Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewelery

[Regular Guy]

Dear Pricescope friends,

Though Kenny has recently named all of the guys, this question should work in the mirror just as well.

Whether or not you do the giving or receiving...in your household...do you have rules working, unspoken or otherwise, about how much your partner can spend on you, or you can spend on your partner...for a gift of any kind. And, yes, let's take jewelery for example!

As a general rule of thumb, for household decisions, we have an ostensible $100 rule. Actually, I've had to ask we reinforce that lately, because when guys come to the front door to offer to cut the bushes...she goes nuts. But otherwise, for elective purchases, that's a general rule of thumb.

Gifts work outside of that rule. We have a number, I think, that works for us routinely. So...maybe you do, too?

Question #1: do you have a "regular gift" spending limit/target?

Question #2: how about going beyond that? And if so, how would you?

At some dollar amount, to go above your limit for #2, would you need to consult with your partner before deciding to purchase the gift? Of course, this changes the nature of the gift (if consulting about it).

But...for those of you married folks where one checking account serves the purpose, purchases beyond a certain number are not just your decision, regardless of who receives and who gives the gift, right?

I can come back and share my numbers, but I didn't want to prejudice the query with my data. And, I do think setting up the question is the first order of business.

For some of you who have seen me whine over the years about my wife having ears that are not pierced...you'll know that repeated attempts to ask folks on the board if I couldn't get some sort of diamond clip on, I was just always told no.

But...now...she's just gone and done it. She has newly pierced ears. So...what can I do? Ok, you know what I can do.

How do you all decide how money for gifts are apportioned?

Thanks!

Regards,

Ira Z.

P.S. ..and, btw...I HAVE made a purchase today. So, while this is not academic for me, having gone through a mental process on this, I wanted to know how others have thought about this...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

the basic rule...spent 2X the amount on the mistress than on the wife...

 

[tyty333]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

We pick out our own gifts so its not a matter of how much we spend on each other.

How do I decide how much I can spend on myself? I'm pretty frugal so a couple hundred is usually plenty for me on regular
birthdays. I only buy big jewelry on big birthdays or big anniversaries then my set budget is around $1k-$2k depending on
what I want.

I dont live in an area where people where a lot of big jewels and I dont want to own a lot of stuff that I cant wear regularly.
The other thing that limits me is that I keep in mind that we still have 3 kids to get through college (we have pre-paid plans
for them but there is still living expenses) and that we also need to be saving for retirement.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

This is an interesting question because I don't think we really have a limit on $ spent on an item. The thing is, my husband and I are both cheap, so there is no doubt that the other would spend beyond his/her means. And it's not always the same. For instance, a couple of years ago, my husband surprised me with an amazing trip to Italy for my birthday, which I know cost him quite a bit of money. This year we went out to dinner, which was also wonderful, but significantly cheaper (which always makes me happy!)

For everyday items we've decided that anything above $2K needs should be discussed. Less than that and we don't need to talk about it. We usually do, anyway, but the conversation is usually around "what should I get?" and not "is it okay to spend this money?". That may change when we have kids, but for now it works for us.

And my husband would never dare to buy me jewelry, haha.

 

[maplefemme]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

We have never discussed what we spend on gifts for each other, we just get something we know the other person will love. That said, we know what our budget can and cannot afford and we are responsible.
Last Xmas we each spent approx $1,000 on each other. We are building a new house next year so likely we will set a limit on Xmas/birthday gifts, but he's a real gift giver year round, of small thoughtful things that just blow me away, to me it's those that matter most.

He won't wear diamonds himself, he doesn't like wearing them I feel guilty of how much my engagement ring is going to cost, when all he wants is a plain band, one that will likely take a beating. But there's a bike he's drooling after, maybe I'll get him that for a wedding present...that's his bling!

My friends and I don't do Xmas or Birthday gifts for one another, throughout the year we get each other impromptu gifts "just because" and we wouldn't have it any other way

 

[lyra]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

Usually, we don't have any surprise gifts in our family. Everything gets discussed ahead of time. However, if I don't specify exactly what I would like, or give a general example, my husband will spend 3-5 times *more* than I had in mind! He would flip out if I did the same for him though.

 

[Regular Guy]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

Usually, we don't have any surprise gifts in our family. Everything gets discussed ahead of time. However, if I don't specify exactly what I would like, or give a general example, my husband will spend 3-5 times *more* than I had in mind! He would flip out if I did the same for him though.

For no obviously good reason, we actually had a touchy Father's Day. To the good, both my wife & I have been looking a bit after our well being. Betty's actually tearing it up...and I can't seem to get easily passed walking to work, which is something, after all.

I sort of requested free weights. Somehow that turned into an issue. She got me these stretch cords, each tagged at a certain weight. She expressed a conservative willingness to spring for this hundreds of dollar gadget that would titrate weight lifting exactly. A day after, when she nominally offered I could return one of the TWO stretchy things she got...I actually did return it and got free weights with my teenager. But, it's not really clear she was really OK with this. After 22 years...this should be the least of my problems. But, I'm right now left with a bad feeling about asking for anything for these holidays now. If you don't ask for something, how can you be upset with what you get or don't get?

Ira Z.

 

[mayerling]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

We don't get gifts for each other

 

[that_someone_special]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

We usually discuss how much we are going to spend based on recent purchases or things we are doing at the time.

This year we have been putting most of our money into the house (so we can move) so we both agreed to smaller gift giving budgets. I think it works really well for us, since I am a control freak about the finances.

 

[jaysonsmom]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

We usually don't buy each other jewelry....

