Do you have a ''Work Spouse''?

[LGK]

Lol, yes I do. My husband. We work together. It makes him soooo happy to be able to beg for a neckrub at work. We''ve worked together for 10 years now.

 

[vespergirl]

I used to have a work spouse. It was totally innocent, though - I was engaged and my "work husband" was married with kids, but I was friends with his wife and we were in a book club together. We really leaned on each other when we were stressed out with work projects, and had a lot in common, but it always stayed within the friendship realm.

My DH does not have a work spouse, because there are almost no women who work at his company. There is actually one woman who recently started at his office, but her husband also works in the same office, so she is already taken

 

[elrohwen]

I've had a few work spouses in the last few years, and one of them was a woman

I always tend to have a lot of male friends, so having one at work isn't unusual. They all stayed very innocent and I would say were more "work friends" than "work spouses". I would say only one of them reached the level of "Work Partners in Crime" that Haven mentioned, but one day we had a bit of a falling out and things were never the same again. Oh well.

My job was also a bit weird in that we traveled a lot, so I had plenty of one-on-one dinners with male co-workers over the years - so I guess developing casual relationships with them wasn't too crazy.

I don't think DH necessarily has one ... He has a lot of friends at his office (who are my friends too) so he has more than just one. His bestie right now is probably a young guy around our age who he also plays video games with after work

But our go to friends are his work friends, so they're so much more than just work friendships.

 

[radiantquest]

I used to have on at my last job. It wasn''t ever inappropriate. Just buddies. We started there on the same day and just got close. He is still my good friend. He is engaged to my BFF. Whenever I go over to visit he still calls me his work wife even though we don''t work together anymore. My BFF doesn''t mind this at all because she knows that we are just friends. I don''t know how DH feels about it because it never came up. It isn''t like I would go home and talk about my work husband and I never called him that anyway. Even if he did know I don''t think he would care. He knows that I am totally in love with him and I have always had guy friends at work and he is not the jealous type.

 

[that_someone_special]

I know my mom is a Work Wife... she''s been with the company for over 25 years and does everything. I think she is also a Work Mom too

 

[TooPatient]

I don''t have one. There are only two other people in the office. Both about 50 years or so older than me and married. And they are my bosses.

B doesn''t. He works in an almost all male group. The only women he really has around at all are the receptionist (who is someone different every few months) and a couple of project managers (who work on the other side of the building, have nothing to do with what he is working on, and -- in his words -- are brainless)

I would not be comfortable with either of us having a work spouse and I know that B feels the same way. Friends are one thing, but work spouse is in a different category and just seems like it would be WAY too easy for things to go too far (physically and/or emotionally).

 

[Laila619]

Heck no! I would be quite upset! DH works with all men.

 

[purrfectpear]

No, but I''ve had quite a few work "Dads" over the years. I travel quite a bit with male Engineers (we have female Engineers, I''ve just never traveled with one) and I work on several projects with them. They took me under their wing, developing a mentor/lunch/dinner partner relationship with a dose of parental advice thrown in

 

[Ara Ann]

DH has what some could consider a work wife in CA, we''re in MI, so they aren''t in the same office...they are co-workers though, same department and talk a lot on the phone and via Skype...however, theirs is not an ''emotional'' relationship, but she ''nags'' him like a naggy wife would do. She''ll call him looking for his completed work, just when he''s about to send it, that kind of thing...and she''s fairly demanding when speaking to him and not as professional as she could be...thankfully, I am not a naggy wife, so I''m happy he sees the difference between our personalities.

If he had an emotional attachment to a female co-worker, that would not be healthy and would make me uncomfortable.

 

[HollyS]

Oh, boy, I sure used to have one! We''ve been friends now for about 20 years; we met on the job, and for the next decade he pampered the heck out of me (breakfast from the bakery around the corner waiting on my desk, my own homemade-by-him pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving, his special hot chocolate on cold mornings, neck and shoulder massages, a stereo/radio for my office - - I could go on and on).

