Cultural differences

[mayerling]

When I was in my 20-es and lived in my parents' house (cultural but had to do with apartment crisis in my country at that time) I would always ask guests to take off their shoes and offer them flip-flops. My parents agreed, but once I asked a friend who came in wearing a military uniform do it (he was a pilot) mother came in, looked at it and said it was totally inappropriate.

Now, having my own house, with hardwood floors, I insist that the guests keep their shoes on. You invite guests to make them feel comfortable, not to keep your floors clean. If someone brings in own shoes to put on, it is fine. But I will not offer people flip-flops to keep my floors clean.

I like this point.

It would also be interesting to hear from some Europeans on this. I wonder if it's just the rest of the world but not Europe.

 

[zoebartlett]

Neither one of us wear shoes in our house unless we're heading out somewhere, but we don't ask people to take theirs off when they come over. If they want to, that's okay, but not necessary. It's not a cultural thing for us -- it's just about comfort. When we go to other people's houses, we usually ask if they'd like us to take our shoes off though.

This.

I usually don't wear shoes in the house, but that's only because I'm more comfortable barefoot. I also change out of my day/work clothes and into loungewear pretty much immediately upon getting home, but that's also for comfort. It's much more comfortable for me to be curled up on my couch in PJ-type pants than it is jeans or my work clothes.

I do the same thing when I get home. My husband laughs and asks if I really have work clothes because all he ever sees me wear are PJ type stuff unless we're going out. It's just SO much better to hang out in soft, comfy clothes. Huh. Do you think I should make more of an effort to dress up at home?

 

[megumic]

What if my feet stink? I'm talking like potent stench of rotten toe jam. Should I still take my shoes off in your house?

 

[star sparkle]

Neither one of us wear shoes in our house unless we're heading out somewhere, but we don't ask people to take theirs off when they come over. If they want to, that's okay, but not necessary. It's not a cultural thing for us -- it's just about comfort. When we go to other people's houses, we usually ask if they'd like us to take our shoes off though.

This.

I usually don't wear shoes in the house, but that's only because I'm more comfortable barefoot. I also change out of my day/work clothes and into loungewear pretty much immediately upon getting home, but that's also for comfort. It's much more comfortable for me to be curled up on my couch in PJ-type pants than it is jeans or my work clothes.

I do the same thing when I get home. My husband laughs and asks if I really have work clothes because all he ever sees me wear are PJ type stuff unless we're going out. It's just SO much better to hang out in soft, comfy clothes. Huh. Do you think I should make more of an effort to dress up at home?

I hear ya! Sometimes BF or someone else will call and ask if I can go out and do something, and I say yeah, I just need to put my clothes on and then I'm ready. They're always confused and wonder why I'm hanging out not dressed.

 

[Ninna]

10 minute soak in Vodka, Listerine or Tea for stinky feet

 

[TravelingGal]

What if my feet stink? I'm talking like potent stench of rotten toe jam. Should I still take my shoes off in your house?

No. But I highly recommend you take your shoes off more OFTEN, in the hopes that your feet may air out better.

 

[mayerling]

What if my feet stink? I'm talking like potent stench of rotten toe jam. Should I still take my shoes off in your house?

I wish I could 'like' this comment

 

[Haven]

We just want people to feel comfortable in our home, so if they prefer to keep their shoes on, great, if not, great. We have hardwood floors, and we clean them often.

I always ask people if they want me to take my shoes off when I enter their home. I prefer to keep my shoes on in other peoples' homes, because being in my bare or stocking feet is just a bit too familiar for my comfort, but I comply with peoples' rules for their homes. I do carry a pair of nice wool socks in my bag when we go to unfamiliar homes, just in case they're a no-shoes house.

As for the cleanliness issue, I don't like peoples' bare or stocking feet, and they seem potentially as dirty as a pair of shoes.

I do think it's bad form to ask people to remove their shoes at a formal or dressed-up at home event, such as a dinner party. My heels are a part of my outfit, first of all, so it really ruins the picture if I'm forced to take them off. And, I'm uncomfortable eating a sit down, nice meal in my bare feet in another person's home, especially when I know there are several other pairs of bare feet hiding under the table with my own.

 

[Dancing Fire]

what if i have "athlete's foot" ... .. should i take off my shoes when i go into people's house??...

