Do brides forget about everyone else when they get married?

[rockzilla]

Ok...warning: rant!

I am probably overreacting on this, but I need to get it out.

~3 weeks ago I was a bridesmaid in a wedding...not the MOH but basically taking on all the MOH duties (bachelorette party, wedding planning help, etc.) as the actual MOH was abroad leading up to the wedding.

My birthday was the wednesday before the wedding. I realized a few months in advance that I wouldn''t be able to have a birthday party/dinner to celebrate because the weekend before and after were booked up with wedding stuff and I would be too exhaused to plan anything. No big deal, you make sacrifices for your friends and it is an important time. I did have a birthday lunch with coworkers, and my boyfriend and I had a nice dinner.

What makes me sad though, is that the bride didn''t acknowledge my birthday with so much as a card! I know she didn''t just forget about the date, since she is a tireless facebook stalker and had mentioned it a few weeks before. I was thinking maybe we''d go to lunch or dinner the week after or something, but she was too busy to make time for me =( Today she left for her delayed honeymoon (basically a summer in Europe with her finance).

I know she had a lot of stuff to wrap up before leaving (she is a grad student, and wedding stuff) but I feel like I spent so much time, sacrificed so much for her wedding, got her a beautiful gift...the least she could do is take an hour out for my birthday in the last 3 weeks she is in town

Am I crazy? I mean, I guess you only get (hopefully) one wedding and (hopefully) 70+ birthdays...I feel slighted though...

Oh well...end of rant!

RZ

 

[diamondfan]

I think at least a card would have been nice to get, I mean, it is not too much to ask to have an aknowledgement of your birthday, at least not to me.

 

[TravelingGal]

I can totally understand how you feel. I consider myself a pretty laid back and considerate person (despite how I may come across here on PS

) but believe me when I say that when you become a bride, there seems to be some kind of disease that comes along with it that kills brain cells. I didn''t even care much about wedding planning...I just wanted it to be OVER. But that caused me to be a bit stressed near the end and honestly, I''m sure I did some lame a** thoughtless things. But I couldn''t tell ya what they were...because I wasn''t thinking!

You have been a good and responsible friend, so hopefully when she comes back, she''ll acknowledge that.

 

[surfgirl]

Unfortunately too many women seem to think the sun rises and sets for their wedding planning. Your friend sounds too caught up in her own bridalmania. Sorry. Not much you can do though. As for me, I''ll never be in another wedding party ever again. Not after the last one where I found out I was only asked because the groom had more best men that the bride did and she needed a warm body. AND, she left her two sisters and I sitting ALONE at the head table throughout the entire reception because she had the spouses of all the best men sitting at other tables so those guys all got up and left the table to sit with their wives and the bridezilla and groom also left to sit with their other friends. Leaving the three unmarried BMs totally alone at the head table. Aint that nice? Yeah, nothing surprises me anymore.

 

[basil]

That sucks. Would have been nice if she had at least acknowledged it.

That said, I tend to get sort of self-absorbed and flaky when I get stressed out with an important test, starting a new job, and being busy in general. It''s not one of my better qualities and it''s something I''m working on. I hope I haven''t missed too many birthdays along the way, though.

 

[anchor31]

Ugh, I''m sorry she forgot your birthday. I would be upset too. My BFF''s birthday is on my dating anniversary with my FI, but I always try to see her around that time and give her a card and/or a gift.

From what I''ve seen, quite a few women become over-absorbed in their wedding planning. I''m pretty laid back about it, I have so many things to manage at the same time that it would be impossible for me to "forget about everything else".

 

[FireGoddess]

It comes with the territory sometimes...

I had the same experience as you...my birthday was 6 weeks!!! before my best friend''s wedding, and she completely forgot about it....no card, no gift, no mention of it at all (and I was her MOH too). I was really hurt - because I''m the type of person that thinks about other people''s birthdays and gifts months ahead of time...to get the perfect thing for them, etc. So it hurt that she never even said a thing. So much so that I never said a thing about it either. I figured I''d just get over it and knew that she had other stuff to deal with.

