Do you have a ''Work Spouse''?

[trillionaire]

I''m hearing this a lot these days, people always talking about their ''work wife'' or their ''work husband''. I believe it''s a co-worker (usually of the opposite sex) with whom you are really close, and depend on for emotional support at work. This could be your regular lunch buddy, office confidante, teammate on projects, etc.

CNN did an article about it a while back... Link


Which begs the question...

Do YOU have a work spouse? Does your Significant other?

How do people feel about this phenomenon? Is it new?

 

[Haven]

Neither of us has a work spouse. Neither of us work in typical office jobs, though. We both work alone most of the time, me with my students and DH with his clients.

I did have one once, and had I been married at the time I would say it was an inappropriate relationship. Now that I''m married I would not develop that type of a relationship with a man at work again.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 12/2/2009 8:08:24 PM
Author: Haven
Neither of us has a work spouse. Neither of us work in typical office jobs, though. We both work alone most of the time, me with my students and DH with his clients.

I did have one once, and had I been married at the time I would say it was an inappropriate relationship. Now that I''m married I would not develop that type of a relationship with a man at work again.

Can I pry?

What made it inappropriate? Feel free to not answer!

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 12/2/2009 8:08:24 PM
Author: Haven
Neither of us has a work spouse. Neither of us work in typical office jobs, though. We both work alone most of the time, me with my students and DH with his clients.

I did have one once, and had I been married at the time I would say it was an inappropriate relationship. Now that I''m married I would not develop that type of a relationship with a man at work again.

ditto 100%
I know, for myself, i could never have an emotional relationship with a man who is not my Fi or Father.

 

[princesss]

Nope. I''ve got guy friends from work, but I talk to two guys about work: BF and my dad. I''m pretty tight-lipped about stuff at work, aside from just commiserating with people about day-to-day stuff.

I''m actually watching one of these relationships progress to something bad. My coworker has a work spouse, and it''s developing into something more - which I doubt her FI would appreciate.

We''re not good friends, so I haven''t been able to say anything, but we have a mutual friend who brought it up once, was shot down, and has decided it''s the coworker''s life to screw up if she wants to.

 

[SparklyOEC]

Ditto...could not develop a relationship like this with a man other than my DH. How interesting that it''s happening though especially for those who spend 12 or more hours at work a day such as lawyers.

 

[Circe]

I don''t, and I find the construction really, really creepy: it''s called a "friend," universe! I''ve always had friends of both genders, so I can picture the scenario ... just not with the overtones of suppressed sexual tension/codependency that the whole "work spouse" phrase implies.

 

[iheartscience]

Nope, no work spouse for me. I had a work spouse at my last job but it was another woman.

I''m actually not very close with any guys, although I have no problem with married people having friends of the opposite sex.

 

[MonkeyPie]

No, but I do have a Work Mom and I love her

 

[Mara]

ha ha i used to have a work husband a long time ago...and it was when i was seriously dating my now-husband. it was a coworker on my same team and we used to go to lunch almost daily and used each other as our sounding boards, and would vent about work. we used to joke that he was my work husband...because we also fought a lot and people used to tell us we were like an old married couple. everyone thought we were dating which we also thought was hilarious. we would butt heads all the time, we were two very strong personalities, we could have never dated!

my then-bf (now husband) had no issues with it. i actually brought my pal into what became a large friend group of about 10 people that we have had for almost 9 years so far. he came to our wedding (he actually gave me the idea of getting married in hawaii when we were all planning a trip there for fun), my husband went to his bachelor party, i am very good friends with his now wife (who also coincidentally worked with us back then but they weren't dating!).

it also wasn't like i would tell him things i didn't tell my hub, etc. and my hub knew all about him, it also never bothered him. one of the things i love about my husband is his lack of jealousy and ultimate self-confidence.

i think when someone else is filling an 'emotional gap' left by a spouse or loved one is when it can be iffy. we were friends because we were in a crap work environment, liked to escape the office by eating out, and had similar personalities. now if i met him would i have the same relationship again, not sure! but i feel lucky i met him and have known him all these years and he and his wife are still our friends!