 

[Dancing Fire]

What if my feet stink? I'm talking like potent stench of rotten toe jam. Should I still take my shoes off in your house?

then i'll ask you to stick your feet into my heated US cleaner before you come into my house.

 

[smoke and diamonds]

I don't really care if people wear shoes in our house, we have hardwood floors, so it is easy to clean, and if someone's shoes were dirty from rain etc most people would take off their shoes at the door, anyway. When I am invited as a guest I always take them off unless I am told it's ok to keep them on, and my guess would be that most people in my country were brought up that way, too. I find that I am most likely to be asked to leave my shoes at the door(mat)/hallway if the people I am visiting value the traditional housewife (huge emphasize on a home that is always clean) a lot - regardless of income or culture, it would be disrespectful to bring any dirt into the homes (btw I live in Europe). So it's really not about making the guests comfortable, imo. But I can't speak for everyone in Europe, obv .


A lot of the children I was best friends with as a child and teenager had an Eastern European background and when visiting them it was always hard for me to understand that the family members where just talking, _not_ arguing, because they spoke so loud and fast ,
whereas in most German families I know loud and fast talking means you are either drunk, really angry or you are having a nervous breakdown ...

 

[atroop711]

Yes I ask ppl to take off their shoes before they enter my house. I ask them (upon entering their home if they would like me to take of my shoes). This has nothing to do with my culture but just me not wanting the nastiness from the street being brought into my floors and rugs. I have children who play, crawl and roll on the floor...I don't want anything that's on a public street to find a new home in my home. Am I a germa-phobe? YES I admit it...the thought of those dirty shoes parading around my apt floors and area rugs makes me CRINGE

 

[Porridge]

We always take our shoes off at home and I feel strange wearing shoes in other people's houses, especially on carpet.

 

[kenny]

10 minute soak in Vodka, Listerine or Tea for stinky feet

What does that do to the flavor of those three?

 

[dinamit]

I now live in the UK, have a toddler who rolls around on the floor and so yes - I like people to take their shoes off when they visit. We also live in a carpeted house. Most of the time I don't have to ask. My close family and friends, who come from a variety of cultures and backgrounds, will voluntarily take their shoes off because they consider it to be the norm, especially in houses with children. On the other hand, we do have some guest slippers as I don't expect people to walk around barefoot.

I grew up in another european culture where it would be a 'no-no' to ask your guests to take their shoes off, especially at a dinner/party/other social gathering or celebration. However, most floors are parquet and a lot easier to maintain.

dinamit

 

[MichelleCarmen]

We just want people to feel comfortable in our home, so if they prefer to keep their shoes on, great, if not, great. We have hardwood floors, and we clean them often.

I always ask people if they want me to take my shoes off when I enter their home. I prefer to keep my shoes on in other peoples' homes, because being in my bare or stocking feet is just a bit too familiar for my comfort, but I comply with peoples' rules for their homes. I do carry a pair of nice wool socks in my bag when we go to unfamiliar homes, just in case they're a no-shoes house.

As for the cleanliness issue, I don't like peoples' bare or stocking feet, and they seem potentially as dirty as a pair of shoes.

I do think it's bad form to ask people to remove their shoes at a formal or dressed-up at home event, such as a dinner party. My heels are a part of my outfit, first of all, so it really ruins the picture if I'm forced to take them off. And, I'm uncomfortable eating a sit down, nice meal in my bare feet in another person's home, especially when I know there are several other pairs of bare feet hiding under the table with my own.

Yeah, I see the outfit aspect of it, but what if the person's heels make dents into hardwood floors? (that's happened to us before )

Re: feet in general...people really need to tend to them. A woman should at least take the time to keep them trimmed and painted at least a clear shiny coat. And guys should cut their toe nails. Long toe nails gross me out. I'm even grossed out by long fingernails.

If someone has fungus, God, get some cream or whatever... or put a BANDAID over it so nobody has to look at it.

 

[Pandora II]

I'm in the UK...

We have wooden floors and don't care what people wear on their feet - UNLESS they are stiletto heels and will wreck my floor. At home I will normally just walk around in socks, DH has house-shoes. Partly this is because we have an outside terrace and you have to walk right through the house to get to it so you may as well keep your shoes on!