Regular Birthday gifts and Father's day/Mother's day stuff averages $100-300. We don't consult each other if it doesn't exceed the amount

Some of the special occasions (like our 10th year anniversary), I got something around $15K, he got his toys around $5K

 

[Dancing Fire]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

I dont live in an area where people where a lot of big jewels and I dont want to own a lot of stuff that I cant wear regularly.
The other thing that limits me is that I keep in mind that we still have 3 kids to get through college (we have pre-paid plans
for them but there is still living expenses) and that we also need to be saving for retirement.

since when is the kid's education more important than jewelry?...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

my wife is so cheap that i haven't received any gift from her since my 18th birthday..

 

[nfowife]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

We aren't big into presents here. For Hanukkah this year we agreed to spend $50 on each other. I ended up spending $100 on him and he spent about $60 on me, and we each got something we really wanted. We just aren't big into presents or celebrating birthdays and such. I'd rather go out to a nice meal and get a babysitter. If I want something I usually wait a bit and if I still really want it we discuss it and if it is a good idea. Then we either save up or just get it. This year is our 10th anniversary and I don't expect anything big, but then again I did just upgrade/replace my lost e-ring so I did get something new recently.

 

[kenny]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

No rules in our home.
He's as likely to get an Octavia for an occasion as a card and flowers.
Keep em guessing; it keeps it interesting.

 

[rosetta]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

I haven't been married long enough to discuss this issue...

He's spent about 200x more on me than I have on him, but that's because he is not into getting gifts and would much prefer a nice meal, a gig, a massage and a romp (in that order)

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

Well, when I was working we really didn't have that kind of budget--if we thought of something we though the other would like, we just went for it. My husband is co-owner of two race horses and I could always get him something stable-related logo wise or photos.

Since I've been unemployed I've told my husband that a nice dinner out is fine with me--altho for our 25th I got a new diamond ruby and platinum ring that just blew me away. He's really thoughtful about planning little week end trips. Oscar the cat is old and we both agreed we feel funny about being away from him because he stops eating when the husband is away.

, but he's a real gift giver year round, of small thoughtful things that just blow me away, to me it's those that matter most.

I have to agree with the poster about this He's really thoughtful all year long. I periodically get packages in the mail I have NO MEMOry of ordering that turns out he's sent them to me. {after 28+ years}.

 

[maplefemme]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

Well, when I was working we really didn't have that kind of budget--if we thought of something we though the other would like, we just went for it. My husband is co-owner of two race horses and I could always get him something stable-related logo wise or photos.

Since I've been unemployed I've told my husband that a nice dinner out is fine with me--altho for our 25th I got a new diamond ruby and platinum ring that just blew me away. He's really thoughtful about planning little week end trips. Oscar the cat is old and we both agreed we feel funny about being away from him because he stops eating when the husband is away.

, but he's a real gift giver year round, of small thoughtful things that just blow me away, to me it's those that matter most.

I have to agree with the poster about this He's really thoughtful all year long. I periodically get packages in the mail I have NO MEMOry of ordering that turns out he's sent them to me. {after 28+ years}.

See that's so nice, it's sincere and spontaneously thoughtful, not done out of obligation to a tradition....28 yrs strong and still romantic, nice

 

[Imdanny]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

Our only rule is we have to talk about the specific jewelry item, both agree on it, no matter who it's for, and as far as the price goes, the price is the price of whatever that jewelry item happens to be. I don't mean to imply that the price can be anything at all. On the contrary, one of us has to want the item, the other has to approve of the item, and the price has to be affordable or at least attainable.

 

[centralsquare]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

We don't have set limits. I tend to be cheaper, but anything over $400 would make me want to check with him. He has spent over $2k on earrings for me without asking...I didn't object!!!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

For ordinary birthdays. etc., we probably spend no more than $100. But for special anniversaries, he will get me a jewelry item that I have preapproved. Those have ranged from $500-$15,000. I have given him no gifts that expensive, but he did get a separate, extra garage/workshop built when we bought our new house, a new riding lawn mower, and he occasionally spends money on his hobby which is restoring an old Porsche. So he does get many of the things that are important to him, but they don't happen to fall on a special occasion. That works great for us.

Ira, I wouldn't be so happy if he spent thousands on jewelry for me if I didn't know. It might not be what I really like or want and we certainly don't want to waste money. That said, if you bought nice quality diamond studs, I'd say that was a safe buy!

 

[Regular Guy]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

Ira, I wouldn't be so happy if he spent thousands on jewelry for me if I didn't know. It might not be what I really like or want and we certainly don't want to waste money. That said, if you bought nice quality diamond studs, I'd say that was a safe buy!

The timing I think is OK. It's taken some work. I made every reasonable best effort to buy studs that had evidence of being close to fair trade. But, failing finding them both well cut and affordable, I stretched beyond where we'd ordinarily go. I plan to give them on our 22nd anniversary this coming Friday, or Saturday, probably when we go to dinner. After, I'll probably take her to the BGD site, where I found themto help give her perspective. She's found affordable ones at Macy's in only the last few days. I had gotten backup combo earrings & a necklace from the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and they had been delivered...but I could tell they were just not going to do the job.

Wish me lucK!

Ira Z.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

We don't have a set gift amount but we have a loose disposable income purchase rule and we tend to fall under those parameters. Except for jewelry lol

 

[Amys Bling]

Re: Deciding how much to spend on your better half for jewel

we both are not big spenders on ourselves or "luxury"items. One time I wanted something for myself that was a few hundred dollars- nothing really- and I started the conversation with "is it ok if I buy.... and he cut me off saying- why are you asking permission. We both trust that we will not overspend and if the cost is out of character for us to spend we discuss it first.