Do you invite your boss to the wedding?

[NYCDiva]

Hey guys, I have been at my job for a little over 3 years now, my office is only 6 people. I have 2 bosses who are partners, however the atmosphere in the office is strictly professional and they never invite any of us to their gatherings. I have a huge dilemma of wheather or not to invite them to my wedding, most people think I should. My invitations are going out in 2 weeks. Im desperate for advise, please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[hoorray]

Do you want them there?

It seems to me that you don''t have a protocol within the group that requires it. I don''t know what the formal manners books would say. I would think about whether you will feel awkward not having invited them as you get closer to the wedding and in the post-wedding time, and whether you would feel awkward or good having them there at the time. My rule of thumb is to over invite rather than under invite, but know how important it is to keep the numbers down in general.

 

[Hest88]

I always think it''s a good idea to invite your boss to your wedding.

 

[JKohio]

I would only invite my boss if I was very close to him or her. Since nobody in your office tends to invite the others to gatherings, I wouldn''t feel obligated to invite the boss to yours. On the other hand, if you all tend to ''do lunch'' or after work Friday wind-down gatherings regularly as a group & you feel close enough to them, then go for it. (Personally, I try to keep work stuff separate, but that''s just me.) Good luck making the decision!

 

[moremoremore]

I feel your pain! When I got married, I was at the job for about 1 year. I invited all 5 of them with spouses. We were not ''friends'' and the only gathering was a holiday lunch and one bbq. The actually came and I felt it was the right thing to do b/c the office was so small....but if I was cutting it close with numbers, I would not have invited them. The + is that they gave a good gift LOL...surely an office tax deduction!!!!!!!

 

[qtiekiki]

I am not going to invite my big boss for sure, but I am debating whether or not to invite my immediate boss. We haven''t been to any gatherings together beside the Christmas dinner, but she does occasionally ask about my wedding planning so I feel like I should invite her. I don''t know.

 

[NYCDiva]

Thank you guys, your advice is very helpful. However Im still debating. Here''s the thing, my boss never ever asks anything about the wedding, he doesnt even remember when it is, which I find pretty sad. I work for a law firm and the 2 bosses basically make us feel like were lower than low. They always throw fancy parties and have the nerve to discuss them right in front of us ( there are 3 girls in the office including me), I just don''t see why I should invite someone like that to my wedding. Honestly, they probably would not even want to come thinking that they are too good for me.

 

[hoorray]

From the sounds of it, I would pass on inviting them. If you were friendly with them and thought you and they would be happy to have them there, I''d invite them. If they are not overly interested in it, it should be natural to not include them.

FWIW... We invited our immediate bosses and the big bosses to ours. We were good friends with the imediatel bosses, so that was natural. It was a little awkward with the big bosses, as it brought the work environment into a very personal setting. In hindsight, I think I should have passed on the big bosses and invited a couple of the friends that we had to eliminate to keep the numbers down.

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 1/5/2005 10:26:53 AM
Author: NYCDiva
Thank you guys, your advice is very helpful. However Im still debating. Here''s the thing, my boss never ever asks anything about the wedding, he doesnt even remember when it is, which I find pretty sad. I work for a law firm and the 2 bosses basically make us feel like were lower than low. They always throw fancy parties and have the nerve to discuss them right in front of us ( there are 3 girls in the office including me), I just don''t see why I should invite someone like that to my wedding. Honestly, they probably would not even want to come thinking that they are too good for me.

You poor dear. I think the debate should be "should I stay in my job with bosses like this". If you do not feel comfortable inviting them, then don''t.

One thing to consider, are they much older than you? Often, the dismissal has more to do with the fact that you may not be able to relate to their peer group *age*. But, they could just be butts.

The invite list was one of the harder wedding planning tasks. I have to agree with Lop on the err on the side of invite rather than not invite if you budget permits.

 

[moremoremore]

I agree. I would never invite them if you feel like that. E/t I understand that our bosses are not our friends and that they generally feel like they are better than us LOL....that sounds pretty bad. Forget it!

 

[aljdewey]

I guess I''m the voice of dissension here. I honestly believe that a wedding is a PERSONAL event......while many may share in your happiness, it IS a personal event. To me, it''s completely acceptable to choose to keep personal separate from business.

In your instance, where you don''t mingle with these folks socially at all, I see no reason to invite them to a personal social event of yours....even if it''s a wedding.

Just because you can "afford" to invite folks doesn''t mean you should do so if you''re uncomfortable with the idea.

 

[SJS1234]

My 2 cents..... don''t worry about it for a second more. Pass on the invite. He''s not going to be annoyed or offended by not getting an invitation, but if he DOES get one he might feel obligated to attend something he really has no desire to attend. AND he might hold a grudge for having to deal with it.....maybe not, but from what you said, he seems very dismissive of the "lowly". Would be different if he had expressed interest in the plans, or if you had a more personal business relationship (if that makes sense). again, just my 2 cents....blah blah blah!

 

[rfath]

I work as a technician in an academic research lab.... most of the people there are still the way undergrads tend to be when there''s free food involved and they''re poor.. While it would be entertaining to see the caterer''s reaction to them trying to remove all of the food as quickly as possible, I''ll probably pass on inviting them. I don''t really hang out with them socially, sadly.

 

[NYCDiva]

Fire&Ice, there is a significant difference between me and my bosses, I am 25, they are 47 and 50. The one that just turned 50, had a huge Birthday Bash and kept talking about it through out the whole office, and the other one just threw his son a Bar Mitzva Party for like 300 people and even had the nerve to ask me to confirm w/ some of his guests!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Us girls were never invited to either one, and my boss actually said to me " no offense, I just want to keep things here professional". The only times we ever go out w/ them is for an annual Christmas Party.

