Do you hide your love, er, obsession for fine jewelry?

[madelise]

Today marks exactly 1 year since I got engaged, and almost 6 months since he broke my heart.

After months and months of hoping, and holding on, and wishing, I'm ready to move on. I realize now that I probably never knew him, or at least the man I knew no longer exists.



---


So I'm curious.. is my obsession/love for jewelry something I should embrace in this newfound singledom? Like, it's part of my personality, like how one says they love shoes, or they love Lego, or they love Disney? Or is this something, due to its luxuriousness and price tags and some social implications, that I should "hide my crazy"?

What would PSers do?


I was recently on a first date, and the fellow noticed my eternity that I wore on my middle finger after we joked around about my having multiple husbands. After that, he seemed to have his eyes follow my ring, and he also commented on my pendant. Maybe I shouldn't wear rings on dates?

 

[lambskin]

Depends. My hubby hates to talk about and shop for jewelry. It just is not his thing. He bears with me when I am in the mood to get a piece. If you find someone who notices and appreciates fine jewelry all the more power to you. What a great conversation starter and a great date doing a little window shopping or going to auctions, gem shows, estate sales or antique shops. But if it seems like your date is 'casing the goods/estimating the wealth' kinda look...be careful.

 

[packrat]

I don't hide it from JD-I can't, sharing finances and all. My parents, yes.

On a date...I dunno how I would approach that b/c the jewelry I wore years ago before we got married and I discovered PS was cheapy mall store stuff. (tho not cheapy to me at the time..amazing how our perspectives change haha) It's not like you're decked out in 100k worth of jewelry, so probably I wouldn't hide it. I would wear my ring and pendant and studs and heck throw in a pretty watch and bracelet too. I wouldn't worry about it.

Are you thinking guys will look at your jewelry and think you're high maintenance?

 

[monarch64]

Today marks 11 years since my first wedding! Life certainly has its ups and downs. Fortunately, I'm in a happy place again with a second chance and life really has improved. Things will improve for you, too.

As far as letting your jewelry freak flag fly...I wouldn't go to great lengths to hide it, nor would I make a huge deal about it right out of the gate. Like any enthusiast, your passion will come to the forefront at some point in conversation. I say be yourself, but maybe don't put all your cards on the table at first. Wishing you good luck in your dating endeavors, Madelise.

Edited for one grammatical error that was bugging me.

 

[kenny]

My love of diamonds has nothing to do with romance.

 

[JewelFreak]

Monnie's advice can't be better put or improved on!

--- Laurie

 

[Circe]

Today marks 11 years since my first wedding! Life certainly has its ups and downs. Fortunately, I'm in a happy place again with a second chance and life really has improved. Things will improve for you, too.

As far as letting your jewelry freak flag fly...I wouldn't go to great lengths to hide it, nor would I make a huge deal about it right out of the gate. Like any enthusiast, your passion will come to the forefront at some point in conversation. I say be yourself, but maybe don't put all your cards on the table at first. Wishing you good luck in your dating endeavors, Madelise.

Edited for one grammatical error that was bugging me.

Best.

Phrase.

Ever.

EVER.

Ahem. But, anyway ... I've always been really open about it, because silversmithing had been my hobby since I was a teen, and anybody who got to know me well enough to ask, "So, what did your parents do?" would learn about me having been involved on one level or another with the wonderful world of bling through my dad since I was a little kid. But since I also made a point of coming out about everything that could conceivably be a deal-breaker within the first few dates (seriously ... being Jewish, being pagan, being bi, being a feminist, being a geek, being a comic geek, you name it), I think it just sort of blended into the general Circe of it all.