My sister is a 'shoes off' house and has a big basket in the hallway to chuck them in. She's not obsessive about it though. She has a mix of parquet, wooden floorboards and carpet.

My brother is a 100% 'shoes off' house - he has carpets throughout.

My parents are an 'outside shoes off except in the kitchen' house as far as family are concerned but not for guests.

IL's are all shoes on houses.

Most Asian and Middle Eastern families I know in the UK are strictly shoes off people. There are also some Japanese restaurants we go to that are 'shoes off'.

I tend to ask friends if I should take shoes off - more are 'shoes off' than 'shoes on' people. I don't have any problem complying - it's polite.

 

[Haven]

We just want people to feel comfortable in our home, so if they prefer to keep their shoes on, great, if not, great. We have hardwood floors, and we clean them often.

I always ask people if they want me to take my shoes off when I enter their home. I prefer to keep my shoes on in other peoples' homes, because being in my bare or stocking feet is just a bit too familiar for my comfort, but I comply with peoples' rules for their homes. I do carry a pair of nice wool socks in my bag when we go to unfamiliar homes, just in case they're a no-shoes house.

As for the cleanliness issue, I don't like peoples' bare or stocking feet, and they seem potentially as dirty as a pair of shoes.

I do think it's bad form to ask people to remove their shoes at a formal or dressed-up at home event, such as a dinner party. My heels are a part of my outfit, first of all, so it really ruins the picture if I'm forced to take them off. And, I'm uncomfortable eating a sit down, nice meal in my bare feet in another person's home, especially when I know there are several other pairs of bare feet hiding under the table with my own.

Yeah, I see the outfit aspect of it, but what if the person's heels make dents into hardwood floors? (that's happened to us before )

Re: feet in general...people really need to tend to them. A woman should at least take the time to keep them trimmed and painted at least a clear shiny coat. And guys should cut their toe nails. Long toe nails gross me out. I'm even grossed out by long fingernails.

If someone has fungus, God, get some cream or whatever... or put a BANDAID over it so nobody has to look at it.

Yes, that's definitely just my opinion. I'll remove my heels for anyone if they prefer, but I just don't think people should throw semi-formal or formal events in their home if they're going to demand their guests remove their shoes. It's just . . . not nice, in my opinion.

We have 50 year old hardwood floors and they don't show any gouges or anything, I'm surprised your floors get dented by heels. That's crazy! What type of wood are they? I have no idea what ours are, but they still look amazing to this day even though they're original to the house.

I agree that it would be nice if people kept their feet well groomed, but honestly, even a prettily pedicured bare foot grosses me out. Ugh. Especially when I know we're going to sit down to a meal.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

We just want people to feel comfortable in our home, so if they prefer to keep their shoes on, great, if not, great. We have hardwood floors, and we clean them often.

I always ask people if they want me to take my shoes off when I enter their home. I prefer to keep my shoes on in other peoples' homes, because being in my bare or stocking feet is just a bit too familiar for my comfort, but I comply with peoples' rules for their homes. I do carry a pair of nice wool socks in my bag when we go to unfamiliar homes, just in case they're a no-shoes house.

As for the cleanliness issue, I don't like peoples' bare or stocking feet, and they seem potentially as dirty as a pair of shoes.

I do think it's bad form to ask people to remove their shoes at a formal or dressed-up at home event, such as a dinner party. My heels are a part of my outfit, first of all, so it really ruins the picture if I'm forced to take them off. And, I'm uncomfortable eating a sit down, nice meal in my bare feet in another person's home, especially when I know there are several other pairs of bare feet hiding under the table with my own.

Yeah, I see the outfit aspect of it, but what if the person's heels make dents into hardwood floors? (that's happened to us before )

Re: feet in general...people really need to tend to them. A woman should at least take the time to keep them trimmed and painted at least a clear shiny coat. And guys should cut their toe nails. Long toe nails gross me out. I'm even grossed out by long fingernails.

If someone has fungus, God, get some cream or whatever... or put a BANDAID over it so nobody has to look at it.

Yes, that's definitely just my opinion. I'll remove my heels for anyone if they prefer, but I just don't think people should throw semi-formal or formal events in their home if they're going to demand their guests remove their shoes. It's just . . . not nice, in my opinion.

