Confused Bridesmaid! Help!

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Olive Oil

Aug 26, 2006
Hi everyone! I am going to be an attendant in my good friends wedding this summer. Rather than have the traditional MOH, bridesmaids, Best man, and groomsmen, she and her fi decided to have couples that they were close to them stand on each side. So on her side will be two of her college roommates and their husbands, and me and my boyfriend. On her fi''s side, there will be several couples that he is close to.

So basically, she has no MOH, just attendants (which I guess you could call bridesmaids). I''ve been reading lots of things on these boards about people upset with those in their wedding party for not doing enough, but I honestly don''t know what I should be doing! I went dress shopping with her, and that is picked out now. I also said I could arrange some sort of girls weekend or bachelorette party, her choice, if she wanted, since I am the only woman in the wedding party who lives near her. She seemed sort of interested, but non-commital, about it. So I''m not really sure what to do.

What sorts of things, if you were her, would you be expecting? I have never been in a bridal party before, so I have no idea. I should add that I am a grad student, and have negative income, so something like a visit to a spa for a girls weekend is pretty much out of the question. She is having a destination wedding, so I am already spending much more than I can really afford to get there and get dressed!


Sep 7, 2005
I would recommend that you

1) talk to her explicitly about her expectations so that you don''t have to feel like a mind reader and you two can get on the same page, since this is a nontrational arrangement. Traditionally a bride would expect a shower (thrown by MOH or close family friend) and a bachelorette party (put together by bridesmaids, MOH, etc). However she might not want these things as she is going a more modern route.

2) talk with the other people in her bridal party and pool ideas, resources, and time to devote to honoring her so you don''t have to do it all yourself


Jul 25, 2004
Like Kit said, talk to her. You could even do it over drinks or something if you want a more relaxed atmosphere. But I wouldn''t leave this up to reading into comments, etc., because one or both of you will end up disappointed and probably upset!
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