 

[Haven]

Date: 12/2/2009 8:15:29 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 12/2/2009 8:08:24 PM
Author: Haven
Neither of us has a work spouse. Neither of us work in typical office jobs, though. We both work alone most of the time, me with my students and DH with his clients.

I did have one once, and had I been married at the time I would say it was an inappropriate relationship. Now that I'm married I would not develop that type of a relationship with a man at work again.

Can I pry?

What made it inappropriate? Feel free to not answer!

Of course you can pry, Trill!
I wish there was something juicy to say, but it's really just because *for me* it was a very close relationship, and my "work husband" became a confidant and we were close enough for me to feel like it would have infringed on a relationship, had I had one outside of the office.
In fact, everyone thought we were dating, and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it, myself. We were really close, though, and we have eerily similar personalities, so I think we were closer than most work spouses.
I did have a boyfriend at the time, and my relationship with this work spouse did make me question it.
For me, there was an intimacy there that, as a married woman, I would not be comfortable having with another man. I can see being very close friends with a man, I have close male friends myself, but this relationship entered "spouse" territory because it was just, different.

ETA: Apparently I can't explain why it felt inappropriate. I don't know, our friendship just had more to it, that's all.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

No, neither one of us have a work spouse. I work with mostly women and my DH works with mostly men.

 

[Kaleigh]

I did, but he was gay so no problems there. We were besties. We shared everything, went to lunch and just had the best time working together. He made the day fly by. I miss him to this day. He died of Aids one week after my brother died of Aids. It was a very dark time for me. But I think of him often, and always with a big smile. Oh we got into all sorts of trouble together.. He was such fun!!!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Hmm not really. There''s one guy at work I talk to more often than anyone else but that is because we are the only two on our work team who are married or in our age range...everyone else is much younger it seems...or not very talkitive. Mostly we just talk about sports or what we did over the weekend, he usually talks about his kids and I talk about dh and the cats. Come to think of it I''m not sure this counts lol, probably just classified under work friend?

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 12/2/2009 9:34:32 PM
Author: MonkeyPie
No, but I do have a Work Mom and I love her

LOL! FI had one too! I told him all the time that if she were younger, we''d have problems! She would cook for him and bring him treats, lots of teasing... it was really cute. She was laid off a few months ago, and it was really tough on him.

Haven - Thank you for sharing! ITA that I wouldn''t be really close to someone a la ''work hubby'' while in a serious relationship, I''ve just been blown away by how many people I know say that they have one, so I was really curious to hear the inside scoop from someone who had one!

 

[Haven]

I should have also shared that having a work hubby made going in to work a lot nicer!

If I called in sick he'd call me to see what was wrong, we amused each other by sending ridiculous stories back and forth on inter-office messaging, we went out for lunch and drank too many $1 drinks together on Thursdays, took breaks together, and generally amused ourselves by causing a ruckus together.

It was actually a lot of fun, but totally inappropriate for our own relationships, and frankly, for work.

ETA: Come to think of it, maybe "Work Partners-in-Crime" would be a better term for us than "Work Spouses".

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 12/2/2009 10:36:39 PM
Author: Haven
I should have also shared that having a work hubby made going in to work a lot nicer!

If I called in sick he''d call me to see what was wrong, we amused each other by sending ridiculous stories back and forth on inter-office messaging, we went out for lunch and drank too many $1 drinks together on Thursdays, took breaks together, and generally amused ourselves by causing a ruckus together.

It was actually a lot of fun, but totally inappropriate for our own relationships, and frankly, for work.

well that DOES sound like fun! No wonder people are always talking about their work spouses, lol!

 

[platinumrock]

LOL...no, I don''t. I try to avoid it, actually, because I''d just be asking for trouble.

 

[Kay]

I have an extremely close friendship with a guy at work. We have a lot of common interests, dine together regularly, and are confidants. He is handsome, charming and gay.

DH has actually referred to him as my "second husband."

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

DH does, a woman he has known since they were kids. He''s an architect and she''s a structural engineer. They''ve both had many jobs over the years, but they''ve ended up working together more often than not. We live in a small country and it''s a small world in their profession. They''ve been close for decades and support each other through tough stuff at work. She''s lovely and a lot of fun. She''s been very supportive to me too, at stressful career points.

