Dilemma -- smoker across the hall

[ephemery1]

Random question... we live on the 4th floor of a nice condo building. There are 6 apartments on each floor, all privately owned. We are at the end of the hall, with another apartment directly across from us, which was recently sold. New owners moved in last week.... and they're smokers.

Our hallway now reeks... it is unbelievable. You can smell it before even getting off the elevator and it gets steadily worse going down the hall. Being pregnant, I'm particularly bothered by it... I try to hold my breath but that's not always possible. But DH, my mom and my friend have all smelled it and agree that its terrible... so it's not just my super-sensitive nose, I promise!

After a week of this, I finally went to CVS and bought an odor-absorber (about 4" tall) and put it in the hallway, in the alcove right beside our door. It made a difference immediately and it's not QUITE As bad out there, but DH says it's rude and I can't leave it there. He says we're hurting their feelings... but I don't understand why we are supposed to make a sacrifice (breathing fresh air) because of their bad habits, yet we aren't allowed to attempt to improve the problem because it might "hurt their feelings"? It's not like I'm knocking on their door and demanding THEY put the odor absorber out there... I am accepting that I'M the one with the problem (can't stand the smell), so I figured out a way to solve it without having to impose on them at all. Is that really considered rude? If so, what's the alternative?

Help please! If anyone else sees a way to address this, I would very much appreciate your thoughts. In the meantime, this certainly isn't a huge life-or-death issue, but on days when I'm already not feeling great, it's all I can do not to vomit right there in front of their door. Now THAT would be rude.

 

[Lorelei]

I say leave it there Ephemery, you shouldn't have to tolerate the odour of stale smoke outside your own home. No argument. How does your DH know you are hurting the neighbour's feelings??? I personally would not care about that anyway, my own health and PGcy would come first!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 4/2/2008 9:35:05 AM
Author: Lorelei
I say leave it there Ephemery, you shouldn''t have to tolerate the odour of stale smoke outside your own home. No argument. How does your DH know you are hurting the neighbour''s feelings??? I personally would not care about that anyway, my own health and PGcy would come first!

Agreed! You aren''t being rude, it isn''t impacting them AT ALL. It is just improving your own comfort. Period. Your DH is wrong on this one IMO.

 

[icekid]

Ahh I feel for you, Ephem. And it must be even worse for you being pregnant. I can''t even take walking behind a smoker on the street. I don''t see a problem with you putting the odor-absorber out. They must know they smell of smoke anyway. I''m almost embarrassed to say this, but we have neighbors who are smokers too. And they sometimes smoke right outside our window (old window- does not seal well). when they do, it all comes into out apartment and my hubby goes out to ask them to stop!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

My FI is a smoker (we are working on it) and while he never smokes in the apartment, if he did he would not be offended at all about the odor thing. Smokers know they are in the minority and that their habit bothers other people and believe me, you are being more polite than some people I know about it.

 

[Octavia]

Ephemery, we have a similar problem in my building, although fortunately not right across the hall from us. But the guy in one of the apartments next to the elevators on our floor smokes indoors, and his door is almost always left cracked open a bit, so the smell gets out into the hallway. It's disgusting. I don't blame you a bit for putting out an odor absorber. If your building works the way ours does, hallways are considered common space for all occupants...so if their cigarette smell is getting into the hallway, IMO it actually is their problem, just as it would be if they were leaving trash outside their door or something equally icky. Unless someone on your condo board or maintenence staff complains about the absorber being in the hall, it seems like a good way to keep the peace, and if someone does complain then if I were you I'd raise hell about the cigarette smell in return.

 

[crown1]

i think you made a very intelligent move here. it is hurting no one and is improving the air quality. i think you deserve thanks not disapproval. there are five other apartment owners on the floor and who''s to say why the device was placed there. i doubt any of your neighbors minds and most are probably thankful. i think you were very considerate of them as you didn''t ask anything of them but found your own solution.

