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Diamond Discussion with Co-workers

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Emeraldfan

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I work in a firm with some younger women who have recently become engaged. A few of my co-workers and I got into a discussion on diamonds. Many of them frowned upon spending more than a few thousand (less than 8k) on an e-ring. One (not knowing how much my ring cost) went on a tirade of how superficial people are who have expensive rings and why would anyone want to walk around with a 20k+ ring on their hand. I kept my mouth shut on how much mine was, but it made me feel really bad. Like I am some horrible person for wanting to have a nice ring. Funny though that those same people comment on how nice mine is and want one like it- if only they knew the cost.

I am 30 and in a little different financial situation and they are younger (23-38) and making less. Maybe they just don''t know how much good quality diamonds really cost. I know this conversation will come up again next week as one girl who just got engaged is coming back to work (after just being proposed to on vacation). Any advice from my fellow diamond obssessed PS''ers :) on what I should say or do when the bashing continues?
 

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kenny

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Don''t listen to them.
 

decodelighted

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Date: 12/8/2006 7:13:01 PM
Author:Emeraldfan
it made me feel really bad. Like I am some horrible person for wanting to have a nice ring.
I''m not sure what you should *say* but I would urge you not to let other people''s perhaps mis-informed, def. self-absorbed, casual proclamations & JUDGEMENTS affect how you FEEL about YOURSELF or your engagement ring. Puh-leeezzzeee!

People tend to view things through the very narrow prism of their own experience! They might be forming these "opinions" based on what they or their boyfriends can afford ... !

Here''s how it works ..

People who have 1 cent less than you and/or less fancy stuff = POOR LOSERS
People who have 1 cent more than you and/or fancier stuff = PRETENTIOUS SHOW-OFFS

 

mtrb

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Let people express their opinions. We are all different. Just don't let it affect you. You are under no obligation to tell them what you spent either. It is your own private business. We all go on tierades about different things. People come from all different walks, and we all do not think similarly. Some just have stronger opinions than others. Let them. Ultimately what you think doesn't affect me and vice versa..unless you let it.
 

diamondfan

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I would nicely but firmly say "Everyone chooses how to spend their discretionary money and this is what we wanted to buy. We did our homework and are thrilled with it. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion in terms of what something should cost or if something is important to them" . If people continue to be obnoxious, I would change the subject EACH time it is brought up, or if you cannot change the topic, I would suddenly need ot leave the room. Do not get angry or defensive, but you do not owe anyone any explanations at all. Like religion and politics there are simply some topics that are not, overall, good to get into with groups.
 

JulieN

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Sometimes people of average size complain that skinny women are sickly, unhealthy, gross. But there are plenty of naturally skinny women, and I know it is not very attractive with the collarbones and the ribs, but everyone is allowed to be different and have different opinions.
 

avlis

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i wouldnt pay it much attention, what your co-workers say. Its easy to be against spending alot of money on a ring when a person doesnt have the money to spend on a ring. also different people have different priorities. I know a girl who thought an expensive ring wasnt worth it, something she would wear most every day of the rest of her life, but an $8000 designer wedding dress which she would wear for 8 hours max, and a $35,000 wedding DAY was "normal" and perfectly acceptable.


to each their own.
 

Ellen

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Date: 12/8/2006 7:13:01 PM
Author:Emeraldfan
Funny though that those same people comment on how nice mine is and want one like it- if only they knew the cost.
This tells me they simply don''t know what quality costs.
 

starryeyed

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Ah alas, office politics....

I don''t think you have anything to gain by engaging in this conversation. I would agree with all of the comments here, especially mtrb. Do not disclose anything about the cost of your ring. If someone asks, make a joke - like you have no idea, you just hope it''s not a CZ!

You are above all of this. Quite frankly, the comments of your tirading co-worker are a reflection ON HER and have nothing to do with you. She sounds pretty opinionated so I would just steer clear. The last thing you need is her bad-mouthing you or backstabbing you because she is secretly jealous that you have bigger, better bling. This can be very disruptive to your job and is not worth engaging in.
 

