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Destination Wedding Bridesmaid question

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nkarma

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Not sure what to do about this....

My very good friend who I am a bridesmaid for is getting married on another continent. I love her, love to travel, and love destination weddings so I am very excited to go!

The bride & groom offered for the wedding party to stay for free in this lovely colonial mansion for 2 nights during our stay. They mentioned that they like everyone being together as most of the events will happen there. The mansion can be rented out in separate apts and I am trying to organize a group to rent out an apt for 2 additional nights since we will be in their destination for at least 4 nights. I asked the couple if any of the apts for us to rent are off limits since I know they were planning who would stay in what room. They said every apt but one is basically off limits cause they want family on one floor and friends on another. The layout of this one apt does not work at all for our group. One couple requires a bathroom in their room & in this one there are none and couples would have to sleep in separate rooms with little privacy for anyone. Every other apt would have worked fine except this one.

So my question is....Is it wrong to say "hey we will not take your offer to stay at the venue, we will just rent a house with other friends for our entire stay as we had already planned?" Or should I just suck it up and stay where my friend wants me to since it's her wedding? I know other couples in our room are not going to like this layout at all either. And in the end, it's my vacation too and I would love a private room with my husband. But I worry I am being selfish and not taking one for the team.

I know one solution is stay at their venue for 2 nights for free in a separate room than my husband or with another person in the room with us and move to another hotel for the other nights. That is maybe something I would consider but then I miss out on renting a house with my other friends and have to change hotels (which I hate!).
 

PintoBean

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I think it's nice that they are offering to cover 2 nights, but at the end of the day, you don't need to take them up on their generosity. Yes, it's just about sleeping accommodations, but for me, if I don't sleep comfortably, I will be absolutely miserable and not be a fun participant of the planned events. The house you were thinking about renting sounds like fun and more appropriate for the couples. Plus, it's on your dime, so you're saving the bride some money!
 

mary poppins

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It's nice that your friend offered a place to stay, but you are not obligated to stay there. You just have to help the bride as necessary and be at the wedding and related events when you are supposed to be there. As long as you are able to do that, I think you are okay to stay wherever you want.
 

Clairitek

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Like other said, it's a generous offer. But it just doesn't work for you and your friends. You're not in college when sharing rooms with other couples or having odd sleeping arrangements to save money was more common. I hope your friend doesn't give you a hard time about staying elsewhere. With such limited time off (if you work in a job like any other job in the US!) I'd want to make those 4 days work for me as a nice trip as well!
 

blacksand

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Mar 31, 2010
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I think it's perfectly fine for you to stay anywhere you like, and I'm sure your friend will understand that you want to spend some time with your husband and enjoy your vacation! Is it possible for you and your friends to rent a house for the entire stay, and then perhaps you (just you, or you and your husband if possible) can still stay with your friend (if she will cover the cost) on the night before the wedding? This way you are there for all of the group activities, you appease your friend on her wedding day, and you can just bring an overnight bag instead and not worry about moving all of your luggage from one place to the other. If she will cover your stay for free, then it shouldn't be too much of a financial burden to rent the house and then leave for a one-night sleepover. But I'm not sure if that will be possible with the lodging situation you describe. Just throwing ideas out there!
 

atp223

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Aug 27, 2011
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I'm having my wedding in the Bahamas in march, which is sort of destination (except my mom's fam is from there). To ease the cost on bridesmaids, I paid for their dresses, am not requiring particular shoes, and I'm having my bachelorette in NYC (where most live). I also offered to cover a couple of bridesmaid hotel rooms for everyone if they wanted. Almost all have elected to bring dates and make it a vacation, and I'm not remotely offended! I was just trying to help the whole thing cost less for my girls! Hopefully that is just what your friend is doing - I can't speak for her, but I'm absolutely encouraging everyone to do whatever will make this fun for them! (except invite random friends I don't know to come share their hotel rooms but not come to the wedding - that is weird to me and yet a few people have mentioned that...)
 

whitewave

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It isn't a generous offer when they are doing it their way only. It's selfish and self serving.

I would stay wherever your needs are met, but knowing you may be missing out on comraderie and stories that happen before and after you get there.


Lololololol.... just realized how old this thread it!!! Haha
 
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