Cultural differences

[Natylad]

We do go shoeless in our house as well. I have always had my guest asking us if they should remove their shoes - because they see our shoes by the door. The only exception was my mother in law and her husband.

What do you guys/gals suggest I say to them next time they visit, that is nicely put so it dose not come off as "demanding"?

Zhuzhu, let me tell you what i did, in order to make my brother remove his shoes every time he came at my place:
I bought him a beautiful pair of slippers and put them by the front door, so the next time that he came home i told him:"Look at these pretty slippers that i got for you! You can wear them every time you come and i'll keep them just for you, nobody else has the right to touch them" He instantly took the shoes off
So, i guess it will cost you some money, but if you go and buy pretty slippers for your in laws and tell them that you got those especially for them and for their exclusive use only, maybe they'll get the point and appreciate the gesture! Good luck!!!

Naty, I'm surprised to see this as generally Greeks keep their shoes on when visiting... or maybe it's just the Greeks I visit and that visit me...

He,he,he! You are absolutely right! But both me and my brother were born in Montreal Canada and my parents have lived in Canada for sixteen years before taking the family back to Greece. It seems that they brought back with them the canadian habits, because i remember my mother every single day welcoming me home from school at the doorstep with the slippers in hand and looking at me like a hawk to make sure that i'll take off my shoes

ETA: I wanted to add that the funny thing is that my dear brother who grew up in the same home and under the same...slipper rules as me, went back to Canada when he was 18 years old for studies and stayed there for many maaaaany years, then came back three years ago at the age of 40!!! So obviously, while he was in Canada he MUST have been taking off his shoes when visiting our relatives and his friends but the moment he moved back in Greece he stopped doing it he,he,he...he's all greek deep inside

 

[mayerling]

We do go shoeless in our house as well. I have always had my guest asking us if they should remove their shoes - because they see our shoes by the door. The only exception was my mother in law and her husband.

What do you guys/gals suggest I say to them next time they visit, that is nicely put so it dose not come off as "demanding"?

Zhuzhu, let me tell you what i did, in order to make my brother remove his shoes every time he came at my place:
I bought him a beautiful pair of slippers and put them by the front door, so the next time that he came home i told him:"Look at these pretty slippers that i got for you! You can wear them every time you come and i'll keep them just for you, nobody else has the right to touch them" He instantly took the shoes off
So, i guess it will cost you some money, but if you go and buy pretty slippers for your in laws and tell them that you got those especially for them and for their exclusive use only, maybe they'll get the point and appreciate the gesture! Good luck!!!

Naty, I'm surprised to see this as generally Greeks keep their shoes on when visiting... or maybe it's just the Greeks I visit and that visit me...

He,he,he! You are absolutely right! But both me and my brother were born in Montreal Canada and my parents have lived in Canada for sixteen years before taking the family back to Greece. It seems that they brought back with them the canadian habits, because i remember my mother every single day welcoming me home from school at the doorstep with the slippers in hand and looking at me like a hawk to make sure that i'll take off my shoes

ETA: I wanted to add that the funny thing is that my dear brother who grew up in the same home and under the same...slipper rules as me, went back to Canada when he was 18 years old for studies and stayed there for many maaaaany years, then came back three years ago at the age of 40!!! So obviously, while he was in Canada he MUST have been taking off his shoes when visiting our relatives and his friends but the moment he moved back in Greece he stopped doing it he,he,he...he's all greek deep inside

Having lived in two places that view this issue differently, how do you feel about it? When other Greeks visit do you ask them to take their shoes off? If so, do they think it's overly familiar like I do?