I''m not working at the moment, so no work spouse.

 

[Deelight]

I have a BFF bestie at work who is gay that people have thought is my BF because we hug - when I told him he cacked it.

- We are emotional support to each other and he makes me happy at work when I have a crud day he also listens to as much of my crap as FI does - not sure if that counts

 

[jet2ks]

I definitely have a work spouse and so does the wife. Neither of us has any issues with it.

Oh, did I mention that my wife and I have the same employer and we work three cubicles apart.

 

[vc10um]

SO and I work at the same place...so he IS my "work spouse"!!!

 

[purselover]

I did in college we were RA''s together, my now FI didn''t have a problem with our relationship but now I see that it was probably inappropriate. What made it in inappropriate for me was that I think he was interested in me as more than a friend, now that he has a gf we talk just once or twice a year I think she''s jealous over how close we were and doesn''t want him talking to me.

 

[lilyfoot]

I don''t really like the term "Work Spouse" (unless you''re single

)

I don''t have anyone at work that I''m super close to. It''s a small firm (20 or less employees), so there''s not many choices for partners-in-crime.

BF is in a position where he doesn''t have time to hang around and talk with co-workers all the time ..

We''re both friendly with people at work but there''s no strong connections with anyone.

 

[sunnyd]

I used to have a work hubby, at an old job with an old BF. It turned into something more for him, and a little more for me. I ended up breaking up with the BF to date this guy and then going back to my BF.

It was really bad, and not something I''d care to do again! Although now that I''m with the right man, I don''t think I''d get nearly that far into a relationship again. All my needs are met by DH.

My dad works at the same company as me, and I think he has a work wife. Which is really creepy...

 

[Shoopy]

I don't know if FI does. He never talks about anyone at work.

As for me, I do have someone really close at work. I wouldn't call him a "spouse" since we don't lean on each other for emotional support or ever ask each other for relationship advice but we are always there for each other. I helped him with his engagement ring search and he ran a bunch of proposal ideas by me. He planned my surprise baby shower at work. We gossip to each other all the time (our code phrase is "I'm thirsty, want to get a drink upstairs"). And we do look out for each other careerwise. If I know that I'm working on a project that is going to have a lot of exposure to upper management, I always add in an IT component (he's an IT auditor) so that he can get that exposure too and vice versa. (We are the only ones on the team that don't stab each other in the back for exposure, instead we work together) We've had people make comments but there is nothing going on between us. My FI knows him very well and they often chat on the phone together to play basketball or plan happy hours. He's just a good friend.

 

[JSM]

No, right now I am quite alone when I work!

At my old lab I had a 'work sister', we could talk about anything. I miss her terribly.

My DH works in a typically male dominated profession, but at his old job he would talk frequently of a female worker he got along with. I wouldn't have called them work spouses, though (mostly because they were 200+ miles away and would only speak on the phone).

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I don''t have one, but I''m new to the job (3 months in) and I work with few guys. I used to have one, his name was Kiel. I **heart** him. He was also my gay husband and I turned to him for fashion advice, etc. a lot. DH has a work wife, her name is Kelly and she''s one of my very good friends. I have no problem with him being close with her. I know her husband well and they have one of the happiest marriages in our circle of friends.

 

[tlh]

I did, long ago. Not while married. I''d also view the relationships inappropriate. Although I work with my actual husband NOW - and we meet for lunch and talk about stuff and gossip... so does that count??? hahha

But when I was much younger, at my first job I actually had a few work husbands... i put them through rotation. Ha! But yes, it''d be fun to gossip, and share my frustrations and other issues, and yes, I was closer to my work hubbies than my boyfriend at the time... which should have been a clue that I didn''t like said boyfriend much.. I didn''t - but that''s another story.

Now I keep a distance from my coworkers and try to keep my work life separate from my personal life. I don''t mind saying what I did over the weekend and what not... but I try to avoid gatherings outside of the work place - etc. I just find that the professional relationship- is a very awkward one to balance.... especially with women!