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smiles

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
202
get the wrong impression about your feelings for your SO?

***this is part vent***

I love my bf. I love so many different things about him and I tell him all the time. I also love talking to him and seeing him and sometimes when we have plans to see each other I even get little excited butterflies in my stomach because I am so happy (as opposed to being nervous).

That said, when he calls me at my university co-op placement at lunch and the secretary passes me the phone and she and my supervisor just watch me and stop talking while I talk to him - I may not sound all that in love. I know I am being watched and I even feel like I should not talk to him at that time since I am technically at work (even though I know they do not care). Or when he comes to work to surprise me for lunch obviously I am feeling like
but I am surprised to see him when I open the door (since I expect to see a little old woman ) and may not jump up and down and be all over him or express these
feelings on the outside when other people (especially people my parent''s generation) are around and watching!! (I do of course show/tell him how i am feeling when we are alone!)

Am I wierd? Do you ever not act like yourself when you know people are watching you and judging your relationship?

I don''t post often but this is especially true for me as I am 20 and have been with BF for 5 years (I know very young and trust me it was not always serious) and so the idea that people are judging whether or not we TRULY love each other is more enhanced in my mind. Do any other younger LIW''s feel this way? Do older LIW''s judge younger couples when they see them??

***end vent***
 

nail_polish

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 4, 2009
Messages
169

Hello Torontonian :)

I feel the exact same way! Maybe it is something in the water here ;-)

Anyway, seriously speaking.. I think its partially age. I mean, I am young too - only 21. And I definitely feel this way when it is front of certain people. For instance, my dad. Because I know he is not a fan of the lovey-dovey stuff and I don''t want to get into trouble, me and my boyfriend will not say I love you in front of him or even on the phone if my dad is around. He''ll say it and I will just say, Yeah!!! He he.

As well though, like when I went to a few post-grad fairs and some open houses for potential programs I didn''t want him to be the normal/cuddly/PDA-loving guy he normally is because I didn''t want to be judged as one of those people.. If that makes sense..

At the same time, I do judge couples younger than us too.. so maybe because I know I look at like 16 year olds who are all hand-holding and kissy and am like, ugh, dumb kids, that I imagine people are doing the same to us?

Good topic!! It''s thought-provoking!
 

Amanda.Rx

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 20, 2008
Messages
903
IMHO, who cares what other people think?

I do the same thing, and sometimes, I think it''s appropriate when you''re at work or school or other public places. It''s just not the place for lovey-dovey-ness. When my SO calls me at school or at work, I typically talk to him in a muted tone. I don''t feel that people judge my relationship, and frankly, it''s non of their business unless I choose to talk about it.

Have you noticed how other people act when they talk to their SOs? Do they freak out, smile from ear to ear, and get super excited? Probably not. Do you judge them on their responses?

I wouldn''t really worry about it...
 

smiles

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
202
I definately am thinking it is partially an age thing. While I will say I love you in front of my parents that took me a long time to do. I am not comfortable with much PDA in front of anyone really my parents-ish age aside from hand-holding or a hug. I just feel like they don''t want to see it.... I dunno just looking for some other smart PS''ers insights!!!
 

smiles

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
202
Amanda - I generally do not notice but soemtimes I do. I notice with my sister and her FI - they are extremely lovey-dovey but because I know their situation I kind of know why they are like that.

Actually, I have NEVER even thought about this before today but this phone call from my BF at lunch today and the conversations that followed it left me feeling like I give people the wrong impression sometimes and just left me wondering!
 

sammyj

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
1,247
I''m in the GTA too!


I''m sorry if I''m way off-topic here but sometimes I feel like people don''t realize how crazy me and my BF are about each other because 1) I''m not crazy about PDA; and 2) We don''t ever try to put on a facade if we''re fighting/bickering or if the other person is making us upset.

Our friends have seen us fight on several occasions, and from the outside looking in, it might look like we don''t really get along. I personally think fighting (to a degree) is healthy because it forces us to communicate and I think we communicate very well with each other. There is nothing that we can''t share with one another. So, with that said, since we don''t swoon over each other and put the other on a pedestal (which I know some couples who do this), people may not understand how much in love we really are. A friend once said that we were a very ''real'' couple.

smiles and nail_polish...it sucks that people are judging you. But like AmandaRx said, who cares?!?!? You know how great your relationship is so just tell them to shove it! (just kidding. kind of.
)
 

trillionaire

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 18, 2008
Messages
3,881
Date: 2/4/2009 3:44:23 PM
Author: sammyj
I''m in the GTA too!


