Destination wedding... what should we do?

[Dreamer_D]

So BIL and his FI have decided that they want to get married in Vegas. They plan to invite only immediate family (parents and sibs with their wives and husbands). For the night before the wedding and the night of the wedding they will rent a large house with room for all the family to stay together, and this is paid for by them for the guests. Then after that they plan to move the party to the strip and everyone will be renting their own rooms in hotels etc and partying for 2-3 nights.

We have of course been invited and are struggling with some logistics about the trip and I am curious about what you would do in our shoes.

The main issue is that we have a son who will be 2 years old when the wedding takes place. In all honesty, the idea of bringing him along seems horrible to me. I do *not* want to take him on two long days of travelling (at least 6-8 hours total each way), and staying in a hotel on the strip with our son who goes to bed at 6:30pm is not my idea of fun. Who would look after him at night? Us. Or more likely me Sitting in the dark in our room staring at the walls . Not my idea of a good time. And what do we do all day in Vegas with a 2 year old??

Our desire would be to leave him at home with my mother. Then we could go and actually enjoy the 4 days in Vegas.

But the problem is that my in laws all live on the other side of the country and are *very* excited at the prospect of seeing him at the wedding. He is the only grandchild on that side of the family, the beloved nephew of the couple getting married, and to top it off it is his second birthday the weekend of the wedding and my MIL is already dancing a jig at the notion of seeing him on his birthday.

The options as we see them, then, are:

A) leave our son at home and go ourselves for 4 days. Pros, we will have fun and he will be happier; cons the family will probably be upset... how upset we don't know but I think it will go over like a lead baloon.

B) bring our son and basically travel all day Friday, attend the wedding and celebrations on Saturday, then fly home again on Sunday. Pros, this avoids staying on the strip but lets us see everyone and be present; cons, this seems like a big to-do for him to be there, and still might not satisfy as I think the in laws are hoping to see him for about 4-5 days or something. It means a lot of travelling for the little guy and I am not eager to put him through it. But if it is the "right" thing to do, then I would be willing.

So what should we do?

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Is it possible for your mother to go with you to Vegas? That way you get the best of both worlds; the inlaws get to spend time with their grandson and you also get a chance to enjoy yourself at the wedding whilst your mum is taking care of him.
The only solution I would propose for the time spent travelling is to fly to Vegas instead of driving.

If the idea of your mum going with you is not possible then I would leave him with your mum and explain to the inlaws that Vegas with a 2 year old just doesn't work for you.

Of course if you are totally selfless you could take him with you, spend the whole time Looking after him and not really enjoy yourself in the process, but I certainly don't advocate that idea!

 

[yssie]

Any decent chance the in laws et. al. would be so excited to see him that they'd be delighted to take over babysitting duties?

Otherwise, honestly, I'd not stress him out, leave him w/ your mum, take a ton of photos and video, and enjoy some time alone w/ DH!!


Haha and here's advice from a twenty-something with no kids who thinks a trip to vegas w/ FI sounds fabulous

 

[Jennifer W]

If it was me, and I had someone I could leave my kid with, I'd leave her. I wouldn't subject her to that trip, it doesn't sound child friendly at all. I really wouldn't be taking anyone else's preferences into account, either (but that's just me).

Also, how much fun could you and DH have for a few days in Vegas!? Leave him and go!

I'm in a similar situation -one of my friends is having a 40th birthday party that will involve a 3 hour flight and an evening event. She really wants me to take DD, but I'm not willing to put her through that, she'd be miserable out of her routine and we'd be stuck in a hotel for the evenings with her 7pm bedtime. We don't have anyone to leave her here with, so it looks like I'm going without her and DH. I'm sad about that, but I don't think it's a great idea for us to take a 2 year old overseas to a party.

Jen

 

[Circe]

It sounds like bringing the bebe would leave everyone unsatisfied - bebe for having to fly, you for missing out on many of the festivities, and the in-laws for not seeing enough of him, anyway (and with a wedding on, I am pretty sure they wouldn't get to see quite as much of him as they imagine, anyway). I say leave kiddo in the loving arms of your mother, and maybe invite the family out for a cozy visit with you over Labor Day weekend, or do Thanksgiving with them this year. That way, there's a longer and more focused visit, regardless of which side of the family has to fly ....

 

[iheartscience]

Yeah, I'd leave the kid with your mom and go enjoy the trip with your husband. A 2 year old in Vegas doesn't sound fun for anyone! It takes forever to get anywhere and depending on where you stay, the hotels are loud at night with drunk people coming in and out of their rooms, etc.

I also highly doubt your in-laws are going to be able to spend much quality time with him. I think your husband should call them and say it's too much of a trip for your son but you and he are looking forward to it. And maybe make a peace offering of a trip to see the in-laws soon? Or an offer for them to come stay with you?

 

[Shoopy]

I would choose option A. There's no way you can really enjoy what Vegas has to offer with a child that sleeps early. We couldn't even enjoy Orlando (aka Kid Central) all that much because S sleeps at 7:30. I can't imagine a place like Vegas.

 

[zoebartlett]

I was going to suggest bringing a babysitter or your mom, but I see that HOT and others have beat me to it. If that's not a possibility, I'd probably opt to go alone as a couple. You could look at it as a romantic get-away with your husband, instead of thinking of it as leaving your son at home. I'd just explain to your inlaws that a) you're looking forward to enjoying the time as a couple and/or b) it would be tricky to travel with a 2 year old. I'm sure your in-laws would understand, and maybe if you said that you're planning on seeing them around the holidays, it might soften the "blow" of you not bringing your son along.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Thanks everyone!

We did think of bringing a sitter, but honestly we are not flush and the extra expense would be too much. We are flying there from Canada actually, and the 6 hour trip is including getting to the airport early, flying, then driving to the eventual location. So it is a long and expensive trip no matter what!

I had suggested to my DH that he invite his parents to come visit us after the wedding -- they live out east and we live out west, so it is probably closer/cheaper to visit us from Vegas than from where they live. Or perhaps they can visit us before and we can all fly to vegas together... I will suggest this to him. Then we can celebrate Hunter's birthday while they are here! I think they did not think the whole birthday thing through, too, since we would not have a party for him on the wedding weekend -- steals too much attention in my opinion.

I think part of the issue is that his in laws are probably hoping we will make this some sort of longer family vacation and stay with them for a few additional days in a townhouse or something, but honestly it is not appealing to me at all and the extra expense on accommodation and renting a car etc is not appealing either. I hope they are not too disappointed...

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

I think they'll be disappointed, but inviting them to stay/visit with you for a while will make up for it. It's far easier for two empty nesters to jet-set around the country (countries?) than it is for a young family of three. If they pout at all, know that they're thinking with their hearts and not with their heads. Everyone knows that Vegas is not a place for toddlers- including your in-laws. Just remind them that if they visit you at your home, they can spend true quality time with your family, your DS will be happier, and it will be a better situation for everyone!

My SIL flew from Finland to the US for an annual family vacation this summer, as she had recently had a baby (in Finland) and everyone wanted to see the new addition. It was a cluster-you-know-what, to say the least. Sure, the extended family was happy, but my SIL was frazzled and stressed and exhausted beyond belief. I don't think she and her husband were able to enjoy the vaycay at all