De-lurking
- Thread starter UnderBlue
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Welcome.
dragonfly411
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2007
- Messages
- 7,378
welcome aboard underblue
We''re 26/27 and have been dating for almost 2 years, living together for just over one.
The wanting to get engaged/married thing hit me like a ton of bricks for the first time about 5 months ago. I wasn''t expecting to feel the way I did. I''ve been seeing a lot of people I know on Facebook getting married and engaged. That was pushing it in my face a lot. The crazy emotions lasted a few days with me being pretty sad, asking all the questions I''ve seen y''all say you ask yourselves (If he loves me enough... What''s he waiting for... Am I good enough to marry... etc.) Lately I''ve had Jim from The Office influencing my thinking. He was so wanting to get married and so happy and excited, but it is a TV show, so maybe guys don''t really act like that. Anywho...
Our relationship moved fast, moving in after dating long-distance for 9 months, and I thought we were going to keep moving quickly. We''ve talked about marriage, he''s good about talking about things though I try not to bring it up too much. After a couple discussions with tears (on both sides) I''ve tried to get less emotional and think "if" not "when" to help me not get so wound up about things.
At one point since the beginning of the year he said he sees us married within the next two years. It''s an answer, but it''s so far away (I just can''t be pleased it seems). I''ve read some of the posts here about men avoiding talking about marriage or saying they never want to get married. That''s not him, we can talk about this. He''ll say he''s not ready yet, which I have trouble understanding. I know I should be accepting of his decision but it honestly makes me crazy becasue there''s no concrete reason. He talks about wanting to be with me forever, and we make plans about the future (international moves!), there''s not an issue with finances, he''s not waiting to get a degree or a promotion. He''s told me before "I thought about asking you to marry me" at X time. (I asked him to stop saying that b/c it made me feel bad.) But at the same time I feel like he doesn''t think about it. He knows he doesn''t have to get me a ring, we''ll pick one out together, so he just needs some thoughtful place/time.
I think it more knowing he wants to rather than it actually happening (right now anyway). If he could just say he wants to get married, wants to be my husband and could be excited about that (like Jim on The Office) I think I would feel pretty happy. But right now it''s no, so I''m left to wonder why and doubt things.
That''s my story.
The wanting to get engaged/married thing hit me like a ton of bricks for the first time about 5 months ago. I wasn''t expecting to feel the way I did. I''ve been seeing a lot of people I know on Facebook getting married and engaged. That was pushing it in my face a lot. The crazy emotions lasted a few days with me being pretty sad, asking all the questions I''ve seen y''all say you ask yourselves (If he loves me enough... What''s he waiting for... Am I good enough to marry... etc.) Lately I''ve had Jim from The Office influencing my thinking. He was so wanting to get married and so happy and excited, but it is a TV show, so maybe guys don''t really act like that. Anywho...
Our relationship moved fast, moving in after dating long-distance for 9 months, and I thought we were going to keep moving quickly. We''ve talked about marriage, he''s good about talking about things though I try not to bring it up too much. After a couple discussions with tears (on both sides) I''ve tried to get less emotional and think "if" not "when" to help me not get so wound up about things.
At one point since the beginning of the year he said he sees us married within the next two years. It''s an answer, but it''s so far away (I just can''t be pleased it seems). I''ve read some of the posts here about men avoiding talking about marriage or saying they never want to get married. That''s not him, we can talk about this. He''ll say he''s not ready yet, which I have trouble understanding. I know I should be accepting of his decision but it honestly makes me crazy becasue there''s no concrete reason. He talks about wanting to be with me forever, and we make plans about the future (international moves!), there''s not an issue with finances, he''s not waiting to get a degree or a promotion. He''s told me before "I thought about asking you to marry me" at X time. (I asked him to stop saying that b/c it made me feel bad.) But at the same time I feel like he doesn''t think about it. He knows he doesn''t have to get me a ring, we''ll pick one out together, so he just needs some thoughtful place/time.
