D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

[InLuv101]

My husband of 11 months wants one...out of the blue. He never acted like or indicated that he was unhappy or that something was wrong. He said that he just doesn't think marriage is for him. That's fine and I guess I should be glad that I know now at 26, and not 10 yrs and 2 kids later, but shouldn't he already know this considering I am his 2nd wife? AND he went and filed BEFORE he even told me...what a coward.

I mean, come on, how do you do that to someone? AND he wanted a baby just months ago so we were TTC for quite a few months...I just don't get it?!

I'm just upset and needed to vent...sorry folks

 

[robbie3982]

Oh no, InLuv, I''m so sorry! ::hugs::

 

[Squirrly]

so sorry this is happening to you. *hugs*

 

[steph72276]

Oh, I''m just so very sorry for what you''re going through. What a shock. But you are right, better to find this out now than after kids, not that it makes you feel any better at the moment. Sending hugs your way.

 

[icekid]

..... oh my. That must be quite a shock. I remember you two TTC so recently, too. It seems pretty bizarre. Maybe there is something else going on with him?

I am so sorry, InLuv. You deserve so much better

 

[Lauren8211]

I am so sorry to hear this!

(((((HUGS))))))

 

[Skippy123]

Oh gosh, I am so sorry. huge hugs and I agree you deserve much better!

 

[Bia]

crap...

I''m really sorry InLuv. Really. I think it''s especially jack-a$$-y that he filed before even discussing this with you!

We''re here for you love. (((BIG HUGS))))

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Oh, InLuv, I am so sorry. I am really, really sorry. There aren''t many words, I''m sure, that will make you feel better since this is clearly horrible...but it will be okay.

Sometimes I think people think the idea of marriage is actually better than marriage itself. And some people, sadly, aren''t cut out for the challange that marriage brings. Normally I would say that these are all reasons for "why" this could have happened...but your husband does know these things...he''s been married, and while each marriage is different, the general concept is universal. I think it must boil down to maturity..you either are, or you''re not...he sounds like the latter.

What your husband did was cowardly, filing for divorce before even mentioning it to you. Worse yet, he is an incredible flake--never mentioning problems, never voicing his feelings...leading you to believe that you were happy and loved. These are things that should bring you peace, because ridding yourself of these qualities in a partner is in your best interest.

I know right now your heart is broken. I know you never saw yourself here. And I am incredibly sad for you. But you will be okay. Each day you''ll heal a little more, and each day you''ll see more clearly the level of betrayl involved in what he did to you...you''ll replace that sadness with anger...and then one day, with peace.

 

[InLuv101]

Date: 6/25/2009 9:44:33 AM
Author: icekid
..... oh my. That must be quite a shock. I remember you two TTC so recently, too. It seems pretty bizarre. Maybe there is something else going on with him?

I am so sorry, InLuv. You deserve so much better

I think so...I stayed at my parents home the day he told me and went back home the next morning in attempts to talk some more. He was gone as well as his toothbrush and personal items. I called him when I noticed that his stuff was gone to ask where he was and his reply was: "At home, why?"

 

[Shoopy]

I am really sorry hun

Vent as much as you need to.

 

[whitby_2773]

oh honey! i''m so sorry!

yes - VERY cowardly! and stupid too, re the second marriage and him making lifetime commitments that he''s obviously not in any position to make.

some people might want some kind of revenge in this situation, but what i''ve seen work best, given it''s been a short marriage, is to pack his shizz up, get it all out of the house, and get this guy out of your life STAT. you''re right - 26 is much too young to be saddled with even a month - much less a lifetime! - of regret, so dont waste one more second here - get this guy out of your life and move on immediately. let the speed with which you terminate contact be an experience of ''shock and awe'' for him.

if he''s filed - fine. from now on let him talk to your lawyer. he chose those ground rules, now let him live by them; the faster you disassociate the better you''re gonna feel.

then go find your best friends or your sister or your mom and get all the hugs and love you need. would give you a great big bear hug myself if i was there.

i''m so sorry to hear about this, inluv

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 6/25/2009 9:48:12 AM
Author: InLuv101

Date: 6/25/2009 9:44:33 AM

Author: icekid

..... oh my. That must be quite a shock. I remember you two TTC so recently, too. It seems pretty bizarre. Maybe there is something else going on with him?


I am so sorry, InLuv. You deserve so much better

I think so...I stayed at my parents home the day he told me and went back home the next morning in attempts to talk some more. He was gone as well as his toothbrush and personal items. I called him when I noticed that his stuff was gone to ask where he was and his reply was: ''At home, why?''

home as in his family''s home or home as in your home, cause if it''s the latter i''m definitely beyond

for you

 

[atroop711]

oh I''m so sorry this is happening. Like you said it''s good to know now before you put more time and emotion into this (esp bringing in kids).