 

[sumbride]

Do you have a condo board? Maybe they can install a "smoke eater" or some other more high-tech device in the hallway? I definitely say leave the odor absorber out there! I am also extremely sensitive to smoke and had to move to another cube when my office hired a heavy smoker and placed him across from me. I don''t think he realized how much he carried with him, and smokers can''t smell it themselves. Doesn''t mean they don''t know, just can''t smell it.

You may want to play your pregnancy card (are you showing yet?) and say "Welcome to the building! Could you put an odor absorber on the inside of your apartment to protect my lungs that are breathing for two?" (or something like that)

 

[Miscka]

I do not think you are being rude at all! In fact, I would be way more mad if I were you. I am weird about that kind of stuff, esp. in a condo. You have to think about your property value. When it comes time to sell, will that smell turn off buyers? Who will pay for the hallway to be cleaned of the odor if it becomes a real problem? Bleah, stale smoke is the worst smell. I can imagine it is much worse pg. I would see how long/well the odor eater helps, and then if it doesnt work out I would be tempted to say something nicely to your neighbor. Good luck!!

 

[LegacyGirl]

I think you are being more than reasonable. I would be having a fit if I was you, I''m allergic and can''t stand to be around it at all.

 

[bee*]

Date: 4/2/2008 9:58:41 AM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 4/2/2008 9:35:05 AM

Author: Lorelei

I say leave it there Ephemery, you shouldn''t have to tolerate the odour of stale smoke outside your own home. No argument. How does your DH know you are hurting the neighbour''s feelings??? I personally would not care about that anyway, my own health and PGcy would come first!

Agreed! You aren''t being rude, it isn''t impacting them AT ALL. It is just improving your own comfort. Period. Your DH is wrong on this one IMO.

ditto!

 

[ephemery1]

Thank you so much for your feedback, everyone!! I was a bit worried that I might be overreacting or handling things inappropriately... got some crazy hormones kicking around these days, and my perspective can get a bit skewed.

DH is just one of those people who is nice and selfless and thoughtful to a fault, so sometimes he doesn't think about things totally rationally. My argument was, if I was putting a bag of dirty diapers in the hallway each day (not sure why I'd do that, but for sake of argument), and my neighbor put out an air freshener to counteract it, I wouldn't be offended in the least. The reality is, it smells bad. So why shouldn't they do something about it? He said just because it's the reality, doesn't mean it's not rude. Which is where we differed.

Lorelei, Neat, Ice, Brazen, Octavia, Crown, and Bee... thank you so much for understanding, you helped me feel much less crazy. Sum, good advice to talk to the board... my friend suggested that too. We do have a pretty involved maintenance staff, so I may check in with them about it tomorrow and see what they suggest. And Miscka, property value was the first thing my mom brought up too... especially since the hallway is carpeted and the smell will definitely stick there. It does make a horrible first impression getting off the elevator, and there is currently another apartment for sale on our floor... I can't imagine those owners are pleased. Legacy, good point about some people being allergic... for a building that doesn't even allow cats to be kept in individual apartments, smoke seems MUCH more intrusive and disturbing.

As for playing the pregnancy card, that may come in handy... I'm also feeling MUCH less guilt about the fact that the baby's "nook" in the apartment may be right up against a wall shared with the offending neighbor.

 

[snlee]

I totally agree with everyone. You should not have to tolerate the smell. Leave the odor-absorber out there. I don''t think you''re being rude.

It would really bug me too! I''ve always hated the smell of smoke. Now that I''m pregnant, I can''t stand the smell. It does make me want to vomit! I try to hold my breath when there are smokers around. I can''t imagine doing that every time you go home. I''m sorry you have to deal with this problem.

 

[Kay]

I don''t think you are being unreasonable at all. You are not knocking on the neighbors'' door telling them to stop smoking or asking them to deal with the noxious smell. You just quietly put up a device to minimize the odor to make yourself (and other people in the hall) more comfortable.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this now in addition to the preganancy nausea. Smoke always bothers me, but now smoke and other strong odors just make me want to vomit.

