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Divulging the cost/origin of ering stone?

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alfdog

Rough_Rock
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First of all, after doing a lot of research online, I didn''t think it was possible to learn any more... then I found this site
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Here is my current situation:

I have been saving for an ering for a while with a budget of around 5-6k. I was planning for a nice 1 Carat or maybe a "good" 1.15 carat with a simple setting.

Last week, my mom gets a call from her neighbor/friend saying that she is selling her ering. Her situation is less than ideal, she''s on the tail end of an unpleasant divorce, she lost her house, and she needs the money. I vaguely remember her trying to sell the ring to my mother a couple of times before for more than what she''s asking now.

Now for the ring details:

It''s a 2.06 Carat Round Brilliant, G-H color, I1 clarity, "good" cut. It is set in a basic 14k band, but I was only concerned with the diamond.

I had the ring appraised and the IRV was $14,185 which I know is probably high, but I figure the minimum the diamond is worth is about 8-10k.

Here''s the crazy thing, she was only asking $4k!!!

I consider myself very fortunate, because the timing couldn''t have been any better. I did have the ring appraised before buying it, even though I knew it was literally a steal.

After doing more research on the value of the ring, the thing that kept bugging me is "Why did she sell it for so little?"

I know it''s hers and not stolen, I know she''s mentally competent, I have no reason to believe she''s addicted to anything.

The only things I can think of are:

1. My mother is very kind to her, lending a kind ear, even giving her an extra cell phone that uses shared minutes for free.

2. She knows and likes my girlfriend, and wants the diamond to have a "good home".

After purchasing the ring from her, she swore she''s never say anything to my girlfriend about it.

Right now I''m in the process of having the diamond set into a new beautiful band. I can''t wait to see the expression on her face when I ask her, but that is another story
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I guess what I''m trying to get advice on is what to say when asked "How much was the ring?"


The guy part of me wants to brag about getting a great bargain, but I don''t like explaining how I got the diamond. I also don''t like keeping things from my girlfiend, but I feel like I want the ring to have a "clean slate" without a blemished past.

So far, the best replies I can think of to the question "how much?" are:

"a gentleman never tells"

"enough" (with a wink)


If anyone has any personal experience or sage advice on this, I''m all ears
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Hmm, I''m a little superstitious on these things... at that size rock and with that saving I would have been tempted to take it for a recut to make it ideal cut. Then it is truly a "new" stone!

As far as the price is concerned - unless you are buying something together she need never know anything other than the insurance value! The phrases you have are perfect.
 
It really is no one else's business where you got the diamond or how much you spent. The only person that may ask and may deserve to know is your GF. Just because the ring had a previous owner does not mean there is anything wrong with it or it is any less special. Unless she really presses you for information (and in reality, she may not ask at all), I would simply say that you got it through a family friend.

People often ask me how big my diamond is and I never really feel comfortable telling them. My response is always, 'big enough for me.'

Asking someone how much they spent on their e-ring is just very rude, if you ask me. Tell them you paid a fair price.
 
Hmm, tough one.

I''d personally be wary of taking the diamond if it''s going to put you in a position where you are keeping a secret from your wife for the rest of your life. If it''s something you''re afraid of her knowing, then it''s probably not worth doing. Basically, your''e being discounted $6-10k for keeping a secret. I guess that''s just not worth it to me. A few thousand dollars is a lot of money, regardless of your financial wherewithal, but stomaching a secret could cost your relationship and your own psychological well-being much more than that.

On the other hand, if you have no problem divulging the source of the ring to your wife, then I''d say go for it. At the end of the day, it all comes down to how she would take the truth.

After all, an engagement ring isn''t just a diamond and some platinum or gold; it''s ostensibly a message you''re giving to your fiance about your commitment to her and how much you love her. If she''s not going to take it well, then it doesn''t matter how big the rock is, and whatever you spend will be a waste.

But who knows? She may be a more pragmatic girl than most and not mind at all the provenance of her diamond. In that case--it''s a steal!
 