Cehrabehra

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Date: 12/9/2006 2:16:00 AM
Author: avlis
i wouldnt pay it much attention, what your co-workers say. Its easy to be against spending alot of money on a ring when a person doesnt have the money to spend on a ring. also different people have different priorities. I know a girl who thought an expensive ring wasnt worth it, something she would wear most every day of the rest of her life, but an $8000 designer wedding dress which she would wear for 8 hours max, and a $35,000 wedding DAY was ''normal'' and perfectly acceptable.


to each their own.
exactly - we had two weddings (married at JP and reception then renewal and reception) and spent more on this ring than both of those combined - close to double really... but all my favorite people were there and other than the first cake being so amazing it has since become a family favorite for any occasion, there isn''t a lot I remember about the *things* or food as much as I remember about the people and the laughs and stories.... yeah, I definitely don''t mind spending more on the ring LOL But I admit I look at the pics of the gorgeous crazy weddings and think they''re beautiful, but.... oh well!
 

sumbride

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Date: 12/9/2006 9:30:28 AM
Author: Ellen
Date: 12/8/2006 7:13:01 PM

Author:Emeraldfan

Funny though that those same people comment on how nice mine is and want one like it- if only they knew the cost.
This tells me they simply don''t know what quality costs.
I agree completely. Before I started looking at rings I didn''t know what diamonds cost. or settings! I had a hard time choking that down! So when I got my lovely ring, one of my co-workers said "See, that''s about what I want... I couldn''t imagine wearing something that cost more than like $3000 on my hand!" I just sort of chuckled to myself. She didn''t have a CLUE about the size or quality of my stone, or of my ring... which we paid $7500 for, which was a lot less than somebody who hasn''t done research would pay! I didn''t think "she thinks my ring is small!" I thought "she doesn''t know ANYTHING about diamonds!" And now that she''s watching me plan the wedding (sits beside me) she''s learning a bit about it... like that my photographer cost $3k! Blew her mind!

While your co-workers really should refrain from making such judgemental statements, try to ignore them and see it as ignorance on their part. Someday maybe they''ll figure it out for themselves. As for my co-worker, she''ll probably get engaged in the next year or two and I''m looking forward to sending her here to learn about diamonds!
 

Maria D

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Some great comments here! Amazing how judgmental people can be about other people's money isn't it? It's not like the expensive ring wearers are trying to hit up their co-workers for lunch money so why all the attitude?

There are people who have very lovely and expensive things that can be quite frugal in other areas. Do they go around ranting about all the money their co-workers fritter away a few bucks at a time (coffee concoctions, buying lunch every day, owning a gazillion pairs of shoes, etc.)? Probably not. Sometimes people who earn no more than their co-workers quietly save their money for the big stuff *they* find important. It's all a matter of priorities.

Maybe a good response to the ranter is to just laugh, say 'oh my, you're getting all worked up over other people's money -- why don't you go treat yourself to a Starbucks grande chai latte and book an appt for a massage!'
 

Cehrabehra

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Date: 12/9/2006 12:32:22 PM
Author: sumbride

Date: 12/9/2006 9:30:28 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 12/8/2006 7:13:01 PM

Author:Emeraldfan

Funny though that those same people comment on how nice mine is and want one like it- if only they knew the cost.
This tells me they simply don''t know what quality costs.
I agree completely. Before I started looking at rings I didn''t know what diamonds cost. or settings! I had a hard time choking that down! So when I got my lovely ring, one of my co-workers said ''See, that''s about what I want... I couldn''t imagine wearing something that cost more than like $3000 on my hand!'' I just sort of chuckled to myself. She didn''t have a CLUE about the size or quality of my stone, or of my ring... which we paid $7500 for, which was a lot less than somebody who hasn''t done research would pay! I didn''t think ''she thinks my ring is small!'' I thought ''she doesn''t know ANYTHING about diamonds!'' And now that she''s watching me plan the wedding (sits beside me) she''s learning a bit about it... like that my photographer cost $3k! Blew her mind!

While your co-workers really should refrain from making such judgemental statements, try to ignore them and see it as ignorance on their part. Someday maybe they''ll figure it out for themselves. As for my co-worker, she''ll probably get engaged in the next year or two and I''m looking forward to sending her here to learn about diamonds!
hahaha my aunt, after seeing my 2.71 cushion, said, "wow, $1,000 a carat, that must have cost almost $3,000!!!" She loves lots of little melee stones and those are about $1,000 a carat LOL I should have just smiled but I said, well it was a little more than that and her jaw dropped, she asked how much, and I said more than (dh) wanted to pay LOL
 

Cehrabehra

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Date: 12/9/2006 12:44:55 PM
Author: Maria D