Wow..a big hug to you

 

[InLuv101]

Date: 6/25/2009 9:52:24 AM
Author: Squirrly

Date: 6/25/2009 9:48:12 AM
Author: InLuv101

Date: 6/25/2009 9:44:33 AM

Author: icekid

..... oh my. That must be quite a shock. I remember you two TTC so recently, too. It seems pretty bizarre. Maybe there is something else going on with him?


I am so sorry, InLuv. You deserve so much better

I think so...I stayed at my parents home the day he told me and went back home the next morning in attempts to talk some more. He was gone as well as his toothbrush and personal items. I called him when I noticed that his stuff was gone to ask where he was and his reply was: ''At home, why?''

home as in his family''s home or home as in your home, cause if it''s the latter i''m definitely beyond

for you

Home as in our home. His family lives in another state

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 6/25/2009 9:55:44 AM
Author: InLuv101

Date: 6/25/2009 9:52:24 AM
Author: Squirrly

Date: 6/25/2009 9:48:12 AM
Author: InLuv101

Date: 6/25/2009 9:44:33 AM

Author: icekid

..... oh my. That must be quite a shock. I remember you two TTC so recently, too. It seems pretty bizarre. Maybe there is something else going on with him?


I am so sorry, InLuv. You deserve so much better

I think so...I stayed at my parents home the day he told me and went back home the next morning in attempts to talk some more. He was gone as well as his toothbrush and personal items. I called him when I noticed that his stuff was gone to ask where he was and his reply was: ''At home, why?''

home as in his family''s home or home as in your home, cause if it''s the latter i''m definitely beyond

for you

Home as in our home. His family lives in another state

 

[InLuv101]

Thanks to Robbie, Squirrly, Steph, icekid, elledizzy, skippy, Bia, Italia, Fiery, whitby, and atroop for your kind words. I am taking it 1 day at a time...

I''m just in shock. I feel so blindsided. Thankfully we have no joint debt or assets. We didn''t live together before marriage. I am staying with my parents right now, trying to pick up the pieces.

 

[Samantha Red]

In luv I am so sorry for you on this. I have definitely been there and got that t shirt sadly. In my experience generally men very rarely get out of one situation until they have made alternative arrangements, so to speak. Generally speaking they are rubbish at being on their own and like to have replacements lined up. That was certainly the case with mine and since then has been the case with many other people I know.

My advice to you is to find out as much as you can and then come right back at him, be really organised and really hard core in sorting the finances etc out as quickly as possible. He won''t be expecting it and any guilt he is feeling right now will play into your hands.

Obviously I am not talking about all men and I know it applies to women too, and I know I could be wrong, but I would do some digging and find out all you can.

My thoughts and best wishes are with you because I know how dreadfully painful this is. My dear ex tortured me for four months before I found out what was really going on, constantly giving the platitudes of ''it is not you it is me'' and when I found out the truth it was so empowering and I could start to move on.

 

[steph72276]

Date: 6/25/2009 9:52:06 AM
Author: whitby_2773
oh honey! i''m so sorry!


yes - VERY cowardly! and stupid too, re the second marriage and him making lifetime commitments that he''s obviously not in any position to make.


some people might want some kind of revenge in this situation, but what i''ve seen work best, given it''s been a short marriage, is to pack his shizz up, get it all out of the house, and get this guy out of your life STAT. you''re right - 26 is much too young to be saddled with even a month - much less a lifetime! - of regret, so dont waste one more second here - get this guy out of your life and move on immediately. let the speed with which you terminate contact be an experience of ''shock and awe'' for him.


if he''s filed - fine. from now on let him talk to your lawyer. he chose those ground rules, now let him live by them; the faster you disassociate the better you''re gonna feel.


then go find your best friends or your sister or your mom and get all the hugs and love you need. would give you a great big bear hug myself if i was there.


i''m so sorry to hear about this, inluv

Ditto. Sounds like he is up to no good. I wouldn''t give him a minute more of your time. Let him communicate through a lawyer from now on.

 

[Squirrly]

exceptionally

but at the same time quite glad you''re getting out of this since this is not what you deserve at all.

 

[decodelighted]

Oh this is so awful to go through! My heart goes out to you! In the big scheme of things I think you''ll really consider this a bullet dodged (or maybe one that just grazed you a bit). Any man who could show NO SIGNS of dissatisfaction, TTC, and then file for divorce out of the blue w/o giving you the slightest hint, and then take his toothbrush to an undisclosed location the moment you''re out of sight????????? Something''s not right w/him -- mentally. (My unprofessional diagnosis). Maybe sociopathy? Because that is both C-O-L-D and CALCULATING. Agree with Whitby. Cut your ties so quickly his head spins & move on with your Nia Long-lookin-like, adorable pup-having fabulous life. You''re so young & have so much going for you. Stay strong!!! And KNOW it has NOTHING to do with YOU.

