Independent Gal
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2006
- Messages
- 5,471
Tonight I'm going to dinner with FI at his senior colleague's house. The other guests are people I know slightly and like a lot: very warm, generous, kind, and ego-free despite being at the height of their professions. So I'm looking forward to seeing them.
Anyway, SC (senior colleague) is not someone I've spent time with, but I've been harboring this horrible grudge against him because of something he said to FI after we got engaged. To the point where, I'm only going to dinner because FI said it's really important to him that I go.
FI had mentioned to SC that we would likely have trouble coordinating our careers since it will be hard for us to BOTH settle in permanently with an organization in the same place. SC said 'Well, why doesn't she just go to law school or something?'
Some of you might be thinking, 'why would this make IG so upset?'. Here is why. I spent 10 years in university, and earned a total of 5 degrees, including 2 en route to a Ph.D. This was all geared toward doing the job I have now, which, granted, I have a love / hate relationship with. But it's what I wanted to do (overarchingly... there were forays into firefighter and opera singer) since I was a kid. I've had other kinds of jobs and enjoyed them. So I know there's more out there for me if necessary. But this is still the thing I love most.
It just disgusts me that SC automatically assumes that it would be ME - THE WOMAN - that has to change careers ... start all over again, go back for more school... I mean, I've had ENOUGH school, thank you very much. And I'm happy to say that so far (knock wood) I've been tremendously successful - every bit as successful as FI and signs suggest that I will 'take the lead' in the coming years. And 10 years is a lot of time to work toward something.
'Why don't I go to law school or something?' Uh, because I already HAVE a successful career. Why don't YOU go to law school or something, you presumptuous JERK! Why don't you suggest that FI does? Why me? Because I'm a woman! RRRAWR that makes me angry.
OK, I know I'm overreacting. I think he just touched what is probably THE most sensitive nerve I've got which makes it hard to just let it go.
After all, there may come a time when one of us DOES have to make some serious sacrifices. It scares me. But when and if that time comes, we are going to make the choice of who 'makes the sacrifice' on RATIONAL criteria. I.e., not gender roles.
So I have to calm down and let it go so I can be a charming dinner guest.
Must... not... take... cheap shot at host... Right?! not even a little one? I couldn't say
"SC, I've been wondering. Did you ever consider law school?' or something like that?
I know, I know.
Hope this hasn't been too incoherent. Thanks for letting me vent a little.
Anyway, SC (senior colleague) is not someone I've spent time with, but I've been harboring this horrible grudge against him because of something he said to FI after we got engaged. To the point where, I'm only going to dinner because FI said it's really important to him that I go.
FI had mentioned to SC that we would likely have trouble coordinating our careers since it will be hard for us to BOTH settle in permanently with an organization in the same place. SC said 'Well, why doesn't she just go to law school or something?'
Some of you might be thinking, 'why would this make IG so upset?'. Here is why. I spent 10 years in university, and earned a total of 5 degrees, including 2 en route to a Ph.D. This was all geared toward doing the job I have now, which, granted, I have a love / hate relationship with. But it's what I wanted to do (overarchingly... there were forays into firefighter and opera singer) since I was a kid. I've had other kinds of jobs and enjoyed them. So I know there's more out there for me if necessary. But this is still the thing I love most.
It just disgusts me that SC automatically assumes that it would be ME - THE WOMAN - that has to change careers ... start all over again, go back for more school... I mean, I've had ENOUGH school, thank you very much. And I'm happy to say that so far (knock wood) I've been tremendously successful - every bit as successful as FI and signs suggest that I will 'take the lead' in the coming years. And 10 years is a lot of time to work toward something.
'Why don't I go to law school or something?' Uh, because I already HAVE a successful career. Why don't YOU go to law school or something, you presumptuous JERK! Why don't you suggest that FI does? Why me? Because I'm a woman! RRRAWR that makes me angry.
OK, I know I'm overreacting. I think he just touched what is probably THE most sensitive nerve I've got which makes it hard to just let it go.
So I have to calm down and let it go so I can be a charming dinner guest.
Must... not... take... cheap shot at host... Right?! not even a little one? I couldn't say
"SC, I've been wondering. Did you ever consider law school?' or something like that?
I know, I know.
Hope this hasn't been too incoherent. Thanks for letting me vent a little.