I think it more knowing he wants to rather than it actually happening (right now anyway). If he could just say he wants to get married, wants to be my husband and could be excited about that (like Jim on The Office) I think I would feel pretty happy. But right now it''s no, so I''m left to wonder why and doubt things.
That''s my story.
HopeDream
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 14, 2009
- Messages
- 2,146
Welcome UnderBlue!
Have you spoken to your BF about how long he would like to engaged for?
I wonder if He thinks engaged almost equals married, and I wonder if he knows that it usually takes at least a year to plan a wedding.
It''s great that you folks have open communication and that he''s comforable enough with you to be honest about how he feels. Clearly he''s worth the wait.
If you could approach him with your ideal length of engagement (1-2 years?) and fit that into his married in 2 years timeline, he might be able to give you an engagement timeline.
I wonder if you folks could talk about what life goals he and you want to have accomplished before you "settle down". If you can help him reach some of his pre-marriage goals (rafting trip, vegas weekend with the guys, downpayment on a house, that sports car he''s always wanted, starting a rock band, climbing the matterhorn etc.) it might help him feel more settled about getting married.
Boys just take longer
give him time.
Engagement fever is tough.
Have you spoken to your BF about how long he would like to engaged for?
I wonder if He thinks engaged almost equals married, and I wonder if he knows that it usually takes at least a year to plan a wedding.
It''s great that you folks have open communication and that he''s comforable enough with you to be honest about how he feels. Clearly he''s worth the wait.
If you could approach him with your ideal length of engagement (1-2 years?) and fit that into his married in 2 years timeline, he might be able to give you an engagement timeline.
I wonder if you folks could talk about what life goals he and you want to have accomplished before you "settle down". If you can help him reach some of his pre-marriage goals (rafting trip, vegas weekend with the guys, downpayment on a house, that sports car he''s always wanted, starting a rock band, climbing the matterhorn etc.) it might help him feel more settled about getting married.
Boys just take longer
Engagement fever is tough.
He''s said he wouldn''t want to be engaged for very long. I think he said 6-8 months.
Our wedding wouldn''t be anything big, I can barely think of 30 people we''d want there, so the planning won''t be too bad hopefully, but I don''t think he has a clue about how venues get booked out a year ahead of time, etc.
There''s a blog I really liked called 2000dollarwedding.com that I Stumbled on (I wasn''t looking for wedding stuff at all). I loved the way they planned their wedding and they talked about so many things to make their wedding meaningful to them and reading that blog made me want to talk about all those things with him, but I don''t feel like I can until we''re planning a wedding.
As far as I know, he doesn''t have any pre-marriage goals, I''ve never heard him talk about anything like that. Our main goal is to travel a lot, and we''ve been doing pretty well with that one.
I''ve been feeling like talking about it again, but I don''t know what that would accomplish. I tell him about everything, so not telling him when I''m thinking about marriage stuff is tough.
The oscillating between not thinking at all about getting engaged and worrying myself to tears over it is hard.
Our wedding wouldn''t be anything big, I can barely think of 30 people we''d want there, so the planning won''t be too bad hopefully, but I don''t think he has a clue about how venues get booked out a year ahead of time, etc.
There''s a blog I really liked called 2000dollarwedding.com that I Stumbled on (I wasn''t looking for wedding stuff at all). I loved the way they planned their wedding and they talked about so many things to make their wedding meaningful to them and reading that blog made me want to talk about all those things with him, but I don''t feel like I can until we''re planning a wedding.
As far as I know, he doesn''t have any pre-marriage goals, I''ve never heard him talk about anything like that. Our main goal is to travel a lot, and we''ve been doing pretty well with that one.
I''ve been feeling like talking about it again, but I don''t know what that would accomplish. I tell him about everything, so not telling him when I''m thinking about marriage stuff is tough.
The oscillating between not thinking at all about getting engaged and worrying myself to tears over it is hard.
Patiently_Waiting
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
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