 

[qtiekiki]

He wants to keep things strictly professional, then I say don''t invite them. They can''t get mad for not being invited since it is strictly a personal event. It seems like it would just be uncomfortable for you if you invite them.

 

[rms]

Of the 10 or so people from my group at work, I only invited 1 of them to my wedding, because I really did not feel close to any of the others. That 1 person and I always had a great working relationship, and other than a couple of happy hours will likely never go out socially. But I felt that he is my friend and so I wanted to invite him. I did not invite my manager, and he is just as nice to me as he has always been. Do what makes you feel comfortable.

 

[Girls-best-friend]

I wouldn''t invite them. If the office environment is professional and they haven''t extended any invites to you then I wouldn''t feel bad about it. I would suspect they aren''t expecting to be invited anyway.

Have they asked you anything about your wedding at all, how''s the planning going etc?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/5/2005 10:26:53 AM
Author: NYCDiva
Thank you guys, your advice is very helpful. However Im still debating. Here''s the thing, my boss never ever asks anything about the wedding, he doesnt even remember when it is, which I find pretty sad. I work for a law firm and the 2 bosses basically make us feel like were lower than low. They always throw fancy parties and have the nerve to discuss them right in front of us ( there are 3 girls in the office including me), I just don''t see why I should invite someone like that to my wedding. Honestly, they probably would not even want to come thinking that they are too good for me.

NYCDiva
rule #1 never invite people who think their SH!!!T don''t stink

,especially bosses who think they are too high class for you.

 

[Rockchick]

Date: 1/5/2005 9:33:47 PM
Author: NYCDiva
Fire&Ice, there is a significant difference between me and my bosses, I am 25, they are 47 and 50. The one that just turned 50, had a huge Birthday Bash and kept talking about it through out the whole office, and the other one just threw his son a Bar Mitzva Party for like 300 people and even had the nerve to ask me to confirm w/ some of his guests!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Us girls were never invited to either one, and my boss actually said to me '' no offense, I just want to keep things here professional''. The only times we ever go out w/ them is for an annual Christmas Party.

NO WAY!!!

I would never invite them!! Especially if they say "want to keep things professional".

I do understand how you feel, it''s difficult.

 

[NYCDiva]

Girl''s Best Friend, in reply to your question, No they never ever ask anything about my wedding and the few times that I brushed on the topic they have tried to avoid it at all costs. As a matter of fact, I still have to tell my bosses that I''m going to need the whole month of April of. Hehehehehe - I bet they''ll love that one. They are just such unapproachable, dry people that anything is an issue with them.

 

[JKohio]

"Girl''s Best Friend, in reply to your question, No they never ever ask anything about my wedding and the few times that I brushed on the topic they have tried to avoid it at all costs. As a matter of fact, I still have to tell my bosses that I''m going to need the whole month of April of. Hehehehehe - I bet they''ll love that one. They are just such unapproachable, dry people that anything is an issue with them. "


OK, so then... WHY would you want to invite people like that to the most important occasion of your life??

It seems to me that you would be happier surrounded by people who love you & actually care about your joy. These folks clearly don''t.

 

[Girls-best-friend]

If thats the case I wouldn''t even give it another thought why have dried up people at your wonderful day. I wouldn''t give them the satisfaction of wasting an invite. I would put in for my time off and think no more of it! They sound very rude!

 

[Billyba36]

Honestly, I''m a lawyer, and if my receptionist was getting married, I''d prefer she not invite me to the wedding. Yes, I''d give her and her soon to be husband a nice gift, but I''d rather not go to her wedding. If I was to get married tomorrow I''d invite my partners, my assistant and paralegal, and their SOs, but that''s it. There are another 5 employees working here that I wouldn''t invite. Is that standard protocol? Would they be offended? I don''t know, but I don''t see why MY wedding should be an event where I feel compelled to invite everyone under the sun for no other reason than I work in the same office that they do and vice versa. Trust me, your boss likely would rather not go if you guys don''t head out for happy hour or have an otherwise somewhat social relationship. The people I''d invite from my office are people I cocktail with on occasion. Sorry your boss doesn''t invite you over to "hoity-toity" it up with his partners, but trust me, being the junior member of my firm, I go to my managing partners'' gala affairs because I''m compelled to, not because they''re so much fun. I''d rather be engagement ring shopping. By and large attorneys are self-absorbed, narcissistic, a-holes and would feel like you are making them waste a perfectly decent Saturday if you invited them.

 

[NYCDiva]

Billyba36, I appreciate your very honest answer, it's nice to hear from someone in the field. However, Iam a personal assistant/parallegal, therefore I think there's no excuse for their actions. The bottom line is, if you're not an attorney, you're as good as trash, which is all well and good because that's what they are in my eyes. I mean for crying out loud they still can't get over the fact that I drive a Lexus and a Porsche and have a E-ring which is 4 times bigger then their wives'. They even went as far as asking me if my fiancee is a drug dealer, because clearly only they can make real money. They are laughable. Overall, I have never met people more disgusting in my life. Thankfully I only have a few more months with them.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

and my boss actually said to me '' no offense, I just want to keep things here professional''.

have you decided what to do?. . .I think this comment you boss made should answer your question about inviting them.

Glad to hear you only have a few more months there and hope you LOVE your next job/boss(es)