DH''s birthday is monday...

[Deactivated member 42515]

Hi there! My DH will be turning 35 on monday. He and I are 10 years apart. Myself being younger. I have never felt that age was an issue at all in our marriage but people seem to frown upon it.

My MIL and FIL are also 10 years apart, and just recently, he was taken the the ER because he has had a stroke before and his blood pressure was kinda high that day. He was fine, but the doctor referred to my MIL as my FIL''s daughter... He does look older than he is because of the stroke years back and his silver hair (my MIL has blonde hair) but I don''t think old enough to be her father.

I''m not worried about my DH looking older than me or having to take care of him later. I love him very much and I know he worries that he is older because he jokes around about me finding a young man, but he is everything to me, and I feel that age to me is not a huge factor. I may feel different if someone is 18 and the other is 58... thats kind of a different story...but its also not my place to judge anyone''s love for another.



Do any of you have a significant age difference with your SO?

 

[upgrade]

I''m 9 years younger than my dh, but I wouldn''t call that a significant age difference. For it to be significant to me, I think it would have to be nearing the 20 year mark. No one has ever commented on our age difference except for the odd high five to him here and there...

It''s certainly never, ever been frowned upon.

I also believe that there are no guarantees in life and he could just as easily be the one caring for me in our advanced age. I''ve known plenty of people in life who''ve lived healthy, able bodied and minded lives well into their 90''s and others who''ve become incapacitated in their 50''s or 60''s and needed care. Youjust never know how things are going to play out...

 

[Haven]

My husband is ten and a half years older than I.
I'm 29 and he's 39. He'll be 40 in April, I'll be 30 in October.

I barely notice the age difference, to be honest. It rarely registers with us, except for the fact that we listen to very different music because of it.

I was a bit hesitant to date him when we first met because I was 23 and he was 34, and for whatever reason, that seemed like a big difference at the time. I was a bit nervous that he'd want to move forward with getting serious and married and having kids, and I wasn't even close to ready for any of that.
Luckily, neither was he.

People often think we're the same age, which makes *him* feel great. He loves it when people ask us if we met in college. I just like to think that he looks very young for his age, and not the other way around.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

I am 5 years older than my boyfriend. This seems to bother a lot of people, but it isn''t a real problem with us.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

Thats what I tell my DH, I mean haha yes, he gets the high fives from his buddies all the time. I don''t think he worries about our age constantly, but I feel as tho its in the back of his mind. He is worried that I''m gonna end up having to take care of him. And I actually tell him what you said too, that he could be taking care of me

I think he feels the way he does because he sees his parents... his mom is still vibrant and active and his dad, also because of the stroke, is less able to do the things he used to.

I don''t think that DH and I have a significant age difference. I don''t think of it as a difference at all. It means I have an "experienced" DH that can cater to my wishes

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

Date: 1/2/2010 3:30:51 PM
Author: Lady_Disdain
I am 5 years older than my boyfriend. This seems to bother a lot of people, but it isn''t a real problem with us.

Seriously, why is it that when men have younger gfs, they get high fives and get pats on the back? but when women are older, they are called cougars and well bad things. haha I have no problem with either sex being younger or older or anything.

There are many factors that make people fall in love with one another and I don''t think that age should stop you. (well unless its illegal...

)

 

[Dancing Fire]

all these guys with young wives.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/2/2010 3:32:42 PM
Author: YayTacori
He is worried that I'm gonna end up having to take care of him.

My mom and dad were only a year apart and she still became his caregiver for six months while he was ill. I don't think having a husband 10 years older means you'll automatically be the one to take care of him (as was with my parents). Whatever happens, though, as a married couple part of committment is knowing that you'll be there for each other no matter how difficult things may be.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

Date: 1/2/2010 5:09:59 PM
Author: MC

Date: 1/2/2010 3:32:42 PM
Author: YayTacori
He is worried that I''m gonna end up having to take care of him.

My mom and dad were only a year apart and she still became his caregiver for six months while he was ill. I don''t think having a husband 10 years older means you''ll automatically be the one to take care of him (as was with my parents). Whatever happens, though, as a married couple part of committment is knowing that you''ll be there for each other no matter how difficult things may be.

I agree MC. And if I do end up caring for him, I don''t mind at all. I love him and its all part of the "package" deal he got when he married me. haha but in all honesty, it really could go either way. I just think that sometimes, he feels guilty I guess... I wish he wouldn''t because I love him so much and age doesn''t matter to me. I think he feels guilty for what might come, but why worry about things in the future that you have no idea about?

I think he also worries because my MIL told us that before she didn''t think about the age difference, but now that they are older, and my FIL has had a stroke and he is not as strong as he used to be, she worries that she is going to be alone. She married him when she was 17, and she says he is all she has ever known...

Not to say this is going to happen to myself and DH. Its just sad when I hear stuff like this from my MIL. Makes me think too...

 

[yssie]

I'm four months older than FI.



There were some people in my family who didn't like that, and a whole lot more who don't know because they'd like it even less. Noone in FIs family cares at all. Very strange, that.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 1/2/2010 5:35:08 PM
Author: yssie
I''m four months older than FI.




There were some people in my family who didn''t like that, and a whole lot more who don''t know because they''d like it even less. Noone in FIs family cares at all. Very strange, that.

yssie - what is that about? My DH is six months younger, and I almost didn''t go out with him in the first place because I had such a mental hangup about it. Now I realize how utterly absurd that was (and is) - I don''t get why people get so concerned??