One of the many bonuses of eventually dating & then marrying my best friend was ... he already knew my attitudes to jewelry & gifts & all that jazz, so I didn't need to worry about coming off as materialistic: he understood the underlying philosophies. In fact, since more-or-less the night we got together he had to go off on a long trip abroad, he came back with gifts of jewelry (and fairy tale books, and duty-free cigarettes, since he knew his audience). It was actually really, really touching, not because I like presents (well, not just because I like presents), but because it was really sweet to see how much of my random commentary about how I expressed/processed affection had sunk in!

 

[luv2sparkle]

Sometimes, I think the bling I wear puts people off a bit. I notice their eyes going to it, be it necklace, earrings or ring. But I never mention it or talk about it. It won't stop me from wearing it though. I don't think it should stop you either Mandelise. If it puts a guy off, he is not the right guy for you. Lots of men have expensive hobbies so I don't think they should mind your love of bling. Who wants to be married to a cheapskate anyway?

 

[dk168]

I can't help it that I love jewellery, however, I do not believe I am a jewellery bore and talk nothing except jewellery.

I do not see why I should hide about my love for jewellery, or other interests or recreational activities that I enjoy.

I have acquired a few nice pieces along the way, to compliment the ones gifted to me by my parents, and shall wear them as and when I see fit.

The nicer pieces are worn on special occasions, when more bling is unlikely to be out of place.

And I have always been opened about what I have planned to do when I retire - to learn silver/goldsmithing and gem cutting, so that I can make my own jewellery. If I win big money in the lottery, that's what I would do right away, a complete vocation change.

DK

 

[arkieb1]

Big hugs to you!!!! Do you have something you could wear as a left hand ring - a coloured stone ring or something more like a dress ring? What you are describing is very common guys see bands and think either the girl is taken (sending out the wrong message) or the girl wants to be taken (also sending out the wrong message early in the relationship). I am a jewellery/stone obsessive as well (husband's family own a rock, crystal, fossil, gemstone museum and shop), my father is a metal artist - so it is in my DNA and I totally get your passion but I think guys can be idiots and some can get mixed messages from jewellery depending upon the type of jewellery you wear. Having said that you should be able to have your own style without wearing anything that could potentially send the wrong signal.

And for the record I think sometimes women judge other women by the jewellery they wear as well. So I guess sometimes I do tone down my passion because most people don't get it and it probably isn't cool to rock up to some situations dripping in bling, although the older I get the less I care about what other people think.

 

[GliderPoss]

Today marks 11 years since my first wedding! Life certainly has its ups and downs. Fortunately, I'm in a happy place again with a second chance and life really has improved. Things will improve for you, too.

As far as letting your jewelry freak flag fly...I wouldn't go to great lengths to hide it, nor would I make a huge deal about it right out of the gate. Like any enthusiast, your passion will come to the forefront at some point in conversation. I say be yourself, but maybe don't put all your cards on the table at first. Wishing you good luck in your dating endeavors, Madelise.

Edited for one grammatical error that was bugging me.

This exactly - terrific advice!

 

[TooPatient]

Sometimes, I think the bling I wear puts people off a bit. I notice their eyes going to it, be it necklace, earrings or ring. But I never mention it or talk about it. It won't stop me from wearing it though. I don't think it should stop you either Mandelise. If it puts a guy off, he is not the right guy for you. Lots of men have expensive hobbies so I don't think they should mind your love of bling. Who wants to be married to a cheapskate anyway?

Yep!

 

[Sky56]

Sometimes. But the things I wear are a dead giveaway. I often mix the fine things with $20 sterling jewelry. So, I come off as a jewelry nut, but not necessarily one that announces "fancy, high maintenance" to the world.

 

[stracci2000]

I love fine jewelry. I wear my good stuff everyday, and try to rotate it, so none of my pieces are ignored. Gems have feelings, you know? LOL
I have over 200 rings. I change them around as much as possible on my left hand, but always wear my diamond right hand rings everyday.
If someone asks me about my diamonds or other item I am wearing, they may get a real earful, 'cause I love to talk jewelry and gems.
I frequently comment on the jewelry of others, too!