 

[jewelerman]

I never take my shoes off when i go to someones home.I was in an accident a while back that now prevents me from walking or standing comfortably without shoes on.I have been invited to parties where the is hostess has signs posted that shoes come off at the door because of light colored carpet or winter weather.I will wear a pair of old sneakers to the party or gathering and then will change shoes in another room.If its nice weather and i don't know the home were im going ,i wear nice shoes and make sure the shoes are clean before entering.I once went to a party with the guest of honor and was asked to take my new dress shoes off because of the creme colored carpet, i explained i it would be physically uncomfortable to do so but was then asked to leave by the hostess.She then realized that ment the guest of honor would have to leave also.I was asked then to stay but not walk on any carpeted areas.I was raised in the hotel and restaurant trade and taught that you are required as a host to make your guests feel welcome in your home or place of business to be successful.There should be an expectation that when you open your home up to company and guests that their shoes will come as part of the visit. There are those people who feel comfortable in stocking feet and those who don't.The host should be okay with both in my opinion.

 

[Natylad]

We do go shoeless in our house as well. I have always had my guest asking us if they should remove their shoes - because they see our shoes by the door. The only exception was my mother in law and her husband.

What do you guys/gals suggest I say to them next time they visit, that is nicely put so it dose not come off as "demanding"?

Zhuzhu, let me tell you what i did, in order to make my brother remove his shoes every time he came at my place:
I bought him a beautiful pair of slippers and put them by the front door, so the next time that he came home i told him:"Look at these pretty slippers that i got for you! You can wear them every time you come and i'll keep them just for you, nobody else has the right to touch them" He instantly took the shoes off
So, i guess it will cost you some money, but if you go and buy pretty slippers for your in laws and tell them that you got those especially for them and for their exclusive use only, maybe they'll get the point and appreciate the gesture! Good luck!!!

Naty, I'm surprised to see this as generally Greeks keep their shoes on when visiting... or maybe it's just the Greeks I visit and that visit me...

He,he,he! You are absolutely right! But both me and my brother were born in Montreal Canada and my parents have lived in Canada for sixteen years before taking the family back to Greece. It seems that they brought back with them the canadian habits, because i remember my mother every single day welcoming me home from school at the doorstep with the slippers in hand and looking at me like a hawk to make sure that i'll take off my shoes

ETA: I wanted to add that the funny thing is that my dear brother who grew up in the same home and under the same...slipper rules as me, went back to Canada when he was 18 years old for studies and stayed there for many maaaaany years, then came back three years ago at the age of 40!!! So obviously, while he was in Canada he MUST have been taking off his shoes when visiting our relatives and his friends but the moment he moved back in Greece he stopped doing it he,he,he...he's all greek deep inside

Having lived in two places that view this issue differently, how do you feel about it? When other Greeks visit do you ask them to take their shoes off? If so, do they think it's overly familiar like I do?

I only ask my very close family and very close friends to take off their shoes when they're visiting. Everybody else is allowed to keep their shoes on! Greek people don't like at all to take off their shoes and in general they feel very embarrassed when they have to do it. Actually, i believe that many greeks find it inappropriate to take off their shoes in front of other people! Even i hate taking off my shoes when i'm not at my home or my parents' home. And because i understand how the other people feel about it i respect their feelings and don't raise such demands.
I remember that the first time i visited my in laws at their home in Lebanon, my MIL showed me where i should leave my shoes and brought me slippers, just like my mom used to do!!! Needless to say that i took off the shoes immediately, because i understood exactly where she was coming from, but i honestly tell you that i thought i'd die from embarrassment! Taking off your shoes and wearing slippers in front of your in laws and especially the very first time that you meet with them??? Totally unacceptable according to the greek mentality

 

[Tuckins1]

I never take my shoes off when i go to someones home.I was in an accident a while back that now prevents me from walking or standing comfortably without shoes on.I have been invited to parties where the is hostess has signs posted that shoes come off at the door because of light colored carpet or winter weather.I will wear a pair of old sneakers to the party or gathering and then will change shoes in another room.If its nice weather and i don't know the home were im going ,i wear nice shoes and make sure the shoes are clean before entering.I once went to a party with the guest of honor and was asked to take my new dress shoes off because of the creme colored carpet, i explained i it would be physically uncomfortable to do so but was then asked to leave by the hostess.She then realized that ment the guest of honor would have to leave also.I was asked then to stay but not walk on any carpeted areas.I was raised in the hotel and restaurant trade and taught that you are required as a host to make your guests feel welcome in your home or place of business to be successful.There should be an expectation that when you open your home up to company and guests that their shoes will come as part of the visit. There are those people who feel comfortable in stocking feet and those who don't.The host should be okay with both in my opinion.