 

[InLuv101]

I'm just so thankful that I never got pregnant. The ladies over in the TTC board know how long we tried (9 cycles, I think) and how much (I thought) we wanted it to happen. I have to now believe I was being saved from myself.

 

[janinegirly]

I''m so sorry InLuv. His behaviour is ridiculous (especially for a 2nd marriage!). How were things up to this point--any red flags? Did he drag his feet on marriage and what happened to the 1st? Not meaning to dig things up, just curious for context.

I''m amazed how often I hear of marriages ending abruptly because the guy "doesn''t think marriage is for them." I have a friend who was married 8 years and then suddenly said he didn''t think he wanted to be married. Huh? Then he went and got a bachelor pad in Manhattan before there was time to talk. I do wonder if your DH has something going on. I''m glad you are home among family because it''s a good time to start hunkering down with some great sources of support (for strength). And be ready to call him out on his cowardly behaviour--this is a marriage, you can''t just say ''see ya I think I don''t wanna do this..later''!

I''m so sorry though, this has got to be so very difficult. Please vent away here if it helps...

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 6/25/2009 10:06:03 AM
Author: janinegirly
I have a friend who was married 8 years and then suddenly said he didn''t think he wanted to be married. Huh? Then he went and got a bachelor pad in Manhattan before there was time to talk.

Wow. I have that friend too. But it was @ the ten year mark so it can''t be the *same* friend. What a tool.

 

[LadyBlue]

I''m so sorry, this is really sad. Hugs!!, You deserve better, like you said, being 26 you have time to meet someone that deserve you.

 

[InLuv101]

Date: 6/25/2009 10:06:03 AM
Author: janinegirly
I''m so sorry InLuv. His behaviour is ridiculous (especially for a 2nd marriage!). How were things up to this point--any red flags? Did he drag his feet on marriage and what happened to the 1st? Not meaning to dig things up, just curious for context.

I''m amazed how often I hear of marriages ending abruptly because the guy ''doesn''t think marriage is for them.'' I have a friend who was married 8 years and then suddenly said he didn''t think he wanted to be married. Huh? Then he went and got a bachelor pad in Manhattan before there was time to talk. I do wonder if your DH has something going on. I''m glad you are home among family because it''s a good time to start hunkering down with some great sources of support (for strength). And be ready to call him out on his cowardly behaviour--this is a marriage, you can''t just say ''see ya I think I don''t wanna do this..later''!

I''m so sorry though, this has got to be so very difficult. Please vent away here if it helps...

I agree...his behavior is ridiculous. Looking back I think I can see some red flags...text messages from a ''friend'' at a really late hour and running out of cell phone minutes 1.5 weeks into the billing cycle (when he has NEVER run out before). All very very recent. He didn''t drag his feet on marriage at all. As for his 1st marriage he says she cheated and he couldn''t get past it...who knows if that''s true.

I agree with you. You don''t just walk out of a marriage like that. I took my vows seriously and I''m saddened that he didn''t.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I'm so, so sorry, In Luv. We are all here for support when you need it!!

I find his sudden lack of interest in marriage completely befuddling--a good friend of mine recently went through something similar and found out after the divorce that he was having an affair while they were married. I don't mean to say that he is, but I think it's one reason that a man could suddenly want out. Again, I am very sorry!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

First thought comes to mind--your DH and mental health issues.

Take care of yourself!

kind regards--Sharon

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Oh my goodness I am so sorry.

You seem to have the right attitude about everything. Come vent to us if you need to!!

 

[InLuv101]

Date: 6/25/2009 10:03:29 AM
Author: decodelighted
Oh this is so awful to go through! My heart goes out to you! In the big scheme of things I think you''ll really consider this a bullet dodged (or maybe one that just grazed you a bit). Any man who could show NO SIGNS of dissatisfaction, TTC, and then file for divorce out of the blue w/o giving you the slightest hint, and then take his toothbrush to an undisclosed location the moment you''re out of sight????????? Something''s not right w/him -- mentally. (My unprofessional diagnosis). Maybe sociopathy? Because that is both C-O-L-D and CALCULATING. Agree with Whitby. Cut your ties so quickly his head spins & move on with your Nia Long-lookin-like, adorable pup-having fabulous life. You''re so young & have so much going for you. Stay strong!!! And KNOW it has NOTHING to do with YOU.

Lol, thanks Deco. I do believe I dodged a bullet. Any man who could do this is not ok and not a man I want in my life.