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Do people ask you what the dress is like?

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Porridge

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I have never asked a bride to be what her dress is like. I always thought it was just something you didn''t do, you just wait to see it on the day. Even if it was a wedding I wasn''t going to, I''d never ask. The majority of people I know haven''t asked, or say "can''t wait to see it" or something to that effect. Buuuuut, there are still loads of people asking me to describe the dress, even to show them pictures! Usually younger people, who probably aren''t aware of the intricacies of wedding etiquette. I definitely don''t want to tell anyone, I don''t want to ruin the surprise!

Does this happen to you? Do you mind describing it? Or do you think no way, it''s a secret!
 

jstarfireb

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I ask people all the time - had no idea it was any kind of faux pas! Oops!

I don''t mind when people ask me, and I don''t particularly care to keep it a secret. In fact, I''d be a lot happier if my FI saw me in the dress beforehand instead of that being a secret too.
 

Blair138

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People ask me all the time, even though I tell them, I know that actually seeing me in it on the day of is way different anyways.

And some people that ask me won''t be invited to the wedding too, so I don''t have to worry about that
 

PilsnPinkysMom

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I''ve been asked numerous times, and for the most part, I try to describe it... But I alway do so in a half-a$$ed manner. Besides my immediately family, best pals, and in-laws, I don''t think aaaanyone actually cares. I feel like it''s a knee-jerk reaction to finding out a bride has purchased her gown.

Sometimes I''m tempted to say, "It''s long and white."


Perhaps if you''d rather not disclose the details, you can say the above... or if you''d rather not be snooty like me (
) can you just give a fluff answer? ie: "Oh... you know... pretty normal. Long, strapless... I don''t know how to describe it, really"

I''ve never considered wanted to salvage the element of surprise, but I do get where you''re coming from. Its the one big "ta-da!" moment of the day... The big deal... Seeing the bride for the first time, in all her glory!
 

PilsnPinkysMom

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Ooops! Accidental duplicate answer...
 

MMM

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yeah, i too never knew that this was a ''no-no''
although i am young, so maybe it is as you said.

lots of people asked about my dress, and i willingly disclosed.
the only person i took care to not know about my dress was my husband-to-be.
other than that, i didn''t really care if everyone knew it was strapless, and floor lenght, and had covered buttons, or whatever i said about it.

plus, describing it is not like them seeing you in it. they are really probably just asking to be nice/make conversation. just say "its white and long and beautiful and i cant wait to wear it"

:)
 

MMM

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oops. in the time i was writing that i think every point i made was written by someone else. hah
 

kittybean

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Yup, people ask me all the time! I''ve asked other brides, too, but in a "comparing notes" kind of way. I usually describe it briefly, and if someone wants more detail, I''ll tell them. Sometimes I mention that Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy''s dress was my inspiration--that seems to garner some smiles and nods.
 

packrat

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I ask, but I''m pretty nosy (says my husband..curious I call it). Engagements and weddings are so exciting to me-I love looking at rings and dresses and ohhing and ahhing over colors/flowers etc. I was asked about my dress and I liked to talk about it and the process of finding it.
 

bee*

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I''ve been asked that a lot and I normally tell them that they have to wait until the day to see it. Plus all of my friends know how bad my descriptive ability is so it''s probably not even worth asking!
 

Pandora II

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I ask and I was asked a lot.

My work colleagues got very into my dress as until my friends took over the fabric design for mine I had endless swatches arriving at work and I couldn''t find anything that looked quite right so they got to vote on things. DH had as much of a hand in designing it as I did, although he didn''t see the actual dress until the day.

I''m not a very secretive person - and I don''t really expect other people to be...
 

sba771

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Date: 3/30/2009 8:07:42 AM
Author: Pandora II
I ask and I was asked a lot.


My work colleagues got very into my dress as until my friends took over the fabric design for mine I had endless swatches arriving at work and I couldn''t find anything that looked quite right so they got to vote on things. DH had as much of a hand in designing it as I did, although he didn''t see the actual dress until the day.


I''m not a very secretive person - and I don''t really expect other people to be...
Your dress was amazing!! It is still my favorite- I like it more than mine...sorry for the threadjack
 

meresal

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Porridge, the only people that have asked me, were almost every vendor that involved the use of wedding colors... and every one of the grandmothers. lol.

ETA: I do feel uncomfortable explaining it to people that I know are going to be at the wedding. I try to avoid the question if at all possible. The only people that have seen pictures are Chris's mom, G'mas, and sister, and my mother and sister who went with me to buy it and the fitting.
 

violet3

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I too, didn''t think it was innapropriate to ask
- and i am certainly NOT a younger bride


I have asked people before about the dress, because i am interested in dresses and fashions and i love wedding dresses! I also have been asked on many occasions what my dress looks like and I am happy to describe it to them. Heck, if we''re near a computer, i''ll show you a picture of it if you want me to....

but then, i don''t care that much about the surprise of the dress at the wedding - while i know weddings are a lot about the bride, I also think the majority of the people there will only ever remember that my dress was white, long, and strapless after the fact
 

purrfectpear

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There is nothing inappropriate in asking.