The girls I work with rarely ask about what I am wearing and I don't care. If they live in a jewelry wasteland, that's their problem.
I wear it 'cause I love it, and that's all that matters. Jewelry makes me happy.

 

[MMtwo]

Not did not hide it with my fiance. He collects things too, so appreciated that there are things I like. I think that if a man were to judge your appreciation of jewelry and label you "high maintenance" he may be the wrong type of man for you.

 

[Andelain]

Love me, love my bling. And my cat. Or at least accept both.

 

[WinkHPD]

Today marks exactly 1 year since I got engaged, and almost 6 months since he broke my heart.

After months and months of hoping, and holding on, and wishing, I'm ready to move on. I realize now that I probably never knew him, or at least the man I knew no longer exists.



---


So I'm curious.. is my obsession/love for jewelry something I should embrace in this newfound singledom? Like, it's part of my personality, like how one says they love shoes, or they love Lego, or they love Disney? Or is this something, due to its luxuriousness and price tags and some social implications, that I should "hide my crazy"?

What would PSers do?


I was recently on a first date, and the fellow noticed my eternity that I wore on my middle finger after we joked around about my having multiple husbands. After that, he seemed to have his eyes follow my ring, and he also commented on my pendant. Maybe I shouldn't wear rings on dates?

Maybe, like me, he has a bit of the magpie in him and is drawn to sparkly things. Both my wife and my mom kid me about being part magpie as I will walk up to strange women and compliment them on their jewelry at any time of the day or night.

It never occurred to me that it might make a woman uncomfortable if I looked at her jewelry. Even if it had, I would look any way. I have loved sparklies since I was a child and will love them until I die. Oh, and I am an equal opportunity sparkly watcher. I do not differentiate between an expensive diamond and a nice looking piece of costume jewelry. If it looks fantastic, I compliment on it. I even stopped a stranger at the football game Sat night as she walked up the steps toward the concession stands to comment on her beautiful Rhinestone pendant it bright orange and blue Boise State colors. She held it out for me to see better and beamed as she told me her husband had it made for her.

My wife, Resa, laughed after she had gone on up the steps and said, "You sure made her evening." I replied, "Made mine too, that was a beautiful pendant!"

I say, if he calls you back, you should tell him how much you enjoyed that he liked your jewelry and draw him into a discussion about beauty. If he does not call you back, well, that is probably his loss.

Wink

 

[momhappy]

Is your eternity band and/or pendant large? Unless your wearing a bunch of large/extravagant pieces, I'm not sure why it would even matter?

 

[distracts]

But since I also made a point of coming out about everything that could conceivably be a deal-breaker within the first few dates (seriously ... being Jewish, being pagan, being bi, being a feminist, being a geek, being a comic geek, you name it), I think it just sort of blended into the general Circe of it all.

Yeppp. My rule was always that if it was a potential dealbreaker, it needed to be disclosed by me or asked about by the third date. Usually I got all that over with on the first date. Not gonna lie, I think this is part of why I quickly got married versus my friends who have had multiple long relationships that they never see going anywhere - many of them only found the dealbreakers AFTER they were attached, even when they were fairly predictable things like wanting children, religion, where they want to live, etc. So I say if it's important to you, get it out there. But it's also important with jewelry to show that you're not just a mindless consumer - you do your research, you know a TON about it compared to normal people - it's a hobby and interest, just like any other interest that involves learning about and buying things. Unfortunately with jewelry there are some extra hurdles to overcome w.r.t sexism and stereotypes. I have found that the moment you start talking about physics and optics people tend to think you're an irredeemable nerd and zone out. BUT the "irredeemable nerd" overrides "materialistic gold-digger." And I AM an irredeemable nerd in all ways, so. You know.

And for the record I think sometimes women judge other women by the jewellery they wear as well.

