Wedding Cousin chose the venue and city I wanted for wedding!

[isabel]

Hey everyone,

So, I''m about to get engaged (any time now) and I''ve always dreamed of a Key West wedding. It''s where my BF and I first found out there was a spark between us, first time he told me he loved me, and it''s basically our favorite place! A couple years ago, we were walking around down there and passed a wedding going on outside in this beautiful garden.....that''s when we knew we had to tie the knot in Key West at that garden. So, I''ve been dreaming about that ever since. Because we want to get married on a 3 day weekend, we had called the church to see if they were available a few months ago...they said they had already had a few people inquiring about that date, so we booked it to be safe!!!! Now here comes the hard part...one of my closest older male cousins (whom I adore!!!!) just got engaged a couple of months ago. This weekend his fiance was excited to tell me they had picked a date, location, etc... As she was telling me the details I think my mouth dropped wide open. I had never expected anyone in my family would get married in Key West, within 6 months of me, and at the SAME VENUE!!! I''m pretty sad...besides, I''m not even engaged yet so it''s not like it was MINE...but I can''t help how sad I''m feeling. The only saving grace is that they''re only inviting a few members from our family (we have about 150 people in our family, so there will only be about 15 actually invited) since they want something smaller. Then they''re inviting EVERYONE for a huge New Years party.

So, basically I''ve tried not to think about this since I''m not technically engaged yet. But my mind is running a million miles a second trying to think of other places. Or maybe I should just keep it there??? If I talk to him and tell him my situation, do you think they''ll be upset if I keep it how I wanted it? Is this rude???? Also, I wanted Key West because no one in my family had done anything like it...Please help!!!!

 

[Independent Gal]

Hi Isabel,

If you have already booked this place (put a deposit down?) I would keep it. But I would let them know ASAP that you have already booked it, and talk it over with them. Then keep an open mind about other locations. If worse comes to worse, i think people would think it was kind of neat that you both INDEPENDENTLY chose the same location! No one will mind.

Do you even know if you''ll be able to afford this place? I mean, do you have a budget and everything? Have you talked it over with your parents? Just some things to think about. And how soon will you be engaged?

 

[cara]

So you had actually booked this particular church?? Even if you are not publicly engaged, to me, this qualifies as engaged if you and your FI jointly decided to book this venue for your wedding!

I would think carefully about what you want as the outcome here. Do you want to go through with your KeyWest wedding, even with your cousins plans there, or do you want to reschedule and do something different. Even just 15 family members in significant overlap and it will be somewhat awkward.

If you decide to do Key West, then have a little chat with your cousin and explain the situation. Say that even though you and your FI are not "out" yet, you have been planning your wedding there, have booked the church, and are hoping it woln''t be too awkward for you both to go ahead with your plans. Hopefully he''ll be cool, and your wedding will be safely after theirs.

But I might consider other options. Just cause it wasn''t your first thought doesn''t mean it can''t be lovely.

 

[isabel]

Hey Independant Gal,

Thanks for the reply. Yes, I''ve spoken to my parents (they''re the ones that put down the deposit on the church). We haven''t discussed a budget but it shouldn''t be a problem. BF already has the ring (from Whiteflash) ...just waiting now! I definately want to talk with them, but after I''m engaged and in person. I don''t want to step on anyone''s toes...I''m worried about other stuff too....like can I send out Save the Dates before their wedding???? Is that weird? I''m getting married about 5 months after them but wanted to give all my guests some time to plan... and I''m looking into possibly renting out a big mansion on the water or something (haven''t found it yet thought!!!) I want to bring in my own caterer and alcohol.

 

[bee*]

I''d tell them asap that you have it booked also. I wouldn''t wait until you get engaged. Ask him to keep it quiet until you''ve officially announced it. I doubt that he''ll have a problem with it.

 

[Po10472]

Date: 5/7/2008 2:50:13 PM
Author: bee*
I''d tell them asap that you have it booked also. I wouldn''t wait until you get engaged. Ask him to keep it quiet until you''ve officially announced it. I doubt that he''ll have a problem with it.

Ditto to what Bee says............go talk to your cuz, don''t wait until you''re officially engaged.

My suggestion is that you keep your original plans. Yes it disappointing that your cuz has booked it, but look on the bright side, you''ll be able to enjoy it as a guest and as a bride - how special is that? Its important to you and you''ll get a chance to get really excited about your own day whilst there.

Good luck and just think, you''ve got your lovely ring and proposal and planning so don''t let this put you off.

po
x

 

[isabel]

Thanks Bee and Po10472,

I just called and left a message for him to call me. I just really don''t want them to feel upset with me...it wasn''t the venue I already book (although it''s being held for me), it was the church that was already paid for....$1,000.

I just am worried they''ll expect me to change my plans since it''s later than their date???

 

[Sabine]

Awe, Isabel, it stinks that you have to deal with this! This is one of those stinky situations that isn't anyone's fault. I would also talk to your cousin ASAP and let him know how much getting married there would mean to you. Although they might be upset at the idea of having the 2 weddings at the same place, it really is ultimately your decision if you want to have it there after them. If they have such a problem with it, then it would be up to them to change venues, just like if you decide that you have a problem with it it will be up to you to pick a new place.

 

[Elmorton]

If it''s just the church, then I don''t see a big problem. The whole point of a church is that it''s a place for many people to share in celebration the spiritual in their lives. In other words, churches are SUPPOSED to be shared. I would just try not to have the reception in the same place if you''re worried that the bride or groom will be upset. And, since your wedding is after, I don''t think it will look bad for the first couple (and neither should it reflect poorly on you).

I think this is one of those times where the bridal industry has brainwashed brides - 10, 15 years ago, it was common for people to get married and have a reception in the same place as their friends and family members, and nobody thought anything of it. But, because the industry makes cash by uniqueness, brides are urged to make their wedding different than anyone else''s. Regardless of location, your wedding WILL be unique because you are a different person than your cousin (and his fiancee).

 

[Pandora II]

Ditto to the above.

In the village where my parents live, I know 3 people - including my sister and one of my mother's best friend's daughters - who all had their wedding in the local church followed by a marquee in the field at the bottom of our garden.

The only reason I'm not having mine there is because I'm an atheist and the local registrar's office is horrific. So it made sense to find a venue where I could combine the ceremony and reception and where my mother (who has MS) wouldn't have any stress (thanks venue witch...) and no travel between the two.

The only thing I can see that makes this more difficult is that they are both DW.

I think you are right to let your cousin know, but at the end of the day if you are not happy with both of you being there, then it comes down to your cousin getting engaged first.

I can also see that your cousin's FI may very well feel very PO'd. I think I would be if I'd got engaged, made these plans and then found that a family member who wasn't yet engaged had made the same ones. I think you need to be prepared for that.

 

[surfgirl]

Thritto! If it''s just the church then maybe you could look at it as sort of cool that you''re getting married in the same church as your relatives...a new family tradition of sorts? It''s better to look at it that way, then get all riled up over it, right? It sounds like your renting a mansion for the reception is very different from what they''re going to do too, so if it''s only the church, I wouldn''t worry too much.

OTOH, I do understand your being bummed out that family will have to go back to the same location 5 months later though. Perhaps you can talk to them about that and see how locked into their location they are, knowing that if they really love the place too, you''ll have to let it go.