 

[chiapet]

I have the same problem with the smoker who lives downstairs. I complained to the condo board and they wrote a letter to him. Apparently several other people have complained as well! The condo board asked him to crack his window and get an air filter. I''ve also sent down DH (6'' 3", 220 lbs) to "talk" to this guy

Don''t feel bad about complaining or expressing your opinion. It is TOTALLY unfair for you to suffer just because of someone else''s nasty habit. You pay good money to live there too!

 

[Pandora II]

I am currently trying to quit smoking.

I never smoke in the house, but go outside to where it won't bother anyone.

Even as a smoker, I hate the smell of tobacco - hence why I only smoke outside.

I would no way be offended by anything like that. In fact I'd feel super guilty that my habit was affecting other people!

 

[phoenixgirl]

There are two issues here: the smell and the health risks.

We had a similar situation with smell -- the woman across the hall went on vacation and had a friend coming by morning and night to feed/take care of her cat (she also asked me to stop by around noon every day, which I did, so this cat wasn't being neglected). The cat threw up all over the place, and the main guy on cat duty wasn't cleaning it up.

I'm not the kind to shirk my responsibilities, but this woman was never nice to me. We hung out on the fire escape with all our other neighbors except for her; she was cold to everyone, not just us. When I ran into her in the grocery store after we moved she said, "It's much quieter now that YOUR HUSBAND isn't there to make everyone mingle" or something like that. And when I came back to clean after we'd moved she just said, "Oh, I thought you were gone already." I was like no lady, we own this place, we can come back any time we want! (She was a renter). So my point is that she was really taking advantage of my good graces to ask me to do a daily chore for her. If she'd been a friend I would have cleaned up the mess.

So anyway, it was a HORRIBLE smell, and while I did hold my breath, run in and check on the cat food, and run out every day at noon, we had to spray, spray, spray with air freshener even after she returned home. Ick!

When we burned our kitchen down in the same building, the whole place smelled like a camp fire for several weeks, so we bought several odor eaters and ran the odor machine the insurance company brought us in the hall until it went away. We felt really bad that we made the hallway smell even if "campfire" isn't a negative smell per se.

But on top of smell, you've got the health concerns. It's just not acceptable to subject other people to your second hand smoke when they're in their own homes. You are absolutely doing the right thing. That's really disgusting that they're smoking inside . . . ick!

The cat lady also smoked in her place, but I think I said, "Do you smell that? Is that smoke? Ew!" to my husband enough times as we were passing her door that she started doing it outside or in a farther away part of her place. We only noticed it a couple of times.

 

[strmrdr]

I smoke.. don't see a problem with putting it out there.
Anyone that tells me I cant smoke in my own place is going to be in deep deep doo-doo.

Btw the stank perfume a lot of people wear is 1000x worse than smoke and a lot more people are affected by it.
One client commented about me smelling like smoke so I told her what her perfume smelled like and everyone who was in the office started clapping.
She quit the next day.
They were my client for years after that until the owners retired.

Another time the second time a lady walked by went sniff sniff someone smells like smoke I went sniff sniff then said someone smells like caca and its you :}

From now on my standard response too someone saying something about smoke smell too me in person is gonna be.. well its better than the caca smell you inflict on the world everywhere you go :}

 

[fisherofmengirly]

I think an odor-absorber is a great idea, and the people across from you may not even realize it''s due to their smoke scent. Besides, there are tons of odor absorbers that are really cute, so (especially if it''s a guy) they may think it''s just for looks.

Are you out of the first trimester yet? My mom said her sensitivity to smells really started to die down after she got past the first three months....

 

[Gemma12]

Eph, I don''t think you are being rude. I found the smell of smoke nauseating when I wasn''t pregnant and now that I am...

I actually think a lot of smokers can''t smell themselves, and don''t know how strong the smell is. We were in a restaurant the other day and a guy walked past us (about 10 metres away) and we could both (my non pregnant husband and I) smell him from where we sat. Smoking kills the olfactory nerves which are responsible for transmitting the sense of smell.