Whenever I say anything remotely feminist around strange women, even ones who are supposedly hardcore feminists, they ALWAYS obviously look at my engagement ring. One time I was at a seminar for progressive women's leadership and the leader of the seminar like GLARED at my ring after I said something about feminism. Like, seriously, lady, cool your jets, I can be a raging feminist AND love bling AND be married, jesus christ. That was especially appalling to me because she seemed like the sort of person who SHOULD know that regarding typically feminine interests such as fashion/makeup/jewelry as less and/or deserving of scorn is sexist and A Tool Of The Patriarchy.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I don't see a love of jewelry and the various activities that go with it differently than any other expensive hobby. It's something you're interested in and it's something you enjoy.

Besides, if they don't know you love jewelry how are they going to know to buy it for you?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

My immediate family is aware of my jewelry hobby...husband, children, and my 2 sisters, but that's it. I'd never discuss it with anyone else unless the topic somehow came up, and it never does. I wear a moderate amount of jewelry when I go places, never over the top.

I think in your case, Madelise, I would be conservative wearing jewelry with men you do not know well. I just think that is for your safety. If they ever compliment a piece, then I'd say thanks, I really enjoy nice jewelry. That's enough. I can't imagine many men, other than the men jewelry fans we have here, really wanting to hear a lot about that topic! I certainly spare my husband a lot of jewelry talk and save the talk for when I need to tell him there is something I want!

 

[HopeDream]

I was born this way.
I've always loved jewelry and sparklies, and have worn whatever I wanted to in the past.
I've always been drawn to collecting interesting pieces of jewellery and I love that across many cultures it's a traditional form of women's wealth and economic independence. ( Maybe I'm just a dragon at heart?)

Now that I'm mostly focused on diamonds and platinum, I do tend to tone down what I wear, and choose my daily wear pieces very carefully to reflect my mood and the activities of that day.

Where I live and work, there is noticeable social pressure against fine jewelery above a certain size or caliber as frivolous conspicuous consumption.

For some reason choosing to spend money on jewelry instead of on disposable consumer goods and electronics is frowned upon as something only the spoiled wealthy do. I work very hard to afford my sparklies and I hate that wearing them makes me seem spoiled to the casual observer, when the opposite is true.

My family doesn't really understand, and I worry about being judged by my friends and co-workers, so I try to keep it on the DL. I'd love to chat about my jewellery hobby, but I feel judged any time I mention it to anyone outside of PS.

As for dating,
I think an eternity ring and pendant are perfectly appropriate to wear on a date, as long as your engagement finger is bare. He may as well know right away that jewellery is one of your hobbies.

 

[Monnyjay]

I don't see a love of jewelry and the various activities that go with it differently than any other expensive hobby. It's something you're interested in and it's something you enjoy.

Besides, if they don't know you love jewelry how are they going to know to buy it for you?

Well said Hudson Hawk! Exactly how I see it too!

 

[Circe]

My immediate family is aware of my jewelry hobby...husband, children, and my 2 sisters, but that's it. I'd never discuss it with anyone else unless the topic somehow came up, and it never does. I wear a moderate amount of jewelry when I go places, never over the top.

I think in your case, Madelise, I would be conservative wearing jewelry with men you do not know well. I just think that is for your safety. If they ever compliment a piece, then I'd say thanks, I really enjoy nice jewelry. That's enough. I can't imagine many men, other than the men jewelry fans we have here, really wanting to hear a lot about that topic! I certainly spare my husband a lot of jewelry talk and save the talk for when I need to tell him there is something I want!

I dunno ... I kind of think it's less the topic and more the way it's approached, isn't it? Back in the day, I fell for guys because of the verve with which they discussed everything from MMA to Butch Walker, and I knew my husband was a keeper when he managed to make catalysis sound intriguing. I figure that while there are plenty of people out there who might not find my hobby horses as amusing as I do, if they don't find me amusing when I'm talking about them, our relationship is going to be one long, slow, empty silence ....