Wow. I am a big fan of "take of the shoes", but in your situation, I would absolutely do whatever you needed to feel comfortable. It's kind of crazy that the hostess of a party 1. wouldn't know about your issue, and 2. would ask you to stay off the carpet!!! Even if you brought different "inside" shoes to wear....

 

[zoebartlett]

I never take my shoes off when i go to someones home.I was in an accident a while back that now prevents me from walking or standing comfortably without shoes on.I have been invited to parties where the is hostess has signs posted that shoes come off at the door because of light colored carpet or winter weather.I will wear a pair of old sneakers to the party or gathering and then will change shoes in another room.If its nice weather and i don't know the home were im going ,i wear nice shoes and make sure the shoes are clean before entering.I once went to a party with the guest of honor and was asked to take my new dress shoes off because of the creme colored carpet, i explained i it would be physically uncomfortable to do so but was then asked to leave by the hostess.She then realized that ment the guest of honor would have to leave also.I was asked then to stay but not walk on any carpeted areas.I was raised in the hotel and restaurant trade and taught that you are required as a host to make your guests feel welcome in your home or place of business to be successful.There should be an expectation that when you open your home up to company and guests that their shoes will come as part of the visit. There are those people who feel comfortable in stocking feet and those who don't.The host should be okay with both in my opinion.

Wow -- how rude!

 

[anchor31]

As natylad pointed out ( ), taking off your shoes in Canada is what is considered polite. I don't like having shoes piled up next to the door either, so I have a wardrobe for coats, shoes and boots.

To Mayerling and others who don't take off your shoes: Do you live in a warmer country by any chance? When you have snow for about 4 months a year, you don't keep your winter boots in the house. When you say barefoot, do you mean shoeless with socks, or nothing at all? I would find it odd to go barefoot in someone else's house too... I wear slippers indoors.

For those who wonder how to ask politely their guests to take off their shoes: For some reason, my ILs don't take off their shoes indoors (except in winter). The first time they visited, they left dirty shoeprints all over the place, so now every time they come over I say: "Welcome! Please, take your shoes off, make yourselves at home." I don't think it sounds demanding, but it's clear. I also keep a slipper basket next to the door.

 

[mayerling]

As natylad pointed out ( ), taking off your shoes in Canada is what is considered polite. I don't like having shoes piled up next to the door either, so I have a wardrobe for coats, shoes and boots.

To Mayerling and others who don't take off your shoes: Do you live in a warmer country by any chance? When you have snow for about 4 months a year, you don't keep your winter boots in the house. When you say barefoot, do you mean shoeless with socks, or nothing at all? I would find it odd to go barefoot in someone else's house too... I wear slippers indoors.

For those who wonder how to ask politely their guests to take off their shoes: For some reason, my ILs don't take off their shoes indoors (except in winter). The first time they visited, they left dirty shoeprints all over the place, so now every time they come over I say: "Welcome! Please, take your shoes off, make yourselves at home." I don't think it sounds demanding, but it's clear. I also keep a slipper basket next to the door.

Yes, I'm from the Mediterranean so there's definitely no 'reason' to take off your shoes in terms of dragging mud, slush, into the house. There's also no issue of walking on people's lawns and bringing in pesticides (most yards tend to be paved). Also you drive pretty much everywhere instead of walking or biking. So I wear my shoes in the house, get in the car and go somewhere, and then wear them in someone else's house. By the way, as I've mentioned before, in my house I tend to walk around in slippers, and when I say 'barefoot' I mean shoeless.

