Wedding Do you have to invite co-workers to your wedding?

[Halo]

Recently a co-worker asked me when my BF will propose and mentioned that we''ll need lots of money for the wedding since we''ll have to invite all of my co-workers.

What''s the normal thing to do with regards to co-workers? I work in an office of about 60 people and we get together for social events after work sometimes. I like everyone I work with and am semi-close with some of the girls outside of work (I just don''t have a lot of time for socializing with school + work), but does this mean I need to invite them to the wedding? Or just the ones I''m closest with? Or none? Or should I invite them to the shower/engagement party?

Ack, too many options. I''m not sure what is customary to do.

 

[neatfreak]

You don''t need to invite anyone you don''t want. But if there is a "group" of coworkers who all hang out it would be nice to invite either none of them or all of them. Wouldn''t want one person feeling left out ya know? But I don''t think by any means that you need to invite everyone at your office! Just make a rule and stick with it and tell nosy coworkers to butt out.

 

[diamondfan]

I would like to say it is black and white and one NEVER has to invite someone they do not want. However, human nature and politics in families and work being what they are, unless there is a clear cut "out" for the bride or groom, sometimes you have no choice. You can stick to some sort of line about how you chose who you did, and that sometimes helps.

 

[Linda W]

When DH and I were married almost 28 years ago, I faced the same thing. I was very close to 3 of my co-workers. I ate lunch with them every day and some weekends, we had dinner with them and their hubbies.

We invited them to our wedding. Others asked why that was and I explained. No feelings were hurt (that I knew of). Everyone else knew that we were having a very small wedding.

 

[Haven]

You do not have to invite anyone to your wedding. I don''t know what sort of work you do, or what type of office politics you deal with, but even so--I still don''t think you should invite anyone you do not want to invite. Period.

I teach in a high school, which means I have several bosses--Department Chair, Curriculum Director, Principal, Assistant Principal, Superintendent, et cetera. A close friend of mine from work believed that I MUST invite them all because they are my bosses, but frankly, I didn''t want any of them at my wedding. So I didn''t put them on the guest list. And guess what? I still have my job and I still have great relationships with them. (I can''t imagine why anyone would WANT to go to a wedding if they''re not close to the couple, anyway, but that''s another story.)

 

[marchswallowbird]

I agree. I don''t really want my bosses or anyone from work at my wedding. I had one co-worker who I don''t even work that closely with who kept saying, even before I was engaged, that I needed to let her know when to start losing weight for the wedding. I''ve just been telling everyone it''s a very small wedding with just immediate family and close friends (true) and everyone, even the pushy co-worker, has been fine with that.

 

[D2B]

Totally up to you.

Our rule was if we socialised with the co-workers as a couple, in an out of work / non work related context and we wanted them there then we invited them. however, generally no pressure to invite co-workers as usually people keep work friendships on a professional not friendly level iykwum. It is like, do I really want the accounts manager seeing my great uncle, drink too much and do silly dances, uhhhm - no - iykwim

d2b

 

[CaliCushion]

Halo, I don''t think you should invite anyone to the shower/engagement party that you''re not inviting to the wedding. I''d only invite people to the shower and engagement party if they were definetly going to be invited to the wedding.

Do you care if any of your work friends are at the wedding? It seems the easiest thing would be to not invite anyone from work and just tell them you had a very small wedding.

You could also just invite close work friends and/or bosses. You don''t have to invite everyone from work. I think most people at work would understand. I''d only caution against inviting everyone at work except a few people.

I''ve had people who I''m not inviting to the wedding ask me about my wedding and planning. While it''s a little awkward, most people seem to be happy for me regardless of if they are invited. I''m having a small wedding and just can''t invite everyone I know.

 

[swingirl]

You don''t have to and shouldn''t invite co-workers to your wedding. You should invite your friends. If there is overlap then invite them. But your wedding should include the people who really matter to you, the people who will still be in touch with you a year from now when you have different jobs. Think of it this way, when you look at your wedding photos in 10, 20 or 30 years whom do you want to see on the dance floor?

 

[Halo]

Thanks everyone, that''s good advice. As much as I like the people I work with, I will be changing jobs after my wedding to something related to my degree, so I''m not sure that it makes much sense to have any of my current co-workers at my wedding. Plus, as it''s an intimate day full of family and friends, I think I''d like to keep it for just those people.

 

[bee*]

You definitely don''t have to invite co-workers. I''m going to give an open invite to all the people I work with to the afters of my wedding and am just inviting one really close friend to the whole thing.

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 10/9/2008 10:42:37 PM
Author:Halo
Recently a co-worker asked me when my BF will propose and mentioned that we''ll need lots of money for the wedding since we''ll have to invite all of my co-workers.