 

[momhappy]

I suppose some of it depends upon what type of message you want to send. IMO, a moderate amount of nice jewelry is fine and shows that you take pride in your appearance. Noticeable jewelry (either in quantity or quality) might send a different message - like one that says that you might be "high-maintenance." That's not unlike other aspects of our physical appearances that people make judgements about. If you like fine jewelry, then wear what makes you feel comfortable, keeping in mind what types of messages that it might send.

 

[TC1987]

"Part magpie" -- Wink, you are a riot! I am going to use that phrase to justify my ownership of jewelry to all of the haters I encounter here.

I didn't expect this to be a question about dating when I opened the thread. But to answer just the question posed in the thread title, yes, I do hide my jewelry and love of it. The problem is that I live in a small town, and it's rundown and impoverished, and most of the women in my age group here have nothing except a .25-.33ct and/or a plain gold band. There is a culture here that dictates that women sacrifice all for their husband and children. Seriously. The men here are selfish horses' patoots. They begrudge a woman anything, and treat her like a slave. The women here are either employed in menial jobs or else are the primary wage earner for their families of 3-4 kids. In this town, it's considered extremely bad form to spend money on frivolous luxury items for oneself if you are a women after you marry. Men get to do whatever they want, and buy themselves whatever toys they want, though, because this is a wife-beating hick town where women don't have a say in anything, and the kids are the woman's problem, due to the low-class p.w.t. mentality here. So, to avoid being the victim of criticism (or robbery) and also to avoid making other women feel bad, I wear a .8ct pawn shop diamond and sims and my best stuff only gets trotted out when I am out of town among normal people or at a gathering of my own family who are not of the local gene pool and woman-hating mindset.

 

[TooPatient]

I was thinking about this some more and had an interesting thought (well, interesting to me anyway!).

If a woman starts dating a man and he always shows up on time and dressed nicely then takes her to a sit-down restaurant where he listens intently about her interests in life. They hit it off and start doing other stuff together but he's always put together and organized and interested in her. This keeps going with maybe a t-shirt or brief mention of a new game tossed in on occasion until they are really serious. They agree to marry and start moving in together in the months leading up to the wedding. They find the perfect place to buy together and start moving their stuff. Oh.... but he has an entire room dedicated to gaming (don't go in, you could mess it up!) and all those nice clothes were borrowed from a friend (he likes to be more casual)... and he'll be going to that gaming convention next month to meet the guys he plays with for four hours every night.

Okay, it is an extreme example but the point is that if someone intentionally plays down their interests it is not fair to them or the other person as a relationship is being built around what is shared (not what is kept hidden).

I feel that you should be as fully yourself as possible (BOTH people) so that the relationship can grow around the full truth rather than around some half-truth that could crumble later.

 

[distracts]

I suppose some of it depends upon what type of message you want to send. IMO, a moderate amount of nice jewelry is fine and shows that you take pride in your appearance. Noticeable jewelry (either in quantity or quality) might send a different message - like one that says that you might be "high-maintenance." That's not unlike other aspects of our physical appearances that people make judgements about. If you like fine jewelry, then wear what makes you feel comfortable, keeping in mind what types of messages that it might send.

But I am high-maintenance, so that's the exact right message to send.

I also think a lot of judgment about high-maintenance women is... really sexist. So I'm supposed to have perfect professionally done hair and nails, turn myself out in style at all times, but do that with no effort and expecting no attention for it? Fffffffffffffffffff that.

Also, honestly, if a man thinks I'm high-maintenance because of my interests, he is NOT a man I would want to date, let alone enter into a serious relationship with.

(I suppose I may have the luxury of this mindset because I live in Dallas where everything and everyone is high-maintenance.)

 

[momhappy]

I suppose some of it depends upon what type of message you want to send. IMO, a moderate amount of nice jewelry is fine and shows that you take pride in your appearance. Noticeable jewelry (either in quantity or quality) might send a different message - like one that says that you might be "high-maintenance." That's not unlike other aspects of our physical appearances that people make judgements about. If you like fine jewelry, then wear what makes you feel comfortable, keeping in mind what types of messages that it might send.

