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dealing as a LIW

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nylak

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
7
All LIW and BIW, how do you deal with your own wanting to be engaged and starting your lives craziness? I''m absolutely driving my FF crazy with wanting it. PLEASE HELP ME FIND A WAY TO COPE. I don''t want to drive him crazy any longer and delay getting that status.
 

princessplease

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
5,497
I try not to think about it. I look at ring selections maybe 1x/week to see if there really is anything else I like, but other than that, I try to get the thought of being engaged leave my mind. I know it''s going to happen some time, but I know I won''t know when, so I try to let the thoughts leave my mind.
 

nylak

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
7
Thanks. I do try but sometimes when things feel so perfect I just want to talk about it with him. I think I''ve got to learn to shut my mouth
 

KimberlyH

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 15, 2006
Messages
7,485
Find a new hobby, try something you''ve always wanted to but haven''t gotten around to doing, take up a new sport, make a list of books you want to read and dive in, join a book club. In short, find ways to be busy and content.

An aside, it''s not a "status" it''s a stage in your relationship, maybe once you stop seeing it as something to achieve and view it as a life decision you are making with your partner when the time is right for both of you (assuming his expectation of when is reasonable) it won''t be so difficult for you.
 

princessplease

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
5,497
I know what you mean nylak. I really enjoy talking to him about it, and I know he likes talking about it with me, however, I just drive myself insane when I think about when it''s going to happen, which is why I try not to talk about it too much!!!!
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
Sweety... you know... I wanted everything to be perfect. I am a control freak. Which is good in some areas, and makes those that DONT see me naked go crazy.

I wanted our wedding to be perfect... and well. If it could go wrong, it did. The wedding was HORRIBLE. But, I think that might have to do with the fact it just was EVERYTHING our parents wanted, and not us. I bring this up because we were just laughing about it yesterday. But you know what... it doesn''t matter, it was one day. Yes, i wish it was more of what I wanted especially for what was spent on the stupid thing... that is what gives me the heartburn. But, we''re still where we were before the wedding, only I have a new last name and get to say HUBBIE!


I am telling you this because the more I tried to control things.. BEYOND my control, the more awful things went. If I didn''t care and was laid back, it wouldnt have bothered me, and I wouldn''t have thought it was such a big deal... and maybe my stress made others stressed.

But this goes to other aspects. If you want HIM to propose, you''ve got to lay back and let him do it. Give up that need to control. All the drama I created waiting for my ring, didn''t make it happen any sooner, it just made the waiting more comical... FOR HIM... and well, NOW LOOKING BACK, I guess me too.

I dont really have any advice on how to cope. I just made it awful for both of us while he waited... so he would want to hurry up and propose. But there were other factors that came into play which all the drama just couldnt speed up. So I put all my focus in my running, I trained for and ran a couple half marathons, 10ks etc. Having a race to prep for, takes a lot of focus and time... and when it was over, I''d pick another to keep me focused. I still do that today... keeps me muddling through the fact that I won''t be a homeowner for another couple of years. (We might be moving with the company in 2010... so what is the point in buying now?) and the fact that I want a baby, but my DH wants to wait until we live closer to our families... but that is playing with fire as we have some known fertility issues in my fam.

My point is, there will always be something... you just gotta find something that works for you. That works as your distraction. Right now it is the ring. You feel like your life is on hold, and you cannot move forward, you are like... STUCK. That is how I felt... but in reality, it wasn''t the case at all. I just needed a distraction. I now know, that I am a forward moving lady always on to my next big thing... while waiting to get to the next marathon, I only see the finish line, I never take time to look back at the distance that i''ve covered to get there... and let me tell you.. you have to cover a LOT of distance before you even get to the start of the marathon, let alone the emotional finish. But instead of looknig back and enjoying my accomplishment, I think... hmm what race will I do next. My point is... this is no way to live your life. There is a lot to be said for the 500 miles you log into that relationship before the proposal... and a lot more miles you''ll log afterwards.