Sorry, in a longwinded way my point is this: I think you were well within your rights to try to eliminate a smell from a communal area-particularly when the person who is responsible for it may not even recognise that it is there! You aren''t asking them to stop smoking in their own home-just trying to reduce the influence their habit has on yours.

 

[strmrdr]

edit: never mind lol

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 4/6/2008 7:24:43 PM
Author: strmrdr

Date: 4/6/2008 7:12:46 PM

Author: Gemma12


Sorry, in a longwinded way my point is this: I think you were well within your rights to try to eliminate a smell from a communal area-particularly when the person who is responsible for it may not even recognise that it is there!

then ban perfume!

woops that wouldn't be PC would it.

I would LOVE it if perfume was banned, actually! It hurts my eyes. A girl I work with actually sprays cheap body spray perfume on herself in the small office we have every day that she works! At least she's part time...UGH!

I can't believe these people are stinking up your whole floor, ephemery. That's just awful...stale cigarette smoke is one of my least favorite smells. I would definitely complain to your condo association as soon as possible.

Really, I can't imagine why anyone would want to smoke in a closed apartment, but I guess people still do! Everything they own must just reek of smoke.

ETA that I don't think you having an air cleanser in the hall is rude at all! They're the ones being rude by stinking up the entire floor!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Date: 4/6/2008 7:29:26 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 4/6/2008 7:24:43 PM
Author: strmrdr

Date: 4/6/2008 7:12:46 PM

Author: Gemma12


Sorry, in a longwinded way my point is this: I think you were well within your rights to try to eliminate a smell from a communal area-particularly when the person who is responsible for it may not even recognise that it is there!

then ban perfume!

woops that wouldn''t be PC would it.

I would LOVE it if perfume was banned, actually! It hurts my eyes. A girl I work with actually sprays cheap body spray perfume on herself in the small office we have every day that she works! At least she''s part time...UGH!

I can''t believe these people are stinking up your whole floor, ephemery. That''s just awful...stale cigarette smoke is one of my least favorite smells. I would definitely complain to your condo association as soon as possible.

Really, I can''t imagine why anyone would want to smoke in a closed apartment, but I guess people still do! Everything they own must just reek of smoke.

ETA that I don''t think you having an air cleanser in the hall is rude at all! They''re the ones being rude by stinking up the entire floor!

There is a girl in our office who wears cheap lotion/body sprays, like the knock offs for Bath and Body Works, but the smell is more of alcohol than anything else. Anyway, she sprays and/or lathers at random, all day long. Maybe I should get an odor absorber for the hallway at the office.

You could be on to something here, Ephemery. (By the way, I''ve often wondered about your screen name; what does it mean?)

 

[Gemma12]

I would have no problem with you putting up an odour eater for perfume, storm.

IMHO, apart from those people who are allergic to perfume, someone else wearing heavy perfume does not pose a threat to my health. It is unpleasant, I agree with you there. Passive smoking on the other hand, may pose a threat to my health. I am not saying you cannot smoke in your own home/car/smoking area, whatever. I just prefer not to have the smell in my home/car/workplace (as it seems you feel about perfume!).

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 4/6/2008 7:41:33 PM
Author: Gemma12
I would have no problem with you putting up an odour eater for perfume, storm.

IMHO, apart from those people who are allergic to perfume, someone else wearing heavy perfume does not pose a threat to my health.

does too me causes asthma attacks but cant ban it can we.... naw......

A friend of mine was in a coma for 3 days after a charlie perfume induced attack.
They really do need to ban that stuff .. about 90% of the people I know with asthma have a bad reaction too it.
I only know one person who cig smoke bugs her asthma and it has too be blown in her face before it acts up.
I don't smoke anywhere around her.

 

[phoenixgirl]

My husband quit smoking in May. Last night when we came home from dinner he commented that he could never smell "restaurant smell" on his clothes when he was a smoker. So there''s an anecdote in favor of the fact that smokers'' senses of smell are dampened.