Well, several weeks went by and she realized, to her horror, what had happened. She felt so guilty and rushed over with a cake and gift even though I was sick in bed and said she didn''t need to come. She felt really bad. Of course it was an oversight - she would never do that on purpose.

So try not to feel too bad - easier said than done of course. Hopefully she''ll realize her mistake.

 

[Pandora II]

Would she normally have done something like that? if so - yes you should be annoyed.

Here, it''s not very common to acknowledge birthdays unless it''s a big one like 21 or 30 etc. An email or text message is deemed appropriate by most people. I seem to always be working on FI''s birthday - luckily he doesn''t mind having it a few days late or early.

 

[cutes814]

you know if she was your real friend, she wouldn''t purposely do it to hurt you, so chances are she probably got really stressed out and wrapped up in her wedding that she forgot.

i would just talk to her when she gets back from her honeymoon. no big deal, i''m sure she would realize it and apologize. and no, you are not overeacting in anyway. it''s the least she can do.

 

[FireGoddess]

I just reread that you said she knew the date, and had been talking about it on Facebook. So it may not be that she just forgot your birthday?

If she doesn''t end up ever acknowledging your birthday, and it still bothers you, I would just be honest and tell her that you felt very hurt by the omission.

 

[divergrrl]

I hate to admit, I was totally self absorbed & stressed out with my wedding. Most of it was due to family dramas unfolding & giving me headaches, but it was a lot of work to plan (big & I had 8 months) & I was also working full time & taking 9 credit hours at night....so what little free time that didn''t involve studying was all wedding related.

But 2 of my friends got married 3 months before me & I was a BM & had to plan showers, bachelorettes, etc. & always made a point to never utter one word about my wedding around them, so as not to "rain on their parade". Mutual acquaintances would ask about it at their showers, etc & I''d just say "ugh, I''d rather not talk about it...this is my "day off" from it!" and smile. I didn''t forget a single bday, or wedding anniv. of my friends either, but I''m OCD about sending cards to friends anyway...

But yeah...brides can be stinkers...I''d wait until the dust settles on her veil before mentioning something, its really weird how weddings can truly bring out the worst in someone. There is nothing quite like it and its truly bizarre.

Diver

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 6/13/2007 12:30:07 AM
Author: surfgirl
Unfortunately too many women seem to think the sun rises and sets for their wedding planning. Your friend sounds too caught up in her own bridalmania. Sorry. Not much you can do though. As for me, I'll never be in another wedding party ever again. Not after the last one where I found out I was only asked because the groom had more best men that the bride did and she needed a warm body. AND, she left her two sisters and I sitting ALONE at the head table throughout the entire reception because she had the spouses of all the best men sitting at other tables so those guys all got up and left the table to sit with their wives and the bridezilla and groom also left to sit with their other friends. Leaving the three unmarried BMs totally alone at the head table. Aint that nice? Yeah, nothing surprises me anymore.

I feel exactly the same way as Surfgirl. Happy Birthday!!! We think you are great!!! Don't let that get you down and I am with FG if it bothers you tell her.

 

[rockzilla]

UPDATE:

So, I just came home to find a package from UPS...strange, since I hadn''t ordered anything and I usually send all packages to work.

Inside was this cute terrycloth cosmetics tote from my friend She even had it monogrammed with my initials in my favorite color.

So, she was just late, I guess I can forgive her now

RZ

 

[anchor31]

I''m glad to hear that. Happy belated birthday!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Amazing! I was about to write and defend her by saying that I can''t imagine anyone remembering anything that happens the week before a wedding! Then after the wedding there is SO much to do...dealing with all the gifts, thank you notes, possibly moving, packing for honeymoon, etc.! I would give a bride leeway at least the month before and after the wedding! There is so much stress I can totally imagine them forgetting other occasions during that time!