There are people who have very lovely and expensive things that can be quite frugal in other areas.
omg this is soooooooooo true! I was just finally going through the boys'' clothes yesterday, pulling out old/nasty/torn/stained/small clothing and I hated it - I kept thinking, "so this is stained? It will still keep him warm"... and I know the quality isn''t worth donating, but to just throw it away seems so wasteful and superficial. So I end up keeping all the old clothes in boxes thinking some poor child in (insert country here) would love to have these clothes even if there''s a paint stain here or there and then I think what kind of world do we live in that we care more about the APPEARANCE of things than the actual QUALITY of things and why should I care if these little marks are there, how can I throw this away?? And it''s not really a money frugality because I waste money on food big time, I forget things are in the fridge and buy more and my food budget is like 3x what many of my friends'' is. I could EASILY buy a new clean shirt or two a week and keep the kids all pearly clean but unless the clothes are literally falling apart I feel incredibly guilty and wasteful to throw them away. I don''t go out myself in raggy clothes but I definitely wear them around the house and my "around the house" wardrobe is way bigger than my "out of the house" wardrobe.... because one good blob of something that stains on my chest and boom, in the house only LOL WHY CAN''T I THROW THESE STAINED CLOTHES AWAY??? Okay so now that I''ve confessed I''m werid about this.... it isn''t always about what we can afford, sometimes we''re just neurotic hahaha The only reason I was able to actually get rid of the stained stuff is because they have SO MUCH (almost none of which I''ve bought - they have a clothes loving grandmother) I had to thin the drawers so they can fold/put away their own clothes. They don''t have the careful stuffing ability I have ;-) I need help LOL
 

cutes814

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when i got engaged last year, two of my coworkers (ladies) asked me how much my ring cost.

i don''t mind telling them so i said ''around 12K''. they were shocked and then proceeded to say, ''i can''t imagine letting my bf spend THAT much money on a ring, even if he wanted to''.

i wasn''t offended or anything, i don''t get offended really easily (thick skin, i believe that''s what they call me...
)

i just simply said, ''think about it, it''s the only piece of jewelry i''ll be wearing for the REST of my life, every single day...people waste tons of money on things they hardly ever use/wear!''

then they thought about it and were like, ''oh yeah, that''s true, i didn''t think about it like that.''

last comment i made was, ''plus i get to look at beautiful bling EVERYDAY and every time i look at it, it reminds me of when he proposed. it makes it more than worth it!''

 

diamondsRforever

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last comment i made was, ''plus i get to look at beautiful bling EVERYDAY and every time i look at it, it reminds me of when he proposed. it makes it more than worth it!''
OoOo...very well said!!!
 

Mara

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"I kept my mouth shut on how much mine was, but it made me feel really bad. Like I am some horrible person for wanting to have a nice ring. "

____________

Do you feel like a horrible person for wanting to have a nice ring? Typically that is.

If not then why let what some people say about someone (they don't even know it's you) affect you and make you feel 'really bad'????

Who cares what they think, really? I mean unless you REALLY do. But chances are you don't. I am sure many people think I am smoking the crack pipe for having a bigger diamond or upgrading 3 times or whatever, and many of those people probably really love me and are special to me in my life. But do I think that makes me a BAD person or that I'm somehow less worthy or whatever? NO WAY!!!! I have way more self-esteem than that and I know the truth.

Anyway, it so bugs me when people let others negative viewpoints on spending for things get to them. If you let everything everyone said about you even unknowingly get to you, it would sooo not be fun!
 

winternight

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I have this problem too but just for mentioning that we were looking at high end jewelry stores for my ring. I''ve decided that I''m just going to respond ''I''m worth it'' and smile. Everyone has what they''re comfortable with, I have a co-worker that spent 4k on her ring and 3k on her dress -for me that''s out of whack, but for her the dress was important. I think people get jealous and you shouldn''t feel guilty for having beautiful jewelry, you can enjoy it every single day and quality costs more.
 

winternight

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You know I think its pretty ridiculous that they say its superficial, I mean its any ring superficial? You could have a 1k ring and that would be superficial to some people.
 

anchor31

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I hear this from people too... Except it''s not less that 8k, it''s less than 1k!!! And mine cost 3k, so you can imagine... But it doesn''t make me feel guilty. It was important to FI to make an effort and work hard to give me my e-ring. I think that working hard for our engagement was a way for him to prove that he can do the same for us for the rest of his life... So I let him, and indulged myself a little, getting exactly what I wanted. It''s a beautiful start to our life together, and I have no reason to feel guilty about it!

So, enjoy your bling, and just let the people talk...
 

