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Did you ever wake up in the middle of the night, scared?

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rockzilla

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2006
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1,286
To the LIW:

I am not on the LIW list, but my bf and I (dating for ~4 years) have been sort of talking about engagement/marriage/rings lately. Due to my taste in rings (hence my nickname, Rockzilla) as well as the fact that I am kind of young (23) it will be a while before any proposals will take place. But, over the past months I''ve been adjusting more and more to the idea of being engaged and married to this wonderful guy =) Hopefully, I have not been influenced too much by PS.

Anyways, last night around 3am I woke up with a horrible sick feeling in my stomach. My mind was just going..."Are you serious about this getting married thing?? This is the rest of your life!! You are crazy!" I haven''t ever really felt this way before. I love my guy more than anything but this really freaked me out.

Has this ever happened to anyone else? Is it normal to have "doubts" (I don''t even know if that is what I''d call it) from time to time? Or is is the equivalent of a bad dream? Maybe I am just nervous that things are getting more serious?

Please help, ladies!

RZ
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
I''ve never had such a physical reaction, but there have been a couple fleeting moments where my mind yelled "are you sure?" I hope that''s not a bad sign, because I''m really set on marrying this guy! It seems like a lot of LIWs (and BIWs, for that matter) have little freak-out moments like that. If the good feelings far outweigh the freak outs, then you should be fine
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
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5,471
Well, the first time my ex FF and I talked seriously about marriage in a planning-sort-of-way, I went home and actually threw up. Over the next few months I woke up in the middle of the night several times thinking 'OMG OMG OMG what am I DOING.' And then finally realized that it would be insane to marry him and we broke up. At first I told myself that jitters and nerves were natural, but I don't think throwing up is a good sign!


We thought it was the natural next step, but as it turns out, while I loved dating him, I didn't want to marry him.


I would say: everyone has some jitters, but pay attention to whether they linger. If you wake up wondering about marriage then that's good, because it means you're taking things as seriously as you should. Marriage REALLY IS A LITTLE SCARY, and if you think it isn't, you probably aren't taking it seriously enough. If you wake up scared once or twice, and if you turn to your FF and think 'Phew! It's HIM I'd be marrying! Hurray!' then that's good.

But if, like me, you find yourself waking up almost every night and you turn to him and go 'AAAARGH!' and your instinct is to go sleep in the spare room, then do like I did and RUN.

Now I'm with the most wonderful man, the man I always dreamed of, and while it's only been months and not years, something inside tells me that he is the one for me!
And when WE talk about marriage sometime in the future, it just makes me feel calm and happy. Even in the middle of the night.

ETA: One more thing to think about: what are your jitters ABOUT? Is it marriage at your age? Or in general? Or marriage to him? Or specific, solveable things? When I get jittery now, it's about specific things... where would we put his antique table if he moved into my place? what if one of us wanted to move to another country and the other didn't? Potentially important, but ultimately solveable. Nothing foundational.
 

KimberlyH

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 15, 2006
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7,485
Marriage is scary and these feelings can and will even occur, on occasion, once you''ve said "I do." Forever is a long time to commit to someone and I am more fearful for couples who don''t have these moments of "oh my goodness, this is it" because those are the people who have usually haven''t thought through what it really means to be married. It''s not always fun, it''s not always interesting, it''s not always exciting, but it is for better or for worse and at some point "worse" will happen. If you were reacting like this every time the possibility came up, I''d say be worried, but if you just have a moment, or a day, or whatever where it''s just a wave of panic and then it disapates and your back in love again and so excited to be with him than you are NORMAL!!!!
 

luckystar112

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2007
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3,962
I totally have those feelings too, and I always feel bad about them. I love my boyfriend so I don't get where it's coming from. He isn't a very "deep" person, which makes me wonder if he'll ever be able to surprise me with something or go out on a limb to tell me how much he appreciates me. For instance, just recently my uncle threw a surprise birthday party for my aunt where they re-exchanged vows. I can't picture my boyfriend ever doing that. I sometimes wonder if that will bother me in the future.

In another thread I wrote about how I got so nervous because my boyfriend kneeled down in front of me when I was on the computer and asked if I wanted my V-Day gift. I thought for SURE he was about to ask me to marry him and my heart was RACING. It wasn't the feeling I was expecting...so that's freaking me out as well.

And finally, probably the biggest thing that scares me is that when I think of us breaking up (not that I want to, but just how my life would be without him in it.) I know that I would be upset, but it wouldn't be life altering. My mother says that's because my first boyfriend was a huge nutcase and that was a HORRIBLE break-up. I survived that, and nothing else could ever compare. She's right, but it still bothers me.


But I do know I want to marry him. I have no idea if any of these feelings are normal! Maybe it's because we know it's coming soon?



Edited to *try* and fix grammar.
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,450
Date: 2/15/2007 4:21:01 PM
Author: KimberlyH
Marriage is scary and these feelings can and will even occur, on occasion, once you''ve said ''I do.'' Forever is a long time to commit to someone and I am more fearful for couples who don''t have these moments of ''oh my goodness, this is it'' because those are the people who have usually haven''t thought through what it really means to be married. It''s not always fun, it''s not always interesting, it''s not always exciting, but it is for better or for worse and at some point ''worse'' will happen. If you were reacting like this every time the possibility came up, I''d say be worried, but if you just have a moment, or a day, or whatever where it''s just a wave of panic and then it disapates and your back in love again and so excited to be with him than you are NORMAL!!!!
That''s a good point Kimberly! There have been so many times that my boyfriend has gotten annoyed with me for thinking that we should be doing __________ (fill in the blank with whatever exciting thing you want), just like I assume others are doing. I sometimes think that things have gotten mundane and I assume others have much mre interesting things going on. Life is full of exciting times mixed in with not so exciting times. Being together for all of it though is great and I wouldn''t change it. I hope this makes sense.
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
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7,074
I woke up in sweats once, about a week after he told me he was going to propose in 2006, thinking I was crazy! I was 20 at the time and I''ll be 23 at the time of the wedding... I actually called him at 2 on the morning! We talked, he was concerned and understanding, and then I felt better. The wedding is in less than 18 months now and it kind of hit me again, though not as strongly, and I expect in will hit me again as the wedding draws closer...
 
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