However, if you''d rather not discuss the details, there''s nothing wrong with declining to answer in detail either.
 

Elmorton

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Ditto to PP. Sometimes I kindof wonder where all this etiquette stuff came from! There''s certainly not a whole lot of historical backing for any of it (women used to be married in simply their best dress, which everyone in attendance would have seen prior to the wedding). If you want to keep elements of your wedding a surprise, then by all means, why not? But to be a little blunt, when people ask about your dress, they''re really just trying to make conversation about something they think you''ll be excited to share regarding wedding planning, and it''s a much safer topic than "So is there going to be an open bar?"
 

musey

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People asked me all the time. I gave them a brief description (usually "Pleated mesh and lace, very antiquey feel"). No biggie
 

mayachel

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Totally conversation filler for me. I never used to ask, because I thought it was something brides wanted to be a surprise. Now, I feel like it is a way of showing interest. Hopefully it isn''t considered pushy. If someone gives me all the details, great. If they seem more elusive I won''t ask again.

Same thing with asking to see someone''s engagement. Until I was engaged, I had no idea I was "allowed" let alone supposed to ask to see the ring and ooh and ahh accordingly. I feel so guilty when I read other brides saying how sorry they are when they feel like their friends "don''t care" about the engagement. There seems to be a lot of things wedding related, that if you haven''t been through it yourself, it''s hard to know what is what.
 

Rhea

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People asked me, but I didn''t care. I consider it just like anything else in the wedding - the flowers, his outfit, the location. It''s just a dress. I modelled it for everyone that I could and regularly watched TV in it.

I ask other people what their dress looks like just like I would any other detail. I''ve seen several friend''s dresses before the wedding.
 

pocahontas

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Yep! Like Musey, I usually give a very brief description: strapless, lace, a-symmetrical mermaid. The only people who got a full desrciption were my four BFF''s. I agree with the other ladies that hearing about the dress and actually seeing the dress are two different things. Personally, I''ve never taken offence to the question, but I like talking about all things wedding related - mine and others.
 

Haven

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There''s nothing wrong with asking about a bride''s dress, and the etiquette mavens don''t say it''s a no-no either.

When people asked me, I would say "White. Long. Beautiful." They all kind of look that way to me, anyway.
 

Porridge

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Thanks for the replies ladies! I don''t know where I got the notion that it was bad etiquette to ask?!? But I did ask loads of people at work today and most agreed, saying they''d never ask! Especially the older ladies. Maybe it''s an Irish thing? I don''t know, either way, I like all your answers of "lace, white" etc. It''s definitely just meant as a polite, "I''m interested" conversation filler most of the time, so I''d never be offended.

Addy that is so cute about watching tv in your dress, lol! If I wasn''t such a chronic klutz I''d be living in mine...
 

Rhea

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Date: 3/30/2009 7:59:18 PM
Author: Porridge
Thanks for the replies ladies! I don''t know where I got the notion that it was bad etiquette to ask?!? But I did ask loads of people at work today and most agreed, saying they''d never ask! Especially the older ladies. Maybe it''s an Irish thing? I don''t know, either way, I like all your answers of ''lace, white'' etc. It''s definitely just meant as a polite, ''I''m interested'' conversation filler most of the time, so I''d never be offended.


Addy that is so cute about watching tv in your dress, lol! If I wasn''t such a chronic klutz I''d be living in mine...
It was a lot of fun. I still do it ocassionally! The best times were when I decided I wanted a long veil, bought one second hand and wore it with my PJs around the house. What a look!

What do you normally tell people when they ask about your dress?
 

SarahLovesJS

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Yep, asked all the time. It's usually the first question from girls especially. It doesn't bother me too much, but it does kind of get old and awkward since most of them aren't invited.
 

FrekeChild

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I''ve shown a few people pictures. I don''t mind people asking me. When I get asked, I just say, "Its silver." and leave it at that.
 

musey

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Date: 3/31/2009 8:45:17 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I''ve shown a few people pictures. I don''t mind people asking me. When I get asked, I just say, ''Its silver.'' and leave it at that.
YEAH it is!!!!!
 

anniee19

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I''ve been asked by a lot of people, and I don''t mind describing it. Most likely, even if I told every detail of it, they probably aren''t picturing in their mind what my dress is exactly like. I have showed pictures to a few people, and I don''t think it will take away any sort of suprise element.
 

GoodSoul

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I didn''t even know that wedding dress was supposed to be an element of surprise and hence never thought that it''s inappropriate to ask and be asked by others. I don''t think I''ve asked much before and that''s only because I wouldn''t know the difference (before I start searching for my own dress), not because I think it''s inappropriate. When people ask about mine, I do briefly describe it as "no lace, no beads, off-white and long". Not that I don''t want to provide details, it''s just not much details to provide.

I guess it really depends on the individual on how important the wedding dress''s role is in the wedding.
 
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