WTNLVR

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It's all relative. I know someone who spent 10K on a bicycle. Not a motorcycle, a BICYCLE! She is not a professional rider, nor even a great rider. She wanted an edge over her hubby who is a good rider. That to me is silly. Oh, and when they got engaged, she didn't want an e-ring. Her wedding band was one that looked like bicycle wheels. I never saw it, he lost his and now it sounds like they are splitsville. But, it goes to show that everyone has different opinions on how to spend their money. I had a discussion going recently about jewelry and there were many comments about how could anyone spend big money on jewelry. I didn't dare tell them what I paid for my Tiffany upgrade
Some people will never understand us
 

Miranda

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But if you (or anyone they know) spent $50,000 on a wedding they wouldn''t blink an eye. I just don''t understand the way a lot of people think about diamonds or jewelry in general. Like it''s a waste, but, a vacation is not. My best advice is to try to let it roll off of your back. Is it possible that the people were being catty (read - jealous) and wanted you to feel badly? If they make more comments I wouldn''t try to justify it to them. Frankly it''s none of their business. If they start up when the newly engaged girl comes back, you''ll know it''s intentional. When my kids are passing judgement or making harsh observations about situations or people I always tell them that different people make different choices, but, you must do what is right for you. Maybe you can relay that to them.
 

jaysonsmom

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It''s so funny that this topic came up. At work, I''m known as the finder of great deals. I''m always getting cute, designer looking stuff that I find for great bargains at stores like Ross, TJ Max, Marshalls etc. Every time someone compliments me on a pair of shoes or handbag that I have, I take great pride in sharing how I only paid $15 for it.....Well, one day one coworker walked in on me surfing PS, and she was floored when I showed her the SMTR folder with tons of "to die for" rings. I told her I was looking to upgrade in the next couples months...so she asked me my budget. Since I''ve never been able to tell a lie, I told her my 20K budget, and she thought I was totally NUTS, and spread to word to everone at work. Now everyone is calling me diamondfreak, diamondnut etc etc. It''s really making me feel uncomfortable. Only one person came straight out, and told me that I''m usually so down to earth, and I have such a "great mommy" persona, why would I want to be so superficial, and spend my kids'' college funds on a piece of bling!

Little do they know that both dh and I are savers, and we are pretty good at making wise investments and securing our future. We DO indulge each other with our "hobbies" because they come from the extras that we acquired from hard work. After being "found out" at work, I''m made to feel like a horrible person, and feel like I have to justify myself.
I''ve decided to steer clear of PS and any diamond discussions at work....its really none of their business.
 

Beacon

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EmeraldFan - don''t let those people make you feel really bad. Their cut off point is totally arbitrary anyhow, when you think about it. Who says spending say 7K on a ring is any less "superficial" than 27K or 127K? It''s still thousands of dollars gone on a luxury item that one can live easily without. They are just expressing their peference set and comfort level without much thought going into what they are saying.

Anyhows, I can think of dumber things to do with money than buy diamonds or jewels. At least you have something that can last and last. Unlike many other luxury items that are consumed for enjoyment like wine or cars.

Many years ago I bought three small Faberge egg pendants at auction, some from Sothebys and some from Christies. Certain friends thought I was really dumb to buy such things, but I did just cause I thought they were cool and historical. Now that Russia is becoming genuinely rich I am getting letters in the mail from Christies asking me to please sell these little eggs back - turns out demand for all Russian art is growing strong.

Hey, I could have spent the money on a bunch of designer dresses or maybe a cruise or some such and it would be GONE!
 

Cehrabehra

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Date: 12/10/2006 5:12:38 PM
Author: jaysonsmom
It''s so funny that this topic came up. At work, I''m known as the finder of great deals. I''m always getting cute, designer looking stuff that I find for great bargains at stores like Ross, TJ Max, Marshalls etc. Every time someone compliments me on a pair of shoes or handbag that I have, I take great pride in sharing how I only paid $15 for it.....Well, one day one coworker walked in on me surfing PS, and she was floored when I showed her the SMTR folder with tons of ''to die for'' rings. I told her I was looking to upgrade in the next couples months...so she asked me my budget. Since I''ve never been able to tell a lie, I told her my 20K budget, and she thought I was totally NUTS, and spread to word to everone at work. Now everyone is calling me diamondfreak, diamondnut etc etc. It''s really making me feel uncomfortable. Only one person came straight out, and told me that I''m usually so down to earth, and I have such a ''great mommy'' persona, why would I want to be so superficial, and spend my kids'' college funds on a piece of bling!