We had a love/hate relationship to boot, LOL. He could infuriate the heck out of me one minute and have me laughing the next. My mother adored him, and he felt the same about her, and gave my parents Christmas gifts for all the years that he and I were exchanging them. At least once, he helped me move. His wife was used to him having someone he ''looked after'' wherever he was employed; I wasn''t special in that I was the only one he ever ''took care of''. . . I was just another. She was spectactularly unjealous (which I always thought a bit odd BTW).

There was no question of ''where'' our relationship was going - - he was married with grown kids, and I was exclusively dating my DH. But we were close like family. I left that employment, so the relationship became less ''spousal'' from then on. He backed off respectfully anyway when DH and I became engaged, and then married. We''re still buds, and I''ll call him next week to see what he''d like to do for his birthday.

To this day, I know that if I needed anything, anytime, I could count on him.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 12/2/2009 8:08:24 PM
Author: Haven
I did have one once, and had I been married at the time I would say it was an inappropriate relationship. Now that I''m married I would not develop that type of a relationship with a man at work again.

Ditto. Three times. Oy. But I never, EVER crossed a physical line. Looking back at least one was a full on emotional affair though I had no idea what that even *was* at the time. I work very independently now but am a bit paranoid about DH finding a "work wife" -- after what I experienced. Too close for comfort. FOR SURE.

 

[April20]

No, I do not have a work spouse, nor will I ever. I find it HUGELY disrespectful to my DH. He won''t ever have one either as a) he owns his own business and it''s him and a buddy and their staff of guys and b) his view is the same as mine.

At my last job, two people referred to each other as their "work husband" and "work wife". They''d get into arguments and joke about drawing up their divorce papers. It got so bad, our staff started commenting on it. Our sr manager hadn''t said a word at this point so I pulled him into an office and told him that the behavior of these two was unprofessional and unacceptable and he needed to put a stop to it NOW or I''d do something about it. It got marginally better at this point, but only marginally. Everyone in the office, including our support staff, was talking about it. Not good.

 

[sillyberry]

I definitely have a law school boyfriend. We flirt outrageously. And loudly.

My (real) boyfriend thinks he''s awesome. His fiancee adores me. It works and makes criminal procedure far more enjoyable.

I used to have a different law school boyfriend (he was a 3L when I was a 1L) who would take me out for buffalo wings and listen to me whine but he has since graduated. To this day, whenever I want to do something real boyfriend doesn''t want to do he''ll say "why don''t you call your other boyfriend and ask him to do X". I say I would if only he wasn''t so damn far away.

____

I will say, however, that I think there is something different about this type of relationship and an emotional affair. As I see it, the problem is when you''re getting something from your work relationship emotionally that you''re not getting from your real relationship. And that''s Danger, Will Robinson.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 12/3/2009 5:29:35 PM
Author: purrfectpear
No, but I''ve had quite a few work ''Dads'' over the years. I travel quite a bit with male Engineers (we have female Engineers, I''ve just never traveled with one) and I work on several projects with them. They took me under their wing, developing a mentor/lunch/dinner partner relationship with a dose of parental advice thrown in

Moi aussi--that is, work "moms" and "dads." Many a mentor, never a spouse.

I''ve always promptly quelched any sort of flirtation in the workplace, especially from those of the opposite sex that could''ve led to unprofessional behavior or fodder for the gossip mill. Been very careful of that.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I just watched a rita rocks where they were talking about this and I thought of this thread lol

 

[Skippy123]

I had work brothers; I wouldn't say spouse but I had a job that they would send me on travel for weeks. I would eat lunch and dinner w/them and sometimes see them at the hotel gym so to me the term I rather use is work brother or sister. We were close like good friends but nothing like a spouse.

etaa: Okay I read the flirting part in the article, no spouse for me!

eta: ditto Gypsy

 

[Gypsy]

Nope, I have witnessed it in others at work, but I just think of it as friendship. Maybe I''m naive.

 

[that_someone_special]

Date: 12/4/2009 4:19:27 PM
Author: Gypsy
Nope, I have witnessed it in others at work, but I just think of it as friendship. Maybe I''m naive.