That said, some people just smell things more than others. I for one can smell vomit a mile away. Yay me. DH didn''t believe me when I told him someone had thrown up on our boat ride from hell on our honeymoon. It wasn''t until I visually located the vomiter that he conceded.

So I agree that whether it''s perfume, cat throw-up, or cigarette smoke, it''s rude to ignore somebody''s else''s discomfort. What are you going to say, "No, I must wear this perfume anyway!" or "No, cat vomit isn''t gross. Just deal with it!" or "No! I will force you to smell something proven to cause cancer even though you complained!" ??? Come on people. Play nice.

 

[ephemery1]

Thank you so much for the continued feedback, everyone!! It is helpful to hear from people who are smokers themselves, but wouldn''t be offended by an odor-absorber in the hallway... my "real life" friends who used to be smokers agree with that too.

I understand smokers have a right to smoke in their own home, but when you live in an apartment building, you have a slightly different set of responsibilities. We don''t blare music loudly or hammer/drill past a certain hour of the day, and most people are careful not to walk too loudly on wood floors out of courtesy for their neighbors. We aren''t even supposed to hang wreaths on our doors because it might disrupt the general order of the hallway!

When somebody suggested hanging a mirror on our floor recently, we actually took a vote to make sure everyone was in agreement. For the most part, people are respectful about the choices they make, when they realize they could be negatively affecting people other than themselves.

So considering how pervasive (and unhealthy!) the smell of cigarette smoke is, one would think it would fall under the same code of ethics/courtesy. And in the 5 years that I''ve lived in condo buildings, this is definitely the first time it has been a problem of any sort. Actually, the city of Philadelphia is now smoke-free as a whole, and smokers are required to stand a certain distance away from buildings/doorways. So it''s definitely uncommon to smell smoke anywhere these days... especially in my own home.

Actually, it may be worth checking with the building to see if there IS a code in place about this....

But in the meantime, I''m happy to report that the smell is considerably better... partially due to the odor absorber, but I also think the neighbors may have taken the hint and cut back a bit on their indoor smoking. Unless somebody else complained, which is entirely possible! Thanks again, everyone...

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 4/6/2008 7:49:13 PM
Author: strmrdr

Date: 4/6/2008 7:41:33 PM
Author: Gemma12
I would have no problem with you putting up an odour eater for perfume, storm.

IMHO, apart from those people who are allergic to perfume, someone else wearing heavy perfume does not pose a threat to my health.

does too me causes asthma attacks but cant ban it can we.... naw......

A friend of mine was in a coma for 3 days after a charlie perfume induced attack.
They really do need to ban that stuff .. about 90% of the people I know with asthma have a bad reaction too it.
I only know one person who cig smoke bugs her asthma and it has too be blown in her face before it acts up.
I don't smoke anywhere around her.

I think Gemma might have been referring to the carcinogens in secondhand cigarette smoke, more than the potential asthma exacerbation. Although since this is one of the areas my best friend is focusing on for her PhD studies, I know that the EPA states that between 200,000 and 1,000,000 kids with asthma have their condition worsened by secondhand smoke every year. Studies are also showing that secondhand smoke can cause the development of asthma in kids under 5... so some of those people having perfume-induced asthma attacks may have never had asthma in the first place, if it weren't for secondhand smoke!

I agree that some perfumes are quite offensive, but I'd never heard of a Charlie-induced coma! Oh my, how terrible... I hope your friend is ok, Strm.

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 4/6/2008 7:38:46 PM
Author: fisherofmengirly

There is a girl in our office who wears cheap lotion/body sprays, like the knock offs for Bath and Body Works, but the smell is more of alcohol than anything else. Anyway, she sprays and/or lathers at random, all day long. Maybe I should get an odor absorber for the hallway at the office.

You could be on to something here, Ephemery. (By the way, I''ve often wondered about your screen name; what does it mean?)

Hi Fisher! I love poetry and the way words sound and look and feel, and the word "ephemeral" was always one of my favorites for some reason. So years ago when I was making a screenname for something else, I morphed the word into "ephemery", and added the 1 because it was already in use by someone else.