However, I have lived in the UK for almost a decade now. It is colder (another reason to keep shoes on) and I do walk around a lot but I still prefer to keep shoes on when visiting. As Naty mentioned, I would just feel uncomfortable taking them off when visiting other people. I think somebody expressed my feelings perfectly when they said that it would feel like 'lounging around in my pj's in somebody else's house'.

 

[mayerling]

Something else that just occurred to me with respect to bringing in pesticides: In the UK lots of people tend to go to parks on the odd day in the summer when the sun is shining. While there, they tend to take their shoes off and walk around barefoot, i.e. with no socks, on the grass (something which in my culture you would never do). Presumably they might then go home and walk around barefoot in their home. Isn't there an issue there about bringing in pesticides even though you take your shoes off?

 

[Cehrabehra]

I grew up leaving shoes on in the house but boy the rugs got dirty. So husband and I decided we'd take them off not as a cultural thing but as a cleanliness thing. MUCH nicer. Now we live in China and there is the assumption to take them off. I don't mind to run in for something quick on the main floor but if I go up or down stairs I take them off. But I have someone who follows me around with a mop so it's not too much of a big deal. I think she would be annoyed though if we all just started leaving our shoes on. We purchased several pairs of slippers for guests to use if they wish. I am fine with people walking around barefoot or in socks though.

I'm a convert but not a diehard. Take them off, please!

 

[Cehrabehra]

can you imagine the greek and the japanese marry? Goodness... what to do what to do? No matter what you do someone is rude. Who wins? Well, since everyone is going to be uncomfortable - might as well have clean floors!

 

[mayerling]

can you imagine the greek and the japanese marry? Goodness... what to do what to do? No matter what you do someone is rude. Who wins? Well, since everyone is going to be uncomfortable - might as well have clean floors!

True, though not sure I agree that shoes on necessarily means dirty floors. Just means we clean them more often.

 

[soocool]

As I first stated we are a "no shoes on" home. But if I were hosting a formal dinner party I would not ask guests to take their shoes off. In fact, if you are worried about guest soiling your carpets you should either not host such parties or not buy carpets you are afraid will be ruined. Most of my get togethers are family and friends who have always had no problems removing their shoes in my home or mine in theirs. Someone once at my sisters asked if it was ok to leave their shoes on and my sister said sure, but was it ok if she just wiped the bottom of her shoes with disinfectant (my sister has severe allergies and sometimes even stuff tracked in will set them off).

My one neighbor hosts parties all the time (at least 3 times a month) and she replaces her carpets every 2 years- no exaggeration. She says she doesn't have the heart to ask her guests to take off their shoes even when they are tracking in snow, slush, mud, gunk etc. I would think this is an extreme cost (cleaning carpets and replacing) rather than just asking guests to remove their shoes or at least wipe their feet on the welcome mat.


But for all of you who have a no shoes in the house rule with pets (outdoor dogs and cats) do you clean your pet's paws before they enter the house?

 

[Natylad]

can you imagine the greek and the japanese marry? Goodness... what to do what to do? No matter what you do someone is rude. Who wins? Well, since everyone is going to be uncomfortable - might as well have clean floors!

He, he, he!!! So funny

 

[waterlilly]

For me, I don't see it as cultural, just preference. I don't understand why someone would want to have their shoes on inside someone's home. You are scuffing the floor and tracking "stuff" around the house. Especially in a home with small children - kids are always scooting around on the floor, so keeping my shoes on if I enter a home with children seems inconsiderate.

My husband keeps his shoes on a lot and it drives me crazy seeing him walk on our area rugs with shoes on - especially in the winter when you've come inside from the snow/wet ground. I'm always asking him "are you about to go outside? then why don't you want to take your shoes off?"