Congratulations on getting a great bargain!

I wouldn''t necessarily ''volunteer'' information about the diamond''s history to my girlfriend but if she asked, evasion or lying about it is a bad idea and no way to start out a marriage.

If she asks...she needs to know the truth...now. . (IMO
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Get it appraised.

It’s useful for your insurance needs but it also gives you the answer to your question. How much did it cost? I had it built at XYZ jewelers and just got it appraised $xxx! This, of course, isn’t really answering the question but it’s a polite way of ducking it. If she insists, answer the question. Lying is a bad way to start a relationship.

For people other than her, answer whatever question you want, not necessarily what they want. What it cost, how big it is, where you got it, etc. is none of their business unless you want to make it so.

Regarding the price. Many private sellers find it very difficult to resell diamonds. Most actually. Assuming the grading is correct, your stone would sell by one of the dealers here for about $6-8k. If she went to a dealer to sell it, $4k is about what she would have received as an offer from a dealer so I think it’s decently likely that she tried to sell it to a store, got that offer and decided she would rather sell it to you because of her friendship with your mother. It’s a very nice gesture, but not an unreasonable gift. You both win.

Neil Beaty
GG(GIA) ICGA(AGS) NAJA
Professional Appraisals in Denver
 
Thanks for all of the prompt replies
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Here''s a little background:

We''ve been together for about 6 1/2 years. She''s a girl that likes nice things, but is not materialistic. She works at a small local clothing boutique, and likes to wear those big fake rings that are so popular nowadays. She even has a fake replica of the J-Lo/Ben Affleck ering, lol. I''m really excited to give it to her, because I know she''ll flip out at the size of the diamond. She''s told me before that she doesn''t really care how big of a ring I get her, I believe her, but I think it''s the old mentality "you don''t HAVE to, but it would be nice
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As for me, I wanted to get her something nice she could be proud of. I like nice computer and home audio equipment, and I didn''t want to get her something that would cost less than I would spend on a toy for myself. I feel really fortunate I can get something that I know will exceed her expectations.

I have no plans to lie to her or evade any tough questions if she asks, but I think I''ll remain silent when others (maybe jealous) are overly inquisitive. The more I think about it, I don''t think it will be any issue at all. I think that most of it is my own perception. I''m sure when I see the diamond in it''s new setting, I''ll feel fine.



Thanks for all of the comments, maybe I''ll put up a pic when it''s finished
 
Date: 6/5/2007 3:56:34 PM
Author: alfdog

As for me, I wanted to get her something nice she could be proud of. I like nice computer and home audio equipment, and I didn''t want to get her something that would cost less than I would spend on a toy for myself. I feel really fortunate I can get something that I know will exceed her expectations.

I have no plans to lie to her or evade any tough questions if she asks, but I think I''ll remain silent when others (maybe jealous) are overly inquisitive. The more I think about it, I don''t think it will be any issue at all. I think that most of it is my own perception. I''m sure when I see the diamond in it''s new setting, I''ll feel fine.
That''s funny, because that''s exactly how I feel. I like nice stuff (watches, suits, pens, gadgets, etc.), and even if my girlfriend says she doesn''t care about what ring I get her, I don''t want to give her anything less than what I give myself.

If you''re not worried about what she''s going to think, and the only problem is other people, then there''s no problem. Who care''s what other people think, even if they know the truth?
 
Did you end up buying it? If so, definitely have it appraised. Do the I1 inclusions bother you? If not and she wants a big stone, then what a bargain. If it's not well cut, you could probably have it ideal cut into a slightly smaller stone.

Personally, I'd probably pass up the offer and give her the contact information of bill pearlman and tell her that he is great to consign jewelry from. If you need an excuse...just say that the ring is lovely, but your girlfriend wanted something smaller...or something along those lines. To me, the cut quality is number one and I would hate to be put in a position if something is wrong with the ring and having to return it.
 
