Wedding difficult parents

[peanutjewel]

So, I''m new to this place (yet am completely and totally addicted), but I have to say I am completely horrified and some of the parents. My father isn''t in the picture, but my mom has been unexpectedly amazing about my wedding...explanation:

First of all, my FI and I have been together about a year and a half. My mom REFUSES to meet him. She needs time, I understand...My FI is a lot older than me...by 29 years. He''s 2 years older than my mom. He''s a wonderful, sweet, funny man. Everyone who meets him loves him, he''s just one of those people that you can''t help like. My mom hates the relationship, which I completely understand. I can''t be angry with her because she''s only concerned and worried about what''s going to happen in the far future when FI is almost 80 and I''ll be in my 40''s. Fine. She just needs time...

When we first got engaged I wasn''t even sure if she''d come to the wedding, BUT 2 months later she wants to be included in the plans...even offered to pay for some of it, which I never asked or expected her to do. I''ve read a lot of post on here from people saying that if the parents are helping pay they have a say, which is fine, but it sounds like some parents are taking it a little to far. Even though my mom is giving me money toward the wedding (a wedding that she doesn''t even want to happen) she has left everything up to me, only giving ideas and and offering help. She says it''s my day and I should do what I want. She just wants me to be happy. She hasn''t said anything negative about the choices I have made.

So, I just wanted to say sorry to all of the bride-to-be''s who are going though control issues with thier parents. Though my mom has her issues, she has been great about letting my wedding be my wedding. Some of the things I have read on here are rediculous. Mothers picking on shoes, invitations, churches, venues...like planning a wedding isn''t stressful enough...

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I am sorry. I can understand how this can be a problem for her, but you have a right to be with whomever you want. I don''t really have any advice, but my FMIL still refuses to meet my parents and we are less than 5 months from the wedding. It truely is begining to look like they will meet at the reception dinner.

 

[Pandora II]

I was at school with a guy whose father was 40 years older than his mother.

He was the local vicar and she was the organist at the church. It was a major scandal at the time!

They had a wonderful marriage - although she was furious when he died 4 days before his 100th birthday and she''d organised a huge party!


One of my closest friends is 54 and his gf is 26. They are ideally suited and she definitely rules the relationship. He is a changed man since meeting her even if he is convinced she''ll leave him because she''s so much younger

.

He wants to marry her and have some kids - but she''s into her career right now. They write a lot of books together (on politics) and you''d never guess that there was a 28 year age difference.

I hope your mother comes round. Age is only a problem if you make it one. The possibility of your husband dying before you is there, but then you could be the same age and one of you get killed crossing the road!

Best of luck!

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

There''s 25 years between me and DH, so I know where you''re coming from! I worried about it for about a week when we first met, then forgot about it. My parents were horrified, but got over it. I got the ultimatum the day we got engaged- stop seeing him or never hear from us again . Ok, this is the man I will marry, sorry we''re gonna lose touch. They kept it up for about a fortnight. (Sometimes I wish they''d stuck it out, my life would have been nicer and easier, but that''s a whole other story!)

Your mother obviously wants you to be happy and loves you very much. I''m so glad that she''s being a support to you rather than making your choice difficult. I hope you enjoy planning your wedding and have a wonderful day.


Jen

 

[Haven]

Peanut--I hope your mother warms up to your relationship. It must be incredibly hurtful to not have her support, and I find it strange that she wants to help with the wedding but doesn''t support the marriage.

Thank you for extending your sympathies toward the brides with difficult parents. However, I wouldn''t say that the parents'' behavior during this time is indicative of their true personalities. I think weddings sometimes bring out the worst in people, which is extremely unfortunate. I hope that this does not happen with your mom as you go through the planning process.

I posted on here to vent about my FFIL because he''s being unreasonable with the wedding planning. However, he completely supports US as a couple and that''s the way I''d much rather have it.

 

[Courtneylub]

My FI is 17 years older than me.

My mom and step father had a big problem with it. FI is 7 days younger than my mom. It''s not my fault my mom had me when she was 17!

They met him for the first time and it got completely out of hand (step father can be a huge jacka$$). I lost my cool, but FI stood his ground. They got over it and now love him to death. They''ve never seen me this happy.

I''m glad your mom is giving it a chance and she will also see how happy you are with him.