Seeing people with shoes on inside a home gives me the idea they are ready to head out. Guests should take their shoes off and feel comfortable to sit and relax in my home for a visit, not be ready to head out the door in a moments notice by keeping their shoes on

 

[swingirl]

Seeing people with shoes on inside a home gives me the idea they are ready to head out. Guests should take their shoes off and feel comfortable to sit and relax in my home for a visit, not be ready to head out the door in a moments notice by keeping their shoes on

For many people, keeping their shoes on IS comfortable. Being barefoot is not. I find walking barefoot makes my feet ache. I also prefer the support and protection that shoes offer. So which is it? Is the guest supposed to worry about keeping their host's floors clean? Or should they be comfortable for their short visit? (of course, assuming the shoes are not muddy, snowy, wet, etc)

PS I am not attacking you, waterlilly, just raising the point of comfort.

 

[mayerling]

For me, I don't see it as cultural, just preference. I don't understand why someone would want to have their shoes on inside someone's home. You are scuffing the floor and tracking "stuff" around the house. Especially in a home with small children - kids are always scooting around on the floor, so keeping my shoes on if I enter a home with children seems inconsiderate.

My husband keeps his shoes on a lot and it drives me crazy seeing him walk on our area rugs with shoes on - especially in the winter when you've come inside from the snow/wet ground. I'm always asking him "are you about to go outside? then why don't you want to take your shoes off?"

Seeing people with shoes on inside a home gives me the idea they are ready to head out. Guests should take their shoes off and feel comfortable to sit and relax in my home for a visit, not be ready to head out the door in a moments notice by keeping their shoes on

Also not attacking you, but a few previously mentioned reasons are:
1. It's comfortable to do so
2. Taking them off feels rude
3. Taking them off feels too familiar
4. You're an invited guest
5. In certain countries there's not much issue of mud, slush, etc.
6. Some people don't mind cleaning floors more often

I guess it's a question of whether visiting someone is an imposition or something welcomed. I guess if it's an imposition, then shoes off when the owner requests it is a given. I wouldn't say 'host' in this case since 'host' is a word I would use if someone is being hospitable - in terms of putting the guest first. If it's welcomed, then the host would presumably prefer the guest, who has been invited as opposed to just dropping by whenever, to do whatever makes them feel comfortable (as long as the guest is not being completely inconsiderate by not wiping their shoes on the mat first or not bringing a second pair of shoes along in the event when they're coming in with snow boots).

 

[Clio]

I grew up in Appalachia, so as a bona fide hillbilly, I love to be barefoot, indoors or out. My husband is Asian, so the end result is that we never wear shoes in the house. Slippers during the cooler months, but no shoes.

Sometimes when people come over, they'll ask if they should take them off. Honestly, I don't care one way or another. Cleaning up after a little dirt or grit that might get tracked in really isn't that big a deal.

I'm fine taking my shoes off at someone else's house, though it does seem awfully familiar if it's not a relative's house. If I don't know the person well, I'd be happier leaving my shoes on (but I do take them off if requested). The one uncomfortable time was when we went to visit my husband's aunt. She had sweetly provided slippers for all of us, except that my big American feet didn't fit any of them. Awkward.

 

[partgypsy]

I'm originally from the Midwest. If people ask to take off your shoes it is an individual thing; My Dad's cousin (neat freak) insisted we take our shoes off when we visited when I was a kid and I remember thinking at the time how strange that was. Living in Chicago lofts, the lofts themselves are not "pristine" to say the least (unfinished, nails sticking up), there are people coming and going to either visit you or your roommates. I would feel uncomfortable/vulnerable not wearing my shoes, at the very least because everyone is wearing sh*t kicker boots and you don't want to get stepped on.

Nowadays in my own home when I get home I change out of my work clothes and wear either slippers in winter or flip flops in summer inside the home. The same due to bad weather everyone in our family automatically strips their shoes/boots off after coming in to place near the register (anyone who has kids knows how much they hate to wear shoes and will take them off as soon as humanly possible).

But I have never asked someone visiting my home to remove their shoes, the most we do is ask them to check the bottom of their shoes coming in (we have 1+ mats people walk on to get in the house). I would think asking someone to remove their shoes as rude. I wonder, what do all the shoeless people do about dogs, cats coming in and out of the outside? Do they wear booties you take on and off as well?