Little do they know that both dh and I are savers, and we are pretty good at making wise investments and securing our future. We DO indulge each other with our ''hobbies'' because they come from the extras that we acquired from hard work. After being ''found out'' at work, I''m made to feel like a horrible person, and feel like I have to justify myself.
I''ve decided to steer clear of PS and any diamond discussions at work....its really none of their business.
I''m so sorry... this really blows
I would be so mad at the person who spread it around. I can''t lie either but I can avoid fairly well... and I fully plan to. Honestly I would try to just embrace the teasing.... by fighting against it or being upset it might just get worse. Or at least you mght feel worse about it. I mean, you ARE a diamond nut, right? ;-) Why? Cause they''re PURDY!!
 

Ellen

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Date: 12/10/2006 5:12:38 PM
Author: jaysonsmom
It''s so funny that this topic came up. At work, I''m known as the finder of great deals. I''m always getting cute, designer looking stuff that I find for great bargains at stores like Ross, TJ Max, Marshalls etc. Every time someone compliments me on a pair of shoes or handbag that I have, I take great pride in sharing how I only paid $15 for it.....Well, one day one coworker walked in on me surfing PS, and she was floored when I showed her the SMTR folder with tons of ''to die for'' rings. I told her I was looking to upgrade in the next couples months...so she asked me my budget. Since I''ve never been able to tell a lie, I told her my 20K budget, and she thought I was totally NUTS, and spread to word to everone at work. Now everyone is calling me diamondfreak, diamondnut etc etc. It''s really making me feel uncomfortable. Only one person came straight out, and told me that I''m usually so down to earth, and I have such a ''great mommy'' persona, why would I want to be so superficial, and spend my kids'' college funds on a piece of bling!

Little do they know that both dh and I are savers, and we are pretty good at making wise investments and securing our future. We DO indulge each other with our ''hobbies'' because they come from the extras that we acquired from hard work. After being ''found out'' at work, I''m made to feel like a horrible person, and feel like I have to justify myself.
I''ve decided to steer clear of PS and any diamond discussions at work....its really none of their business.
Honestly.


The next time it comes up, if it applies, ask them how much they paid for their car, that will eventually be traded in, or driven til it falls apart. Either way, a diamond is forever.


I had to use this on hubby after suffering from sticker shock on the diamonds. It worked.
 

diamondfan

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What really burns me is how judgemental people are. Someone who would spend upteen thousands on a rug or painting and then turns around and makes assumptions or judgements about someone else''s spending makes me nuts. As long as bills are paid and children (if there are any) are taken care of, and the priorities are right...whose business is it? If you decided to not have a Starbucks coffee for 3 years and put that money that you saved in an account and at the end of the three years you applied what you saved towards an upgrade....I mean, there are people who fritter away tons of money on all kinds of stuff, and I just think it is sometimes best to wish someone joy with their purchase and zip their mouth!!!
 

mia15

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Wow, Jaysonsmom, it sucks that had to happen to you! Who would do something like that?

Please try not to feel bad. It''s amazing that people would make snide comments to your face about an object of sentimental value. It''s rudeness, pure and simple, and while it reflects badly upon them, it has nothing to do with you.
 

Shay37

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Date: 12/10/2006 5:12:38 PM
Author: jaysonsmom
It''s so funny that this topic came up. At work, I''m known as the finder of great deals. I''m always getting cute, designer looking stuff that I find for great bargains at stores like Ross, TJ Max, Marshalls etc. Every time someone compliments me on a pair of shoes or handbag that I have, I take great pride in sharing how I only paid $15 for it.....Well, one day one coworker walked in on me surfing PS, and she was floored when I showed her the SMTR folder with tons of ''to die for'' rings. I told her I was looking to upgrade in the next couples months...so she asked me my budget. Since I''ve never been able to tell a lie, I told her my 20K budget, and she thought I was totally NUTS, and spread to word to everone at work. Now everyone is calling me diamondfreak, diamondnut etc etc. It''s really making me feel uncomfortable. Only one person came straight out, and told me that I''m usually so down to earth, and I have such a ''great mommy'' persona, why would I want to be so superficial, and spend my kids'' college funds on a piece of bling!

Little do they know that both dh and I are savers, and we are pretty good at making wise investments and securing our future. We DO indulge each other with our ''hobbies'' because they come from the extras that we acquired from hard work. After being ''found out'' at work, I''m made to feel like a horrible person, and feel like I have to justify myself.
I''ve decided to steer clear of PS and any diamond discussions at work....its really none of their business.
This is awful!!!! How dare that person use what she knew to make others ridicule you. That is beyond horrible. I would be really torn here. I would want to be the bigger person and ignore it and respond in a kind, loving, Christian way. Knowing me, I''d probably just follow the advice in your tag line. She really is a slinkie.

shay
 
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