I''m sorry if I''m way off-topic here but sometimes I feel like people don''t realize how crazy me and my BF are about each other because 1) I''m not crazy about PDA; and 2) We don''t ever try to put on a facade if we''re fighting/bickering or if the other person is making us upset.

Our friends have seen us fight on several occasions, and from the outside looking in, it might look like we don''t really get along. I personally think fighting (to a degree) is healthy because it forces us to communicate and I think we communicate very well with each other. There is nothing that we can''t share with one another. So, with that said, since we don''t swoon over each other and put the other on a pedestal (which I know some couples who do this), people may not understand how much in love we really are. A friend once said that we were a very ''real'' couple.

smiles and nail_polish...it sucks that people are judging you. But like AmandaRx said, who cares?!?!? You know how great your relationship is so just tell them to shove it! (just kidding. kind of.
)
Sammy, It sounds like you are really secure in your relationship, and that is a great thing! SO and I didn''t fight until after we had been dating for 2 years, and I was SO RELIEVED! It seemed to me that it is more a fairy tale than reality unless you can fight a bit.

As to the OP, I do think that this has a little to do with age. You will care less about the impression of others when you get older, and people will also scrutinize less. They expect to see older couples being affectionate. SO and I were definitely like that at your age! I''m still not being on PDA, but we are comfortable now just being us, even if that is just holding hands, or rubbing a back or shoulder, or a peck on the cheek or lips. SO is still pretty stuffy around his family, but a little better around mine. Also, I am glad I am not the only one still getting butterflies after 5 years!
 

smiles

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
202
Basically I am not worried at ALL as I said this never even entered my mind whatsoever before 3 hours ago but I am glad to know that not I am not alone in the behaviours I described!!!!



Yay for all these Toronto LIW''s!!! :)
 

Bia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
6,181
My FI and I are affectionate, as affection goes, even in public. We don''t make out like teenagers in front of others but we do kiss, hug and hold hands.

BUT AT WORK? I am totally, "Hi Babe. Good. You? Great. Love you too. Talk to you later."


IMO, it is inappropriate to be lovey dovey on the phone in front of co-workers, or in any professional capacity. In the same way I think it''s inappropriate to take a phone call at the movies.
 

Dreamgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 25, 2008
Messages
5,070
Date: 2/4/2009 4:28:42 PM
Author: Bia
My FI and I are affectionate, as affection goes, even in public. We don''t make out like teenagers in front of others but we do kiss, hug and hold hands.

BUT AT WORK? I am totally, ''Hi Babe. Good. You? Great. Love you too. Talk to you later.''


IMO, it is inappropriate to be lovey dovey on the phone in front of co-workers, or in any professional capacity. In the same way I think it''s inappropriate to take a phone call at the movies.
Ditto and ditto! But, we still call each other by nicknames....which by the way is what we ALWAYS call each other (te-he how cute
). I also tell him I love him and he will say he loves me. He usually is fine on the phone at work but I can tell when someone is around because he makes it sound more like a business call over a personal call. lol Which I completely understand...
 

sammyj

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
1,247
Date: 2/4/2009 4:40:41 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 2/4/2009 4:28:42 PM
Author: Bia
My FI and I are affectionate, as affection goes, even in public. We don''t make out like teenagers in front of others but we do kiss, hug and hold hands.

BUT AT WORK? I am totally, ''Hi Babe. Good. You? Great. Love you too. Talk to you later.''


IMO, it is inappropriate to be lovey dovey on the phone in front of co-workers, or in any professional capacity. In the same way I think it''s inappropriate to take a phone call at the movies.
Ditto and ditto! But, we still call each other by nicknames....which by the way is what we ALWAYS call each other (te-he how cute
). I also tell him I love him and he will say he loves me. He usually is fine on the phone at work but I can tell when someone is around because he makes it sound more like a business call over a personal call. lol Which I completely understand...
I don''t have an office job so I tend to say whatever I want when I talk with my BF on the phone during the day. He works in an office though and whenever I say "I love you," his response is always "likewise." I laugh everytime. I can also tell if he is on the phone with me and people are around. He will say "Hello Samantha" instead of "Baaaaabyyyyy!" I think it''s natural to lessen your affection in public, and especially in a professional setting.
 
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