We have 50 year old hardwood floors and they don't show any gouges or anything, I'm surprised your floors get dented by heels. That's crazy! What type of wood are they? I have no idea what ours are, but they still look amazing to this day even though they're original to the house.

I agree that it would be nice if people kept their feet well groomed, but honestly, even a prettily pedicured bare foot grosses me out. Ugh. Especially when I know we're going to sit down to a meal.

Yeah, barefeet and dinner don't mix. lol The whole dinner party shoe thing is tricky...oh well

I don't know what kind of wood we had. Oak? It was a few houses back. The floor would also get those black smudges from shoes. Not sure what that was from, but after people left, I'd have to scrub the marks off.

 

[HopeDream]

I'm from western Canada

Shoes off is the default in my area unless the host tells you to leave your shoes on. Shoes on in the house is generally rude, but so are bare feet (foot sweat-yuck!). If I'm visiting someone in sandals, or wearing tights, I'll bring a pair of socks in my purse, or a small pair of slippers. Some houses have guest slippers.

I find that guests with stinky feet aren't a problem. The stink stays in the shoes by the door. As soon as the person's socks get a chance to cool-off (and air out a little) outside of the shoes, they aren't noticably stinky.

Socks are a nice middle ground - not filthy from outdoors, but absorb foot-sweat so it doesn't get on the floor. I expect people to change their socks daily, so they're never that dirty anyway.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Thank you PS for again opening my mind to things I didnt know that I didn't know I didn't know

I am Canadian and I cannot imagine going into someone's home (or even into my own) and not removing my shoes. I've also lived in Germany and Switzerland and everyone I ever encountered also took their shoes off inside a home.

 

[Natylad]

We do go shoeless in our house as well. I have always had my guest asking us if they should remove their shoes - because they see our shoes by the door. The only exception was my mother in law and her husband.

What do you guys/gals suggest I say to them next time they visit, that is nicely put so it dose not come off as "demanding"?

Zhuzhu, let me tell you what i did, in order to make my brother remove his shoes every time he came at my place:
I bought him a beautiful pair of slippers and put them by the front door, so the next time that he came home i told him:"Look at these pretty slippers that i got for you! You can wear them every time you come and i'll keep them just for you, nobody else has the right to touch them" He instantly took the shoes off
So, i guess it will cost you some money, but if you go and buy pretty slippers for your in laws and tell them that you got those especially for them and for their exclusive use only, maybe they'll get the point and appreciate the gesture! Good luck!!!

 

[katamari]

We just want people to feel comfortable in our home, so if they prefer to keep their shoes on, great, if not, great. We have hardwood floors, and we clean them often.

I always ask people if they want me to take my shoes off when I enter their home. I prefer to keep my shoes on in other peoples' homes, because being in my bare or stocking feet is just a bit too familiar for my comfort, but I comply with peoples' rules for their homes. I do carry a pair of nice wool socks in my bag when we go to unfamiliar homes, just in case they're a no-shoes house.

As for the cleanliness issue, I don't like peoples' bare or stocking feet, and they seem potentially as dirty as a pair of shoes.

I do think it's bad form to ask people to remove their shoes at a formal or dressed-up at home event, such as a dinner party. My heels are a part of my outfit, first of all, so it really ruins the picture if I'm forced to take them off. And, I'm uncomfortable eating a sit down, nice meal in my bare feet in another person's home, especially when I know there are several other pairs of bare feet hiding under the table with my own.

Every single word of this. Especially the silliness of thinking that bare feet are innately cleaner than shoes. Maybe with kids, but adults I know keep their feet and shoes clean.

I also do not ever want to take my shoes off at a party. Ever. They were consciously chosen, are part of my outfit, and I find it unsettling to have an adult conversation in my socks (let alone a nice meal).

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I'd never thought about it before. I walk around my own place barefoot, as well as friends that I'm comfortable with. But I'll only do it if we're really vegging out. I would feel so odd walking into a friends house and immediately removing my shoes! Obviously, if someone preferred me to be barefoot in their home I would oblige.

 

[Hera]

We just want people to feel comfortable in our home, so if they prefer to keep their shoes on, great, if not, great. We have hardwood floors, and we clean them often.