But I am high-maintenance, so that's the exact right message to send.

I also think a lot of judgment about high-maintenance women is... really sexist. So I'm supposed to have perfect professionally done hair and nails, turn myself out in style at all times, but do that with no effort and expecting no attention for it? Fffffffffffffffffff that.

Also, honestly, if a man thinks I'm high-maintenance because of my interests, he is NOT a man I would want to date, let alone enter into a serious relationship with.

(I suppose I may have the luxury of this mindset because I live in Dallas where everything and everyone is high-maintenance.)

It's not sexist at all - I know plenty of high-maintenance men and my post was not just about women (it just happens to be in this thread because OP is a woman).
I never said anything about how anyone should act, dress, look, etc. on a date. What I did say is that you may want to think about your physical appearance and what types of messages it might send (and whether or not you are comfortable with that). It's no different than anything else - if I'm going to a job interview, I'm going to dress/look professional because that's the message that I want to send.

 

[WinkHPD]

"Part magpie" -- Wink, you are a riot! I am going to use that phrase to justify my ownership of jewelry to all of the haters I encounter here.

I didn't expect this to be a question about dating when I opened the thread. But to answer just the question posed in the thread title, yes, I do hide my jewelry and love of it. The problem is that I live in a small town, and it's rundown and impoverished, and most of the women in my age group here have nothing except a .25-.33ct and/or a plain gold band. There is a culture here that dictates that women sacrifice all for their husband and children. Seriously. The men here are selfish horses' patoots. They begrudge a woman anything, and treat her like a slave. The women here are either employed in menial jobs or else are the primary wage earner for their families of 3-4 kids. In this town, it's considered extremely bad form to spend money on frivolous luxury items for oneself if you are a women after you marry. Men get to do whatever they want, and buy themselves whatever toys they want, though, because this is a wife-beating hick town where women don't have a say in anything, and the kids are the woman's problem, due to the low-class p.w.t. mentality here. So, to avoid being the victim of criticism (or robbery) and also to avoid making other women feel bad, I wear a .8ct pawn shop diamond and sims and my best stuff only gets trotted out when I am out of town among normal people or at a gathering of my own family who are not of the local gene pool and woman-hating mindset.

Wow, you are the second or third person to mention living where nice jewelry is "discouraged". I wont say, "Run Forest, Run," because you are a lady and I can not think of the feminine form of Forest. ("Run Floresta, run???") And also, because I suspect that if you could you already would have.

I will say that I am appalled that these types of locales still exist in this wonderful country, although I guess I should not be too surprised as we still have not decided how to stop the increasing gap between the haves and the have nots. Until we figure out how to educate our young and bring all people to the table of comfortable life styles I think it is only going to get worse in the future. I think we have pretty much figured that we can not "take from the rich" enough to make that happen, so eventually we will have to figure out how to help people learn to live productive life styles that brings them to the table, or eventually we will face a wall of hatred for those who have that may never be overcome.

I am not wise enough to have a clue how it can be done, but I hope that someday we figure it out before we completely destroy what so many of us have worked so hard for all of our lives. I grew up living the American Dream of work hard and succeed, and it hurts to see it getting so hard for so many. I am grateful for my success, that of my wife and for that of my children. I sincerely wish it for all of America. (I failed a few times on the way, as have both of my children, it is not really easy, just rewarding.)

Just the ramblings of a happy old man with a wonderful family and a great job that I love. I wish fervently for you that someday you can live in a place where you can wear and enjoy your jewelry and that men do not beat their wives. Actually, true men do NOT beat their wives, so I hope that someday you will live in a place full of real men, whether it is the place you are now that has been somehow transformed, or an entirely new place for you to experience a better experience of life.

Wink