What''s the normal thing to do with regards to co-workers? I work in an office of about 60 people and we get together for social events after work sometimes. I like everyone I work with and am semi-close with some of the girls outside of work (I just don''t have a lot of time for socializing with school + work), but does this mean I need to invite them to the wedding? Or just the ones I''m closest with? Or none? Or should I invite them to the shower/engagement party?

Ack, too many options. I''m not sure what is customary to do.

I would invite my coworkers simply because I work in corporate America and if you want to get ahead, things like wedding invites gives you that push. It''s tacky and wrong but true.

If we go through with the wedding, I''d invite my boss, his boss, and the 2 people on my team.

 

[emeraldlover1]

IMO...no, no, and no. I work in corporate america too and I''m not inviting a lot of my co-workers. In my experience working for the same large corporation for 8 years and having gotten ahead based on my performance and political navigation I don''t think its necessary. Also, I don''t think my boss would even come. I think that also brings up some uncomfortable situations. My wedding day I''m not going to be concerened with how professional I am presenting myself. I''d rather not give my co-workers that I don''t hang out with all the time as friends a reason to judge me.

I am however inviting some collegues of mine that I am really close with. My fiance is an I banker and he''s not inviting anyone. He has done just fine without having a wedding and I don''t think anyone will care either way if they aren''t invited.

 

[pjean]

Date: 10/9/2008 10:42:37 PM
Author:Halo
Recently a co-worker asked me when my BF will propose and mentioned that we''ll need lots of money for the wedding since we''ll have to invite all of my co-workers.

Wow. I hope this person was making a joke.

I''m pretty sure the only etiquette that holds here is that you shouldn''t discuss the wedding with people you have invited in front of people you haven''t. I''ll be inviting one close friend from my lab, but no one else, and the others aren''t upset about that at all. Weddings aren''t open houses!

 

[Diva0413]

You know, I''m on the fence about this one. I was going to invite most, if not all of my co-workers until we had a bar night. It was a good opportunity to see how they would act if they were drunk. Especially since I''m having 2 open bars at my cocktail and reception.

Anyhoo, most acted like typical drunks (either angry, sleepy, loud, etc...), but my boss takes the cake. My FI and I work in the same department and share a boss. As she got drunker and drunker, her flirting with my FI became more apparent. At some point, she felt the need to point out to me how big his hands are. And according to her, "You know what they say about guys with big hands..." Actually, no, I don''t.

 

[galvana]

I work with about 60+ too. I have been here forever! 13 yrs. I am inviting the ones I am closest with only.
The ones i really like and enjoy to be around.
I feel badly i can''t invite more of them but finances dictate everything!

I think you can only invite them to the shower/engagement party IF they are also invited to the wedding

 

[wishful]

I think it''s a good idea to do so if you can keep it to a dull roar.
Even though I know every single person that works in our store (I''ve worked here for 12 yrs) I am only inviting the core group of people that work in my department.
I''m a buyer and I''m only inviting the other buyers, my buying supervisor and the Owner and GM of the store. That''s it.
We have 50 people roughly that work in our store and like I said, I know them all, but I have to draw the line somewhere and I think that makes sense for the rest of the employees as to why they did not get invited.

 

[gtn]

Date: 10/9/2008 10:57:49 PM
Author: neatfreak
You don''t need to invite anyone you don''t want. But if there is a ''group'' of coworkers who all hang out it would be nice to invite either none of them or all of them. Wouldn''t want one person feeling left out ya know? But I don''t think by any means that you need to invite everyone at your office! Just make a rule and stick with it and tell nosy coworkers to butt out.

well put. Even if you hang out socially with some of them, you still don''t need to invite them.

 

[jewelerman]

Date: 10/10/2008 3:06:45 AM
Author: swingirl
You don''t have to and shouldn''t invite co-workers to your wedding. You should invite your friends. If there is overlap then invite them. But your wedding should include the people who really matter to you, the people who will still be in touch with you a year from now when you have different jobs. Think of it this way, when you look at your wedding photos in 10, 20 or 30 years whom do you want to see on the dance floor?

Good advice for inviting co-workers to most social occasions.

 

[Nocturnius]

It depends on your wedding.

First, shame on your tactless coworker for saying any such a thing. You have far more patience than I do; I would have snapped right then, I don''t have to invite anyone. And that is correct: you don''t. For them to insinuate you have to blow a ton of money because you''re somehow obligated to invite the office is ridiculous.

Maybe it''s my intimate-wedding bias, but "we get together for social events after work sometimes" doesn''t scream "I''m really close to these people". It says, "these are acquaintances" and they would be the first people I would slash off my guest list if I had to make cuts. (Actually, I would never put them on my list in the first place.)

I''ve worked in the same place for two and a half years, in a small setting with only about 20 employees who have been here all that time, too. They still were not invited to my wedding.

If you don''t want them there, you are not obligated to invite them. Make a rule and stick to it. Ours was "family and close friends only."