Sorry about my running visual. It is waht I use to get me through, and I treat it the same way as I do everything else... to an unhealthy level. So here''s a hug from a big loony!
 

sammyj

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
1,247
Here are the 3 ways I deal with LIWitis:

1) I talk to my BF. I tell him everything that''s on my mind and what exactly is making me go crazy. I apologize profusely for being so neurotic and anxious about getting engaged and he is the only person who can make me feel better. And the one thing that does make me feel better is information! I get him to leak a couple bits of information about the proposal/engagement, I give him a big hug and smooch, and our conversation is over. It really works.

2) I post on PS. I find PS a great distraction and I like chatting with the girls on here. And I don''t limit myself to LIW...I check every forum although I don''t post in all of them.

3) I find things to do. I do a different physical activity every night of the week and they''re not always with my BF. On Mondays we go indoor climbing, Tuesdays I work out at a gym on my own, Wednesdays I poledance, Thursdays I run with my friends, Saturdays I am at the gym with my BF and Sundays I run. I keep busy but it''s not a monotonous routine. I was off-work last summer and I was honestly driving myself insane at home everyday with nothing to do. Being busy gives me less time to mull over things...

 

gryffindor

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
156
Last year I used to cope with popcorn chicken from Arbys and take out from PeiWei. Emotional eating is not a good way to cope, but it was all that made me feel better living away from FF and only being able to express my feelings over the phone. When I gained a bunch of weight, I changed my philosophy and started coping by working out every evening instead and concentrating on eating healthy. That was a much better plan and I felt better about it, but it is hard!!! Two weeks ago there was some relationship trauma and I slipped back to the popcorn chicken routine, but tonight I am meeting with the trainer and restarting the healthy routine.

I''ve found that keeping myself busy and keeping my life in order makes it easier. When my apartment is a mess, I''m eating only takeout, and all I do is stare at the TV and don''t move, it makes me dwell on the situation even more.
 

Still_Waiting

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2008
Messages
612
The thing that helps me most? Pouring myself into a hobby!...something to distract me, force me to concentrate AND help me feel good about myself...I also find myself setting up extra dates with friends (even if we never get around to talking about my LIWitis). It just helps to have a focus, any focus besides getting engaged. Good luck! Believe me, we ALL know how hard it is around here!
 

dec2410

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 5, 2007
Messages
499
when my LIWitis gets reallyyyy bad, to the point where i drive my SO up a wall....i don''t let myself look at PS. i just enjoy the here and now, and before i know it, its left my mind.

honestly, PS is the source of a lot of my insanity. its like crack.
 

nail_polish

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 4, 2009
Messages
169

I find the best way to deal with it is to talk to my boyfriend.
As sammyj said, a tidbit more of information always helps. And then I''m content for a bit longer.

Another thing I find helps, as ladies have already mentioned, is just pre-occupying yourself!

I am lucky that I am still in school (I can''t believe I just said that...) as it gives me a great diversion. I pour myself into my studies, school is definitely a top priority for me. So, its hard to be obsessed with LIWitis when I am obsessed with school!

And, like tlh and many other ladies on the board I am the epitome of control freak.. so, whenever my anxiety gets the best of me, I just lean on my boyfriend. It shouldn''t be "driving him crazy" either.. maybe help him to understand where you''re coming from so it is a ''safe space'' to express your feelings, rather than a lose-your-marbles-show for him!

And, of course - Now you have PS!

Enjoy :) Best of luck
 

Winks_Elf

Brilliant_Rock
Trade
Joined
Nov 28, 2008
Messages
1,674
Date: 2/26/2009 10:25:56 PM
Author:nylak
All LIW and BIW, how do you deal with your own wanting to be engaged and starting your lives craziness? I''m absolutely driving my FF crazy with wanting it. PLEASE HELP ME FIND A WAY TO COPE. I don''t want to drive him crazy any longer and delay getting that status.
Oh, honey...that''s what WE''RE here for!!!! Don''t drive him crazy because it will take him that much longer to propose.
 
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