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Do I really need a MOH?

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anniee19

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Mar 31, 2008
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In short, I have 5 bridesmaids standing up with me. I am not particularly closer to one than the other, so I never chose a maid of honor. I thought I could do that later on. Now we''re 3 months away from our wedding, and I''m having a hard time getting the girls organized together. My fiancee''s sister M is throwing a bridal shower, and has asked me about a bachelorette party. Nobody else has brought up anything about either of these things at all. One of my other bridesmaids, W, has helped out with things, always offers help, etc. but the other 3 girls have said nothing. I have known my friend W for about 2 years, and have been pretty close to FI''s sister for about 2 years, and I''m her son''s Godmother. My sister-in-law is a bridesmaid, and when my mom went there last week to visit, she said, "Now when is the wedding going to be again? Oh- it''s Memorial Weekend???" Her 3 daughters are also in the wedding party! My first thought was to have her stand next to me, but now I''m not so sure!

Would it be silly to just now ask somebody to be my MOH, with only 3 months to go? Or would it be beneficial to have somebody to get the girls rounded up, but who? I cannot decide for the life of me! If I just let it be, and choose not to have one, do you think I''ll run into problems down the road?
 

CNOS128

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If your inclination is not to choose a MOH, then you don''t have to! I imagine a natural leader will emerge from the group.
 

elrohwen

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May 20, 2008
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Others might disagree with me, but I don't see any need for a MOH if someone in your group isn't the stand out choice. MOH is more or less just a title for the girl you're closest to, but if you can't pick just one, then just keep them all as bridesmaids.

ETA: Someone might step up and "round up the others" as you said, but if no one does, I'd just expect that'd you'd end up doing it.
 

Clairitek

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Jul 21, 2008
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I don''t think you have to choose one if you don''t feel closer to one over the others! I chose two MOHs because I''ve known them almost my whole life. If I didn''t have these two clear cut choices I''d be in the same situation as you. I am not closer to any of the other three BMs than the others.

Good luck getting everyone together! I hope they step it up a little in the organization department for you! It might be beneficial to you to ask someone (perhaps your friend W? she sounds like she is interested in helping you out) to start rounding them up and getting people organized- making sure their gowns have been altered (if necessary) and shoes and accessories are taken care of, hair and nail appointments made, etc.
 

violet3

Ideal_Rock
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Dec 18, 2007
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I don''t think you need a maid of honor specifically - i only have one sister so that''s why i have one, but otherwise i might not. My FI, however, claims that he is not having a best man, and i think that''s perfectly fine.
 

luvthemstrawberries

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Jun 19, 2008
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Hehe I don't think I'm going to have any bridesmaids or MOH at all! The wedding may not be tiny, but I'm just not that close to any girls. FI probably won't either - there's only one guy who might stand up there with him. I might just have my little (20) brother up there with me!


But in your situation, I certainly don't think you should have to choose one person over the others. The only thing that'd make me do that is if all your girls seem like the type that would sit back and let the time slip by when an important event is supposed to happen, just because none of them will take the lead, then I might consider choosing one. Or even just talking to one and asking her to head things up. Just make sure it doesn't become too much of a burden on that one more than the others, if she has no more designation than them, unless she's ok with that.
 

tlh

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Dec 31, 2008
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I didn't have one. Just be clear what you expect from everyone. (Who will hold your flowers, straighten your train, sign your certificate, if you expect speaches/toasts at the reception....)

I know you will have a grand time. None of my ladies minded that I didn't have a MOH/Bestman role. My DH didnt want to pick between his two bros.... that said... it worked out great, and everyone had a grand time. i am sure all of your special honorees will also.


ETA: I had my BFF be my "MOH" but it was not specified in writing... because of my DH not wanting to pick between his bros... if that makes sense.
 

kittybean

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May 2, 2008
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I also don''t think you have to have one. You can make a game-time decision on who will stand next to you. Like TLH said, just be clear about your expectations of each person, and I think it will work out marvelously.
 

luvinlife

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Jun 18, 2006
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277
I was wondering the same. I chose not to have an MOH. I love my girls too much to choose! However, I gave one primary organizational duties, which include keeping the other girls in loop. Good luck with planning.
 

musey

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Sep 30, 2006
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11,242
You don''t need to choose someone. They can all be bridesmaids. My husband had two groomsmen and neither was a best man. I had only one BM, my matron of honor. There are no rules!

Only reason I can think of to ask someone is so you have an easy way to assign standing-at-the-altar order
that was a bit sticky for our groomsmen because one actually seemed to care for some reason...
 

Tacori E-ring

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Aug 15, 2005
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20,037
I agree you don''t need to have a MOH.
 

Kelli

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May 27, 2008
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I don''t think you need one. If you really wanted one, it sounds like your FI''s sister is the most obvious choice. Some people truly are just scatter-brained about dates and scheduling. If she is throwing you a shower and is the only one to have asked you about a bachelorette party, it sounds like she''s not completely un-involved. I''d just be sure to stay on top of her schedule-wise.

But if you really don''t want to pick one, don''t! It''s your wedding!
 

mayachel

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Mar 2, 2008
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1,749
I''ll ditto the above, saying that I was in a wedding where the bride had just three bm and chose not to name any of us MOH. We all took on different roles for her and none of us really knew one another well, but everything got done. It meant we were all extra careful about not stepping on one another''s toes too. I will only name an MOH if I decide on having 1 bm.
 

katamari

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May 18, 2008
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2,949
I don''t think you have to have one, but I do think that your guests will believe that the BM who stands closest to you and holds your bouquet is the MOH. I am not sure there is a way to both not have one and also convey that you do not have one to your guests.
 

anniee19

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Mar 31, 2008
Messages
308
Thanks for the advice everyone! I am going to not have a MOH, and have my fiancee''s sister stand next to me, and hold my bouquet. I will just list everybody in the program as maids of honor. Thanks again!
 
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