I did end up buying it, I took it to a local appraiser who was great. I really just wanted to know the value/specs of it, so she gave me that, and then after I have the setting finished I''ll have all the paperwork finished, no sense in doing it twice. When I first saw the ring it was really dirty, and I wasn''t sure about it. I have pretty good vision and I can see inclusions when looking at it from the side, but you can''t from the table/top. Everyone else that I had look at it didn''t seem to think that the inclusions were noticeable. I decided not to look at it like a critic, but more for what is was... a big beautiful diamond. The color is G-H, which made me happy, because my gf doesn''t like yellow gold.

a lot of my decision was this:

a 2.06 Round Brilliant diamond, G-H color I1, good cut for $4,000 that was given an insured retail valued of $14,185
plus a white gold band with side stones .50 Ctw with head and mounting for $1200

But... as much as I like to analyze stats, I''m not THAT picky. I also KNOW she loves big stones, and will enjoy showing it to family and friends.

So... in the end a 15k ring for 5k that I know she will love. Sounds like a no brainer.
I guess I think that an extra Carat of diamond is a bigger difference than an extra grade of clarity. (just a humble opinion from a diamond noobie)
 
If she likes big stones, you like the appearance of this one, and the appraisal went great....then WOW what a bargain. I wouldn''t bother telling her the cost of the stone unless she asks. If she asks, then I would be honest about everything.
 
here is a pic of the setting, but it has a 3/4 in the middle

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If she asks where you got the ring, tell her where you got the setting. If she asks about the diamond, tell her the truth. As far as telling her the price, do you think she''ll ask how much it was? I wouldn''t. When will we get to see pics?
 
I''d tell her the jeweler where you got the setting and say that you bought the diamond from a private seller.
 
Please do post pictures when you get it, we would love to see it!

As far as the price factor...I am with Oshinbreez...I have been married to my husband for 10 years now and I have never asked him what he paid for my e-ring.
 
For what it''s worth, I would be much more concerned about a second-hand setting than a stone. I think you can tell her where you got the stone if she asks, and then emphasize that you picked out the setting yourself and had the ring put together especially for her.
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Congratulations and please post pics when you have them!
 
Date: 6/5/2007 12:50:47 PM
Author: Pandora II
Hmm, I''m a little superstitious on these things... at that size rock and with that saving I would have been tempted to take it for a recut to make it ideal cut. Then it is truly a ''new'' stone!

As far as the price is concerned - unless you are buying something together she need never know anything other than the insurance value! The phrases you have are perfect.
ditto - you''d still probably end up with over 1.5 carats of really nice stone and all of the bad marriage cooties would be rubbed off LOL
 
Should you tell her the cost? If she asks and really wants to know, I would tell. I don''t see the point of hiding that information.

As for divulging the origin of the ring, I don''t see why not. It doesn''t matter if the diamond had a previous owner. Lot''s of diamonds have had many owners. It doesn''t make the diamond any less special when it becomes your ering.

Please post pictures. We would love to see!
 
Are you asking this because you think she''d be weirded out by the "second hand ring"? Otherwise it seems like a silly question to ask. Who CARES what you spent for it as long as it had the proper meaning behind it? If she asks tell her how much you paid for it. No big deal.

Now if you''re worried that she will find out that you bought it second hand and be ticked off...that''s another whole can of worms. If it were me I wouldn''t want to be lied to about it. But I also would never ask my fiance what it cost...
 
honestly, when I first got engaged I never would have asked where or how much my guy spent. I''d just be so happy to have been proposed to and actually putting a ring on my finger. I can see her saying, "oh my I love it, where did you get it?" tell her the place of the setting and that you got the stone from a private seller and leave it at that. Do you really think she''d ask how much you spent? She''ll see the appraisel and know what it''s worth, that''s all that really matters.
 
My wifey2b''s first e-ring diamond came from a pawnshop then I had it reset, neither of us has a problem with that.
 
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