That''s how I think of it too. My mom is older than her "young whipper snapper boss" and she is the work wife--- keeps him in line and yadda yadda. It has worked quite well for them!

I''m sure there are naughty things that go on in some situations (lol not with my mom) but I think for the most part-- when you work with someone for so long a friendship and someone that can call you on your BS helps! *shrug*

 

[joflier]

I have one. And I understand what Haven was talking about, that she wouldn''t feel comfortable having one now that she''s married. As time went on the work thing turned into a ''more than just work'' thing. Someone becomes your work spouse because you have a lot in common, get along well, and just plain like being around each other. Those same things are also building blocks to romantic relationships as well. So its pretty easy for it to turn into something more. But, we''re both single so it''s all good.

 

[coda72]

My work husband is my husband. We own a business together, so we''re always bouncing ideas off each other. I wouldn''t have it any other way.

 

[Linda W]

Yes I did and I married him.

 

[Rhea]

I have two very close friends at work, one male and one female, that I rely on for support about work things and use as a sounding board about both work and non-work life. I wouldn't consider either to be a "spouse", but very close friends. I regularly speak to them outside of work and go out with them. DH has met them both - as well as most of my other work friends.

I don't like the connotation of the word "spouse". I don't see it as being any different to the type of relationship and connection I'd have with any other close friend outside of work.

 

[Lesley Harris]

Date: 12/5/2009 12:13:21 AM
Author: coda72
My work husband is my husband. We own a business together, so we''re always bouncing ideas off each other. I wouldn''t have it any other way.

Me too, Coda

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 12/5/2009 10:48:24 PM
Author: Lesley Harris

Date: 12/5/2009 12:13:21 AM
Author: coda72
My work husband is my husband. We own a business together, so we''re always bouncing ideas off each other. I wouldn''t have it any other way.

Me too, Coda

aww, that is Wonderful you two!!!

 

[risingsun]

Years ago, I had a work husband. He was married. I was not. He told me that he and his wife had an open marriage. They both dated other people. I started seeing him. I was dumber than dirt, at that time. I even had dinner with him, his wife and her boyfriend

My relationship with him ultimately broke up his marriage. My work husband became my husband. We ended up having a very difficult relationship and divorced after 10 years of marriage. I am now happily married to my DH. Neither of us has a work spouse. It is too easy to cross the line, IMO. This doesn't rule out friendships, but I think much care and clear limits and boundaries are a must.

 

[phoenixgirl]

I had one my first year of teaching. We were the two new English teachers, so we bonded over that. He was engaged at the time, and I was dating DH, so I didn''t feel that there was anything weird about it until he told me that I "got him in trouble" with his FI when we went out for drinks after work. In the end, it turned out that she kept him on a very short leash, and when she called off the wedding and kicked him out of their house, I realized that I was his only friend that wasn''t part of "their" circle of friends, so he leaned on me a lot.

He called me every night for a while (he was really depressed -- got into counseling, thank goodness), and one time I mentioned something he had said in a previous conversation, and he said, "Wow, you really listen to me! [Ex FI] never listened to me!" So sad, right?

But what''s really sad is that he passed away from cancer 10 months ago, within 24 hours of when our baby girl was conceived. His middle name was Clare, and we named her Claire, partly in remembrance of him. I know that if he had found out when she was conceived, he would have gotten a kick out of that and said he was coming back to haunt us and that we better look out for some wild teenaged years.

He turned into a really great friend for both of us, and when he met his wife (who was so much more wonderful and lovely than his ex FI) we would go on double dates and even vacationed together once. So we managed to transition from work friends to life friends. In fact, they helped prove our theory that the best couple friends are those where the original friendship was a man and a woman. Because if you get along with somebody of the opposite sex, you''re bound to like their spouse, and then you can mix up whom you talk to when you hang out together. It''s boring when it''s just the men and women pairing off, I think. We have another couple like that where the original friendship was the woman and DH, and sometimes I''d rather just avoid the crowds with her husband and relax at the bar while she and DH go see an exhibit or a concert or something.