest depends on the rest of hte wedding.
Will he be the only one without a date?
If so I think it's a bit cruel, would you want to be the only person not paired up at a wedding?

If there are lots of people invitied as singles then I don't see it as a problem. At our wedding we are only allowing "guests" if they are spouses or cohabiting and in quite a few cases both parties are our friends. This means there will be about 20 people not coming with dates, which makes it OK for all of them.

Only my opinion though.

Antohger option is if he isn't dating you could arrange for a single friend of the opposite sex to be his "date" that way you spend the money on someone you know and like. Although I'm not very good with the whole dating scene, the rules are different in Europe.

Mari

 

[ame]

I have only 5 co-workers and since they are all well-aware of everything going on and were around before I was engaged, I feel like it would be rude of me to not invite them. I might not invite their families/spouses though. I already have 250 guests, mostly family members (big freakin family) so I feel like if I can avoid any people I really don't know it is worth it.

 

[Mara]

IMO part of it is your work relationship. I personally didn't want any of my coworkers or boss at my wedding, YIKES! Well except for my one good coworker friend, who did come to Hawaii.




Then again, having the wedding in Hawaii made all of that easy. I didn't bother to invite alot of people because it wasn't really necessary for destination. You could dispense with some of the formality. But heh who am I kidding? I wouldn't have invited them anyway!

Part of why I left the company!

 

[glitterata]

I once got invited to the wedding of the woman I had just replaced at her old job--she had left because her fiance lived on the other side of the country. She was very close with all my colleagues and I guess she didn't want me to feel left out when she invited everybody else. I went because I didn't want to hurt her feelings or act aloof, although I also thought it might have been politer not to go, so she wouldn't have to pay for me. I tried to make up for it by buying one of the more expensive gifts on her registry, which I think embarrassed her a bit. On the whole, it would probably have been less awkward if she hadn't invited me, although I enjoyed myself and liked her (and later on got to be good friends with her brother-in-law, who was one of my new colleagues).

Long winded story, I guess my point is, sometimes the people you don't want to invite don't really want to come.

 

[fire&ice]

Wow, tough call. I invited my close immediate co-workers & the head of the team. All came, exept the "supervisor". All gave great gifts. All had a great time. Spouses are always included - in my book ALWAYS! I invited the single one's to bring a guest. They all declined as they wanted to meet my single friends.

No easy answer. Good luck.

 

[Hest88]

I always thought inviting your boss was de rigeur. I'd invite your close work friends, assuming you considering them as much friend as co-worker, and your boss.

 

[chialea]

Erk... it just occured to me that we might be expected to invite our advisors. I like 'em, don't get me wrong, it just seems somewhat strange. I can just see mine walking up to me and asking me when I'm going to be getting back to work!

 

[hoorray]

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On 7/7/2004 11:07:51 AM verticalhorizon wrote:

(HEY LOP, I AM THE GROOMZILLA!)

Anyway, those are all good replies thanks. It is a very small office ~25 people. I would probably only invite 2 staff people and their spouses, even still, I think I might feel guilty if I didn't invite my supervisor.

Here's another crinkle. Supervisor isn't attached or dating (I don't think) and I'm trying to keep wedding small (we're paying)... do I invite supervisor AND guest? We will be inviting the other two staff persons and THEIR spouses (of whom I also enjoy their company). I'm thinking no and just say, 'I'd love to have you there, but we're really tight on money.'
----------------

Hey VH -- I knew that!

anyway...if you aren't friends with your supervisor and are keeping it really small, I wouldn't invite him. He'll understand if the only people invited are known good friends. And, I think it's ok to invite just him if you do -- especially if it is an obviously small group.

 

[verticalhorizon]

My supervisor is a woman, if that changes anything, Lop.

 

[hoorray]

It really shouldn't.

I guess I would think through how various people would feel if they were or were not invited, based on who you are inviting and who you are friends with etc.. (You have to work with them, so you don't want hard feelings, but I believe that people understand needing to keep an invite list small.) If you think your supervisor will know enough people to be comfortable, you don't necessarily have to include a guest invitation with her.

That said, one of the few things I regret about my wedding (many moons ago) is that in hindsight I was chintzy with the guest list, trying to keep the costs down, and left out a few people who I regret. In the big scheme of things a few more people won't make a significant $$ difference. I always felt guilty or uncomfortable with the few people who we left out (friends, but not our closest friends.) I've learned to err on the side of overinviting, rather than under inviting. Not everyone will attend in most cases, so that gives you some wiggle room.

 

[msbennie]

I'm not inviting my boss; however, I'm also a boss and have concerns about inviting the people who work on my team. There are certain ones that I would feel comfortable inviting and others not. I don't want to invite all of them but if I don't, I may be perceived to have favorites...which is not the case. Also, if I do invite all of my team, with my limitations on the number of people, I cannot invite their spouses or significant others. What should I do???

 

[aljdewey]

I know for most people weddings are a big show, but for us, it really signified a very intimate occasion.....a private moment to share with immediate family and close friends. Our guests totalled only 28 people.




My DH and I both work for the same company - about 200 people. Each of us works in a department with about 9-12 people. Had we opened the door to co-workers, it would have drastically impacted the feel of the day. We also had to be mindful that our reception was on a ship which limited our headcount capabilities.




We decided it was best to stick with only immediate family and CLOSE friends. We didn't even extend invites to aunts/uncles/cousins. Just immediate family (parent, sibs, grandmother) and a few close friends.




I think it would have been very difficult to invite some co-workers without inviting others. We really worried that folks would be offended, but most seemed very gracious in understanding how small we wanted to keep it.