I always ask people if they want me to take my shoes off when I enter their home. I prefer to keep my shoes on in other peoples' homes, because being in my bare or stocking feet is just a bit too familiar for my comfort, but I comply with peoples' rules for their homes. I do carry a pair of nice wool socks in my bag when we go to unfamiliar homes, just in case they're a no-shoes house.

As for the cleanliness issue, I don't like peoples' bare or stocking feet, and they seem potentially as dirty as a pair of shoes.

I do think it's bad form to ask people to remove their shoes at a formal or dressed-up at home event, such as a dinner party. My heels are a part of my outfit, first of all, so it really ruins the picture if I'm forced to take them off. And, I'm uncomfortable eating a sit down, nice meal in my bare feet in another person's home, especially when I know there are several other pairs of bare feet hiding under the table with my own.

Every single word of this. Especially the silliness of thinking that bare feet are innately cleaner than shoes. Maybe with kids, but adults I know keep their feet and shoes clean.

I also do not ever want to take my shoes off at a party. Ever. They were consciously chosen, are part of my outfit, and I find it unsettling to have an adult conversation in my socks (let alone a nice meal).

Ditto to both of you. I sit at home most likely in my socks. It's a very casual way for me to be in my home so the thought of hanging out at someone's house in socks or bare feet is akin to my hanging out with them in my pajamas. I am clearly not comfortable with it. Now, if someone wants to hang out in their socks at my house, that fine with me, and will go over better than looking at their nekkid feet, especially men's feet

 

[diva rose]

I think you follow whatever is the custom in the person's house. For example, if they don't wear shoes in their home, you take them off. If they do, you put it on. It's like going to a different country - you'd hope that you follow some of their culture at least.

I'm from a culture where we take shoes off. We find shoes dirty and don't want them on our floors where we live - sit, eat and roll. Yep, sometimes I roll around on the floor.

 

[movie zombie]

TGal, now that you mention it, i think a lot of hubby's relatives do go barefoot in the house......but not all.

btw, my hubby took it to a limit here in the US. a company he worked for did NOT have a dress code.....until he went to work barefoot. he thought nothing of it as people went many places w/o shoes when he was younger and in AU. the company decided it needed to specify that shoes needed to be worn. flip flops qualified.......

MOZo

 

[mayerling]

TGal, now that you mention it, i think a lot of hubby's relatives do go barefoot in the house......but not all.

btw, my hubby took it to a limit here in the US. a company he worked for did NOT have a dress code.....until he went to work barefoot. he thought nothing of it as people went many places w/o shoes when he was younger and in AU. the company decided it needed to specify that shoes needed to be worn. flip flops qualified.......

MOZo

 

[mayerling]

We do go shoeless in our house as well. I have always had my guest asking us if they should remove their shoes - because they see our shoes by the door. The only exception was my mother in law and her husband.

What do you guys/gals suggest I say to them next time they visit, that is nicely put so it dose not come off as "demanding"?

Zhuzhu, let me tell you what i did, in order to make my brother remove his shoes every time he came at my place:
I bought him a beautiful pair of slippers and put them by the front door, so the next time that he came home i told him:"Look at these pretty slippers that i got for you! You can wear them every time you come and i'll keep them just for you, nobody else has the right to touch them" He instantly took the shoes off
So, i guess it will cost you some money, but if you go and buy pretty slippers for your in laws and tell them that you got those especially for them and for their exclusive use only, maybe they'll get the point and appreciate the gesture! Good luck!!!

Naty, I'm surprised to see this as generally Greeks keep their shoes on when visiting... or maybe it's just the Greeks I visit and that visit me...

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I never really thought about being shoe-less as being too familiar. Then again, I rarely go to people's houses unless I'm pretty familiar with them already, so I guess it wouldn't really be an issue either way.

I've never thrown a formal dinner party, nor am I ever likely to (I can't cook, and pizza or take out just doesn't seem classy enough), so I guess it'll be awhile before I ever have to cross that bridge! All the house parties I went to in college, we generally took our shoes off, as much for safety concerns as anything else, lol. Girls had to remove their heels, but nobody really cared because it was a party among good friends who saw each other pretty much every day. Also, our house parties consisted mostly of our martial arts club members, and we were all so used to being barefoot around each other from practice anyways!

I could see being barefoot being a little weird if it was a formal work related dinner party though. I might feel weird to be barefoot around my boss, lol.