discuss with her parents?

[questionsRus]

Hey everyone. I was just sitting down to call her parents, when I started to get nervous, and realized I had no idea what to say. I then proceded to get real nervous, and decided I should ask the opinions of everyone on here, because you are all DIAMOND AND PROPOSAL GENIUSES!!! Pat yourselves on the back Anyhoo, some background - we''ve been dating over 2 and a half years. She is VERY close to her parents, and talks to them all the time (minimum of once a day). I''m sure that her parents would support it if i proposed without checking with them first, but i thought it might be good anyways. What do you all think? Thanks!!

 

[jenwill]

if you think she would be happy with you asking, then go for it.

To calm your nerves, I would probably write down what you would like to say, so that you don't have to try to stumble through it- your brain will probably be shutting down, so having a cheat sheet might help.

Also, while I would not want my honey to ask, I do totally understand there are lots of women that do want it! Most of those, from what I gather, view it as lees of asking permission- and more of telling them that you plan to propose, and saying that you hope you have their blessing. Just a small difference in the wording!

so, if I were you, the conversation would go something like this (after preliminary small talk/chat):

You: mr. so and so, I have something important to tell you.

Him: yeeeeeesssss?

You: I love your daughter more than I can express, and feel that I would like to take our relationship to the next stage. I would like to propose to her in the next (insert time frame), and hope that you support this decision. I very much respect you and your wife, and the relationship you have with your daughter. I know that it would please (insert name of girlfriend/future fiancee)if I could have your blessing before I ask her.

Him: Of course you have our blessing.

Just my thouhgts- perhaps someone else will have something more original. I just think straightforward is the best way to go!

Best of Luck! Let us know how it goes!

 

[branhap]

I agree. If possible, it may be better to do in person though. Even if parents do talk to their child almost daily, they can mostly keep something like this a secret.

In my recent experience, I knew to do because my fiance had requested I do it, because her father was upset when the husband of his other daughter didn't do it.

As for your situation, I would go more with the blessing, then the permission. Subtle difference in wording, but can be seen in the appropriate manner by all sides.

Good luck!!

Paul

 

[hoorray]

I really second the advice on the blessing versus permission wording. I think there are many women these days (including me) who would be offended by you asking permission, but not by the thought of your taking the effort to tell the parents first and ask for their blessing. Some might be ok with the whole "permission" thing, but I think even those would be not be put off if you changed it to blessing, so it is the win/win way to go in my book.


Good luck -- it will all be fine

.

 

[Bethanying]

My BF is supposed to be talking to my parents soon... He mentioned saying something like, "I really wanted to ask your daughter to marry me and I wanted to know your feelings about it. If you think it's too soon, I would respect that." (and other things too but you get the idea) He knows they won't say no, they love him and so it is more a blessing thing than a permission thing. That whole permission thing bothers me too- but it is so endearing that he wants to make sure my parents are 'in on it' too. 'Course, we're from the south....

Hope this helps and keep us posted!

Bethany

 

[yowahking]

Depends on your age as well, I don't think you gave us that. The older you are, the less important the blessing, or permission. Always good idea to trust your guy knowing all involved. There is a guy in Scottsale AZ that sells a book on how to propose, he may have some examples on line. His name is Dave Richardson. Some hokey, but worth the $5 a book. He is also a speaker for the jewelry industry.

 

[JimDiamond]

When I spoke to my fiancees parents I thought I was going to ask for permission or at least a blessing. When it came time I found those words too hard to say, so I decided in the end to just talk about marriage. It worked. We talked about marriage and getting married for at least a half hour. The blessing was implied. This isn't for everyone of course. Her parents were very supportive of her/our right to make our own decisions so they made it easy for me.

In my case though the "asking" was after the fact because that's what my girlfriend and her friends told me was right for her. It didn't make it any less scary though.

 

[questionsRus]

Well everyone, it has been a hectic weekend moving into a new apartment, so that's why I haven't replied yet. Thanks a bunch for all of your suggestions, I think I'm to a point now where I can call and ask. I would go and do it in person, but they are in another state, and the drive is fairly long. Now all I need is to get some time alone without her there, and I think I can do it. I have a feeling they will know as soon as I call, because I never call them unless she is there visiting. Oh Well! Thanks again!

Oops, i almost signed this!

 

[kcc]

I just went through this two weeks ago. When her sister got married, her now husband asked for permission before hand. My girlfriend mentioned how sweet this was. Therefore, I knew it was a must.

I asked face to face. I would highly recommend this. It actually brought me closer to her parents. My advise is to keep it simple. Neither parent would expect an elaborate speach. I simply said, "I love your daughter very much. I am here today to ask for your blessing to ask her to marry me."

Good Luck!!