I do have to say as time goes on, I seem to know more and more people who have the "shoes off" rule. I always saw that as the person valuing their home over the comfort of their guests but never thought of the pesticides, rationale.

 

[partgypsy]

That's interesting about the Greek thing, maybe that's why I think of taking shoes off in someone else's home as being too informal (Dad's family's greek). I know that some of my cousins would just die getting all dressed up with nice heels and then having to take their shoes off just because the event is at someone else's home!

 

[mayerling]

That's interesting about the Greek thing, maybe that's why I think of taking shoes off in someone else's home as being too informal (Dad's family's greek). I know that some of my cousins would just die getting all dressed up with nice heels and then having to take their shoes off just because the event is at someone else's home!

I know what you mean. Greeks do tend to get all dressed up most of the time (sometimes too often) and shoes are part of the outfit

 

[partgypsy]

Yes, the default is to err on the more dressed up side, I've noticed

I honestly think that taking shoes off in the home are a good idea, I just need to get used to the idea of asking guests to take off their shoes. The insinuation is that your guest is too insensitive/ignorant to not track crap into your home, which is kind of an insult.

I remember my Dad telling stories growing up. Even if you lived in the tiniest what-should-be 1 room hovel, the house would be divided into the regular space, and a "living room" for guests, where all the nicest stuff was. So even if 1 person visited, that person would have half the house and the rest of the family would be squished into the other half of the house. Growing up, there would always be one room, the living room that had nicest carpeting, furnishing, etc, but we were basically not allowed to go in there; it was "for the guests".

 

[mayerling]

Yes, the default is to err on the more dressed up side, I've noticed

I honestly think that taking shoes off in the home are a good idea, I just need to get used to the idea of asking guests to take off their shoes. The insinuation is that your guest is too insensitive/ignorant to not track crap into your home, which is kind of an insult.

I remember my Dad telling stories growing up. Even if you lived in the tiniest what-should-be 1 room hovel, the house would be divided into the regular space, and a "living room" for guests, where all the nicest stuff was. So even if 1 person visited, that person would have half the house and the rest of the family would be squished into the other half of the house. Growing up, there would always be one room, the living room that had nicest carpeting, furnishing, etc, but we were basically not allowed to go in there; it was "for the guests".

That's still true in most Greek homes. There is one sitting room for the family and a proper living room which you only use if you have guests. And when guests come over all dressed up, you're all dressed up to receive them too. You use the finest china, etc., and probably eat food that you wouldn't normally spend hours preparing...

 

[Lauren8211]

Born and raised in the US, it's always been expected that one takes their shoes off when entering a home. If I have guests, most do it without even thinking about it. On the other hand, I do not ask people to take their shoes off, and just want my guests to be comfortable. I mean... what if they have holes in their socks?

 

[Natylad]

Yes, the default is to err on the more dressed up side, I've noticed

I honestly think that taking shoes off in the home are a good idea, I just need to get used to the idea of asking guests to take off their shoes. The insinuation is that your guest is too insensitive/ignorant to not track crap into your home, which is kind of an insult.

I remember my Dad telling stories growing up. Even if you lived in the tiniest what-should-be 1 room hovel, the house would be divided into the regular space, and a "living room" for guests, where all the nicest stuff was. So even if 1 person visited, that person would have half the house and the rest of the family would be squished into the other half of the house. Growing up, there would always be one room, the living room that had nicest carpeting, furnishing, etc, but we were basically not allowed to go in there; it was "for the guests".

That's still true in most Greek homes. There is one sitting room for the family and a proper living room which you only use if you have guests. And when guests come over all dressed up, you're all dressed up to receive them too. You use the finest china, etc., and probably eat food that you wouldn't normally spend hours preparing...