My dad and stepmom have a pretty large age difference - 19 years - but they have so many other issues (as individuals, parents, and together) that I don''t think the age thing even enters into it

 

[So Excited]

Hey SS,
No significant difference here, I''m 26 and the BF is 29. As for your question/concern, I think it COMPLETELY depends on the people and their maturity and where they are in their lives. Also, I think it matters if you have "grown up", people go through some massive changes when they are young. (round 18-21yrs) My first husband was my highschool sweetheart and we were together for 5 years before we married when I was 21. He was 5 years older than me so was pretty much through his changes when we "got serious" and actually thought it may go somewhere. I, on the other hand was NOT and should never have gotten married because it obviously did not last long and I was a different person by the time the long engagement (3 yrs) was over and we tied the knot.

Sooo, if it''s good and working for you I wouldn''t worry or over analyze any peoples comments they may say.

P.S- my sis and her BF of 10 years have a 9 year age difference and it doesn''t seem to bother them a bit- as long as you can do things together and be active and happy - Happyness is #1 (shes 30, hes 39)

 

[MakingTheGrade]

My hubby is 4 years older than me, we met in college so it was a little scandalous at the time to our classmates because I was a freshman and he was a senior, so he got teased a little bit for that. But it was just good natured ribbing from his friends.

Now that we''re out of college nobody cares, the age differences isn''t at all visually notable, and the only person that teases him about the age difference is me

I think more people took issue with the fact that I as marrying "so young". He was 26 and I was 22, but to be fair, I had graduated college at 20, worked a year, and had finished my first year of medical school by that time. So I like to argue that I had the life experience of a 24 year old

 

[yssie]

Date: 1/2/2010 5:39:07 PM
Author: AmberGretchen

Date: 1/2/2010 5:35:08 PM
Author: yssie
I'm four months older than FI.




There were some people in my family who didn't like that, and a whole lot more who don't know because they'd like it even less. Noone in FIs family cares at all. Very strange, that.

yssie - what is that about? My DH is six months younger, and I almost didn't go out with him in the first place because I had such a mental hangup about it. Now I realize how utterly absurd that was (and is) - I don't get why people get so concerned??

My dad and stepmom have a pretty large age difference - 19 years - but they have so many other issues (as individuals, parents, and together) that I don't think the age thing even enters into it

No idea. My mental hangups were about the same as yours, it sounds like - I'm so glad I got over it long enough to give him a chance! Now, even when we celebrate his birthday, it's just his birthday - the age difference doesn't enter the equation, really, as anything more than a fact.

I don't understand why people have an issue with it at all - I don't understand why I had an issue with it! Such a silly thing to worry about, even more so since it's not even a years' difference!

It helps that FI looks and behaves years older than his actual age. We met in college - he was a year ahead of me, but he graduated at 19 so he was the abnormality there

, and we just tell people we met in college and let them draw their own conclusions.

ETA: my parents have an 8 yr difference, but my dad grew up a lot faster, so what differences there are are definitely exacerbated. Sometimes it's a good thing - sometimes not, though!

 

[zoebartlett]

Yssie -- did you mean 4 years? Why would people be bothered by 4 months?

ETA: oops, I missed your second post.

 

[yssie]

Yup - only 4 months

.


YayTacori - Happy birthday to your DH!!!

 

[princesss]

I''m a total cradle-robber. My BF is - get this - 2 weeks younger than I am!

 

[Skippy123]

Happy birthday to your DH!!! Mine is 7 1/2 yrs older. I guess I don't worry about that stuff. I figure we have a long life together until it is time to worry. He also teases me that I will go first since I am the worry wort. I don't think 10 yrs is a big difference. As time goes on you will notice it doesn't matter.

 

[Dandi]

Wishing your DH a Happy Birthday!

My DH is 7 years older than I am, and we mesh well because of it. I was 17 and he was 24 when we started dating, so back then he was and old man in my eyes!! I was just heading to university and he had come out of a 3 year relationship with a girl his age, who wanted marriage, kids, the whole works, but he was nowhere near ready yet. She was REALLY pushy and that was one thing that led them to split. He wanted to buy a house on his own, start a business etc, and I just wanted to go to uni and be a typical teen! Our age difference worked well in that regard... we were on similar wavelengths but at different stages of our lives.

The age difference certainly feels far less significant now.

He'll be 35 this year and is pretty clucky. I'll be 28 in two months and always planned to wait until I was 30 before having children, but he feels he's getting 'too old' to keep waiting. Poor old dude

 

[4ever]

BF is 8 and 1/2 years older then me, I expected it to be quite as issue for some people as I was 19 when we first got together (although we''d known each other longer) but it hasn''t been. My mum said she wasn''t suprised becace I''ve always been very mature and she expected me to end up with someone older. BFs friends just think he''s awsome. When we were in Paris we had to communicate to the guy selling train tickets (with our very bad french and his really bad english) how old we each are as it influences the price of the tickets, and once we got our ages across he laughed and very enthusiasticly told BF how awsome he was.
The only one who''s had issues with it is my older sister, who probably wouldn''t like any guy I was dating to be honest.

 

[Luckyeshe]

Happy bday to your DH! As for me, FI and I are 1 year apart and he''s older, my brother and FSIL are 1 year apart and she''s older, and I have 2 close friends whose husbands are 8 and 10 years older than they are. In any of the circumstances, no one really notices the difference. It was a little awkward at first with my brother and my two friends, but all parties are just happy to be together.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

thanks everyone for the birthday wishes!

I wish he would feel better about himself tho! He keeps referring to himself as an old man when he''s not!
I keep telling him he''s a sexy beast

 

[jewelz617]

My husband is 12 years older than I am, and no one has ever even brought it up. And even if they did, I wouldn''t give it a second thought, I''m married to him not them.