Yup...none of us is allowed to go in my mom's "formal" living room (we call it "saloni") unless we have guests and the living room is open for them! And when we have guests at home, that means that mom has spent the last two days cooking for them Also, the other ladies are correct when they say that everybody shows up dressed very, VERY formally. The people who receive the guests at home should also be dressed formally. And that's everybody's way to say to each other: "I respect you and i'm all dressed up for you"
I remember that the first time my husband and i invited some of his friends at our appartment in Toronto for dinner, after i finished cooking, i spent 45 minutes dressing up. etc...So when i came out of the bedroom my husband looked at me totally astonished and said:"Do you think that we're going to the opera? Are you out of your mind??? Why did you dress up like this? Everybody's going to show up dressed in jeans and you'll look like the irrelevant idiot"!!! Well, needless to say that i welcomed my canadian guests dressed in my formal greek outfit! Mom would have been very proud of me if she was there to see!!! And yes, my high heel shoes were an important part of the outfit, so i didn't take them off but i admit that i wiped the soles with a wet piece of cloth before wearing them...

 

[Haven]

I already posted, but then I asked DH about this issue because he's a total germaphobe yet we allow people to wear shoes in our home if they prefer. So, I wanted to ask him about that.

His response was a bit of a "DUH" moment for me: He said it doesn't matter if guests dirty up our floor, because we ALWAYS wash our floors and rugs after people are over, anyway. And it's true, we do. When we have a big party we do a really thorough clean after everyone leaves. (It's actually a lot of fun--we blast 80s music, pour some wine, and clean together into the wee hours of morning.) When we have small groups over (such as my book club of six) we do a lighter clean. So, anyway, it doesn't matter what people wear into our home because we're always cleaning up after them, anyway.

And to answer another question--we do wipe our pups' feet when they come inside. Doesn't everyone?

 

[basil]

I grew up wearing shoes inside the house. When I met my husband (Chinese) he was like "why would you do that? it's insane". So I started taking off my shoes inside the house. The rug stays so much cleaner. And we are not neat freaks. But I like my floors to be clean and it makes a big difference. And I don't want to vacuum/mop every day. Now it feels very weird to wear shoes in the house.

We have fuzzy sheepskin slippers for winter, and in summer wear socks or barefoot. Our place isn't large so it's not like we're walking long distances without shoes, which I agree would be uncomfortable.

When we have guests I do not ask they take their shoes off, but most do when they see the shoe rack next to the door, and see that we are shoeless. My dad doesn't take his off. No big deal. I just vacuum after he leaves.

My friend (also Chinese) had a big party at her brand new house. Her dad greeted everyone at the door and told them "you can leave your shoes on but if you do, please don't walk on the rugs". I wasn't offended - it was a brand new house, a large party with lots of kids, and a brand new house with light colored carpets. I can understand she would have been mad if someone tracked dirt all over them. But my other friend still teases her about almost a year later - "You're such a germaphobe no one can even wear shoes in your house".

 

[kenny]

Isn't amazing how much people vary?
Yet, apparently feel that their way is the only way that makes sense.

What a great thread this has been for the subject of respecting diversity when it comes to something not genetic.

Kudos to us.

 

[isaku5]

I was raised in a Canadian home where shoes were left on. It was the same everywhere we went - keep the shoes on (stinky feet?).

Then I met DH who was raised in Germany and on each visit to his family's home, the shoes came off. Not a problem. Many years later our daughter married a Greek guy and while in their house or in DD's place, the shoes come off - even at the cottage.

Go figure

 

[iLander]

Our family tends to take off their shoes when we come home and leave them in a pile by the door. It's just more comfortable.

Sometimes a guest will see the pile and ask if we want them to remove their shoes, and I always say "No, absolutely not unless you want to".

I would never dream of asking a guest to do anything that makes them the least bit uncomfortable. They are honoring me by coming to my home and that takes precedent over all other considerations, IMHO. If a vegetarian is visiting, they get vegetarian food options. If someone needs Kosher, we do Kosher. What ever a guest wants, a guest gets, and I take pride in being a hostess.

I can't figure out if it's because I grew up with Southern hospitality or because I'm old-fashioned, or because I try not to let material objects override my concern for people, but that's just how I am. I know not everyone feels the same, but over the years, I've learned friends are a lot harder to replace than carpet.